As I Close My Eyes

by Sarah DiCello

  “Okay. Well, maybe we can eat dinner at my house and just hang out here with everyone.”

  “Okay, great! What should I bring?”

  “Nothing. Mama is the typical southern woman. She’ll have warm buttermilk biscuits, something mouth-watering in the oven, homemade pecan pie, and flowers on the table to make it all look like something out of Southern Living magazine.”

  We hung up and I hopped into the shower. As I reached for the shampoo, I thought about what I’d say to Bill and Mama during dinner.

  I was supposed to go to work, but Brad and Shannon were heading out on the boat, so I decided to call in sick. I never did that and I hoped I wouldn’t get caught. I just needed some time with the four of us so I could get some advice on how to present Ben to my overbearing mother, considering I had never brought anyone home before. Ben’s age would be something I’d have to tread carefully around. He was already twenty-six and I hoped they wouldn’t find that as a fault.

  “Your mama is going to love him. He’s gorgeous, successful and he really likes you,” said Shannon as we lay in inflatable chairs floating next to the boat with glasses of margaritas in the cup holders.

  “Yeah, I just hope she doesn’t think he’s too old for me.”

  “How old is he, anyway?” Shannon asked.

  “Twenty-six.”

  “Well, it really makes no difference when you’re our age, anyway. You’ll be done with school in another three years and he’s only eight years older than you. Hell, when you’re sixty, you’ll just have to push Ben around in a wheelchair.” Shannon laughed. I flipped her over and threw her into the lake below.

  “Hey, you owe me a margarita,” she said as she came up out of the water with mascara running off her face.

  Brad and Eric weren’t much help with the Ben situation, but what else did I expect? First of all, they were boys. Second, I wasn’t sure Eric cared too much about anything in his current state of contention, and Brad was simply a lost cause when it came to discussing anything remotely serious.

  After a day on the boat filled with mindless conversation and the occasional dip in the water, I went home to find Mama sitting in the family room looking at an old baby album of Justin’s. Tears streamed down her face as I sat down gently next to her.

  “I can’t believe it’s going to be two years, Dani Bear,” she said as she brushed the tears away.

  I would ignore the Dani Bear pet name for now. “I know, Mama. I know.”

  I figured it would be the perfect time to bring up Ben since she was so upset. Maybe the news of me having a boyfriend, or whatever we were, would make her feel better and get her mind off her sadness.

  After wiping tears from her face, I took a deep breath and began the big reveal. “So ... I have a little something to tell you, Mama.”

  “Shannon’s pregnant ... I knew it. That girl never ceases to amaze me,” she replied.

  “No, no, it’s nothing like that. I met someone.”

  “You did. Who? Where? Tell me everything.” She closed the album and shifted her body to face me.

  “His name is Ben. Shannon and I actually met him when we went up to The Falls.” I didn’t feel like getting into the fact that I drove there the weekend after just to follow him around so I could magically bump into him and fall in love. All she heard at this moment was that I had found someone.

  “Yeah, he owns this great bookstore up there with all of these ancient books from like the beginning of time. He’s very handsome and successful. I think he really likes me, Mama.”

  “Oh, Dani, I’m so happy for you.”

  “And he’s coming to dinner here on Saturday.” I wasn’t sure if Mama heard what I had just said because I said it as fast as I could so she wouldn’t start panicking.

  “Oh my God! Way to give me time to prepare. I have to clean the house and find a recipe and go food shopping.” Okay, she heard me loud and clear.

  “Mama, it’s fine. We had pizza on our first date. I’m sure he won’t care.”

  “Your first date? How many dates have you had, exactly?”

  “Well, three to be exact,” I said with a huge smile. “I came to his bookstore for the first date and he ran across the street and got us a pizza. Mama, his bookstore is like something you’d see walking on cobblestone streets somewhere in England. And he studied in England. Anyway ... our second date was breakfast at this little café right outside of Tallulah and our third was just yesterday.” I knew that was going to spark major curiosity on Mama’s part.

  “Yesterday. How come you didn’t tell me before now, Danielle?”

  “It all seemed too good to be true. I wasn’t sure it was going to last past our first date, let alone our third.” I realized I was practically jumping out of my seat with excitement as I told her. “He’s from New York City originally, but now lives in Tallulah and he’s way out of my league, Mama.”

  “No one is out of my Dani Bear’s league.”

  There it was again. I truly hoped she didn’t call me that in front of Ben.

  “I just never thought someone like him would be interested in someone like me.”

  “Dani, you have never shown the confidence in yourself that I think you should. Give yourself some credit for once. Put on a little blush and show off this face,” she said as she grabbed my cheeks on both sides like Aunt Elsie used to do when I was three years old. “So, how old is this Ben? I mean, he already owns a bookstore, has studied in England. Please tell me he’s under forty.”

  “By a long shot, Mama. He’s twenty-six.”

  “Well, twenty-six is a little scary, but I think I’m okay with it as long as Saturday goes well.”

  “I’m sure it will, Mama. You and Bill are going to love him.”

  “We’re going to love who?” Bill asked as he walked down the hallway into the family room. He was wiping black grease from his hands, which made me think he was changing the oil on my car.

  “Oh Bill, Dani met someone. His name is Ben. I’ll tell you all about him later, but right now, I’m taking my beautiful daughter out for some new clothes.”

  “Wow! Thanks, Mama.” I definitely didn’t expect this reaction, but I’d take it.

  We headed to this quaint little outdoor shopping center set at the base of the mountains. Cobblestone paths led shoppers from the parking lot through the sidewalks along big brand-name stores like L.L. Bean, Ann Taylor, and Williams Sonoma. Green awnings hung over every storefront and large dogwood trees lined the center, creating a dividing line where husbands rested on park benches while their wives went shopping.

  We spent two hours buying new jeans, cute dresses, colorful t-shirts, and of course, new shoes. Mama never liked me in flip-flops and said I wore them all the time, which was true, but they were comfortable and went with everything. She bought me the most adorable pink high-heeled sandals at Nine West to go with a dress she found in a unique store called Chloe’s. The dress had a red band that went around my chest with a pink, blue, and green skirt that poofed out in a floral explosion of roses and dainty berries.

  I was glad we spent this time together so she could get her mind off Justin. My timing was perfect.

  We came home later that afternoon with all of our treasures and pulled them out of their protective packages wrapped in tissue paper so we could admire them one last time before we sheltered them in our small closets. I came down the stairs in my pajamas, grabbed some tea and cuddled up on the couch for another movie night with Mama and Bill.

  * * *

  I found myself sitting on a stone bench in the backyard of what looked like Robert’s house, staring at a large vegetable garden.

  I wasn’t sure how many days had passed since the kiss with Robert, but the sun had just started peeking over the horizon, so I knew it was early. Robert walked out of the house with two cups of coffee and some biscuits filled with butter.

  “Wonderful morning isn’t it, darling?” he asked me.

  “Yes, it’s perfect,” I replied, trying
to put the pieces of our time together. “Why are you up so early?”

  “You know I can’t sleep past dawn. I have that Fairfield case to go over and I can’t get it out of my mind.”

  “Oh, I’m terribly sorry.” Terribly sorry - did I really just say that?

  “What do you want to do today? I think the cleanup from the fire is almost over. We should do something by ourselves and enjoy each other’s company. In fact, the Fairfield case can wait ‘til Monday.”

  “I don’t know. Why don’t you decide?” I couldn’t even place where I was, so I knew I’d end up sounding like an idiot if I tried to make something up.

  “How about we go for a walk and head to the bakery for some coffee?” Robert said.

  “That sounds lovely, darling.”

  We got ourselves ready for the stroll to the bakery - wherever that was.

  “You sure you’re up for this?” Robert asked.

  “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t I be?” He was being overly cautious with me. I wasn’t sure if I overreacted. Maybe this was how the men of the 1800s treated their girlfriends, or whatever I was to him.

  He shook off my question as we passed by homes that were still being rebuilt after the fire. Magnificent color remained on the edges of a few of the houses the fire didn’t touch. Some were completely destroyed, while others were left with distinct black trails where the flames had lightly grazed. Beyond the charred remains of the ruined houses, the ocean glimmered in the early morning sunshine.

  “Shall we stop for a moment?” Robert asked.

  “We most certainly should. The view is stunning from here,” I replied.

  We walked over to a small bench seated at the edge of the path, right before the dirt hit the sand.

  “I count our blessings that everyone we love was not hurt in the fire,” Robert began. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, Caroline.” Robert put his arm around me and gave me a light squeeze as we stared out into the ocean.

  “You shall never lose me. We have too much life left in us and we’ve only just begun our journey together,” I replied.

  “Do you think Rebecca and your mother are happy staying with us?”

  “I believe so. They haven’t led me to think otherwise. You are so kind to open your home to us.”

  “Don’t you mean our home, darling?”

  “Why, yes. That’s what I meant,” I said with uncertainty.

  “Your family is welcome to stay for as long as they need. It will be a while before their house is fit to live in.”

  “I’m sure you’re right,” I replied. “Let’s head to breakfast. I’m just famished.”

  We continued on to a little bakery located only a block from the ocean. It was chilly, but the sun took the cold out of the air.

  Robert was the perfect gentleman. Townspeople who came in for their morning scones all said hello to us as we sat at a little table near a large window. Obviously everyone knew us as a couple. As I took a sip of my coffee, a tall gentleman with a top hat came into the restaurant and saw us. “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Marcum,” he said.

  Mr. and Mrs. Marcum? I looked around to see if anyone was sitting at the table behind us. Robert said hello back and that’s when I saw it - the ring on my hand.

  Chapter 12

  The days leading up to Saturday were filled with silence. I quietly tried to wrap my head around being married to Robert. Every lonely moment I had left me questioning the conversations we’d had and the obvious fact that I had never noticed the ring on my own hand. I also wondered why I didn’t sleep in Robert’s bed the night I passed out on Mrs. Bigsley’s couch? Maybe he just thought I needed to keep my sister company. Did couples in the 1800s not sleep in the same bed? It might have been seen as rude since my mother and sister were in his - I mean our - house. I also didn’t see a ring on his finger. I’d really have to pay attention to Robert’s hands the next time I dreamt about him. I felt as though each time I transported to the quaint beach town, I left a piece of Danielle behind in present-day Georgia. I was losing bits and pieces of myself through the portals of time travel.

  In between bouts of daydreaming, I prepared myself for Ben’s arrival by helping Mama straighten up the house, shopping for good wine, and making sure my hair was going to cooperate.

  I wore the cute little flower dress and sandals we bought earlier in the week and felt fantastic. My hair was up in a bun with small sections pinned in a circle. I had tiny curls falling all around my neck and Mama helped me with my make-up. I felt a little clownish with so much on, but it did look really good.

  The doorbell rang at four forty-five p.m. He was earlier than I expected.

  Bill answered the door and ushered Ben inside. “Hi, I’m Bill. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you drank, but I was told to save this for a special occasion and I thought this dinner warranted that,” said Ben, handing Bill a bottle of very old scotch. I felt so excited that he was here. Dressed in my favorite dark jeans and a purple button-down shirt, he looked handsome as usual.

  “Hello. It’s very nice to meet you,” said Mama, coming out of the ktichen. She smiled as Ben handed her a dozen roses. “This was very sweet of you, Ben, to bring us flowers.” I wasn’t sure I had ever seen her so happy in the last two years, even when Bill finally moved in and their relationship went to the next level.

  “I told Danielle on our second date that a girl as beautiful as her should get a rose every day. And since I haven’t seen her for a few days, I figured I should give her a dozen. Plus, I couldn’t leave out her beautiful mother.”

  “Oh, Benjamin.”

  “Mama,” I hissed. “Please call him Ben.”

  “Isn’t his name Benjamin?” Mama whispered back, hiding her mouth with her hand as if she was being discreet.

  My face burned, and I waved her quiet.

  “Bill, would you open the wine and the scotch and bring some glasses into the family room?” Mama asked. “We can have some appetizers while the pork roast is cooking.”

  Ben and I made our way to the middle of the room while Bill handed our guest a heavy glass of the scotch.

  “Cheers!” said Ben, as he raised his glass to the center of our circle.

  “Welcome to our home, Ben,” said Mama.

  The initial meeting was going as planned. Ben had this way about him around people. He seemed like the new kid in class who everyone immediately wanted to be friends with. Someone who was always popular even when he didn’t try to be.

  “So I hear you own a bookstore in Tallulah, Ben,” said Bill.

  “Yes. I’ve always wanted to. Ever since my time in England. Tallulah seemed like the perfect town for it. You know, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone else and little stores line the streets. It’s a great place to live.”

  The two men in my life talked for a while about Tallulah, New York City, owning a small business, and college. I started to feel bad that I didn’t tell Ben about my brother yet. Maybe I’d get to that later tonight after we hung out with Shannon, Brad, and Eric.

  We sat down to dinner after the appetizers were all devoured and enjoyed a melt-in-your-mouth pork roast with Mama’s homemade buttermilk biscuits, crisp potato wedges, and finally Mama’s famous pecan pie. I was sure it was one of the better meals Ben had eaten in a while. Being a single man, I assumed he didn’t cook much.

  Shannon and Brad arrived while we ate dessert.

  “Ben, this is Shannon and her boyfriend, Brad,” I introduced them with a mouthful of pie.

  “Nice to finally meet you outside of your bookstore,” said Shannon.

  “Same here,” said Ben.

  The night air was the perfect temperature of sixty-five degrees, slightly windy with a bright full moon overhead. The four of us went out on the porch, sat in the oversized Adirondack chairs and waited for Eric. Poor Ben got a million questions from Shannon and Brad so I wasn’t sure he could take any more by the time Eric pulled in an hour late.

 
“Where have you been?” I asked Eric as he got out of his car.

  “Sorry, I lost track of time.”

  I introduced the two.

  “Hi, Eric. It’s nice to meet you,” said Ben, as he put his hand out to shake Eric’s.

  Slowly, Eric accepted the offer. “Yeah, same here.” I wasn’t sure he actually meant it.

  The conversation between the four of us started out a bit shaky, but then Ben began to talk about his travels to Europe - grape stomping in Italy, trips to the Louvre, pubs in England - and how he missed it. Eric and Ben actually started to sound like they were getting along. Or maybe it was because Eric was entranced by Ben’s travels. I was sure Shannon was in love with Ben already and Brad was being Brad, elusive and annoying.

  The day couldn’t have gone better. And I couldn’t wait to get out of my dress. However, before I could do that, we had to drive Brad and Shannon home since Brad snuck a few sips of the Scotch during dinner and they came to my house in Brad’s manual-transmission Jeep Wrangler.

  A big part of me was really excited because I knew Ben and I would get the chance to talk on the way home.

  We loaded the drunk up into the Jeep, which wasn’t an easy task seeing as how it was a two-door vehicle and he insisted on sitting in the back since, as he said, “I neeeverrrrr git to rode in the back.”

  The ten-minute ride to Brad’s house was filled with terribly off-key singing belting out of Brad’s mouth. He was blending Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back” with REO Speedwagon’s “Dream Weaver.”

  Shannon walked Brad into his house with her arms around his waist for support. Their walk to the front door seemed like it would take all night. Brad swerved to the left and right, never moving in a straight line. He kept saying, “Shhhhhhh” with his pointer finger up to his face, only most times it was at his eye and not his mouth.

  “Does he usually drink when he shouldn’t?” asked Ben.

  “Brad doesn’t know when to stop. With anything in his life,” I replied.

  The door finally closed with Shannon and Brad safe inside. In the solace of the Jeep, Ben put his hand on my thigh and smiled at me. “I’m so glad I’m here.” Then he kissed my cheek. It took everything in me not to take the keys out of the ignition and toss them out the window so we had nowhere else to go and could then make out ‘til the sun came up.