Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)

by Masters, Kallypso

Her breathing grew erratic, and her arms trembled when he started to apply the rope binding. Ryder circled around to face her, knowing what might help her relax. “Look at me.” She met his gaze, and her nervousness was palpable. “Breathe in with me, Baby, and on the exhale release all nervousness and negativity.”

  Ryder took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, and she was only a second off. “Continue to synchronize your breathing with mine.” After several paired breaths, Ryder found himself becoming calmer, too, which surprised him. Apparently, he’d missed being in Dom mode—or Top mode in this case.

  Perhaps he missed having control over something—or having someone who trusted him. He gave a mental shrug. Whatever, he enjoyed a sense of oneness with her as they breathed together.

  “Now I want you to keep breathing steadily as we have been while I return to standing behind you. Set the pace of our breathing this time, and I will synchronize mine to yours. Cast your gaze to…” He looked behind him to find a focal point. “The rug in front of the fireplace.”

  When he faced her again, she visibly cringed, and he knew that rug wasn’t something she wanted to look at. “On second thought, focus on this spot on the floor.” He tapped a place about two feet in front of her, and her gaze followed. “Now breathe.”

  Resuming his place behind her, he waited for her to begin breathing. When she did, he adopted her rhythm, as he began restraining her arms into a dragonfly sleeve. He created the first knot and slipped the rope loops up her arms and over her shoulders, centering the knot between her shoulder blades. Remembering to breathe with Megan, he added a new knot every three or four inches as he worked down her back. Just below the center of her back, he added his first handle, then fashioned two more knots and another handle before tying off her wrists.

  Ryder sighed before realizing he was no longer breathing with Megan. To finish off the dragonfly he needed to run the ropes between her legs and up to her shoulders.

  Breathe. In. And out.

  He soon was in sync with her again. Before he proceeded, he pulled her hair behind her again and let it hang down her back. It was short enough it wouldn’t cover either of the handles, but long enough for him to be able to get a good grip on it.

  “Spread your legs a few inches apart, Megan.”

  He let the ends of the rope dangle and walked around to stand in front of her again. When she started to lift her head, he instructed, “Keep your gaze downward, even if I’m obstructing the place I asked you to focus on now.” He didn’t want her to see his face in case he lost his own focus while working in close proximity to her sex or her breasts.

  Beautiful. She wore a tank top with padded cups. He longed to cup her breasts himself, but when he heard her inhale, he remembered he was supposed to be breathing with her. Grounding himself in their synchronized breaths, he bent and reached between her legs to pull the rope ends quickly through and up to her shoulders where he tucked the right one in until he was ready for it.

  As he created the sliding knot on the left, the back of his hand brushed her breast, and he became hard instantly. Her breathing hitched, and he realized having her gaze fixed on his lower body was a bad idea at the moment. Soon she recovered although the way her lips quivered, he knew she fought to contain her smile.

  Ryder stepped up his pace and finished off the tie before walking around behind her again. Slowly and deliberately, he reached for a hank that included more than half of her hair and wound it around his fist.

  “Listen to your body, Baby. Continue to take slow, deep breaths.”

  His own body sizzled with pent-up energy. With each twist of his hand, he reined her in, preparing to exert control over her body.

  Jesus, I’ve missed this.

  The way she leaned against him told him he probably wouldn’t have any trouble with her fighting him. Thankfully, he had the handles on the rope binding in place. If her fight-or-flight reflex kicked in, things could become ugly fast. But judging by how docilely she accepted the restraints, he didn’t expect either of them would be hurt in a struggle.

  Without warning, he yanked her head back against his chest using one hand on her hair and the other on the arm bindings. For an instant, her reflexes kicked in, and she tried to pull away. Just when he’d begun to wonder if she might be a Dominant after all, her body went limp, melting against his. He grinned.

  Submissive to the bone.

  “Feel the sensations. Listen to your body.”

  He continued to hold her, enjoying the feel of her body against his. He just hoped he hadn’t unleashed something neither of them was prepared to deal with.

  Chapter Twelve

  “That’s my good girl. Trust me. I won’t harm you. Just listen to your body.”

  Megan’s mind had gone blank when he’d pulled her against him, nearly yanking the hair from her head. For a moment, she’d been ready to use the martial arts techniques Patrick had taught her to take him down to the ground. Then her body simply—surrendered. Without any struggle at all.

  “Breathe…in…out.”

  She obeyed as though her body was no longer within her control. Even though he held her in a way that could have been dangerous in the hands of the wrong man, she had no fear. Ryder wouldn’t do anything to harm her. She trusted him.

  “What are you feeling?”

  “I’m not afraid. I feel protected. Safe. Almost euphoric.”

  “Continue to listen to your body. Trust your instincts. Take another deep breath.” She did so, shakier this time from some deep emotion welling up inside.

  “Does this mean I’m submissive?”

  She heard the smile in his voice. “Yes, I think it does. How does that make you feel?”

  “Surprised. A little confused.”

  “I’m going to release you now. Think you can stand on your own?”

  She nodded, but when he began to loosen his grip on her hair, tremors shook her body.

  “Shhh. I’ve got you. Let’s just hold this position a little longer, until you’re ready for me to release you.”

  Her heart pounded against his arm. Could he feel it beating?

  “Please, Ryder. Don’t release me. Show me more.”

  His hand lowered from her hair, and her knees buckled. He held onto the ropes binding her arms and kept her from falling. “Whoa, there!” He lifted her into his arms. She didn’t know where they were going, but didn’t care either, as long as he stayed with her. She closed her eyes and leaned against his shoulder.

  He laid her down on a mattress. She opened her eyes and stared into his eyes. He seemed as confused as she about what had just happened.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she realized she was in the guest bedroom and not his bed. Disappointed and a little afraid he was going to go, she tried to grab for his shirt, but her arms being bound made that impossible. “Don’t leave me!”

  “I would never leave you alone in bindings.” When he began removing the bindings, she knew for certain this experiment was over. “You’re going to need to process what just happened, and I won’t let you do that alone, either.”

  Then he wasn’t leaving her alone tonight? He met her gaze. “But we aren’t having sex. We’re both going to remain fully clothed. I need…I want to hold you until you come to terms with that scene in the other room.”

  Ryder reached down to remove her shoes and then took off his own. He walked around the end of the bed and crawled into the other side where he stretched out and turned toward her.

  “Come here, Baby. Let me hold you.”

  She liked being called baby, which surprised her. She wouldn’t have permitted any other man to refer to her that way. She’d always prided herself in being treated as an equal by men. So why did being called baby sound so endearing and sexy when he said it?

  She blinked rapidly at the sting in her eyes and scooted closer to him. Unable to face him with the threat of tears in her eyes, she turned her back to him, and he spooned her, wrapping his arm around her waist and holding her c
loser.

  His hand moved to her hair, and he stroked it. “What are you thinking?”

  “That I’m not going to cry in front of you.”

  “Thanks for being honest, if that’s something you didn’t want to show me, but if you need to cry, then cry.” He stroked her hair, but she refused to give in to tears. “Tell me what you’re feeling now.”

  “That I don’t want this moment to end. That I want you to keep holding me this way forever.”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Both. A good Dom does no harm to his submissive, and I would do great harm if I let anything grow between us.”

  “Oh, Ryder. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

  His hand stilled. “How is that?”

  “Nurturing, gentle, strong. A warrior who hasn’t been able to leave the war behind him yet. Someone who would lay down his life for what’s right. A man who—”

  “Enough.”

  “I could go on.”

  “I figured, but you don’t know me well enough to know what kind of man I really am.”

  “I knew you well enough to trust you in the other room.”

  “You were foolish to let a near-stranger do that to you.”

  “I trusted my instincts. You’ve never done anything to harm me despite a number of opportunities where you could have while we were staying at my brother’s condo. Besides, it’s not as if you lured me up here or brought me against my will. I was the one who decided we would come up to this isolated house. If I had any inkling you might have nefarious thoughts in mind, do you think I would be here?”

  “I imagine there are a lot of dead women who thought the same thing before some serial killer offed them.”

  “Can we change the subject?”

  “That might be a good idea.”

  Even though he wanted to distance himself from her, he didn’t pull away. The caregiver in him was as strong as the warrior. If only he could lay down his armor for a little while he might discover a newfound strength and peace.

  “Would you…touch me? You already know I like to…pleasure myself. But I want to know what it feels like to have a man touch me there instead.”

  His body grew stiff, just like the erection pressing against her butt. Oh, no! Had she just gone bratty, telling him what to do? She adored the bratty subs in the Shadowlands club she loved reading about, but wasn’t sure that’s what Doms liked.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be bratty.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with a sub telling a Dom what she likes. We’re still getting to know each other. I think, if I give you an orgasm, we might be treading into an area we shouldn’t.”

  “Taboo?”

  “Not by my standards, but we both know this isn’t going to continue beyond another day or two at most.”

  “I’ll be okay.”

  “No. You’re not the type who can just walk away from something that intense and move on. I don’t want you to have regrets. Besides, if Top knew I was talking with his little sister about these things in the first place, he’d roast my nuts over a fire pit.”

  “I don’t discuss my sex life with Adam—Patrick, either.”

  “You don’t have a sex life.”

  She elbowed him. “Not for a lack of trying. Why won’t you let me decide who I want to be with and when?”

  “Because you’re too young.”

  “I’m older than you and your wife were when you got married.”

  “We haven’t known each other long enough. Sherry and I were together for years before having sex or getting kinky.”

  Okay, enough already. She flipped over and leaned on her elbow as she glared into his face. “Just because I haven’t had sex yet doesn’t mean I don’t have a clue what it involves. I’ve read a lot romance novels.” When he rolled his eyes, she smiled, undeterred. “You might be surprised that you’d enjoy some of them, especially military romances. But I’m not wet behind the ears when it comes to what happens between a man and woman in bed, any more than I am when it comes to kink. Everyone has to start somewhere.”

  “You do know that you can have a kink experience without sex.”

  She pursed her lips. “Well, yes, in theory. But it would be more fun with sex, I would think. I know how excited I get reading about it.”

  He remained silent for a long, tense moment. “Rule number one—I will engage with you in light kink, but no sex. I will help you explore your submissive side. As you said at dinner, it might help me regain some of the control I’ve been missing in my life lately.”

  “I was talking about restraining you then.”

  “Don’t even entertain the thought.”

  Megan grinned. She could hold off on a scene like that. What did she know about restraining someone safely anyway? She had a lot to learn and a short time to learn it.

  Time to continue this negotiation. “Define sex.”

  “Intercourse.”

  “So you’ll touch my clit or my breasts?”

  “In a scene, I’ll touch anything that isn’t a hard limit. I just won’t take your virginity. Popping your kink cherry is monumental enough for me.”

  She couldn’t believe how quickly things had evolved from a notion after her encounter with the coyote to negotiating her first scene with Ryder. Despite his protests about not wanting to explore kink with her, he seemed to enjoy it as much as she did.

  “When do we start?”

  * * *

  Did he want to do this? Hell, yeah, but his wants weren’t necessarily what she needed. They wouldn’t have more than a few days together before she returned to her world. How would she handle such a short-term relationship? Of course, they could still get together on occasion for a scene—even dinner, drinks, or a movie. He enjoyed spending time with her as a friend, first and foremost.

  Ryder pulled away from her and rolled off the bed. “Wait here. I need to get some things ready first.”

  Disappointment warred with anticipation on her face. Maybe he could start building that anticipation to heights she’d never imagined.

  “Before I go, you will try the first position I want you to practice.”

  “Position?” Her voice grew husky, making his dick strain against his jeans.

  “Get up from the bed and stand there.” While she followed his order, he walked around the bed and toward her.

  “I want you on your knees while you wait for me.”

  After a slight hesitation, she reached for the bed and lowered herself to the rug at their feet.

  “Hands behind your back.”

  “Are you going to handcuff me?”

  “Jesus, no. Not unless you’re into pain. But no worries. I don’t even own a pair of handcuffs. All my cuffs are leather.”

  Her pupils dilated at the word leather.

  “Sit back on your heels, back straight and tall, and I want you to stare only at this spot on the rug.” His toe showed her where he wanted her gaze, and she assumed the position.

  “Very nice. Stay there until I return.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  His dick strained even more at her unwavering obedience. “Who taught you to call a Dom Sir?”

  She grinned. “Master Z.”

  “So you’ve had some experience with BDSM before?” Why had he thought she was a novice?

  “No. Well, not in real life. He’s a Dom in a series of books I read. I guess you could say he was my first Dom.”

  Was he one of the Doms she fantasized about when playing with her Hitachi? She seemed to have learned a lot about protocols from her novels.

  He walked down the hall to his bedroom. He’d built this room onto the house, with blueprints provided by Carlos for what he wanted to have in his home someday. Unlike the older parts of the house, this one had a wall of windows, with a French door opening onto a patio where he had installed a hot tub and a sauna.

  The pine-log, king-sized bed had been made this morning with
a midnight blue and orange Indian blanket Mrs. Chosa had woven. It didn’t quite cover the entire bed, but he liked the homespun bedspread.

  The bedposts would provide some excellent tie-down points for bondage, but he had no intention of doing that with Megan. Not in this room, or this bed, anyway. He wouldn’t be able to stand it when she left as it was, but having his bedroom filled with her memory? Her scent? No. They would make her bedroom their playroom.

  He stared at the toy bag on the bed and, with a sigh, opened it again. The first implements he pulled out were a pair of buffalo hide floggers. Fourteen inches. Great for Florentine floggings. Probably not for a beginner, though, so he set them aside.

  Damn, it had been so long since he’d negotiated a scene with a new partner, he hadn’t even thought to discuss pain levels or her hard limits. They would remedy that when he returned to her bedroom. Next, he pulled out a riding crop. She seemed to like leather. He’d bought this one at a powwow at a pueblo up the road two summers ago.

  A package of nipple clamps followed. Too advanced for her, but he grabbed a couple of clothespins instead. Oh, yeah. Her nipples were fucking responsive to the slightest touch or look. He’d have some fun with these tonight, but would eventually advance to the clamps.

  He pulled out a few more items and decided her first lesson would be experiencing how a variety of implements made her feel.

  She hadn’t freaked out when he’d covered her eyes while they’d been hiking. If she consented and he was certain she had no fear, he might blindfold her. An invisible weight lifted off his body. He hadn’t had this much anticipation for having fun in a very long time.

  No. This wasn’t about him having fun, but more about showing her how to have fun. Kinky fun.

  Ryder smiled. What god had he pleased so well to have this woman drop into his life to become such a willing and eager partner?

  He looked forward to tonight more than he had any other night in a long while.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Megan knelt, waiting for Ryder to return. She hoped he’d return soon. He would. She trusted him.

  Would he ask her to remove her clothes at some point? At least her surgery had been done laparoscopically. Only tiny scars remained from her four surgeries.