O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  I heard footsteps on the step and watched as Andy came up unaccompanied. He looked up and his eyes immediately rested on mine. I gave a small smile and looked away. I turned back around and looked over the balcony.

  It wasn’t long before I felt his presence next to me and he too leaned against the balcony.

  “Enjoying yourself?” He asked.

  I nodded and smiled at him. “What about you?”

  Andy cringed. “This isn’t really my thing.” He gave a small smile

  “What about your girlfriend?” I asked. I wanted to shoot myself as soon as the words were out of my lips because the smile on his lips disappeared.

  Andy looked around uncomfortable. “She’s here somewhere.” He mumbled. “But she’s not my girlfriend.” He added.

  I shrugged. “Could’ve fooled me.” I said grinning. “She’s really pretty.”

  Andy didn’t say anything as he ran his hands over the rail. “She’s okay.” He said. There was a long pause. “She’s nice.” He added as an afterthought.

  “That’s good.” I said. “Nice is good.” I said putting lightness in my voice. “You didn’t even introduce us.”

  Andy stared at me his face seeming a little pale. “You want to meet her?” he asked in shock.

  I shrugged. “Sure why not?” I asked. “I mean, we have you in common.” I joked as I elbowed him.

  Andy looked around absently. “I uh…I don’t know where she is….maybe later.” He said brushing it off. He seemed so uncomfortable it was almost laughable. I seriously wasn’t doing this on purpose. I wanted him to relax and be casual around me. Well maybe just a little more teasing. I always enjoyed making him uncomfortable.

  “Is she a good fuck?” I teased.

  “Was Zeus a good fuck?” Andy retorted.

  “Ouch.” I said. “Touché.”

  Andy took a deep breath. “Sorry.” He muttered.

  “You don’t have to apologize.” I said. “In fact I think this the part where you yell at me and curse me out for everything,” I added.

  Andy played with his lip ring. He stood up straight and rubbed the back of his neck. I saw his shirt rise revealing that tantalizing v-cut of his. “I don’t have the right to do that…you don’t owe me any explanation or anything.” He said.

  “But I cheated on you.” I said softly.

  “Well technically you didn’t.” Andy said. “You broke up with me before you went to the party.” He said shoving his hands in his pockets. “Unless you’re not telling me something.

  Well technically that was true. I thought as I tried to remember that day. “It felt like cheating.” I said.

  Andy chuckled. “Well I guess that’s a good thing.” He said slowly turning his body towards me.

  “Why?” I asked facing him.

  “Because that means, I meant something to you.” He said softly his eyes roaming my face.

  I met his gaze. “Of course you do.” I answered.

  “Do?” Andy asked taking a step closer.

  “Did.” I said looking away. “Since we’ve all moved on and stuff.” I said nervously.

  “Right…” Andy said nodding. “You and Zeus…”

  “What?” I asked snapping my head back to him. I laughed at the absurdity. “There is never going to be a me and Zeus…that was a one time thing…” I said chuckling. “I was talking about you and Laura.”

  Andy didn’t respond.

  I took a deep breath feeling hotter than usual. I hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten. All I needed was to lean in a bit and I would be in his arm. I could feel his presence giving me goose bumps all over my body. Not the scary kind but the pleasurable one. The kind that made your nipples harden as his arms casually brushed yours. God, he didn’t even have to touch me and I wanted him. I felt my heart speed up of its own accord. My hands were begging to be slipped under his shirt. To feel his warm skin, to run my tongue down his neck. What was coming over me? I had to get away from him.

  I turned abruptly and tripped on my heel. Andy wrapped his arms around me to stop my fall.

  “You okay?” He asked in a husky voice. His hands settled on my waist.

  My palms were pressed against his chest. As I straightened up I pressed my hand against him and felt the rapid beating of his heart. My mouth went dry as I looked up at him. I could hear my heart in my throat as I slid my palms down his chest. I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. Looking up into his eyes I saw they were dark and intense, displaying the same emotions I was trying so hard to fight.

  Andy tightened his hold on my waist and bent his head towards me.

  “Thank you.” I said painfully stopping the anticipated kiss when he was mere millimeters from my lips. I wasn’t going to ruin him anymore. That was the promise I’d made to myself. So I had to stop this…I had to let him be. I had time to make it up to him. Andy froze but didn’t back away. I laughed awkwardly as I took a couple steps back to break from his hold. “These heels are tricky.” I said.

  I looked up to see Laura watching us, frozen with two drinks in her hand.

  “Oh there she is.” I said loudly and falsely. “He’s been waiting for you.” I said addressing Laura. She quickly put a smile on her face and advanced towards us.

  “Hi.” I said quickly as I walked past her briskly. I didn’t want to stay and handle any confrontation. It was probably my cue to go home.

  “Are you okay?” I heard her ask Andy sweetly. “I brought you a drink.”

  I really had to get out of here. Before I snatched him away from her in a blink of an eye. She’s good for him. I kept telling myself. She’s good for him…for right now. Get yourself together first.

  *********

  “WHOOO WE GRADUATED!!” Nico hollered as he threw his cap in the air once more. We all laughed as we hugged each other tightly.

  “Come one a couple more pictures.” Dr. Honsu said ushering my friends closer together. We made ridiculous poses and laughed at the excitement that the long awaited day was finally here and over with.

  “Fleur! Cece! Come in the picture!” I hollered at my two sisters to come over. They took a couple pictures with my friends and then we took a couple pictures together.

  “Mom get in.” Cece said beckoning mom over. I stiffened and Cece pinched my sides. Since my mom and sisters arrival this morning, my mother and I have been very cordial to each other. Never uttering more than the necessary words to communicate. We took a couple pictures.

  “Okay the mother and the graduate.” Cece said taking Fleur’s hand. I glared at Cece and reluctantly scooted closer to my mom.

  “Okay smile.” Dr. Honsu said. Smiling wasn’t a problem. I could smile. I would always be able to smile.

  We took a couple pictures with my friends and their family and finally a picture with my godparents. It was when I was being silly with Yuri that I noticed Andy and Susan heading towards us followed by the rest of the band.

  “Congratulations Ornelia.” Susie said stretching out her hands and pulling me into a big hug. “The only reason you’re not dead for breaking my brother’s heart, is because I unfortunately have a soft spot for you.” She whispered in my ear with a smile.

  I pulled back and looked at her and couldn’t help but smile. Susie was teary eyed so I hugged her again. “Thanks.” I whispered.

  Susie pulled back.

  “Congratulations!” Brad screamed as he came over and picked me up and twirled me around. Thus ensuing another round of hugs and crying and pictures. Somewhere during that time Andy ended up next to me as we were taking pictures. And later on it was just the two of us as people kept telling us to smile for the camera. I held on to him because I felt his hold on me was even tighter. This felt right. This felt so natural. I looked in the crowd and noticed that Laura wasn’t here.

  “Congratulations.” Andy said patting my head gently.

  “Congratulations to you.” I grinned as stood on tiptoes and ran my fingers through his hair playfully. It really was
getting long again, and it was still just as soft. I kept my hands in his hair a little while longer. He smiled at me as we looked at each other. Wow it was only a couple months ago, when I didn’t even know this kid’s name. Just a couple months ago when he saved me from embarrassment in class, when I haunted him down and forced him to befriend me, when he integrated himself into our lives. Just a couple weeks ago he took me on a rollercoaster ride of my life and now here we were. If somebody had told me in the beginning of the school year that this would happen, I would have laughed it off. But it did. I felt myself tearing up. I’m so happy to have met him. No matter how fucked up it was, I would happily do it all over again. I couldn’t tell what Andy was thinking but, if his expression mirrored mine. It must have been along the same lines. I smiled as his hand reached up and brushed an escaped tear off my cheek. We didn’t notice that all our friends and family members had stopped what they were doing to watch us. Slowly we fell into an embrace and I closed my eyes as I let him hold me tightly. I will never forget this guy. Ever.

  “Bar-B-Q at our house!” Yuri said excitedly. “All Ornelia’s friends are invited!”

  ********

  Yuri had gone all out for the graduation meal. Apparently she had contacted my mom to say that she wanted to be in charge of the whole thing. For one thing it was a success. From the decorations to the food, it was perfect. Maybe I did believe in fairytale endings after all. Everybody came, even the band mates and Andy. I was especially happy. This was my family and friends…I was one lucky ass girl.

  I smiled to myself as I walked down the hallway. I slowed down as I heard voices on the other side of the door. Curious I pressed myself against the wall and peeked into an office. My mom and Dr. Honsu.

  “You have no right to turn my daughter away from me!” My mom yelled at Dr. Honsu.

  “Oh come on Gisele, you did that all on your own!” Dr. Honsu said angrily. “How could you even justify hiding her from her dad?” He demanded. “Jax was an amazing guy and he would have done everything to take care of what was his.”

  I saw my mom stiffen. “I did what I thought was right.” She said.

  “You acted selfishly Gisele. You did then, you did with her and you want to do it again.” Dr. Honsu uttered.

  “I’m not letting my daughter go to Europe for a couple years with a complete stranger!” My mom yelled.

  “This isn’t about you.” Dr. Honsu said lowering his voice. “For once, stop making this about you. This is about Ornelia.” Dr. Honsu said. “This is about her future, her success, her passion.”

  I saw my mom look away with tears in her eyes.

  Dr. Honsu softened his tone. “Look you can’t change the past, but you can alter your future.” He said. “If you take this opportunity away from her, you’ll ruin any chance you have of gaining your daughter’s forgiveness.”

  “You’re laying it kind of thick don’t you think?” My mom said.

  “Yeah well, you played my best friend kind of dirty don’t you think?” Dr. Honsu countered.

  Dr. Honsu handed her a packet and a pen. “Do it for her, do it for Jax…it’s the least you can do for them.”

  “Come on let’s go.” A voice whispered behind me.

  I turned around and felt Yuri pull me into her arms and lead me down the hallway.

  “She’ll sign it right?” I asked panic in my voice.

  Yuri smiled. “Don’t worry, Guy will make sure she does.”

  We stepped out into the backyard to friends of friends and family laughing and dancing to the music. Not really surprised I caught Fleur sitting cozied up next to Andy as Brad recounted some story that had everybody laughing. Fleur giggled and I smiled as Andy patted her head gently. I made my way over to them and sat on the arm of the couch next to Nico who rested his hand on my thigh. I didn’t miss Andy’s eyes watch the movement of Nico’s hand. It made me feel a tidbit proud.

  “Oh Ornelia, I’m going to miss you so much when we’re gone.” Brad said getting up and pulling me into a big hug.

  “Where are you guys going?” I asked curious. Andy hadn’t told me anything, but then again we hadn’t really talked much.

  We’re doing a tour of all 50 states and the islands.” Jared said speaking up proudly. He turned to Carly and patted her head which she glared at him. “Our manager managed to pull some strings and we’re leaving the end of next week.”

  “Really?!” I asked shocked. I looked at each of my newfound friends, the band I was getting closer and closer, this was my family. I only had a week to be with them and then that was it for good knows how many years since I too had to leave.

  “Bittersweet huh?” Christina said sadly. “Heard you’re going to Europe for a couple years. So we won’t even see you when we get back.”

  Andy looked away from the group.

  I slumped my shoulders as realization sunk in. What was I going to do without them?

  “Graduation sucks ass!” Nico said.

  “This is so sad…” I said softly. “Everybody’s leaving…” I added. My gaze unconsciously moved over to Andy who was staring at the crowd of people dancing by the trees. I don’t know if I thought I had time. I guess I assumed I had time. Time to work through my shit, time to earn his forgiveness, time to make him see that I’m not as bad as I’m cracked out to be…time to show that I might’ve just been worth the effort he invested in me during these past months. And now…now I may never see him again. I fucking wasted time.

  “Oh come on guys this isn’t goodbye.” Brittany said trying to cheer us up. We each looked at each other with forlorn looks as we realized this was the end. The end of being a kid. Now it was time to grow up and be mature ass adults. “We’ll see each other again. We just have too.” She came over to me and put an arm around my shoulder. “Friendships like these don’t disappear that fast.”

  I nodded. “Yep it slowly fades away.” I said sadly

  “O.J!” Brittany yelled in exasperation. I smiled at her as everybody chuckled.

  “Brittany’s right.” Jazmine said standing up.

  “Thank you Jazmine.” Brittany said grinning.

  “You’re welcome.” Jazmine said nodding to her. “This is to us and being connected.” She said turning around to everybody. “I don’t know all of you. Some I met once or twice, but we’re all connected…so this is just see you all later in the grown-up world!” she exclaimed.

  We all clapped and cheered.

  “Group hug!” Brad and Nico said simultaneously. They looked at each other in surprise and then laughed as they dapped each other up. Everybody laughed and fell against each other. I joined in the fun but still there was that sinking feeling that I was losing…and I was losing fast. I tried to make eye contact with Andy but he wouldn’t look at me. As I hugged my friends, an unsuspecting sorrow overcame me. What was I going to do?

  ********

  I will be the first to admit that I do stupid things when I panic. I mean I act completely irrational. That’s why I was still here. I’d packed my stuff and sent it back with my mom and sisters. I kept one small suitcase for myself. It’s not that I didn’t want to spend any time with them. Well okay, I didn’t want to be in the same place as my mom. But I wondered that if I had two weeks, I could spend one week here and the week before I go to Europe with my sisters back home. I stayed because I wanted to spend the last possible times with my friends and the band…oh fuck it. I wanted to spend it with Andy. How I was going to spend it with him…I had an idea but I didn’t know if he’d agree.

  It’s just that time was of the essence and there wasn’t any. That’s why I was here again. Here at his front steps once more attempting to rationalize whatever was going on in my head.

  “Ornelia...” Andy said opening the door, not really that surprised anymore. I guess it must have become a regular occurrence for me to just show up at his house. I hadn’t seen Andy since yesterday at the graduation BBQ at my godparent’s house. I know this doesn’t sound like a long time, but for me
it seemed like eternity. He’d been so nice and friendly when we were at school taking pictures but after at my godparent’s house, he’d completely ignored me. This was not sitting well with me. I thought I would have been able to talk to him just a little bit more, but nothing. We barely said two words to each other when he’d left with Seth, not even saying good-bye. Christina, Brad, Carly and Jared had stayed a little longer…even up to the clean-up.