Never Say Goodbye

by T. Renee Fike

  “Honestly Chad, it’s not a big deal. People grow up and change, it happens,” I say truthfully. I’m done wallowing in my self-doubt or pity missing someone who doesn’t give a shit about me.

  “Did something happen between you two before?” he asks confused.

  “Nothing other than we were best friends as kids, he moved to Michigan when we were nine, we lost contact, and yeah that about sums it up,” I say softly.

  “It’s crazy that you run into each other here though, don’t you think?” he says looking intently at me.

  “Growing up, we both wanted to come here, so truthfully, it’s not surprising,” I tell him with a small smile.

  “Well again Liv, I’m sorry about him being rude to you,” he says sweetly.

  “Thanks, but Chad, how do you know he was rude to me? I didn’t tell Brynn.” I say, looking at him curiously.

  “He told me. He wouldn’t tell me why he didn’t want to be around you or be friends with you though, so I just assumed something happened between you two.”

  “Oh, well I haven’t got a clue, but no point in wasting my time wondering,” I say as I finish my final stretches.

  “If you need anything let me know,” he says kindly.

  “Thanks Chad, I’m good though, but thanks. I’ll see you around,” I tell him as I grab my water and iPod and head towards the door to go home.

  When I get home, I’m surprised to find no Brynn. I figured she would be here considering Chad’s at the gym.

  I get a shower to wash the sweat off of me then decide to get ready for a fun night out. It’s the last weekend before finals and I’ve studied enough.

  When I walk out of the bathroom, I look directly at angry looking Brynn.

  “Everything okay?” I ask.

  “No, why the hell didn’t you tell me you had it out with Nathan?” she asks harshly.

  “I didn’t have it out with Nathan. We ran into each other, it didn’t go well, and that’s it,” I say to her as I get some clothes out to throw on for now.

  “Liv, he turns into a fucking asshole anytime your name is mentioned. Care to explain why?”

  I start to laugh, “Honestly Brynn, I haven’t got the slightest clue.”

  “What happened? Tell me everything,” she says sitting Indian style on her bed.

  “Basically, I ran into him by accident on my way to the library. He was cold, distant. I asked him if he remembered me, and at first he played dumb, but then told me he remembered me. He also told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I asked why and he said he wasn’t that same stupid little boy, whatever the hell that means. He was a total jerk. I called him an asshole and left,” I tell her truthfully.

  “We are obviously missing something,” she says looking confused.

  “I’m not worrying about it. I haven’t seen him in ten years, there’s no point in caring anymore,” I state with a frown.

  “If that was the case you wouldn’t have a frown on your face right now,” she says calling me out.

  “Brynn, I don’t know him anymore. Clearly things have changed for him and the fact that he wants nothing to do with me is his problem. I’m not going to beg him.”

  “Maybe it’s a good thing we leave in two weeks to go home. Who knows, maybe when we come back he won’t be such a douchebag,” Brynn says with a smile.

  “As excited as I am to go home, I’m not looking forward to seeing Ryan,” I say sadly.

  “Oh shit, I forgot about that ass fucker,” Brynn snaps.

  I start to laugh; I never know what’s going to come out of my best friend’s mouth.

  “I hope he lets me alone,” I tell her truthfully, though I know he will show up at some point.

  “Don’t worry about Ryan, I will deal with his little punk ass,” she says determined.

  “I’m not B. Let’s just get through this last week of school. After that we can figure things out from there,” I say.

  “Good plan. So what are we doing tonight?” she asks.

  “We are going out and getting drunk,” I tell her with a smile.

  “Yay, where to tonight?” She says excitedly.

  “A new place, Megan found out about it, so we are going to check it out. Make sure you got your fake id,” I tell her happily.

  “Hell yea, I can’t wait. I’m gonna grab a shower quick,” she says heading in the direction of our bathroom.

  While she gets a shower, I figure out what I’m going to wear for our night out. I decide on a fitted red dress, I throw a thick belt on and then my cute cowboy boots. I start to dry my hair while waiting for Brynn to finish up in the bathroom so I can do my make-up.

  “Damn, girl don’t you look like a sexy cowgirl?” Brynn says with a laugh.

  “Ha-ha very funny. Maybe I want to save a horse and ride a cowboy tonight,” I say through a laugh.

  “OH MY GOSH, you sound like me,” she says busting out laughing, “I must admit, I love when you’re having sex,” she says with an evil grin.

  “Shut it, I was only kidding.”

  “Yeah right, you have changed since you started getting sex on a regular basis with Levi,” she says looking serious.

  “So, you’re saying I was different when I had sex with Ryan on a regular basis?” I ask confused.

  “Things were always different with Ryan. I think it’s because he was your first. I don’t know how to explain it…you seem happier now.”

  “I am happy B,” I say with a smile, “Now get dressed, we leave in thirty minutes,” I tell her as I make my way back into the bathroom to do my make-up.

  Exactly thirty-two minutes later finds us walking out the door to meet Sophie and Megan in the parking lot, before heading to our new party spot for the evening.

  The four of us are dressed completely different. You have me in my red dress and cowboy boots, Brynn’s in a little black dress with killer red heels. Sophie is in a black miniskirt with a low cut top, letting little to the imagination, and Megan’s in a jean skirt with flip flops and a super cute tank top.

  We make our way to “The Cave.” It looks cool on the outside, like it should be part of a mountain; the outside actually looks like a cave entrance.

  After showing our Id’s we head inside and check out the cool new place. I must say, I’m pretty impressed. There are two levels and it looks like a bar on each level. The middle areas show a dance floor. The music is booming and people are scattered everywhere.

  The floor is black and the walls are covered in a dark red color with flecks of gold. The flecks of gold remind you of gold emerging out of the walls, it looks really cool.

  The bars are lit up with red lighting as well, so everything matches. All in all, this place looks amazing.

  We make our way to the second level to check it out. It looks similar to the first floor. We get our drinks at the bar and then find a table to sit and talk.

  After four drinks we decide it’s time to dance. We head down to the first floor because there is more of a dance crowd filling the floor adding to the party vibe of the place.

  We start moving to the music, laughing and having a good time. After two songs, a guy comes and wraps his arms around Brynn’s waist making her jump. I can’t help but smile, because it’s only Chad. The smile on B’s face shows he just made her night.

  I’m happy for Brynn, she deserves to be treated great, and Chad seems like he truly does care about her. Megan is off talking to some guys by the bar, so it’s just Soph and I dancing with the swarm of people.

  Soon some guy is dancing with Soph, which leaves me just dancing and having fun by myself.

  Then I feel someone’s hands on my hips behind me. I stiffen for a moment, but then he says “I thought I told you to stay away from me.” I know that voice, I’ve always known that voice.

  Before I say anything, I continue to dance and ignore his comment. I need to think of a good comeback before opening my mouth.

  His hands are still on my hips and I can tell he’s dancing with
me, but doesn’t say anything more.

  Eventually, I turn around to face Nathan. I look him straight in the eyes, making sure he hears what I’m about to say. “It appears as though you are the one who can’t stay away from me,” I tell him with a stern look.

  His face shows he’s amused. “I think you should leave,” he says rudely.

  “I’m not leaving, you can leave,” I snap back.

  The music is still pumping loud and Nathan’s hands are still on my hips moving with me and the music. I don’t know why I haven’t slapped him yet, but it’s getting closer to happening.

  “O, if you know what’s good for you, you will leave. Anytime you see me, you need to turn and walk away,” he says straight-faced.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I spat out. I remove his hands from my waist and now stand there in front of him with my arms crossed over my chest.

  “I’m a guy who gets what he wants, and I want you gone,” he says bitterly.

  “Why? What did I ever do to you?” I ask shocked.

  “You represent my past and I don’t want to think about my past. So when I see you, that’s what I think about and I can’t have that,” he says looking intently at me.

  “What happened Nathan?” I say in a whisper.

  “Why did you have to come to school here?” he asks.

  “I’ve always wanted to come here, you know that,” I say through teary eyes. I miss my childhood best friend, but that isn’t this man in front of me. Something happened, I just don’t know what.

  “O, I can be your worst enemy and you don’t want that,” he says piercing me with cold blue eyes.

  How did I ever think his eyes were beautiful because right now they look anything but beautiful or welcoming.

  “Nathan, we don’t have to talk or be friends, but we can both attend this school. I’m not leaving school because you don’t like me. I will be damned if you get to come back into my life after ten years and treat me like shit. You don’t want to be friends? Fine. You want to act like you never knew me? Fine. But don’t you dare tell me you to leave my college dream because I won’t do it,” I say harshly.

  “I don’t want to see you,” he says rudely.

  “Then don’t look at me. This school is big, and it took us quite some time to run into each other. You see me, you turn and walk away. I’ll do the same damn thing. It’s good to see the person you are now, because this person,” I say pointing up and down to him, “Is not a person I want to be around anyway,” I say and then walk away in search of my friends.

  I find my friends and have another drink before saying anything to anyone. The drink goes down pretty quickly. I can tell Brynn senses something is wrong because she keeps giving me the look. I keep looking away.

  The nerve of him! What gives him the right to treat me like shit? He’s not the same guy and I remember but then again I’m not the same person either.

  I down another drink and the entire table watches me confused. I just shrug.

  Megan and Sophie decide to go dance, I tell them I’m going to have another drink first. Brynn says she’ll wait with me. I tell her to go dance, but she doesn’t move.

  After the girls leave, Brynn says, “What the fuck happened?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I tell her truthfully.

  “No, you need to tell me right now. Something happened because you were happy and now you’re not the same girl I walked in here with,” she says staring daggers at me.

  “I ran into Nathan,” I say quietly.

  “So?” she says confused.

  “It didn’t go well.”

  “What did he say?” she asks angrily.

  “He told me to transfer schools, that he can make my life hell, pretty much covers it,” I tell her sadly.

  “That piece of shit. You wait until I get my hands on him,” Brynn says pissed off looking around for him.

  “He’s not even worth it,” I say to her and myself.

  “Hey babe, what’s wrong?” Chad asks quickly by the look on his girlfriend’s face.

  “I am going to kill your fucking roommate,” she spits out.

  “Whoa, calm down, what happened?” Chad asks confused.

  “If Nathan thinks he can mess with Liv and her going to school here, he has another thing coming,” she yells.

  Chad looks lost, I don’t blame him.

  “Brynn, thanks for caring, but I set him straight. He’s not making me transfer schools. He can leave or look away when he sees me, and I’m going to do the same,” I tell her.

  “What the fuck happened between you two?” Chad asks out of nowhere.

  I just shrug, and Brynn tells him, “She has no fucking clue. They were best friends, inseparable growing up, but then his family moved to Michigan and she never saw him again until recently.”

  “Holy shit, you’re her?” he says staring at me.

  “I’m what?” I ask confused. Brynn looks just as lost as me.

  “Fuck!” Chad says, running his hands through his hair.

  “What are you not saying Chad?” I ask, facing him.

  “Nothing, I…it’s not my business,” he says looking anywhere, but at me.

  “I don’t think so, you don’t get to say something like that and then just clamp shut. Spill it mister,” Brynn says, piercing Chad with a death look.

  “Shit, how did I not figure this out sooner?” Chad says to himself.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I ask.

  “Fuck, Liv…you broke his fucking heart as kids. Shit. He told me all about his best friend that was a girl…you obviously. He would call you all the time and eventually you stopped taking his calls, you crushed him,” he says slightly irritated.

  “What? I never stopped taking his calls, the calls stopped. I would call him and he was never home,” I stated defensively.

  “Then his brother got sick. He tried to call you so many times. Liv, he would cry waiting for you to answer the damn phone. I sat with him every fucking day telling him it was going to be alright. You broke him,” he says looking angrily at me.

  “I didn’t though. I tried to call him. His dad always told me he wasn’t there,” I say sadly, “What happened to Nevin?” I ask, scared for an answer.

  “That’s not my business to tell. At least now I know now why he hates you so much,” he says shaking his head.

  Brynn looks as shocked as I feel right now. He hates me because he thinks I stopped caring. Why wouldn’t my mom tell me when he called? Why didn’t his parent’s tell him I called? What the hell happened to Nevin?

  “This sounds like a misunderstanding,” Brynn says softly.

  I just look at her and Chad, not knowing what to say.

  “I know I grew up with him when he moved to Michigan and he was fucking lost without you. I heard so much about you, I thought I fucking knew you. And when you guys stopped talking on the phone, when he needed you the most, you weren’t there for him. I hated you from that day forward,” Chad says piercing me with an evil look.

  “But I didn’t,” I say as my eyes are filling with tears. I didn’t abandon him, he abandoned me.

  “Okay guys, we can’t discuss this here. Liv, I’m going to tell the girls we’re leaving, wait right here,” she says as she heads in the direction of Sophie and Megan.

  “Liv, he was never the same after you. You destroyed him as a kid. It took him a while to be good friends with me, because he thought I would leave too. Why the hell do you think he’s so quiet and keeps to himself so much? He doesn’t fucking trust people because of you,” he says harshly.

  “But I didn’t abandon him Chad, I swear I didn’t,” I say as a tear slips down my cheek.

  Chad just shakes his head. I want to curl in a ball and cry. How could he think I would leave him? I would have done anything for him, even at only nine years old. He was my world.

  Brynn comes back says bye to Chad and pulls me out of the bar and we take a cab back to our dorm. I sit quietly, st
aring out the window, not believing the news I found out tonight. I can feel the dam ready to burst, but I tell myself to hold it in.

  When we make it to the room, as soon as I’m through the door, I burst into tears. I fall on my bed and curl in a ball and cry. I cry for the hurt I feel from losing my childhood best friend. I cry for the pain he felt thinking I abandoned him. I cry for not being there for him and Nevin through whatever Nevin had to go through. I cry for destroying my best friend and not even knowing it.

  Brynn tries to comfort me, but there’s little she can do. She knew how I felt about Nathan when he left. She did move in shortly after he moved. She saw me cry over missing him. She was around when I would call him and never get a hold of him. She saw it all.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next few days are a waste for me. I don’t leave the dorm. I can’t get the conversation between Nathan and me out of my head. Plus, everything Chad told me. I spent the weekend holed up in my dorm room crying, sleeping, and watching movies.

  Brynn was a trooper and stayed with me, keeping me filled with chocolate goodies, and ice cream.

  At one point she was ready to go over and rip Nathan’s balls off, but I stopped her. What’s the point? Apparently, I somehow hurt him as much has he hurt me and neither one of us knew it.

  After lots of crying and thinking, I’m going to give him his space. I decided I’m going home Saturday morning after my finals are over. I was going to stay an extra week with Brynn, but I can’t. I need to get away.

  Brynn said she would go with me, but I’m not taking her away from Chad. They are about to spend a little over a month away from each other, and that’s long enough.

  Monday comes and I make my way into my first class of the day. I have a plan for this week, it’s go to class and go home. No extra stops, no possibilities of running into Nathan.

  Well, that’s not completely true; I’ve seen Levi a few times. Sex helps to keep my mind off other things.

  After class, I head back to the dorm. I catch up on some reading until Brynn walks in. I let her know my plans of Levi coming over, which she’s fine with considering she’s going to be staying at Chad’s all this week.