I'll Be Here (Matters of the Heart Book 2)

by Yesenia Vargas

  "Oh, of course you can still live here. If you're ready to move out, you can. But I don't know what I would do without you. You're the only other person here I can have an adult conversation with,” she whispers and laughs. "Your mother is great, but she's never here. She is such a workaholic. Your uncle is the same. And after being home alone all day and then running back and forth with your brothers, which I don't mind at all really, it's just nice to have you to talk to. And I want to keep up to date on everything you're doing, all your classes, and the boys you'll meet and have after you." She gives me a playful wink, and I roll my eyes but smile. "There's just so many new things that you're going to do, and I want to be there for you for all of it."

  She already knows that I'm not the hugging type, but I can't help but hug her after what she just said. We stay in place like that for a few seconds, and I realize I miss my aunt already, even if I'm still going to be living here.

  We pull apart and keep looking at the couple of brochures. Before long, she asks me about the campus visit sections. I explain to her what it is, that you can go on certain dates and times and see what the classes are like and what the campus is like and see if that school is a good match for you. That's what the counselor had said anyway. I've never been on a campus tour before.

  My tía practically jumps up and down, saying we need to do this. "Oh, it would be so much fun!" She looks at me. "Don't you agree? If your school counselor said it was a good idea, then we should do it."

  I'm staring at her, wondering what kind of crazy ideas are going through her head right now. Because all I know is this is not within five miles of this house, and I'm not sure I want to go. I had purposely chosen North Georgia because it’s only forty minutes away and that I can deal with. I’m not sure I’m up for visiting my other choice, though. It’s over an hour away. I doubt I’ll end up going there, so what’s the point?

  "We can make it a road trip. Just us girls.” She picks up both brochures again and starts looking at the addresses on the back. “Don’t a lot of young people go on trips their final year of high school?”

  I nod. “Yeah, to drive around the country or to the beach after graduation or during spring break. Not to go visit colleges."

  “Well, this could be educational and fun. And your mother and I can go with you, see what these colleges are like with you. I’ve never been to a college before.” I can already see the wheels turning in her head and how excited she already is, how she's already picturing the drive there and all of the girl bonding time and getting to see something she’s never experienced.

  I'm not even sure how to object to her idea, not when she’s so happy. "Are you sure my uncle would be up for this? Or that my mom can get off work?" I try.

  "Your uncle won't mind. I'm going with his sister. And besides, he owes me. He promised me we would be going to the Bahamas for our anniversary this year, and he still hasn't taken me.” She puts her hands on her hips. “He knows I would love to travel more. But he's like you. He doesn't like traveling far away either. He prefers to stay at home. And as for your mom, I can't remember the last time she took off from work, so I know they're not about to tell her she can't take a few days off now. I'm sure she's accumulated more than enough vacation days." She walks off with the brochures, still talking, and I can tell she's about to plan everything. "When is your spring break again?"

  "Next week… " I say. And I know I don't really have a choice in the matter. I guess it won't be that bad. It could be worse. A lot of the seniors at school keep talking about going on a road trip or going here or there for spring break.

  I guess it'll be cool to have an adventure of my own. Yeah.

  How long have I been saying that I've been wanting to get away from everything and everybody? And here's the perfect chance to do it.

  Not with a bunch of dumb seniors looking to pull pranks or get arrested. But with my mom and my aunt. They're pretty cool. The important thing is that I'll be leaving Adam and Brian behind, and maybe I can finally get a clear head and figure out what I'm supposed to do.

  And not just about Adam and Brian, but college.

  I’d been accepted to two colleges besides my back up choice, and that was a community college. It’s a good choice if I don’t want to worry about things getting too expensive, but I kind of have my heart set on going somewhere with a little more to offer. My mom too. I told her I’d been accepted to North Georgia and the other college, and she said I didn’t have to worry about paying for anything, that she would take care of it no matter what.

  I wonder if that means taking from her house-buying savings, but I had hugged her and thanked her anyway. I’m planning on working hard and keeping my grades up so I can get by with some scholarships. So things won’t be as hard for her.

  More than anything, though, it’s like I’m paralyzed, like my indecisiveness over Brian and Adam has transferred over into all this college stuff, and I have no idea what to expect next. If I should really choose North Georgia. Or what program I should even eventually aim for and apply to.

  I look at both brochures and hold them up next to each other. Whatever happens, I’ll be out of time soon anyway. Both of these colleges want a deposit soon.

  Same thing for Adam and Brian. Adam’s making decisions about colleges himself, and he’s not going to wait forever. And Brian. He might decide I’m more trouble than I’m worth and leave again if he wanted. Even if it wasn’t back to Mexico. He could leave and start over again anywhere. He’s eighteen and independent.

  I need to make some choices and soon.

  chapter sixteen

  Especially since I’m no longer sure how I feel about Adam, I don’t like it when he tries to hold my hand.

  The first time I don't say anything. I just pull my hand away. I get a very strong feeling that in his head we’re already on our way to being more than just friends because of our kiss. When we were supposed to be studying at my house but somehow ended up making out.

  Things have mostly gone back to normal with us. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to be his girlfriend.

  The second time, I'm not as nice. Not only do I pull away my hand, I am pretty much about to tell him off.

  “Adam," I start to say, and I have to close my eyes because I can already tell I said that too loud and in the wrong tone of voice. Wrong tone for the middle of class anyway. I slowly open my eyes back up, and I look him in the eye.

  "Adam," I say more slowly and less loudly. "Please do not touch my hand. Okay? We are not a thing." I look around and am glad to see most people are doing their work, but a few of them are still looking at us. I wait for Adam to react.

  He doesn’t say anything so when the bell rings, I am out of there. There better not be rumors about us later. That we’re secretly going out or secretly fighting or something. I hate that kind of drama. Now’s my free period at the end of the day so I sit on a bench outside. I’ll head to my car in a minute.

  I'm so glad this is the last week before spring break. Just two more days to go, and then I’ll have a week off from all of this crap. From school, from homework, from Adam and Brian and their relentlessness. Most of all, I don't want to think about Adam and Brian for a whole week. I don’t want to see them or talk to them. I just want to be left alone.

  And of course, just because I said that, I hear the double doors open and someone approach.

  I don’t even need to look up to see who it is.

  Adam.

  He sits down next to me.

  “Hey,” he says.

  I don’t say anything, just kind of purse my lips and stare out onto the campus. The sun is hot on my dark hair, and part of me already wishes I was inside with the cool AC. Or driving away.

  “Sorry,” he says kind of sheepishly. “I kind of thought…”

  I look at him. “What?”

  He shrugs and looks down. “The past few days…”

  Now it’s my turn to look down.

  “Have been things going back to normal
,” I finish for him. “For me, at least.”

  I look at him and sigh.

  “I’m sorry…I just still don’t know about any of this, Adam. Just when I think that maybe I have stuff figured out, something happens and it throws me for a loop again.” I say.

  And now for some reason, I do kind of want to hold his hand, if only to show that I’m not trying to be a jerk and lead him on one day and push him away the next. Not on purpose anyway.

  “I never thought I’d see you as anything more than just a friend, but…”

  “But what?” he says quietly.

  “You know what,” I say, trying not to blush. “Maybe I felt something. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe it’s just me. But now I’m not sure about anything. And because of that, it’s more important than ever that we be careful.”

  I stand up and look at him, and he’s looking up at me.

  “You should stay away from me until I know for sure what I want.”

  Adam stands up too. “I already know what I want. You know that, right? You.”

  He takes my hands in his, and I let him this time. His face is inches from mine, and all of a sudden, my heart starts racing again.

  Oh god.

  Part of me is screaming at me to let go of Adam right now and walk away but I’m frozen. Just staring at his eyes, his lips.

  But thank god he doesn’t act on it because I might not be able to say no this time.

  “I just wish…” he says.

  I wait for him to go on.

  “That you could see how much I care about you.”

  But I do, I want to say. I just want to make sure I care about you the same way.

  “I want us to have a chance, Katia. But I need you to be one hundred percent sure before we do anything else. Even me trying to hold your hand. I’m sorry about that. I should have made sure it’s what you wanted.”

  He lets go of my hands now.

  “It won’t happen again.”

  The bell rings, jarring us out of the moment, and Adam leaves. I walk to my car.

  The rest of the week is no longer the same. Adam barely talks to me, and I know it’s not because he’s mad. He’s just become a little bit more like me. Careful.

  And I get it.

  I’ve already hurt him once. He had moved away because of it. I can’t help but wonder what would happen this time if I hurt him again.

  ###

  “So we’re really going to do this?” I ask, a smile slowly forming on my face.

  My tía answers my question by throwing like three bags into the trunk of her SUV.

  “Claro,” she says, and she’s practically radiating excitement. I can’t remember the last time she went on a trip, now that I think about it. She has some family in Mexico, but it had even been years since she’d gone and visited them. “Your two brothers are going away to church camp the entire week, so it’ll be perfect.” She winks and eyes my small carry-on-style bag.

  I stare at her three giant bags. “Are you sure you need all of that? It’s just a few days.”

  “You never know,” she replies. “And I packed a few extra things too so we can have a proper girls’ night. Do our make up and hair and everything.”

  “Um, that sounds cool, I guess.” I glance back at my uncle. He’s sitting on our porch. “What’s Tío Hernan got to say about all this?” He has his arms crossed against his chest, and I can tell just from looking at him that he does not look happy about this.

  My tía glances back at him herself but doesn’t meet his eye. “He’ll be fine. Don’t you worry.” She goes around to the front of the car where she puts a couple of smaller bags. I hear her mumble something about “grown man” and “can look after himself for once,” and I turn around so my uncle doesn’t see or hear me laugh.

  Funny the hoops my tía jumped through to make sure we could pull this trip off. She’d heard about that church camp from a friend and gotten my brothers signed up at the last possible minute. She’d even paid for it herself once my mom saw the price for both my brothers and almost choked on her food.

  My mom had almost choked again once she found out that my aunt had footed the bill.

  She also pretty much made my mom call in and request the whole week off from work. Through Saturday. Which my mom had never done. My mom worked six or seven days a week like all the time. And not just eight hours a day but ten or twelve, getting as much overtime as possible because the pay wasn’t much to begin with.

  My tía was always telling her not to work so much, that they could even lower the rent so she wouldn’t stress so much, but my mom seriously almost got offended at that and said she was saving up for a house of her own and was never going to chance relying on a man again.

  My tía comes back around, and I put my bags in my trunk and close the door. “That’s everything, right?”

  She nods. “Your mom’s stuff is in there too. We’re just waiting on her now.”

  She smiles one more time and checks the time on her phone. “She should be home soon.”

  And before she’s even done with that sentence, my mom pulls into the driveway.

  She turns off the car and walks over in her work uniform, her hat still on.

  “Wow. You guys are ready to go already?”

  “We’re just waiting on you,” my tía says.

  “Let me just go grab a quick shower. I don’t want to stink up our trip.”

  I have a feeling my aunt could care less at this point.

  We walk back to the porch and wait there while my mom freshens up. My uncle had gone back in, probably to sulk.

  I’ll be surprised if my aunt doesn’t even give him a proper goodbye. I can tell they probably had an argument about her leaving.

  “Is Tío Hernan jealous or something about you going on this trip?” I tease.

  My tía shakes her head. “That man never changes. But you know what? After taking care of him this long and putting up with all the hours he works and never wanting to take me out, I don’t see why he’s so upset. Besides, I’m going with you two. But you know men of our culture. Always so jealous.”

  I smile. I think Brian is a little bit like that too, from the argument we had the other day. But I definitely don’t think he’s anywhere near as machista as my uncle. I can’t see Brian insisting I stay home and take care of the kids and cook and clean and never go out and all that.

  We’re already in the car with the engine and music on by the time my mom comes back out.

  She still has her hair in a towel as she climbs into the front passenger seat, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “If we’re going to go out to eat later, we’re going to have to do something about that look,” my tía says as she pulls away, honking and looking in the rearview mirror. I glance back too, but the front door is already closed. Has been, actually. I smile at how annoyed my uncle must be right now.

  “Maybe my brother will learn to appreciate you a little more,” my mom says in Spanish as we get on the main road. “Take you out a little more.”

  “I think it’ll do both of us some good to get away from each other for a few days,” my aunt replies. “So where to?” she asks, looking at me in the rearview mirror.

  I shrug. “I thought you had it all planned out. I’m just here for the ride,” I joke.

  But really I’m wondering where we’re going first. And where we’re staying.

  She winks at me. “I do. I have the two colleges in my GPS, and we’ll be hitting the closest one first. Then looping around to the next one, and who knows, maybe the beach if we feel like it.”

  “Um, tía, you do know I have to be in school the following Monday…”

  She looks at me again with a smile. “So what if we take a few extra days. I’ll write you an excuse.”

  Then my mom looks at her.

  “What? It’s not like she’s missed that many days. They won’t tell her anything.”

  My mom looks ahead again without cracking a smile. My aunt’s right. I haven’t mi
ssed many days. Because my mom’s usually pretty strict about that kind of thing. Luckily, she’s never found out I’ve skipped classes now and again.

  “So is this even really a road trip when we’re driving less than an hour away?” I ask, already pulling out my phone to check tumblr.

  “Of course,” my tía says. “We’ll spend the whole week visiting the two schools, having some girl time, driving around and taking in all there is to do.”

  My tía glances at me again through the mirror with this majorly excited look on her face, and all I can do is give a half-hearted smile.

  Girl time. I know what that means. Make up and clothes and hair. I know what means to. Going out all day, talking to people, doing stuff.

  Probably not sleeping in like I had planned.

  As much as I need to get away, what did I get myself into?

  chapter seventeen

  The college is a lot bigger than I imagined. It's supposedly not as big as the other school, or a lot of the other state colleges, but it’s still a pretty large campus. Enough to get lost.

  This is my first choice and closest to my house, just about forty minutes away. Not too bad of a drive.

  The first thing I notice is how many students there are walking, talking, and holding onto their backpacks. I know they’re only supposed to be a year or two older than me, but they seem so grown-up. They don't look like they graduated high school a year or two or three ago. They look like complete adults already.

  And I feel kind of childish being here with my aunt and my mom for the campus tour.

  I also notice how a lot of the students wear T-shirts and gym shorts to class, guys and girls alike. I guess I had imagined going to my classes looking all professional, not like I just woke out of bed. I thought that’s what you were supposed to do, anyway. But I think I was wrong.

  I wasn’t expecting everyone to be in business suits and ties or something, but I definitely wasn’t expecting just about everyone to be wearing gym shorts and T-shirts. Even so, the guys and girls just look older. Definitely not like high schoolers. They seem so independent. So mature.