I'll Be Here (Matters of the Heart Book 2)

by Yesenia Vargas

  So far, we'd been to her favorite stores, mainly the ones with lingerie and make up. Now we walk into a department store.

  "I don't know, tía. You know I'm just not into all of that. Besides, I'm not about to go by myself."

  "What about with a group of friends? Don't a lot of teens do that these days?"

  I shrug. "I guess." It'd be about two other people besides me, I want to say. Adam and Bailey. There are a few other people we talk to sometimes during lunch but no one I'm itching to hang out with all night. Not while dealing with spaghetti straps that won't stay put and melting make up and painful shoes. Not to mention guys trying to get laid before the end of the night.

  Just not my scene. I'd rather go to the movies. Or stay home alone.

  "Or why don't you go with Adam?" she asks. We arrive at the juniors department.

  "Because that kind of thing would make stuff complicated again. And I don't feel like dealing with that. Telling him no, he can't kiss me at the end of the night, much less take me to a hotel room. It's just more stress than it's worth."

  "Too much if you went with Brian too? What are you going to do if one of them actually asks you to prom?"

  "They have. Adam, anyway." I mindlessly slide dresses by on the rack.

  I guess I hadn't mentioned it because my aunt almost gives herself whiplash turning around to look at me. She puts the top back on the rack that she had been looking at and comes over to me.

  "And? What did you say? You didn't say no..."

  I nod. "That's exactly what I did."

  "Well, is it too late, do you think? Is Adam still going?"

  I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe. I didn't ask."

  Now my aunt looks like she wants to pull one of my ears like I've misbehaved.

  "Mija! You're never going to get anywhere like this. Rejecting boys left and right." She goes back to the rack she had been at. "Well, you still have a chance with Brian."

  “Tía, I just said I don't want to do complicated. Besides, he probably has to work."

  She sighs. "What are we supposed to do, then? Just not go? Sweetie, you're going to regret not going to your senior prom. Believe me."

  I think she has that the other way around, but I don't say anything. I had gone to homecoming last year and done all the shopping with my aunt and mom. That was enough for me.

  "Think about the memories you'll make. And the pictures. That's my favorite part."

  She looks at me again. Now with puppy dog eyes.

  "Promise me you'll really think about it." She doesn't move until I reply.

  "Like I already said, I already said no to Adam. And Brian...he probably has to work."

  But she sees right through my excuses.

  "Don't you worry about that."

  She takes my hand and leads me to another section of the department store. The one with all the prom dresses.

  “Tía, you just said I had to think about it!"

  "And you will," she says, picking out an bright orange sequined dress that's about two feet too long for me. "While you try on some dresses. Just watch. You'll be itching to go once you find the perfect thing to wear."

  She holds the dress up to me and immediately shakes her head and puts it back. She walks to another rack, already talking more to herself more than to me. "No, maybe something less flashy."

  I hesitate but follow after her. I thought it was my aunt who was supposed to be doing the shopping today.

  Should have known.

  chapter nineteen

  Prom is tonight. I’m not going.

  Instead, I will be at home watching movies marathon-style and just taking Friday night off.

  I had recently turned in all of my remaining paperwork for college and for senior year. Not to mention a major test and a couple of school projects. So that is a huge load now off my plate. And I'm looking forward to just thinking about nothing at all tonight.

  Not Brian or Adam. Although the farther I stay away from them the closer I feel to finally making a choice. I have no idea if it's the right choice. I want to think about it a little bit more, but I think I'm doing what's right for me. And I know it's going to suck letting them know.

  But I can't go on like this anymore. This all ends before graduation. That's what I'd told myself.

  I try to push all of that away as I sit down in my PJs in front of the living room TV. I already have lots of snacks from the convenience store lined up on the coffee table, and I hope my uncle doesn't walk in here and see me eating in the living room. That's one of his biggest pet peeves.

  But I don't care. He's not here right now, and hopefully, he won't be back until late, wherever he is. As usual, my mom is at work. And my aunt is running an errand or something. She hadn’t really said before she left. My brothers are in their room playing video games, and I'm on babysitting duty. But it just means I have to check on them every so often. Make sure they're still alive. And get them something to eat later.

  So when I hear the doorbell ring, I think it must be my aunt loaded with grocery bags. She must not be able to open the door. She does that sometimes. And hates to make two trips out to the car when I can just help her out. So I put my drink down on the coffee table, put on my slippers, and I head to the front door. Or maybe it's my uncle.

  I swing open the front door, expecting to see one of them. Except it's not my aunt. Or my uncle. Well, it is. It's my aunt, but she's not alone.

  Adam is with her.

  And he's all dressed up. In a tux. For prom.

  “Surprise,” he says with a smile. “Will you go to prom with me?”

  Once I’m done processing, I ignore him.

  My eyes go to my aunt. She has a prom dress in one hand and a pair of sparkly high-heeled shoes in the other.

  And she's looking at me with the biggest smile on her face ever.

  My mouth just drops open. And all I can say is, “You two planned this?”

  I look at my aunt, kind of not knowing what to think and now a little mad that she had something to do with this. Because that's what it looks like right now. Is she supposed to be my fairy godmother?

  Because this is so not what I asked for.

  I had asked for a quiet night at home away from prom and everybody else. A quiet weekend for recharging my batteries and thinking about my life.

  “Isn't this great?” she says. "I didn’t want you to miss out on your own prom night."

  Then Adam speaks up. "I promise there doesn't have to be any pressure tonight. We’ll go as friends. Strictly friends. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We don't even have to stay the whole time.”

  Oh, I can already tell him what I don't want to do, but he goes on.

  “You should get dressed up and have a good time for a little bit at least. With a good friend. You look good in a dress."

  He holds out his arm, but I don't take it.

  I just stand there, still in my slippers and PJs and my hair a mess. Adam and my aunt continue standing there on the porch waiting for me to, I don't know, start jumping up and down with joy?

  They know that's not me. I’m not a big fan of surprises.

  A big part of me, in fact, wants to shut the front door in their faces. Except this is my aunt’s house.

  Why did they just have to go and make things more complicated? Don't they know that I’ve had more than enough of the whole complicated thing lately?

  Nothing against Adam. Or my aunt. I bet they thought this would be a nice surprise. That maybe I would be home sulking from missing my last prom night.

  But I’m not.

  Not to mention I don't trust myself around Brian or Adam right now.

  Before I can even reply, my aunt comes in, dress and shoes still in hand. And I'm trying to figure out a way to tell them that I don't want any of this. My tía grabs my hand, pulls me inside the house.

  "Don't worry. She's going. Whether I have to force her into this dress and shoes myself or not.” She turns back to me. “You are not going
to miss your senior prom.” She looks back at Adam. "Come on in and take a seat. She'll be out before you know it." Adam comes in and shuts the door behind us. She leads me to my room, and I let her because I need to talk to her alone.

  No way am I going along with this.

  ###

  As soon as my bedroom door closes, I start protesting, but I swear my aunt is not hearing a word of it. She puts the stuff she’s carrying on my bed.

  The first thing she says is, “Let's get you changed into this dress and out of those ugly pajamas. You are not going to be alone at home in those on your senior prom night." She has her hands on her hips and everything.

  I just stare at her with my mouth open, not believing she's really going to make me do this. I stay quiet as I weigh my options, thinking about her level of stubbornness right now and if there's any way I can still get out of this, convince her that this really is just not a good idea.

  No matter how much she doesn't want me to miss my own prom night. But she's not having it. I haven’t even come up with a good excuse yet.

  "Katia, don't make me get you out of those pajamas myself. I am stepping out of the room for two minutes, and when I come back in here you better have that prom dress on, and I will help you zip up."

  And with that, she steps out into the hallway and shuts the door behind her. I’m left alone, not even knowing what to do next.

  I slowly turn around and look at the stuff my tía just threw on my bed. I realize I’m looking at one of the dresses I had tried on at the mall with her a couple weeks ago. Back when she’d insisted we at least try them on and not necessarily buy anything.

  Well, I guess she had gone back and gotten this one. It had been the one I liked the most that day, but we hadn't gotten it because I had insisted a million and one times that I just wasn't going to prom.

  Not by myself and not with a bunch of friends.

  I still remember trying on this dress. It had fit me great and I’d loved the short train in the back, even if it did mean that people would probably step on it. And I loved how it was just a tiny bit risky without it being too much.

  I hold it up again now. It’s a sleeveless, long navy blue dress with a bit of a dip in the middle on the front and a bigger dip in the back. My aunt said it showed off my back perfectly and hugged my hips just right. And I had agreed, but we just hadn't gotten the dress.

  I hadn't seen the point in it. But she had gone back to the store and bought it for me at some point after she started planning this whole thing out. I can't help but smile at how crazy my aunt is sometimes.

  Even if her crazy drives me crazy sometimes. I think she sees me as the daughter she never had. I guess I never saw things that way.

  And I know this dress was not cheap. That's another reason I had said no to buying it. It was way too expensive for one night out with a bunch of people my age. She had gone back and spent her own money to get this for me. Even if she knew it would drive me crazy that she was planning this behind my back with Adam.

  I gently put down the dress on the bed, laying it out carefully, and then I pick up the shoes. These high heels are a little taller than I'm used to, and I don't wear heels that often in the first place. I really hope I don't fall flat on my face in these. They're just as nice as the dress. My aunt must have picked these out herself.

  They’re slingback peep-toe high heels, the kind that won’t accidentally slip off. Silver and glittery. Perfect for this dress. I try one of them on, not surprised when it fits me perfectly. That's another thing about my aunt. She knows everybody’s sizes down to the centimeter.

  I sigh again and realize I have no choice. I’d feel bad saying no to Adam when he's already dressed up and ready to go.

  Not to mention my aunt and how much effort she put into all of this. Ready to do my makeup and hair.

  So I decide to go to prom with Adam. And like he said, it will strictly be as just friends.

  I push all thoughts of Brian away.

  chapter twenty

  Adam and I end up having a lot more fun than I think at prom.

  A couple of hours later, we’re both sweaty and tired from dancing but having a great time. This is a whole lot better than homecoming last year. And I wonder if this is what I had missed out on last year.

  The school gym is packed with juniors and seniors and a few lucky freshmen and sophomores. It's dark in here, the music the DJ is playing pounds throughout the room. It's good music, too, and everybody's laughing, jumping, and smiling. Riding high on the fact that senior year is just about over.

  Adam and I had joined a few other friends , but most of the time, we stuck together, dancing through most of the songs and only taking a break to go get a drink of water.

  I almost felt like somebody else, letting the music sweep me away and not caring about anyone else for once.

  I finally head to the bathroom because my bladder is full, and I don't think I'll be able to hold it much longer. I come out of the bathroom stall and find myself staring at the mirror.

  I almost can't recognize myself right now. I hadn’t really looked at myself before I left the house. My aunt had quickly done my makeup and hair, and I had only taken a quick look in the bathroom before pulling on my shoes.

  But I hadn't really taken a good look at myself, obviously. At all of myself. I do so now, and I can't help but just stare at the way look. I thought Adam’s stare when I'd walked into the living room earlier had just been as a courtesy or something. Something to make me feel good.

  But now I notice the perfectly soft waves and how my aunt had pinned my hair to the side. I love it. I could never pull off this look by myself no matter how hard I tried.

  My eyes travel down the length of my dress as I take a step back so I can get a full view. This dress hugs every curve on me just right without being too revealing. I love how it's more revealing in the back instead.

  I turn slightly so I can look at myself from behind, still not fully believing this is me I'm looking at.

  I just can't help but admire myself in this moment. And smile at the fact that my aunt was right. I'm glad I came to prom tonight.

  I can't help but take a few pictures of myself because I know I don't dress up that often. And in this moment I feel beautiful, and I don't want to forget what that feels like.

  As a I snap pictures with my phone, I wish the night would go on forever. That I could look and feel like this all the time.

  As I think about that, I feel a small tug in my heart, but I don't know why.

  I can't pinpoint what's missing tonight. But something is.

  I look at myself one more time and I head back out on to the gym floor. I find Adam and another great song comes on. He grabs my hand and leads me to the floor right away. But I can't shake that feeling away, that feeling that there's something missing.

  I feel Adam’s hand in mine, and he gives it a squeeze. I think I know what it is.

  ###

  Prom is over before I know it.

  Pretty soon, it's midnight, and the last dance is coming on, and then the teachers are saying it’s time for us to go home.

  Of course, no one is really going home. Everybody's heading to various after-parties to drink and keep the party going.

  I put my arms around Adam's shoulders as the last song comes on.

  It's a slow dance, a romantic one. Just about everybody is on the dance floor and hugging somebody tight tonight. Even Bailey's found somebody to dance with. We see her resting her head on some guy’s shoulder, and I think I recognize him as a sophomore.

  I turn back to Adam. It's dark in here, and we’re close. It's also hot and it's quiet. Only the music sounds throughout the gym.

  Adam comes in and tells me something in my ear. "Thank you for coming with me tonight. This is awesome being here with you. You look beautiful." He looks at me again, and I smile up at him.

  Now I talk in his ear. "It was fun. I'm glad I came. I guess my aunt was right after all. Thank you for the surpri
se.”

  We smile at each other, and it's a little awkward. Us being out here on the dance floor, close together as we move to a slow romantic song when we’re supposed to be here as friends.

  This can quickly turn into a more than friends situation. I can sense it in the air, how close we are coming to that line between friends and more than friends.

  I become keenly aware of Adam’s hands on the small of my back, his fingers touching a bit of my skin.

  We keep dancing slowly.

  I sense how warm Adam is against me. It hits me how close I am to him, how close I’ve been to him all night, now more than ever. Of our bodies touching.

  We don't say anything we just dance back and forth, and I find that I can't meet his eyes anymore, even though I can definitely tell that his eyes find me right now. I catch the bit of cologne he has left on him, and then I’m looking up at him, just for a second.

  But that's all it takes.

  Adam kisses me. And in that moment, I think I realize what's been missing tonight.

  As his lips cover mine, I realize that as much as I care about Adam, as much as I could one day care about Adam, I came to prom with the wrong person.

  And I realize that because this kiss feels different. Not like the last time when we kissed.

  As much fun as we've had tonight, kissing him now feels weird. Not the same.

  Not what I thought it might be like just a few seconds ago.

  I realize that maybe kissing him last time felt different because it was new. And the first time, he had caught me by surprise, and I already knew I had feelings for Brian.

  But now, this moment doesn't just belong to us. His arms are around me, and our faces are touching, but I'm not all here.

  It's not even over yet, and my mind, my heart, is already somewhere else.

  Thinking about somebody else.

  We pull away, and I immediately look down. I know what comes next.

  What just happened was something super special for Adam.

  It just wasn't for me. And I feel like the biggest jerk in the world for feeling that way.

  I'm already thinking about the fact that this kiss, and this night, only made me realize who I really want to be with.