New Beginnings

by Megan Keith

Did that stop me from seeing her sparkling blue eyes and hearing her laughter in my head all night? Did it stop me from imagining kissing those lips, running my fingers through that hair, holding her against me like I did in the park after playing tiggy? No. That would be a big resounding NO. And now that she’s standing in front of me, looking directly into my eyes, I can’t help but hold out hope that she changes her mind.

  Not that I’m about to find out, of course. For now, we’re just friends, she doesn’t want anything more, and what’s the point of starting something when I’ll be moving again at the end of my contract. Fuck. I clear my throat before speaking.

  “Hey B,” I say as casually as I possibly can, trying to switch my brain off.

  “Hey.” Her cheeks redden and she looks about as awkward as I feel. I follow her back to the counter, she slips behind and I remain in front, both of us stopping near the register. “What can I get ya for lunch?”

  The word ‘you’ is on the tip of my tongue but of course I don’t voice it. I order my sandwich and coffee and take a seat. Being lunch time, it’s really busy at the café. B brings my food out but she doesn’t have time to stop, she’s run off her feet. But by the time I’m finished there’s a break in the flow of customers. I take my mismatched crockery to the counter and get another of her breathtaking smiles. It’s such a good feeling to have her aim those my way.

  “Delicious, as usual,” I say, and I wonder if she’s also thinking about the double meaning behind my words – she sure looks delicious. When a loose strand from her messy pony tail blows across her face my hand itches to brush it aside. I watch her fingers take care of it and my eyes fall to her mouth a second later.

  “Hey Seth!” Scar greets me, sliding up beside Bianca, forcing me to peel my eyes away from her.

  “Scar, how’s it going?”

  “Flat out today,” is all she gets to say before she has to serve another customer.

  “Thanks again for yesterday,” I say to Bianca. “After all that, I forgot to get your phone number.”

  “Yeah? Why would you need my number? You practically see me every day.” She teases with a wink.

  “I suppose you’re right.” I shake my head with a grin. “Give it to me anyway.”

  “Why?” She smiles.

  “Why not? I might want to contact you sometime. Friends do that occasionally you know.”

  “I’m right here Seth, you can come by any time.”

  “I might want to call you at night or on the weekend.”

  “Yeah?” She continues to smile at me and I can’t help but wonder, if she’s with Matt, why is she flirting with me?

  “Yeah.” I pull my phone from my jacket pocket and look at her expectantly.

  “Sorry?” She smirks at me. “Did you ask me something?”

  I smile at her knowingly. She’s such a tease. “Can I have your phone number, please Bianca?”

  “No. But you can give me yours.”

  I sigh. “You always have to be so damn difficult don’t you?”

  “Only where you’re concerned.” She rolls her eyes. “Obviously.”

  “Fine. Here.” I hand her one of my business cards and watch as she tucks it into the front pocket of her black apron. “Maybe you’ll use it sometime.”

  “Maybe.” She gives me one long, lasting smile before she turns to serve a customer and I walk out the door with a big arse smirk on my face.

  Bianca

  Ever since yesterday, I’ve had a hard time getting Seth off my mind. I had so much fun with him - lunch, playing at the park, just the day in general really. Then earlier today, when he asked for my number, the easy way we bantered back and forth was so fun and flirty. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it felt like perhaps we were a little more than friends. I keep thinking of his warm brown eyes, broad smile and the tufts of hair peeking out from his beanie yesterday, his deep and intoxicating laugh…

  “All right, spill,” Scar demands, when she finally locks the door. I stop sweeping the floor and lean on the broom handle as she comes to a stop in front of me. She crosses her tattooed arms over her chest and stares at me with an expectant expression.

  “Huh?” I squint at Scar, not having a clue what she’s on about.

  “I’m obviously missing something here,” she says.

  “What?”

  “You have been distracted all day. What’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours, my friend?”

  “Nothing.” I shrug and continue my sweeping.

  “Bullshit! I know you, B. Something’s up.”

  “Not up, exactly.” I want to talk about Seth but I’m not sure what I want to say. I sigh with frustration and give up on the floor.

  Scar pulls a chair from the top of the table closest to her. “Sit,” she barks at me, pointing at it, then removes another and sits opposite me. I look down at my lap, playing with my fingers while I contemplate how to start the conversation.

  “Do you think I’m stupid for pushing Seth away?”

  “Yes.” She doesn’t hesitate to answer. I lift my head to study her. She’s deadly serious.

  “Why?”

  “Because he seems like a top bloke. Because you deserve a nice one for a change. Because he’s sexy as hell and I bet he knows how to treat a lady - not that you’re one of those, of course!” She laughs and I poke my tongue out at her. “What brought all this on?”

  “He came over yesterday.”

  “Came over? What, to your house?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I didn’t know he knew where you lived.”

  “He drove me home Friday night.”

  “Did he now?” Scar gives me a smug smirk. She’s loving this. “I presumed you went with Matt.”

  “No and eww!” I shudder and Scar laughs. I should have known she was joking. I roll my eyes at her. “So, anyway, Seth turned up yesterday and we ended up spending the whole day together.”

  “Yeah?” Scar’s face lights up. Her eyes are twinkling and her eyebrow cocked. “Like how? What did you do?”

  “We went to lunch, hung out.”

  “Hung out, hung out?” She wriggles her pierced eyebrow at me.

  “No! As friends!”

  “But now you’re wondering if there could be more?”

  “Well … yeah. So maybe I like him a little. I dunno.”

  “Yeah, I think you do know,” she replies with a smug as hell look on her face.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway. I think it’s too late. I told him we could be friends, nothing more. And I’m not sure if he sees me as anything more anyway.”

  “Oh, you’re being ridiculous. Of course it’s not too late! You just need to grow some balls and stop fucking about.”

  “Shit Scar! You really have a way with words!” I laugh. “I don’t want to grow a set of balls!”

  “Well then, what do you want? You need to figure that out and just fucking go for it.” She stands up and re-stacks her chair before placing her hands on her hips and looking down on me. “You know what you’re problem is, B?”

  “What?”

  “You think too damn much.”

  ***

  When I plonk myself in front of the telly after dinner, I pick up Seth’s business card from where I’ve dropped it on the coffee table. It’s already bent from the amount of times I’ve looked at it today. Scar’s right. I do think too much. But how am I supposed to take back all the bullshit and admit to Seth that I’m attracted to him?

  Truth is, after spending time with him I can no longer deny it.

  The problem is, what the hell do I do about it?

  ***

  My attention is held by the café door every time it opens and every time I’m disappointed because it’s not Seth who enters. I’m so on edge it’s not funny. I’ve decided I should just ask him out. What’s the worst that could happen? He’d say no and I’d be humiliated. That’s nothing new. I want to ask him on a date before I lose my nerve, but it’s nearly half past one and
he hasn’t been in yet. Not for his morning coffee and not for lunch.

  “He’ll show.” Scar nudges me with her elbow.

  “What?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me. I know exactly who you’re looking for.”

  “I’m not looking for anybody,” I mumble a weak defence.

  “Sure,” she says with a roll of her eyes before walking away to serve another customer. I don’t dwell on the fact that she can always see through me, it’s always been this way with the two of us. Anyone would think she’d known me all my life and not just a year.

  The door opens again and I finally see him enter the café. He immediately spots me, smiles, and makes my heart race. This is it. I can do this! I gear myself up to ask him but then I see his hand move to the curve of a woman’s back and stop short. An attractive blonde that I hadn’t noticed makes her way to the counter with Seth’s hand on her and I feel myself crumble. The smile falls from my lips and the fast pace of my heart is for a different reason, it literally feels like it’s plummeting with disappointment.

  “Can I get a salad wrap and a latte?” They stand directly in front of me and I blatantly stare at his hand on her until it drops. “Hello?” I have to blink hard to focus when the woman impolitely clicks her fingers in front of my face.

  “Sorry, salad wrap and a latte coming up.” I almost choke on my words. What is wrong with me? It’s completely my fault. I made it clear from the start that I wasn’t interested. I’m the one that said ‘just friends’ and now look.

  I set about making blonde Barbie her lunch and I can feel Seth’s eyes on me but I can’t look in his direction, I just can’t. I feel so small and humiliated right now. I can’t believe I was contemplating asking the guy out! Clearly that would’ve been another embarrassing mistake.

  I give Barbie the once over when I pass her her lunch and take her money. I’ve seen her in here before, she’s a regular, but I’ve never seen the two of them together. When she steps away, my dazed eyes have no choice but to focus on Seth, my next customer.

  “What’ll it be today?” I ask then look away, unable to hold his stare.

  “Ham and salad on rye and my usual coffee thanks, B.” After a moment of silence while I make his lunch he speaks again, his voice rolling over me like warm butter, “You never called.”

  “No, I don’t suppose I did,” I reply but still refuse to look at him.

  “How are you?”

  “Fine. You?”

  “Okay.”

  When I pass Seth his plate and collect his money, my eyes connect with his briefly and I can see the confusion behind his. I’m being rude. I don’t mean to be but I’ve been thrown off kilter by the presence of Barbie. It’s not like I have any hold over him, but I never expected to see him with a lunch date either. I hand him his change and force a smile his way but I’m sure it doesn’t look genuine and the quizzical look on his face makes me feel bad.

  The next twenty minutes are spent with me trying (and failing) not to look at the table in the corner where Seth and Barbie are seated. Though my eyes are already trained to find Seth in the crowded café they keep unwittingly focusing on her, too. She’s impossible to ignore. Gorgeous, with a loud and flirty laugh. She keeps finding excuses to lean toward him and touch him; from her chair that is already positioned too close to Seth’s. She keeps on touching his arm as she talks. It’s distracting and getting on my nerves. I need to ignore them. It’s not like Seth’s paying me any attention anyway.

  It used to annoy me that he would come to the café and blatantly watch me. What I wouldn’t give for him to be looking in my direction instead of hers right now!

  Seth

  I’d worked right through my regular lunch break so when Lisa knocked on my door and my stomach growled in answer I automatically said yes to her lunch invite. I didn’t really think that through. Nor did I think about stopping her when we headed in the direction of “Sweets, Coffees & Cakes” – the last place I wanted to be with her.

  I don’t listen to half of what Lisa’s saying and I don’t feel the least bit bad about it. She is so up herself it’s not even funny. She’s going on and on about some holiday to Hawaii she went on, something about the snotty staff at the resort and the rudeness of the other guests or some shit. With all the time I’ve spent with her, which luckily isn’t much, it’s become apparent that she’s the rude one. I can’t believe she snapped her fingers in front of Bianca like that.

  “Then my friend Lexi said, ‘You really should be more careful with that bag, it’s precious cargo’ and then I said…” I’m not the least bit interested in what she said, the woman hasn’t stopped talking since I sat down. I have no idea how she’s managed to eat any of her lunch. No, the only thing I care about right now is the woman behind the counter who keeps sending worrying looks my way. B’s behaving like she used to, no smile, cut off from me, unhappy. What is going on with her? I thought we’d solidified our friendship. Why do I get the feeling she’s ending it before it’s begun?

  “Oh pooey, is that the time?” Lisa asks, dragging my attention away from Bianca with a squeeze of my forearm. My eyes focus on her oversized pouty lips for a moment and she probably gets the wrong impression because she smiles at me in a flirty way. I must admit, Botox lips aside, she has a pretty smile. Pity she doesn’t just do that instead of talking. “I suppose we better head back. Are you ready?”

  “Sure. Let’s go.”

  I stand and wait for her to grab her bag and then usher her towards the exit, in a hurry to get this lunch break over. I give Bianca, who is currently serving a customer, a small smile. I get a half-hearted one in return. I wish she wasn’t so busy, I’d really like to find out what her problem is. Then again, maybe she had a fight with Matt or something and it has nothing to do with me. If that’s the case I’m probably best not knowing.

  ***

  When I go into the café the next day for my morning coffee, Bianca makes a hasty retreat to the kitchen. It becomes apparent that she’s avoiding me, though I don’t know why. I don’t have time to stick around so I place a takeaway order with Scar.

  Lunch time rolls around and Bianca’s nowhere to be seen when I enter the café. The fact that I’m looking for her must be blatantly obvious because Scar pulls me up on it straight away.

  “She left for the day. Half day.”

  “Oh right, it’s Wednesday.” Disappointment hangs heavy in my chest. “I forgot.”

  Scar gives me a smile that looks almost apologetic before asking, “We still on for Friday?”

  “Yeah, of course. I’m looking forward to it.” I already know Friday will be the highlight of my week. I love my job but I need some other un-work-related human interaction.

  “Good.”

  “I’ll, uh, takeaway today,” I say when I notice Scar reaching for a plate.

  “No worries.” She quickly wraps my sandwich then makes my coffee to go. I pay for my lunch and am about to walk out the door when Scar calls me back. “About Friday. I need to leave early again so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind picking B up on your way?”

  “I wouldn’t mind, but maybe she would,” I mutter.

  “Seth … I know she’s a little hard to get a read on but don’t give up, okay?”

  I really want to ask her what she means by that but she’s already edging away from me. She turns her attention elsewhere so I leave. I head back to work with the distinct impression that Scar is trying to set us up. Which would be a strange idea if B’s actually with Matt. I’m not sure what to make of that.

  Bianca

  “You two are adorable. Seriously.” Scar is standing in front of me and interfering with my line of sight to the door of the café.

  “What?”

  “You and Seth. You’re waiting with bated breath for him to turn up, and you should have seen the disappointment on his face yesterday when he found out you’d already left for the day.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Not bullshit. It was
like someone had stolen his puppy, he was so sad.” Scar laughs.

  “He really came in looking for me?” Even I can hear the pathetic hope in my voice.

  “Well, he came in for lunch-”

  “Exactly. He came in for lunch, Scar, not me.” She really shouldn’t tease me like that. “Did he…” my voice trails off. I know I shouldn’t ask but I really want to know if he brought her along.

  “No, he didn’t bring in the Barbie wannabe. He was by himself.”

  “Oh.” In typical Scar fashion she knows exactly where my thoughts were headed. “Not that it really matters,” I add, unconvincingly. Of course it matters. I can’t hide my smirk from Scar when she winks at me.

  “I organised him to give you a lift on Friday,” she says under her breath a moment later, before disappearing into the kitchen.

  “You what?” I screech, wishing I could follow her but I can’t because there are customers waiting.

  When everyone has been served I finally get a chance to speak to Scar.

  “I can’t believe you asked him to drive me again,” I whisper grumpily with a shake of my head.

  “Don’t get your knickers in a twist,” she says, quietly. “I’m only trying to help. It’s obvious you two are desperate to spend some time together-”

  “We are not!” I whisper-yell, interrupting her but she continues like I haven’t even spoken.

  “-but apparently you need Scar to intervene. You know, you’re never going to move forward if you don’t take that first step.”

  “Scar, as much as I appreciate your friendship, and your ‘wisdom’,” I air-quote the word, “You really are a pain in the arse sometimes.”

  “I’m meant to be. What are friends for if they can’t give you a kick up the butt once in a while?”

  “Once in a while? Sure! If it was only once in a while it would probably be less painless.” I roll my eyes at her and she laughs. “Seriously though, you need to give up on the idea of Seth and me getting together. It’s not gonna happen.”