O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  I tightened my hold on him as I wrapped my legs around his back. My whole body tensed briefly as a shot of electricity passed through me briefly and then it stopped. My body was then filled with a peaceful smoothing melody as he pounded inside me. I could sit here for hours to try and explain but I wouldn’t be able to explain it myself till the day I died. All I know is that as I held him in my arms and I felt him ride out my orgasm, the intensity that flowed through my body was too much for me to bear. I closed my eyes at my soft gasp for air. I was too weak to do anything as he kissed me gently and wiped away tears that had escaped unknowingly.

  “I don’t know why I’m crying.” I whispered embarrassed as I wiped my cheek.

  “Did I hurt you?” He asked pulling out of me, leaving me with a loneliness so strong that fresh wave of tears poured out.

  I shook my head quickly as I wiped my face with my arms. “I’m sorry, I’m not usually this emotional.” I tried to explain as I sniffled. I don’t know why I was crying. It was like something in me had been unleashed and now it wouldn’t stop.

  Andy kissed my cheek and left the bed briefly. I closed my eyes as I tried to pull myself together. Feeling the bed dip and the sheets come over me, I sighed. Feeling Andy’s arms come around me as he pulled me against him brought about a comfort so pure, it scared.

  “I’m okay.” I said. “You can go now…I’ll just go to sleep.” I didn’t want to fall asleep in his arms after sex, he knew that. I didn’t do that. It was one of my biggest rules. It was too intimate…too personal…too vulnerable and I was already a wreck.

  “Just let me hold you.” Andy said tightening his hold on me.

  “Andy…” I said sleepily. Since when had sex exhausted me? It seemed like I was drained of everything and all I needed was to close my eyes.

  “I’ll wait till you fall asleep.” He said reassuringly.

  I took a deep breath as I snuggled against him. Letting my eyes closed, I wasn’t aware of the smile tugging on the corner of my lips. Everything felt so right.

  *******

  I sighed peacefully as my eyes opened to the bright sun bursting into the room. I froze as I realized that my pillow was rising and falling. I lifted my head to see a pale white chest. I looked up to see Andy’s head turned to the side, his hair covering his face.

  Panicking I sat up and pulled the sheet to my chest.

  Andy stirred as he rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?” he asked in that sexy low just woken up voice.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  Andy sat up and looked around. “Guess I forgot to go back to my room.” He said casually.

  I opened my mouth to scold him.

  “Oops.” He said shrugging.

  I stared at him in disbelief. He did not look at all remorsefully.

  “I’m sorry, I guess I broke all your rules.” He said sounding anything but. He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before I could react. I watched as he confidently got out the bed and grabbed his sweatpants on the floor.

  “You---you---” I stuttered as he put his sweats on and grabbed his t-shirt.

  “I would ask if you wanted to take a shower with me, but I’ll leave before you start throwing some sort of tantrum.” He said smirking. “I’ll see you down at breakfast.” He said. Andy leaned over the bed and quickly pressed his lips against mine. I didn’t even have time to react because the next second, the door was closing behind him.

  I brought my hand to my head, unable to find the words to speak. How had I let my guard down last night? I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, I let him see me breakdown and cry. Talking about crying, I fucking cried during the sex because it was that good. What was that guy doing to me? I felt panic rise in my throat as I looked around the room. Anxiety over took me. This wasn’t me, I had to get out of this before I completely lost myself. Myself…what was myself? I didn’t even know anymore. And that right there was some scary shit to wake up to.

  Chapter twenty-five

  Finally making it to my house. I opened the front door and slammed it shut behind me. I dropped my duffel bag on the floor and kicked the door repeatedly. Damn, Damn, Damn.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jazmine asked coming out her room. She looked at me like I was crazy as she held up her comb. Half her head was bone straight and the other was her beautiful naturally curly hair.

  I stopped kicking the door as I turned to look at my best friend helplessly. “You’re back already?” I said softly.

  “Both of us are.” Brittany said turning the corner.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jazmine repeated, not deterred from her earlier question as she stuck the comb in her hair.

  I threw my hands up in the air. “I’m breaking up with him.” I said loudly.

  I watched as both their jaws dropped and they stared at me blankly. I was kind of surprised. They were the ones who said he was weird and different and all that shit, now they were looking at me like I’d lost my mind.

  Brittany was the first to recuperate as she took a deep breath and walked towards me. “Okay before we say anything else…tell us what happened?”

  Jazmine put her hands on her hips and looked at me in worry. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” she whispered.

  “Nothing’s wrong.” I said loudly as I picked up my duffel bag. “He’s weird, we don’t match. I should have known from the beginning and I just dragged it out.” I said quickly.

  “Did you guys fight?” Brittany asked still looking confused.

  I shook my head as I started walking to my room. “I’m just done with him…I’m done.” I trailed off, my voice breaking. I wasn’t one to suffer from anxieties but that’s what I had been feeling all day. Waking up the morning to face him. That long ride in the tour bus until we got back to their hideout was treacherous. I had a million and one feelings going through my mind and Andy was just there casual. He sat next to me and put his arms around me like nothing, absolutely nothing happened. I was blown away that he was so calm about everything. Calm enough to even fall asleep on me. Every alarm was going off in my head. This was it. Andy had crossed the line. I had to stop it. My hands had been trembling the whole time as fear had crept into my very being. The more I convinced myself to let him go, the more I would look at his cute sleepy face and want to hold him forever. I couldn’t be like this. I couldn’t do this, this wasn’t me. There was too much on my plate for Andy to be a major issue, and being a major issue he would be because I never did things halfway. Not at all…me when it shined, it was bright as fuck, but when it rained…it poured fucking cats and dogs and any other animals you could think of.

  I threw myself on my bed and closed my eyes. Be still my beating heart. It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. I heard a knock at my door so I sat up slightly. “Yes?” I asked.

  Jazmine and Brittany scurried into my room and closed the door behind them. They looked at me sheepishly as they both sat on the edge of my bed.

  “What?” I asked.

  Jazmine softened her gaze towards me and took a deep breath. “We think…maybe you’re just a little worked up.”

  “You know with the whole Dr. Honsu thing and finding out about your dad.” Brittany said jumping in.

  “Maybe you’re putting the blame on somebody that has nothing to do with it.” Jazmine finished.

  “Andy is good for you.” Brittany added.

  I groaned as I fell back on the bed and stared at my ceiling. “You guys don’t get it…he’s…you wouldn’t understand.” I sighed.

  “I understand he’s the first guy I’ve ever seen who’s gotten you so worked up over a relationship.” Brittany said grabbing my hand. “Usually it’s the guys bitching to us about how you’re just…just…”

  “A bitch?” Jazmine offered.

  I rolled my eyes at her and she smiled at me brightly.

  “All we’re saying is…” Jazmine said scooting over to me and putting her hands on my shoulder. “We’ve noticed over the years
that you have some sort of commitment issues and now you found a guy who could possibly be able to break that…”

  “I don’t have commitment issues.” I said cutting her off.

  “Oh yes boo-boo… yes you do.” Brittany said rubbing my hands.

  I snatched my hand away and rolled my shoulders away from Jazmine as I scooted away from my two best friends. “You two are supposed to be supportive right now!” I yelled for no reason. “All you ever do is bitch and tell me how every fucking thing I’m doing is wrong!” I jumped off the bed. “Thanks a fucking lot!” I said turning from them and walking to my bathroom with my head held high. I slammed the bathroom door and sat on the toilet seat in confusion.

  Brittany turned to Jazmine. “Oh shit.” She said softly. “This isn’t good.”

  “I hate it when she gets like this.” Jazmine said softly as she rubbed her hands in nervousness.

  I opened the bathroom door and took a deep breath as I stared at my traitorous best friends. “Would you two kindly leave my room, I want to rest.” I said politely.

  “How was your trip?” Jazmine asked brightly.

  “Yeah.” Brittany said. “How was it to live like a rock star?” She asked happily. Brittany jumped off the bed and ran to me and pulled me into a warm embrace. “Come on, I bet you have tons of stories.” She said grinning.

  My glaring softened as I appreciated the change of subject. “Well I do have a couple.” I said shrugging.

  Jazmine squealed and motioned us on the bed. “Okay you go first and then I have to show you other pictures of my niece. The pictures I texted you guys do not do her justice.” She said excitedly.

  I grinned as I sat back on my bed. That was more like it.

  *******

  The doorbell rang and Jazmine got up yawning as she headed down the hallway. Last night they’d stayed up till 5 in the morning talking about this and that. Then at 11:00 O.J had woken them up saying they needed to have breakfast together. She’d cooked a whole table full of food. Jazmine and Brittany knew better than to say anything. She only ever did that when she was stressed or when shit was about to hit the roof. Now at 2 in the afternoon they’d managed to catch back on their sleep. Brittany was studying, O.J was editing some pictures and she had managed to continue dozing off.

  “I’m coming, I’m coming.” She muttered as she opened the door. “What?” she asked shielding her eyes from the bright sun. “Oh shit.” She said softly as she saw who it was. She looked behind her and seeing nobody was there she quickly walked outside. Closing the door behind her, she put her hands on her hips.

  “You poor thing.” She said shaking her head. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  Andy pushed his hair back and stared at her curiously. “Is something wrong?” he asked calmly as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Is Ornelia here?”

  “Oh she’s here all right.” Jazmine said leaning against the door. “But I don’t think it will be wise for you to see her.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because we like you.” Jazmine said walking towards him. She patted his shoulders. “She’s in one of her moods…come back later.” She whispered helpfully. She knew if Andy went in there it would probably some kind of war zone. The kid didn’t need that. They problem was in Ornelia, not him.

  “One of her moods huh?” Andy asked turning his head to look at the house.

  Jazmine nodded. “Yeah so…I’ll let her know you stopped by and all that good stuff.” She said happily.

  “Is that why she hasn’t been answering any of my calls?” he asked thoughtfully.

  Jazmine flipped her hair back kind of surprised he was still there and didn’t look like he was leaving. “Yeah…” she said hesitantly. “More than likely, that’s why.”

  Andy nodded slowly as he took his hands out of his pockets. He played with his lip ring as he stared up at the sky. “Is that so?” He murmured.

  “You know how O.J gets sometimes.” Jazmine started. “Sometimes she’s all bubbly and happy and then other times she gets that---” Jazmine stopped talking abruptly as she saw Andy walk past her and head towards the house. “Andy! Andy what are you doing?” Jazmine yelled as she saw him open the front door and walk inside the house.

  Jazmine threw her hands up. “Oh shit.”

  I took a bite of my chocolate as I scrolled through my pictures. Getting half done wasn’t bad. I thought happily as I clicked the next one I wanted to edit. I heard a loud knock on my door. “Come in.” I said putting my chocolate down and rubbing my hands together. As my bedroom door opened I pushed up my reading glasses that I used once in a blue moon further up the bridge of my nose. “What is it?” I asked calmly.

  “I don’t know, you tell me.”

  I froze at the unexpected voice and removed my hands from my laptop. I took a deep breath and turned my whirled my chair around. “Andy.” I said calmly.

  “Ornelia.” Andy said shoving his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked taking off my glasses.

  “Is your phone working?” he asked calmly.

  “Yes.” I answered straightening up my shoulders.

  “Did you see my missed calls and text messages?” he asked carefully.

  “Yeah, I did.” I said crossing my arms across my chest as I also crossed my legs.

  “So you just ignored them?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Cause I wanted to.” I answered slowly.

  “And that’s okay?” He questioned.

  “Yeah.” I answered. “Why are you gonna bitch about it?” I challenged.

  My door flew open as Brittany and Jazmine stumbled in. They looked around guilty as they took a step back. “We’re going out for ice cream.” Brittany said quickly. “Do you guys want any?” she asked. She looked at Andy who was staring at me and took a step back. “No? Okay bye.” She said quickly as she pushed Jazmine back and they closed the door.

  “Why are you doing this?” Andy asked rubbing his temple. “Why?”

  “I’m not doing anything.” I answered calmly.

  Andy bit his lip in frustration as he turned around the room. I watched as paced around his spot and then took a deep breath. He made his way to me and planted his hand on my desk as he leaned a little closer to me. “Ornelia.” He said softly. He seemed to be holding back something as he took a deep breath. Andy looked he wanted to say a million other things than my name as he looked at me carefully with those big blue eyes that one can get lost in. I waited for him to say more…but he didn’t.

  I shifted uncomfortably and averted my gaze from his. “I think we should break up.” I muttered. My heart felt heavier and heavier as each word dropped from my mouth.

  “Would that make you happy?” Andy asked his voice sounding a bit strained.

  “What?” I asked turning my head back to him. I hadn’t expected that question at all.

  Andy scoffed as he ran his hand over his mouth and stood up straight. “You don’t know what you want.” He said sadly.

  “Why cause I want to break up with you?” I asked. “Now all of a sudden I don’t know what I want?” I asked raising my voice.

  “You never knew what you wanted.” Andy said turning his back on me.

  I shot out of my seat annoyed. “I know what I want Andy, I just doesn’t involve you.”

  “Yeah okay.” He said walking away.

  “Where are you going?” I asked following him. He was accepting this way too easily. Did he want to break up with me also? Was this nothing new to him? I grabbed his arm to turn him around. “Andy?”

  Andy turned and snatched his arm from me. “Do you want me to leave or not?” he yelled. “Are you breaking up with me or aren’t you?” He asked his blue eyes getting darker. “What do you want Ornelia?” he demanded.

  I froze a little taken aback at his anger. “You don’t have to yell at me.” I said taking a step back.

  Andy looked
at me in disbelief. “You’re the one who just stopped me from walking away.” He said spreading his arms in surrender.

  I looked down. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  Andy gave off a short laugh and turned his back on me once more. He opened the door and slammed it behind him. I jumped slightly at the noise. I hugged myself as I stared at the place he’d just been. What now?

  I took a couple steps back as my door opened again.

  “Why’d you come up to me?” Andy asked angrily. “Who cares if I fucking stood up for you in class? Any guy would have done it. Why were you so set on getting to know me huh?” he demanded. “Talking to me, teasing me, forcing me to meet your friends, making me do that stupid project, pushing yourself on me…why?” He asked walking towards me. “Why Ornelia?” He asked louder.