Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  “What’s wrong baby? Don’t cry. We’re at Uncle Eric’s. We’ll have some peanut butter sandwiches,” I promised but he shook his head. I wanted to cry again, my sweet boy. He always knew more than I gave him credit for. I kissed his forehead and set him on the ground to take his sisters hand as we hurried inside.

  Grant answered and refused to look directly at me. He had gotten talked to as well. “Both of the men are waiting in the tea room,” he said, taking our coats. I thanked him and he gasped as he saw some of my bare arm as I shimmied out of the jacket. I ignored it and followed him with the twins.

  Eric was sitting down cooly while Chris was standing up yelling. He stood when we entered. Opening and closing his mouth, he saw my bad cover up job immediately. He motioned for us to sit. I did so silently.

  Chris stormed over to the window and looked out, not acknowledging our arrival. The twins hurried to see their uncle and he presented them with two boxes. They looked at him in awe. He smiled and helped them untie the red and blue ribbons on each gift.

  Dallas’s box was tiny while Jimmy’s was long and slim.

  “Your mother told me that you two played instruments. I got you an early birthday present,” he told them as they held up their new guitar strap and drum sticks. Jimmy’s had her name burned into the ends while the strap had been embroidered with Dallas’ name. I had them thank him and they hurried to put them aside for the sandwiches that were brought in. I thanked him myself and we began chatting about very basic, safe things. The weather, local news. Still, my husband stood by the window.

  Suddenly, after about twenty minutes he pivoted, saying he needed to make a phone call and left quickly. Eric laughed but didn’t speak until we heard a door slam from the second floor. I smiled, wincing at the pain. “What did you say to him?” I asked and he chuckled again, shaking his head.

  “I just made a comment that I had information about the will. It is going to be a very interesting afternoon.” He nodded in agreement with himself and ordered Grant, who was at the door, to get him a scotch. This was it. I grew excited. This was the opportunity I needed. I leaned forward and dropped my voice, even though I knew Chris was still upstairs.

  “You know what’s in it?” I asked and he smiled.

  “Her lawyer has been getting it around to finalize it and he mentioned some things. I worked for him for a year after college. We touch base every so often.”

  “So, Chris is pissed,” I said, matter of factly.

  Eric was downright giddy. “Just wait. He really has no clue. I only gave him the tip of the iceberg.”

  “What did you say exactly?” I had to know, afraid of what he would do to me in his anger. Grant returned with his drink. Standing up to stretch his legs Eric took a long swig. He looked at it, then back at me with a smirk.

  “I let him know that Mother knew about his mistress. Even naming her specifically; and she was not happy. No sir, not at all.” I was stunned. I didn’t know whether to laugh or freak. Did that mean that Eric inherited everything? We heard the door slam. Chris started down the stairs.

  “One more thing, before he comes back. She knew. About the twins. She loved them regardless. But you need to find a way to tell Chris before that will is read. If he finds out that way, you are going to be a lot worse than you are now,” he warned me. My eyes bulged. His dark eyes changed quickly. He smiled kindly at me.

  “I don’t pretend to understand your motivations for anything, but I don’t blame you,” he said, swiftly changing subjects as Chris came into the room.

  Chris declared that we were leaving. Not even saying goodbye to Eric, but being a good host he followed us to the door anyways. Kissing the twins goodbye, he smiled once more at me kindly. I was still trying to comprehend what he had revealed. I smiled back, but it was forced.

  I didn’t ask questions in the car. I didn’t want to anger the beast. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, still fuming. As soon as we got home, he went to his office, slamming the door shut. I went to work preparing dinner. Nothing fancy, just baked chicken. I was never much of a cook, just the basics. My mother was too old when I was born. She didn’t want to teach me, which was just as well. I didn’t want to learn. I wanted to play in a band.

  It was deadly quiet throughout the house. Even the twins sensed his mood and kept their voices low. They played silently. It was eery. They used their eyes and hands to communicate with each other.

  When dinner was ready, he came out in a better mood. He smiled at the kids and tried to chit chat. I forced a smile and talked to him. I decided this was the best time to talk to him about Ethan.

  “I want to get back into music,” I started. He stared blankly at me. If it wasn’t about him, he didn’t care. “Adrian called an old friend who had some time on his hands. He flew out here to record some songs with us. He was here all week. The rest of guys plan to come soon. He’s staying with Adrian until we have a full album done.” He smirked.

  “ Did he get bored and ship his boyfriend here already? What’s it been, like six months?” He commented and I just sighed. God forbid he take me seriously.

  “It’s been nice catching up with old friends. I can’t wait to see Derek and Mark.” Chris set his fork and knife down with a loud clink. I recoiled when he glared at me.

  “Why do you keep up with this? I thought we discussed this being just a hobby. We don’t have time for this.” Tears welled in my eyes, but I pushed for them not to fall.

  “I love music. You can’t take that from me. I just thought you’d like to hear what I’ve been up to.” He snorted and cleared his plate. Getting up quickly, he went back to his office. I finished my glass of wine. Well at least I told him. Now he can’t say I was hiding it from him, I thought bitterly as I began to clean up the twins. Sure enough, as I was just finished with the evening dishes he came in with his suitcase.

  I turned to see his bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair. He had been crying. “I have to go. I have no idea when I’ll be back. A week, maybe two. Don’t give me shit for this Cleo. I don’t want to hear it.” He left quickly before I could retort. His car quickly sped away.

  I sat down at the table and called Adrian. When he answered, I started to cry. He didn’t say anything as I sobbed into the phone. When I stopped he told me to stay put. “Ethan’s coming to watch the kids. We’ll be there in 15.”

  Ethan took one look at me when I opened the door and dropped the box he was holding to embrace me. I had washed the makeup off hours ago. The medicine I had taken to reduce the swelling hadn’t worked even a little.

  Ethan held me as I started to cry again. Adrian honked the horn twice and I pulled away. “I have to go. Chris knows about you. I told him what we had talked about. If he comes back, just tell him I had to go grab something for the kids. I don’t know. I have to go.” Giving him one last look I turned, running to the car. As soon as I was in, he backed up and we drove for a while in silence.

  “I called Mark and Derek. They are already on flights. They are going to stay awhile,” he promised. I broke down again. I had the best friends. They were my lifeline.

  From California to Michigan was a four-hour flight. Adrian said they already boarded so we had about three and a half hours to wait.

  We drove to the airport and waited for my oldest friends to arrive. While we waited, I told Adrian what happened last night. He held me while I cried. He kissed my head and rubbed my back.

  “It’s okay. You’ll be okay,” he murmured over and over until my sobs turned into sniffles. He held my hand the entire time.

  I was elated when Mark and Derek walked out from the gate and towards us. I started to cry again as I ran to them, hugging them both tightly. It had been too long. I pulled back and Mark, seeing my bruised face, gasped. Derek looked at me and I could see tears forming. I put my hands up.

  “I’m okay. I’m just glad you’re here,” I said and took their hands, pulling them out of the airport and into Adrian's car. They never let me go the entire way.
I felt so loved.

  Once Adrian started driving, I told them the truth. I had lied about everything. For the last few years I told them I was fine. I was happy. I didn’t want them to worry. But I couldn’t really lie now. When I finished my story, the car fell silent.

  Finally, Adrian stopped the car. Looking out the window I saw we were parked outside of an apartment complex. “Where are we?” I asked. Adrian cleared his throat. We all got out and leaned against his car.

  “This is Holly’s apartment. Look.” He pointed and I followed his finger. My blood ran cold, Chris’ car was parked about twenty feet in front of us.

  “When I was looking for a place, I saw them. I overheard them talking, he’s paying for this place.”

  The air was suddenly heavy. My lips started to tremble, tears started welling up. I hated that I was still hurt by him. I looked up at the lit windows, wondering which one they were in.

  “Cleo, I knew Chris was cheating on you before you got married. I saw them. Chris told me not to say anything. He said you would hate me if I told you and that it would accomplish nothing. I chose the cowards way out. I am so sorry.” Mark’s voice cracked. I turned and embraced him. Assuring him this wasn’t his fault. It was no one’s fault but my own.

  It was a beautiful scene. All of us together, just us, for the first time in years. I missed these guys so much it hurt. I needed them more than I needed anybody else. They surrounded me, embracing me as I cried. Not for my failed marriage, but for my best friends. I had put them through so much, and yet they still came. In that moment, I knew that they would always come. I was never truly alone.

  I walked into my house as quietly as I could an hour later. The house was silent. I checked on the twins, who were sound asleep dreaming of Batman and Murphy. Going back downstairs I saw the light from the oven on, throwing a dim yellow light on parts of the kitchen. I paused and heard the clink of glass so I went in to see Ethan at the table, staring at a bottle of Christopher’s good bourbon. His face grim, unwavering. He didn’t even glance up at me when I came in. There was an empty tumbler in his hand, just waiting to be filled.

  We didn’t speak for minutes. Finally, I chose to say something. “Thank you for watching them. I needed some time to clear my head.” His face was grim.

  “How long has he been doing this? Has he ever hurt them?” He demanded. His calm face quickly replaced with anger. I shook my head, this was not what I wanted to be talking about right now. I didn’t want to be talking at all really, but I really, really didn’t want to talk about Chris.

  “No, it’s just me. He would never hurt them. Ethan, it’s not a big deal.” I tried to explain but he shook his head.

  “I may be a drug addict, but I would never hurt you like he has. Physically or emotionally. And it really sucks that this guy was chosen over me. This arrogant bastard literally beats you until you’re black and blue and you still wanted him to be the father of your children over me. Why are you still here? Are you still sleeping with him?” He accused.

  “Of course not! Ethan, it’s not easy. I don’t have any money. I can’t leave,” I tried to explain but he smirked.

  “It always comes down to money. You remind me so much of my mother it’s unreal,” he spat.

  “I’m sorry.” Was all I could say. He stood up, hands in the air. I flinched away without thinking, immediately regretting it. I couldn’t help it anymore. I had become so used to Chris’ hands. So harsh and hateful. His jaw tightened and eyes welled up.

  “Those kids look exactly like me Cleo. You can’t deny that. I don’t want them living with him. Right now it’s just you, but what happens when they’re older and he decides to start taking his anger out on them?” He began to get shrill. I backed away from him, which only seemed to upset him more and make his case. I forced myself to stop moving and stand up straight. I looked him square in the eyes before talking again.

  “Oh so what, you’re going to take them from me? You really think if you took me to court they would give you custody? You’ve known of their existence about a week and now you want to play dad. It doesn’t work like that, Ethan!” I said, my voice harsh. He shook his head, letting out an incredulous laugh.

  “You can’t get mad at me for that. Cleo, you can’t stay here with the kids. Do something before I do,” he said and then turned away, leaving me in the kitchen to cry. I heard the front door shut quietly. He was right. I couldn’t keep living like this. Christopher was growing more and more violent by the day. I wiped the tears from my face and decided it was time to get my life back.

  After a hot shower, I sat down at the kitchen table and began to figure out a plan. In the morning, I was calling a divorce lawyer. I would use my personal bank account, so he didn’t see when I hired them. Chris said he’d be gone a week. Normally that meant at least two to three weeks. I had two months until the will was to be read. I would hold off on filing and serving him with the divorce papers until then. That way he can get his money and leave me alone.

  I decided I didn’t want the house. It held no good memories. I was going to move out to California with the guys. If I had to, I would get a place with Adrian until I could find a home for just me and the twins. The only thing I had to do for the time being was make sure Chris didn’t get suspicious of anything. He had to think things were normal.

  Ethan didn’t show up in the morning. The house felt empty without him. Even the twins asked about him. They never asked about Chris. I called the guys for lunch. They all were so happy and more than eager to help me in any way they could. I told them right now all I needed was moral support.

  Mark and Derek decided to stay with Adrian until I was able to come with. They weren’t doing much out in California without me and Adrian anyways. He was less than enthused, but got over it quickly. However, Mark did mention that since he was staying, Renee was joining them soon. I told him I couldn’t wait to see her. She was so nice. They really were perfect for each other.

  It had been two days since I had fought with Ethan. Adrian had told me that he got an apartment close by, signed a month to month lease. It was getting crowded at Adrian's place. I hadn’t heard from him since that night. He didn’t call or text me. So instead, I called him. He answered after about five rings.

  “Hello,” he said, his voice tight and distant.

  “Uh, Hi. I haven’t heard from you in a few days. I wanted to talk and explain some things,” I started. He was silent.

  “I called a lawyer. I’m going to wait until their birthday. It gives me time to figure out some things. I’m leaving,” I revealed.

  “You deserve better. So do the twins,” he said. My stomach flipped.

  “They miss you. They’ve been asking about you.” There was a heavy pause. “I miss you,” I whispered into the phone.

  There was silence on the other end. A knock on the door made me pause. I crept to the door, slowly opening it. I almost cried when Ethan was on the other side of the door, holding his phone to his ear.

  He was trying so hard not to smile, but when he saw me he slipped. I hugged him and after a moment he hugged me back.

  “I missed you too,” he told me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  When You’re Gone

  The twins were so happy to see him and he was happy to be there. Jimmy even asked him to never leave. He kissed her forehead but didn’t reply. When they were in bed for the night, we went downstairs. I plopped down on the couch exhausted.

  He sat down with me, but his posture was tense. I sat up slightly to gaze at him. My heart began to race when he looked at me. “I won’t be around for a week or so. I’m going to visit my mother,” he said finally. I sat up, pushing my hair back.

  “Oh, okay. Well, when you get back call me. The kids will have driven me nuts by then, I’ll need your help,” I teased. He smiled and stood up. I followed him to the door. He hesitated with the handle.

  “Cleo, I’m sorry. For a lot of things,” he started, but I interrupted him by reachin
g up and pushing my bruised lips to his soft ones. It took him by surprise, but then he kissed me back. It was tender and loving.

  “I really hate that I’m always missing you,” he whispered. My mood fell. It was true. It felt like Ethan and I’s relationship was just a bunch of missed connections. Nothing ever lining up for us. I gave him another kiss and then pulled away.

  “Have a good trip,” I told him before he left.

  Chris came home later that week in a terrific mood. “Robert called. He invited us to brunch Saturday.” I wasn’t interested in the slightest.

  “That’s great. Sounds fun,” I told him, trying to keep the peace.

  “Yes, it will be. You need some new clothes. Something with long sleeves. Maybe a pantsuit. Wear your hair down,” he ordered. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to.

  When Saturday came, I put the children in their Sunday best and waited for Chris to pull into the driveway. As usual, he showed up an hour late and rushed us into the car. He was cheery and full of energy. He talked the entire way about all the good things in his life. His polls were looking good, work was going great. He couldn’t wait to see Robert. He noted that his opponent hadn’t been invited to his house. I listened silently.

  An hour later we pulled into the large metal gates of the senators home. I looked up at the huge house. It was practically a mansion. Tall and white, complete with pillars and a huge staircase. I felt nervous already. I wasn’t exactly the picture perfect senators wife.

  Chris had been here before, so he knew where to park. He grabbed my wrist as I went for my seatbelt. He squeezed and I gasped in pain. “Don’t embarrass me Maribel. There are very important men here. I don’t need you getting sloppy drunk and acting a fool,” he told me in a low harsh voice. I nodded quickly and he let go. I rubbed my skin, already feeling the bruises forming.