Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  We each got a kid out of the car and then held hands on the way up to the door. I was already regretting agreeing to come. The door swung open and we were greeted by an older Asian woman. She was dressed in rose colored scrubs.

  “Hello, you must be here for brunch. Let me take your coats,” she said, leading us through the house. “Mr. Pierce is in his office if you’d like to join him,” she offered. Christopher nodded and departed the group quickly. I looked towards the housekeeper.

  “Mrs. Pierce is in the library, I’ll take you that way.” The twins and I followed her down the long hall and took the last turn on the right.

  She opened the massive double doors with a flourish, stepping back to let us enter. The room was surprisingly huge. The walls were completely lined with books, floor to ceiling. Despite the size, the room felt cozy. I noticed I could smell a hint of fresh flowers. Roses.

  I didn’t see anyone at first, but I heard the distinct sound of a croquet mallet on a ball and swung my head to the left. That’s when I saw him.

  Ethan was standing in the very back of the room in his standard skinny jeans and black shirt. Holding his mallet, he looked up when we entered. We were both deer in headlights. My shock was interrupted by a woman's laugh. I looked around for the source of the noise.

  “Ethan, I swear if you break something you will never be allowed back in here,” the voice teased. My eyes finally found the source of the laughter. Near the window, on the other side of the room was a woman standing in front of an easel, painting. She turned to us and took off her apron and set her brush down.

  She was wearing a blue dress with three quarter sleeves, it was tight at the waist and was very stepford wives. Her black hair was styled in a short bob. The woman smiled at me kindly. After a moment’s hesitation, my feet started to move towards them. “What are you doing here?” Ethan asked, a confused smile on his face.

  “Um, I am here with Christopher. The senator invited us,” I whispered. The woman moved closer.

  “Well, hello. Did I hear you say you came with Christopher? You must be Maribel Thomas. Do you two know each other?” She looked between us. I stepped further away from him. Ethan turned red and coughed.

  “Mom, this is Cleo. Cleo this is my mother, Charlotte.” She nodded, although clearly confused. I smiled politely, already feeling the heat rising to my face.

  “Cleo, the young woman you told me about?” She asked hesitantly. He nodded. She frowned. Her eyes darted down to the twins at my feet. They grew huge with realization. Ethan gulped.

  “Ethan! Where have you been?” Jimmy piped up. He pursed his lips. His mother looked like she was going to faint. He squatted down and the twins ran to hug him.

  “What have you two been up to?”

  “Ethan, are those,” Charlotte started but couldn’t finish her sentence. He stood back up and took a deep breath.

  “Mom, this is Jimmy Paige and Dallas Edgar. Yes, they are,” he told her. Her eyes were bulging out of her skull. She didn’t speak for a long moment. After a few deep breaths she composed herself.

  Besides the hair color, her and Ethan shared many other similar features I noticed. Only his eyes were different. He must have gotten the blue from his father because hers were darker.

  “Hello. Ethan has told me so much about you.” I could sense the uneasiness in her voice. I smiled and told her her home was lovely. She thanked me and motioned for us to move towards some couches in the room, where the housekeeper had just brought coffee and snacks. The twins saw the cookies on the coffee table and lunged.

  “They are beautiful. Dallas reminds me of you as a baby. Spitting image,” she told him with a small smile. She glanced at me and a tear fell. I had to look away so I didn’t start crying too. Jimmy and Dallas sat on either side of their grandmother as they ate. She looked so happy. She asked them all sorts of questions. What did they like? What instruments did they play? What was their favorite food?

  Ethan didn’t stay sitting long. He stood up and went over to her painting. I couldn’t see the details, but it looked like she had been painting four girls playing croquet. He stood near the canvas, but didn’t seem to be really looking at it. I think he just didn’t want to be at the table anymore. His mother glanced over at him and her face fell slightly, revealing her age.

  I forced myself to stay smiling and upbeat, although me and Charlotte both had stuff we wanted to say to each other without Ethan present. Finally he excused himself to go to the bathroom. Only when she was sure he was out of earshot did she speak.

  “What is going on? I thought your name was Maribel. Aren’t you married to Christopher Thomas?” She demanded. Her eyes were hard. I flinched, guilt rushing over me.

  “Maribel is my real name. Only Christopher calls me that. I can explain. Kind of. Please don’t tell my husband. I can’t. Not yet.”

  “Who is the father of these children?” She hissed. I smiled uneasily.

  “Ethan is.” She instantly relaxed and put her hand to her head.

  “And Christopher has no idea,” she stated, more than asked. I nodded.

  “Please, he can’t know. Not yet. I plan on telling him, I just need to get some things in order,” I explained quickly. She paused but then nodded.

  “My son is madly in love with you.” I looked down, barely hiding my smile.

  “He didn’t tell me you were married. Now I do rather like Christopher, he is a fine young man. But seeing my son so happy is wonderful. I just ask that you give him a chance. He wants the life you already have. Perhaps it’s something to consider,” she finished, taking a sip of her coffee just as Ethan returned to sit with us. I leaned over the table and hugged her. She was stiff at first but then hugged me back. Ethan looked at the two of us and his face relaxed.

  We returned to happy chatter. This time it felt genuine. After another hour or so, there was a friendly knock on the library door. The three of us turned and my heart stopped. A handsome older man and Christopher stood there smiling. That must be the senator, Robert, I realized. Charlotte stood up and hurried over to him. He hugged her and they came towards us.

  “Chris, this is my stepson, Ethan. I see you two have been keeping Maribel company.” Charlotte smiled tightly. Chris glowered at Ethan. Ethan glared right back. Chris recognized him. I gulped.

  “Yes, I believe we’ve met before,” he said, extending his hand. Ethan shook it quickly and sat back down. Robert cleared his throat.

  “Well Dear, I’m afraid we aren’t staying. I came out to let you know Chris and I are heading to an early business dinner with some great potential sponsors. Are you okay keeping Maribel entertained for a few more hours?”

  “Of course, It’s been a wonderful day. Go ahead. I’ll see you later this evening. Bring me some dessert,” she told him sweetly. He looked at her with love and kissed her quickly.

  “Sure thing. We’ll be back in a bit,” he promised. I let out a deep breath when they finally left. I did not want Christopher and Ethan in the same room ever again. I relaxed once I knew they had left the house.

  It was fun listening to Charlotte tell me about Ethan as a little boy. He was always getting into trouble, she laughed. She began telling me about the time she had smelled smoke coming from his room, so she tried to catch him but he opened his window and climbed out onto the roof.

  “I hurried outside with my broom and began to swat at him. He was trying so hard not to make any noise because he knew he was gonna get it when I caught him. But after a few swipes of the broom, I finally hit something and I hear a scream and there he comes rolling down off the roof. He falls, cigarette still in hand. So of course, I drop my broom and hurry to see if he’s okay. He’s screaming bloody murder like he’s broken something. I’m yelling for someone to call an ambulance, but then he stands up and is holding his hand over his eye. I finally convince him to show me. He pulls his hand away and I see that he burned his eyebrow off! He was so mad at me because I couldn’t stop laughing. I decided that him having to wa
lk around like that was punishment enough.” Our laughter was interrupted by Ethan who snorted and whipped around from where he had been reading a book to Jimmy, pretending not to listen. His eyes were dark, and angry.

  “That wasn’t me. That was Evan. Or did you forget about him entirely now?” He said with a snarl. I glanced at Charlotte. She looked away, her face quickly turning red.

  “Oh, of course it was. I’m terribly sorry. My memory isn’t what it used to be,” she started to explain but stood up and stalked back over to us.

  “Oh, don’t try to act like you accidentally forgot it was him. Do you not remember that I had been hiding behind him and was laughing so hard that I fell off the roof too, breaking my arm? Why are you doing this?” He raised his voice. She cringed and her eyes filled with tears.

  “Tell me, why is it that all through the house there is a ton of pictures of you, Bob, and his kids? I didn’t see any of us, not even just you and me. I know Evan didn’t fit into Robert’s picture perfect family, but am I a big embarrassment too now? Why did I even come here? You’re still lying about everything.”

  He was shouting now. The room was silent. I glanced towards the twins. They seemed completely oblivious to Ethan's meltdown. I couldn’t react to anything, frozen to the spot and unsure of what was happening.

  “I don’t know why I came. This was pointless. I can’t. Just being here in this place, it’s too much,” he mumbled. Charlotte stood up and left the room. She returned quickly with a light blue bag. She rummaged inside until she found a small wallet. Opening it, she pulled out something and went over to Ethan and handed it to him. He gripped it tightly, his hands shaking. He looked down at it, still not speaking.

  “Don’t ever assume that I stopped loving you. I think about you and Evan every single day. Pictures are not around because I was tired of seeing the pity in everyone's eyes. I grew sick of the questions. I don’t need to justify anything to you, Ethan,” she said sharply to him. Looking at them, I knew I needed to give them privacy.

  Hurrying over to the twins, I ushered them out of the library. We walked back to the main area of the house. The housekeeper spotted us and took us into the kitchen. She offered the twins ice cream. I made small talk with her while we waited out the storm. After another twenty minutes, both of them appeared in the doorway. Both of them had red, swollen eyes. I gave him a reassuring smile and he returned it. Something in his eyes shifted when he looked at the twins.

  “Mom, can you watch the twins? Cover for us for a bit,” he asked. She nodded and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief.

  “Sure. Robert usually stays out late,” she assured us. Ethan extended his hand for me to take. Leaving the kitchen, we grabbed our coats and headed towards the door.

  “Cleo?” Charlotte said, her voice barely audible. Ethan was already outside. I turned back to her. “Please, wait a moment,” she said. To my surprise she gave me a big hug.

  “Ethan needs this. You. The children. I always wished his father had been able to be around. I was never meant to be a mother. I was so young. I took the easy way out when I met Robert. I lost both of my sons trying to give them a better life. I could never see that they didn’t need fancy things. They just needed me,” she told me.

  “Ethan has his flaws. I know better than anyone that my son is damaged. He’s been hurt too many times,” she confessed quickly. My eyes wide, barely breathing. She took a deep breath and held onto my shoulders.

  “But I see the light in his eyes when he talks about the children. He was so happy when he told me. I know he’s only just met them, but he adores those twins. If you let him, he will be a great father to them. I know you have a husband, but please don’t shut him out because of it. He can be a great man, he just needs a woman like you,” she finished. I gulped and forced back tears. She had no idea how much I wanted that same thing. Pulling away I nodded and thanked her.

  Dallas appeared from behind her and tugged at the hem of her dress. Charlotte blinked a few times and pulled away from me. She was holding back her own tears. I smiled one more time before I hurried out to the car.

  We drove in silence for a while. I was still in shock over the afternoon’s events. After about twenty minutes, I watched the pain melt off his face. “I’m sorry for fighting in front of you. All those pictures on the walls. There were tons of her, her husband and his kids. So happy and perfect. Only one of me, and Evan was just completely forgotten about.”

  “I understand. That would upset me too,” I told him. I thought back to my own parent’s home. There weren’t many pictures of me either, but that was my fault. I left as soon as I could. Ethan didn’t have a choice. He smiled weakly and took one hand off the wheel to take mine. He lifted it to his lips and kissed me softly. My heart picked up the pace.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as we drove. He didn’t answer me. It was only a few more minutes before we were driving through cemetery gates. I realized quickly where he was taking me.

  “We won't stay long," he assured me as he began weaving through the thin roads between tombstones. We went to the way back, past the military plots before finally stopping. The sun had officially set, making this place way creepier than it had been five minutes before.

  “It’s not far. Just over there,” he told me, pointing about thirty feet away. He went into the trunk and rummaged through a duffel bag until he pulled out something that made me laugh. The red boa I had given him years ago. I glanced over and he was grinning ear to ear, which was contagious.

  I looked for the moon, but it was behind clouds. It was warm for March, but still chilly. We reached a tombstone that was very simple. It was a dark, onyx color. The clouds parted a tiny bit so we could read the epitaph.

  Evan Daniel Andrews

  1992-2009

  Beloved friend and brother

  I stared at it for a long while. Ethan stood alongside me in silence. Finally, he stepped forward and draped the red boa across the stone. “Do you have a pen or marker or something?” He asked me. I frowned.

  “Maybe some lipstick in my purse?” His face lit up.

  “Perfect.”

  I hurried to go get it and return back. He uncapped the lipstick, turning towards me.

  “Does your cell phone have a flashlight?” I quickly dug it out of my pocket and flashed it onto the slick marble. Ethan smiled devilishly and quickly started writing. When he was finished, he stood up and stepped back to admire his work. Right over his name he had written

  Penelope Felony

  “That was his drag name,” he explained, although he didn’t really need to, I remembered. The tombstone looked much better this way, I assured him.

  “Tell me about him.” He thought for a moment and then spoke.

  “Well he was damn sexy. Best looking guy I’ve ever seen,” he started. Letting out an involuntary giggle I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow.

  “Ow! Anyways, he was funny. He loved making people laugh. That and he was always the one in charge. I was basically his shadow. All the bad stuff we did was all his idea. Every time!” He was laughing. Genuinely laughing. This was new.

  “He wasn’t shy. I wouldn’t have ever taken the stage without his push. We both learned how to play guitar, but he wanted to do the drag scene. He pretty much found my bandmates for me,” he added.

  “So, his name was Penelope Felony. I’m trying to envision this,” I said to him. Ethan had tears in his eyes but was still smiling. “Did he have a certain song that was just his?” I asked and he laughed.

  “Yep. He did actually. ‘Hot Child In The City’.” I burst into laughter and took his hand. He held it tightly. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

  “He sounds like he was an amazing person. I wish I could have met him.”

  “Me too,” he sighed and then we turned to walk back to the car, leaving the boa and the lipstick.

  “Have you ever thought about doing something for him? Like in his honor.” I suggested once we were nice and warm and back
on the road. He glanced at me curiously but said nothing.

  “You were really upset when you thought your mother had forgotten him. You could do something to make sure no one forgets him. Show the world what an amazing guy he was,” I explained. Ethan continued to stare at the road, but didn’t say anything.

  “Maybe. I don’t know,” he mumbled. He held tightly to my hand until suddenly he pulled over into a fast food parking lot and parked. I turned to him but before I could speak he leaned over and kissed me. It was long and tender. He pulled his face away but I leaned forward and kissed him back.

  No matter how much time would pass, something about Ethan Andrews pulled at my heart. I loved him just as much as I had years ago in that hotel room on Christmas. On stage, when I heard him sing our song. And that last night on tour, when I left him. He continued to hold our kiss. I think we were both afraid that if we stopped we’d never kiss again.

  Finally he pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine. It was dark, but I could still see his smile, or feel it rather. Everything about this felt right.

  “Thank you for coming with me today. For everything. I really needed it,” he told me as he put the car back into drive and started towards his mothers.

  When we returned Chris and Robert were still gone. Ethan dropped my hand when we exited the car. Jimmy and Dallas were fast asleep on the couch. Charlotte was in an armchair reading a book. She smiled at us as we stepped into the room. Ethan kissed my forehead and said goodnight. He headed down the hallway and disappeared from the room.

  Barely five minutes later our husbands returned, and seeing the twins asleep Chris decided it was time to leave. I said goodbye to Charlotte one last time. She hugged me tightly and when I pulled away she winked at me.

  I spent the next hour in the car watching the cars fly by. Wondering if after all was said and done, if her and Ethan would be able to work things out. To be able to be a family again. Would Ethan and I be able to be a family too? For the first time since I had laid eyes on him so many years ago, I wanted to commit to him. Was this finally our time?