As I Close My Eyes
Page 9
“I’m really glad you’re here too,” I said. “I wish you lived closer.”
“Same here. I’ll just have to come to see you more often. Your friends and family are all very nice. I like them a lot.”
“Yeah, they’re okay,” I said with a smirk. “Listen, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Okay,” Ben said as he started the drive back to my house.
“If I seem a little off lately, it’s because I haven’t told you something that maybe I should have by now.” I took a deep breath. “Two years ago, my brother Justin died.”
“Oh my God. I’m sorry.” His hand went right back onto my thigh until he had to shift again.
“It’s okay. He was in a car accident when I was sixteen and was killed instantly.”
“Geez, Dani. I don’t know what to say.”
“There isn’t anything to say or do.”
“Well, that’s true, but I wish I could take all of your grief away.” He touched my cheek and smiled.
As Ben pulled in the driveway, he turned to me and kissed me. “I’m in love with you, Dani.”
“You love me?”
I think Ben was shocked that he had said the word love. “Um ... yeah, I guess I do. I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. I know it’s too soon. I mean, we only met a few weeks ago so I’m not sure how it’s possible, but there’s just something about you. It just feels comfortable, you know?”
“Yeah, I do.” We kissed again. My arms were around his neck and Ben’s warm palms cupped my face. I felt so safe when he held me this way. I didn’t say I loved him back because even though I was sure I did, I wasn’t ready to say those words out loud yet. I had never said them to anyone besides my own family. But Ben felt like my family. I couldn’t live without him. It seemed so unreal that I had fallen so hard so fast for someone I had only known for three weeks.
Chapter 13
The rebuilding process had begun. New homes being built were grand and colorful with elaborate wood trim. Many were adorned with gables that resembled those I’d seen on gingerbread houses, and wrought iron fences surrounded many estates. I stopped to watch as painters stood on tall ladders, brushing dark blue paint onto the trim around a gorgeous three-story mansion. There was a tiny porch jutting out from one of the second floor rooms that had scalloped edging along the top and bottom.
I walked alongside Robert and held his hand, with Rebecca close to my right. It must have been almost Christmas because some of the smaller homes were finished and bright candles burned in their windows. As we passed by each house, I glanced in their front windows and saw large Christmas trees embellished with ornate decorations. Still others were bare. I could see one family getting ready to hang the ornaments they just purchased, opening each box and admiring its contents. The smell of the pine wafted out to the sidewalk and left me with a nostalgic feeling. It made me think about the holidays with Justin. I glimpsed back to a vivid memory of Justin and I running down the stairs Christmas morning, excited to see how many gifts we had under the tree. Suddenly, another memory of Christmas popped into my mind, but it was Caroline’s. She wore an elaborate red dress and was opening the front door to let John in. Seconds later, the images were gone.
As we passed by more houses, I heard classical music resonating from several living rooms with family and friends standing around pianos reveling in their time together. The Victorian era was an elegant time when neighbors conversed and free time was spent together, enjoying each other’s company. Heavy, brass chandeliers hung from the dining rooms of many homes. People dressed in layers of clothing. Women wore dresses made of heavy silk with tulle and delicate embellishments, while men were dashing in three-piece suits with top hats and suspenders. I found the sound of waves crashing in the background odd. It wasn’t a sound I was used to hearing in Georgia.
People everywhere were happy about the holidays despite many not having a home to spend Christmas in yet. I took mental snapshots of the scenes around me so I could remember every detail; the women passing by wearing tall, black shoes with buttons up the sides; the way the lights flickered in the sconces of each home; how Robert’s hand felt holding mine.
We made our way to where my Victorian childhood home once stood. The frame was in place, and the first floor walls were already completed. Our home was one of the larger ones, so I wondered if my family had money.
As I looked down at Robert’s hand, which held mine, I saw his ring. We were definitely Mr. and Mrs. Marcum.
“Why weren’t you wearing your ring earlier, darling?”
“I took it off while helping with the fire. I feared it would be damaged.”
“Hey there, Robert,” yelled John from the second story. He nailed in a board to complete one of the rooms on the top floor. “Out for a stroll on this lovely day?”
“Yes, we wanted to see how the town was coming along with the rebuilding process.”
“Well, it’s almost Christmas so we don’t want to waste any time.” John put his hammer down and made his way out the front door to the street to greet us. “And how are the two loveliest ladies in the Cape today?”
Hmmm ... the Cape. Was I in Cape May or Cape Cod? I thought it was Cape May, but I wasn’t sure if I was right. The style of the homes being built was similar to photos I had seen of Cape May from my high school history class. I couldn’t believe I was standing in the time period when these historic homes were constructed.
Rebecca let out a little giggle when John took her hand and kissed it. I could see patches of hair growing in scattered spots on his cheeks and his hair kept falling into his eyes. Rebecca graciously moved the strands away from his sight.
“How kind of you to ask,” said Rebecca as she pulled her hand from his grasp.
I paid close attention to the inflection in his words as he spoke to see if they were similar to Justin’s. His mannerisms and stance were definitely something I had seen before. John also seemed to have the same way with people that Justin did. He was probably the life of the party and was very well liked. As I studied his movements and expressions, I noticed a birthmark on his right arm. Justin had the same birthmark in the same place. I made myself remember the location of the mark on Justin’s arm, recalling a volleyball game when Justin spiked the ball over the net. John’s was a mirror image of Justin’s.
The four of us talked for a brief moment before Robert and I made our way back to our house just a few blocks back. Rebecca stayed behind with John to help rebuild. She didn’t strike me as the kind of woman who liked to get her hands dirty. I was surprised at her willingness to help.
“You look wonderful today, Caroline,” said Robert as we stopped along a side street to take a rest on a small bench. “Are you feeling well?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I replied.
“I don’t want to push you, especially in your condition,” Robert said.
I turned to look at him and opened my mouth to speak, but quickly shut my lips together. My condition, I whispered to myself. Was I sick? If something happens in this life, does it happen in the present?
“I’m perfect, darling. No need to worry about me. I think this is all a bit much to handle, though. My house is gone, the town looks horridly destroyed, and I can’t get Mother to talk about any of it. She’s completely retreated into herself.” I didn’t look at Robert while I spoke. I wasn’t sure my facial expressions would match my emotions.
“You let me worry about fixing this town. John will have it back up to normal by the start of spring. As for your mother, she’ll come around. Just give her time,” Robert said as he kissed my forehead. “Although you told me not to worry about you, you look a bit peaked.”
I let Robert help me up to a standing position and we slowly began our trek back to the house.
* * *
My cell phone rang and I quickly jerked awake, almost falling off the top step of the porch. A book was resting in my lap, open, as if I had been reading and dozed off. It was Ben.
I had to switch gears from Robert to Ben and focus on the present so I could actually hold a conversation. Sugar Hill, Georgia.
“Tomorrow ... that would be great. I have to work until two, but I can be there after that. Should I meet you at the store?”
“No, I’m going to close it tomorrow. I have a big day planned for us. You can come straight to my house.”
“Okay, how do I get there?”
“It’s easy, just go past the bookstore towards town and make your first left. I am the fifth house on the right. 248 Woodland Street.”
“Perfect, can’t wait to see you. Can you give me a little hint about what we’re doing?”
“Nope, you’ll just have to wait and see.”
I hung up with an enormous smile on my face. He wanted to see me again. I jumped off the porch and did a little dance.
As the day progressed, I counted down the hours until sleep so I could wake up the next morning, get through work, and head to Tallulah. Just as I hopped into bed, I heard Eric calling my name from outside my window.
I opened the window and called back. “Hey, I was just about to go to sleep, but I want to talk to you, so come on in. I’m sure my parents won’t mind.”
Eric arrived in my doorway seconds later and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“I wanted to come here to apologize to you,” said Eric.
“For what?”
“I haven’t been fair to you. Ben is really great and you seem very happy with him. It’s just that, when Justin died, I promised him at the funeral that I’d take care of you like you were my own sister and I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job.”
“What are you talking about, Eric?” I adjusted my position in bed so I could sit upright.
“See ... um ....”
“What? Just say it.”
“I think of you as more than a sister.” He said it so fast I wasn’t sure I heard him right.
“What?”
He repeated himself. I shifted uncomfortably on the bed and traced the pattern of the bedspread with my fingertips. Eric looked despondent. It had been raining and wet hair matted to his forehead. Droplets of rain slowly moved down the sides of his face, but he didn’t notice.
“Well, that was unexpected,” I said, shying away from him.
“See, I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I should have just kept my mouth shut.”
“Is this why you want to move to Boston? Because of me?”
“Partly, well ... mostly, yeah. I just don’t want this to get in the way of our friendship and now that Ben’s in the picture ... I know I’m not the one you want.”
“Oh, Eric. It’s just bad timing. I didn’t expect to meet Ben, but even if I hadn’t, you and I would never work as more than just friends. I’ve known you forever and I just can’t imagine - ”
He cut me off. “You know, the weekend you went to The Falls by yourself, I had planned on talking to you, but then you came home and said you met Ben and I felt like I couldn’t compete with him.”
“It’s not about competing, Eric. It’s just that I don’t think of you that way. I’m sorry to hurt your feelings, but you are like a brother to me. You followed your promise to Justin better than you know.”
He sat silent on the bed and pulled at his fingers while subtly bouncing up and down.
“Look, you and I will always be friends, but it will never be more than that. You’re an awesome person with so much potential and if you want to go to Boston because that’s where you think you’ll succeed, then I’ll support you all the way, but don’t go just because of your feelings for me.”
“I’m just not sure I can stand watching you and Ben.”
“Maybe you need a vacation of your own for a while.” After years of being friends, how could Eric ever think we could be more? I wondered how long he had felt this way. I was so oblivious sometimes.
“I’m really sorry I said anything. I just had to get that off my chest and I knew it would end this way. I was just hoping that the two percent of me that thought we’d be something together would have won tonight,” Eric sighed.
I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m so sorry, Eric. If it helps, I’m really glad you told me.”
I felt horrible for letting him down. He was going through a lot lately and I had only added to his misery. His parents were on the verge of divorce, I just rejected him, and he really didn’t know what he wanted to do with the next chapter of his life. Maybe it was a good decision to go to Boston. He could get away from his family and figure things out for himself.
“So, what do you think you’re gonna do about Boston?” I asked him as I glanced at the clock, trying to change the subject. I wanted to get a good night’s sleep for my day tomorrow with Ben and now that seemed to be out of the question since it was already midnight and I had to get up for work at seven.
“I don’t know. I figure if I have the chance to take my grandparents up on the offer to pay for such a big-ticket school, I might as well do it.”
“What is it, like fifty thousand a year to go to Northeastern?”
“Something like that.”
I wasn’t ever sure of why Eric’s parents removed themselves from any relationship with his grandparents. I don’t think Eric knew the whole story, either. I think that was what the bulk of their arguments were about. His mama always wanted to clear the air with his grandparents, and his daddy wanted nothing to do with them.
“Well, I’d better get to bed since I have to wake up early for work tomorrow.” There was no point in telling Eric that I was going to The Falls to see Ben again. Now definitely wasn’t the time.
“I hope we’re okay. Are we?” Eric asked me.
“Of course we are. Forget it ever happened.”
He left as silently as he came, except that a damp spot covered the bottom of my bed where he had sat, wet from the rain. At least the sound of the drops hitting the windowsill would make it easier to fall asleep.
Chapter 14
I left work ten minutes early because I just couldn’t stand to be there one more second. I didn’t think any of my other co-workers noticed since there was a line of people waiting to be served as I walked out the door. If I got in trouble, I’d deal with it later.
The sun shone bright and the drive was fast. I was glad there weren’t any state troopers on the way to Tallulah because I definitely would have gotten a ticket.
As I drove along the windy roads, the Spanish moss that hung from the trees blew sideways as I passed. Each long, green strand looked as though it would lose its grasp and blow away with the wind. Spanish moss was one of the things I loved the most about living in the South.
I made the drive in just over forty-five minutes and found Ben’s house very easily. It was big. Much larger than I expected, with a white wrap-around porch, brick façade and grand containers filled with colorful flowers at the entrance. I could picture Ben sitting on the swinging porch bench that hung from the overhang above the front deck, reading his favorite novel. The house reflected his old soul.
He greeted me as I pulled into the driveway with flowers in hand.
“Hey, Dani!”
“Hi, Ben. You know, you really don’t have to give me flowers every time I see you,” I said as I got out of the car. “It’s going to lose its magic after a while when I begin to expect them.”
“Until that time, I will continue to shower you with roses.”
Ben kissed me and the butterflies I got each time we touched returned.
He opened the back door of my car and grabbed my bag. I wasn’t sure what to pack since I didn’t know what the day would bring, so I brought a dress, bathing suit - which I was very apprehensive about - my make-up, and some jeans.
I noticed as Ben turned around that he had cut his hair. He could no longer pull it back into a small ponytail. Without his hair tied at the base of his neck, Ben
’s dark brown locks fell in waves just above his ears. I liked his natural look and wanted to run my fingers through the thick strands. I didn’t think he could look better than when I first saw him, but this new haircut made him even more attractive. The temptation to jump on him and tackle him to the ground, kissing as we fell, took over my entire body. I held back and went for his hand instead.
“I can’t wait to show you what I have planned. Do you want the whole day to be a surprise or should I tell you some of the plans?” he asked.
“I don’t want to know anything,” I replied, practically skipping my way to his front door.
“Okay. Just don’t be alarmed at the hideous wallpaper inside. It’s in every room in the house. I haven’t done a thing here since I bought it.”
As we made our way past the front door, the inside looked as though it could be a part of my dreams. The floor had large, wooden planks that were at least six inches wide with deep grooves in them as though they had been there since it was built. A giant brass chandelier hung in the foyer with two missing light bulbs. And Ben was right - the wallpaper was hideous. It had a shiny blue background with a fuzzy, ornate design on the top that you could actually feel when you brushed your hand over it. Each room was a different shade of horrible. Some of the furniture had been left from the previous owner, including a curved pink velvet couch that called the living room home and several old oak chairs that probably dated back to the early 1900s. He had a few pictures on the walls and family photos were scattered around the house.
“Is this your mama and daddy?” I asked as I held up a silver frame from the mantel.
“Yeah, that was at their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary,” Ben replied. “And here is my sister and brother. This was taken at Sharon’s wedding. That’s my sister’s name. Sharon.”