Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “I know you are, Lily, and I gave a lot of thought to what you said about your birth mother. By the way, nobody better cancel on Tuesday, because I want to hear all about it,” she said as she pointed her finger at me and Gretchen.

  I felt two strong hands clasp my shoulders. As I looked up, Luke bent down and kissed me. “Come on, babe. There are a few people I want you to meet.”

  After meeting all of Luke’s family and friends, Luke walked over and got up on the stage. As he positioned himself in front of the microphone, he held up his beer and yelled, “Welcome to Luke’s Bar and Grille!”

  Everyone in the bar whistled and cheered as I stared at Luke’s smiling face. As he looked at me and winked, I held up my beer and blew him a kiss. His happiness is the only thing that matters to me, and I will do everything I can to make sure he stays that way.

  ***

  The next couple of weeks, I barely saw Luke at all. He was at the bar from morning until night. If I wanted to see him, I would have to go to the bar. When he’d come home, he would quietly slip into bed and wrap his arms around me. We’d have dinner together at the bar every night, and he still tried to convince me to work there. He even went as far as to ask me if I would play the guitar and sing a few nights a week. I didn’t have to say a word; he could tell my thoughts on that just by the look on my face. I had Giselle and Gretchen over for dinner like we planned, and I told them everything about Mary. Charley cried almost every day at school because I was no longer her teacher. It had been a clusterfuck of a week, and certain emotions from my past were being stirred up. As I was sitting on the couch, feeling sorry for myself, a text message from Luke came through.

  “Hey, babe. Why aren’t you here yet?”

  I quickly responded. “I’m not coming to the bar tonight.”

  “Why not? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong, Luke. I just want to stay home.”

  “But I miss you, Lily.”

  “Yeah, I miss you too, but you don’t seem to care about that.”

  As I sat there and stared at my message to him, I couldn’t believe I had just said that. I didn’t know what was going on with me, and I just wanted to be left alone. When he didn’t respond, I threw my phone across the table. About twenty minutes later, the door opened. I turned around as Luke walked in, threw his keys on the counter, and stood in front of me.

  “What the hell was that last text supposed to mean?”

  I suppose I was looking for a fight, because I jumped up without hesitation and got in his face.

  “It means exactly what I said.”

  “What’s the matter with you?” he asked as he softly grabbed my arm when I started to walk away. “Don’t you dare walk away from me!”

  I jerked my arm out of his grip. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do!”

  “Babe, please tell me what’s going on with you, because right now, you’re not acting like yourself.”

  “You want to know what’s wrong? Fine, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I never see much of you anymore, and when I do, it’s always at the bar with everyone else. We barely eat together anymore, and we don’t go out. You spend every damn, fucking minute at that bar.”

  “Watch your mouth, Lily.”

  “Oh, and that’s another thing; you don’t get to tell me to watch my mouth, because I can talk anyway I want. I’m an adult, and if I want to scream FUCK to the world, then I fucking will!”

  “We talked about this before I bought the bar; that’s why I discussed it with you first, and now you’re behaving like this. Why, Lily? Are you trying to hurt me? You knew the first few months were going to be difficult.”

  “Yeah, but then the first few months turn into another few months, and then they turn into years. It’s your passion, and that’s all you’ll ever do, and that’s all you’ll ever think about, Johnny!” I screamed.

  The expression on his face nearly killed me; it was filled with pain, disgust, and anguish. As he walked to the door, and put his hand on the knob, he turned around and looked at me.

  “I’m not your father, Lily.”

  He slammed the door behind him, and I stood there with my hand over my mouth as I dropped to my knees. I couldn’t believe I called him “Johnny.” As I closed my eyes, the memories of my mother and father fighting became more vivid. Brynn and I would sit on the stairs and listen to them scream back and forth at each other. I remembered my mother yelling at him about never being around and how he promised things would be better. I began to sob as I buried my face in my hands. I felt two arms wrap themselves around me, and I heard Sam’s voice telling me that it was going to be ok. He helped me up from the floor, and he led me to the couch.

  “Lily, please calm down.”

  “Sam, I said horrible things to him. I called him ‘Johnny.’ I’m more fucked up than I thought I was.”

  35

  Luke

  As I hopped on my bike and sped out of the parking lot, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lily’s behavior and her attitude towards me. She was being irrational, and I was disturbed by the fact that she called me her father. We’d had a long discussion about how many hours I’d be working at the bar the first few months, and she told me that she understood and that she’d be with me and support me through it all. As I pulled into the parking lot at the bar, I parked my bike on the side of the building and walked through the doors. I sighed as I stepped behind the bar and poured myself a cold beer.

  “Where’d you run off to?” Maddie asked as she was making drinks.

  “Lily’s apartment.”

  “You didn’t bring her back with you?”

  “No, we got into a fight.”

  Maddie stopped what she was doing and looked at me. “About what?”

  “The bar, and how she’s sick of not seeing me, and spending time with her,” I said as I slammed the glass down on the counter and looked at her. “See, this is what I don’t get: we spend time together, and we see each other every day. She comes here, and when I leave, I go home to her place, and I spend every night with her.”

  “You have to realize that things for Lily have significantly changed over the past couple of weeks. She lost her teaching job, and her boyfriend, who spent every waking minute with her, became the owner of a bar, so she barely sees him anymore. That’s a lot to take in at the same time.”

  “She called me ‘Johnny,’” I said.

  “What? Why did she do that?” Maddie asked in confusion.

  “I don’t know. All she said was that this will consume me because it’s my passion and dream.”

  As I looked down, Maddie walked closer to me and put her hand on mine. “It sounds like she’s having flashbacks of her father and how he was never around. Didn’t she say that her ex-fiancé was never around either and started spending less time with her?”

  I nodded my head and clenched my jaw. “You’re right. Now things are starting to make sense.”

  “You need to talk to her, Luke. I love you both, and I don’t want to see your relationship go in the toilet because of a misunderstanding. “

  “I’m going to talk to her, don’t worry. I’ll be leaving after I finish the budget. I want to give her time to cool down.”

  Pulling my phone from my pocket, I swiped the screen and saw that I had a text message Sam.

  “I just left Lily’s, and she’s a mess, man. I know it’s none of my business, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a girl like that. She’s pretty messed up, and if you love her, you’ll get your ass back there.”

  “Thanks for being there for her. I’m heading over there now.”

  I looked at my watch and walked to my office. I shut down the computer and stacked the paperwork into a neat pile for tomorrow. I walked over to Maddie before leaving the bar.

  “Starting tomorrow, I want you out of here by 5:00 p.m. You’ve been here late, and I appreciate it, but it’s not fair to Charley. I know it’s only temporary, but things are going back to normal. We need to sit down
tomorrow and have a meeting, so head here right after dropping Charley off at school tomorrow,” I said as I kissed her on the cheek.

  ***

  When I opened the door to Lily’s apartment and stepped inside, I didn’t see her. I walked down the hall, stopped in the doorway of her bedroom, and stared at her lying on the bed all curled up. My heart broke seeing her like that. She must have heard me, because she rolled over and tried to open her swollen eyes. As I walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bed, I pushed her hair behind her ear and leaned over, kissing her teary eye and moist cheek. She raised her arm up and looped it around my neck, bringing me closer as I buried my face deep into her.

  “I’m so sorry for everything I said.” She began to cry.

  “I’m sorry for not being here for you when you needed me, Lily.”

  We lay there for a few moments in silence before I pulled back and looked at her. Her eyes were swollen and red. As I got up from the bed, she grabbed my hand, and I told her that I’d be right back. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed a wash-cloth from under the sink. I ran the cloth under the warm water and folded it as I walked back to the bedroom. Gently wiping her face, the corners of her mouth turned up, forming a small smile.

  “That’s what I like to see.” I smiled back.

  She sat up with her back against the headboard. I put the washcloth on the night stand, and I took both of her hands in mine, interlacing our fingers. “We need to talk, babe. You need to tell me what you’re feeling, where that last argument came from, and why you called me your father’s name. Because if we don’t, it’s going to happen again, and that’s not good for our relationship.”

  “I know we do,” she replied.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked her as I was starving.

  “Yeah. I haven’t eaten all day.”

  “How about Chinese food? I’ll call and have it delivered, and we can sit on the couch, eat it, and talk.”

  “I love that idea.” She smiled as she put her soft hand on my cheek.

  I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed her palm before picking up my phone and calling in our dinner order. Lily got up from the bed and grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a tank top from her drawer. She changed her clothes and put her hair up in a ponytail.

  “Ugh, look at my face!” she exclaimed as she wiped her eyes.

  Wrapping my arms around her, I said, “You have a beautiful face, tear-stained and all.”

  She smiled and crinkled her nose as she turned around and kissed me on the lips. We both left the bedroom and walked to the kitchen. While I grabbed the bottle of wine and a couple of glasses, Lily took down two plates from the cabinet and got out the silverware. She walked them over to the coffee table and set them down. Not too long after calling in the order, there was a knock at the door. As the delivery boy handed me the brown bag, I reached into my pocket and took out some cash. Lily walked over and took the bag from my hands and sat down on the couch.

  “I’m going to call a therapist tomorrow morning and schedule an appointment,” Lily said as she took the cartons of Chinese food out of the bag.

  “Do you really think you need to?” I asked as I sat down next to her.

  “Yeah, it’s something I should’ve done a long time ago. When I was yelling at you earlier, I felt like I was reliving my childhood and watching my mom and dad having the same argument. Mary would scream at him because he was never around, and he kept telling her that it was part of the business and that things would get better. But instead of getting better, they got worse. He would be gone for months at a time on tour, which was understandable, but then when he’d get back to Seattle, he wouldn’t come home for a few days.”

  I set my plate down on the table, and I reached over and hugged her. “I’m sorry you had to grow up like that.”

  “I felt abandoned, Luke, and then I felt it again after the church incident with Brynn and Hunter. All those emotions and feelings were coming back to me these past two weeks when you were so busy at the bar, and we weren’t spending as much time together. That’s an issue that needs to be addressed, and I think a therapist can help me.”

  “I love you, Lily. I don’t know how to make that any clearer to you.”

  “I know you do, baby, and believe me, it’s not you. I’m the one who has these issues, compliments of Johnny and Mary Gilmore, and I’m the one who needs to take care of them. I know you love me; I really do. It’s just this change the past couple of weeks has really messed with my head.”

  “Then you go do what you have to do in order to free yourself of your past. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” I smiled as I brushed my hand over her cheek and leaned in to kiss her.

  36

  Lily

  After having the best sex of my life last night, I rolled over and ran my tongue along Luke’s shoulder. I was extremely sore, but it was worth it.

  “Good morning, babe. What time is it?”

  “It’s seven o’clock. Don’t you have to meet Maddie at the bar?”

  “Yeah, but I can be late. Just let me send her a text.”

  Luke did just that, set his phone on the nightstand, and then pulled me to him.

  “Ouch,” I said as I scooted closer.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “I’m just a little sore down there, that’s all.”

  “God, after what we did last night, I believe you are. I’m sorry, babe. What can I do to make it feel better?”

  I smiled as I lifted my head and kissed his lips. “There’s nothing you can do. It’ll feel better in a few days.”

  “Umm, I don’t think I can go a few days without having sex with you.”

  I rolled my eyes as I struggled to get out of bed. “You’re such a guy.” I smiled.

  As I heard Luke chuckle, he followed me into the bathroom. I started the shower, turned around, and noticed as Luke took off his boxers.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Taking a shower with you like I always do,” he replied with a confused look on his face.

  “That could pose a problem since we can’t have sex.”

  “Don’t worry, babe. I can control myself. Let’s just get in, wash up, and get out.”

  “Alright, but you better behave yourself.”

  Luke smirked as we stepped into the shower. I closed my eyes and let the stream of hot water run down my hair and body. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Luke was staring at me. My eyes glanced down and noticed his hard cock. I looked at him and tilted my head.

  “I can’t help it, Lily. This is what you do to me. I tried to stop it, but you’re standing there, naked, with the water running down that hot body of yours. What do you expect?”

  I couldn’t help but burst into laughter as he stood there, naked and hard, trying to defend himself. I reached my hand over and took a hold of him, stroking his entire length as his erection pressed against my palm. Taking my thumb, I skillfully circled his smooth head as I reached under and deftly stroked his balls with my other hand. A loud groan escaped the back of his throat as he threw his head back.

  “Just stand there and enjoy it; this is about you, Luke.”

  “Babe, I need to touch you,” he moaned as grabbed both of my breasts and began rubbing them.

  “You can have my tits, but nothing else.” I smiled as I got down on my knees and took his length in my mouth while the hot water beaded down on us.

  As I sucked up and down his shaft, his moans became louder. Keeping my finger wrapped around his base, my tongue licked its way up to his head, circling around the wet, smooth area before my lips wrapped themselves around the tip, sending him into a near convulsion.

  “I’m going to come any second, babe,” he moaned as he thrust his hips back and forth.

  I continued to fist his base as I gave his cock one hard suck; feeling and tasting his salty liquid explode in my mouth. He pressed both hands against the shower wall as he let out one last moan and gave me every last drop he had.
I looked up at him and smiled as he took my hand and helped me up. He pulled me against him as his mouth smashed with mine. His kiss was strong and forceful, letting me know that he was grateful.

  “God, babe, you’re amazing.”

  “I know.” I smiled.

  Luke chuckled, and we finished up our shower. He quickly got dressed, kissed me goodbye, and flew out the door. As I was in the bathroom, putting on my make-up, my phone rang. I reached over and grabbed it off the shelf, only to see that my mother was calling.

  “Hi, Mom,” I answered.

  “Hi, Lily. I’m sure you know that tomorrow is your sister’s birthday, and I was hoping that maybe you could give her a call.”

  I sighed, as we’d been over this a thousand times. “Mom, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive Brynn for what she did. Listen, I don’t have time to discuss this right now. I’ve got a lot of things to do, and I’m already running late. I’ll talk to you later,” I said as I ended the call.

  I finally finished getting ready, so I decided to call Giselle.

  “Hello,” she answered sleepily.

  “Hey, did I wake you?”

  “No, I’ve just been dozing on and off. I’ve spent half the morning puking.”

  “Would you mind some company? I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure, come on over. I don’t have anything going on today.”

  “I’m on my way,” I said as I hung up.

  ***

  “Come on in, girl.” Giselle smiled as she opened the door.

  I reached over and hugged her. She stood there in her white satin robe, which was tied around her waist. Her long brown, normally perfect hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail.

  “You look like you’re not doing too well.”

  “I’m not. I have severe morning sickness.”

  “I brought some bagels. I thought the baby might like one.”

  “Ugh, this kid doesn’t like anything,” she said as she sat down on the couch and hugged the pillow.

  “Have you tried crackers?”

  “Yes, and they don’t work either. I throw up for four hours, and then it stops.”