After Me

by Joyce Scarbrough

  On the drive home, he entertained himself with fantasies of tightening the fishing line from his kill kit around his mother’s neck, although he wasn’t sure it would strangle her through all those disgusting rolls of fat. He might have to break out the scalpel he liked to use on the girls’ perky young breasts. He imagined the blade slicing through his mother’s jugular, and his erection returned with a vengeance.

  It had definitely been too long since he’d had any fun. He still had to stay out of the Sugar Daddy chatrooms where he’d met WETNWILD16, and the one prospect he had in the FaceSpace group hadn’t responded to his message offering jewelry. The little whore probably thought she was too good for him. Even with the online anonymity, some of them still saw through his charade and dismissed him like every other female he’d ever known.

  He felt himself slipping into the dark place and slid his hand into his pants to pinch the tender skin, but he stopped when a thought occurred to him. To hell with Cherry Licious and all the others like her. Soon he wouldn’t have to pretend to be a wealthy corporate magnate. He’d be one for real. Then he’d have ambitious tramps falling all over themselves to win his favor, just like they did to McCarthy. Sure, they were all a bit older than Julian preferred, but he could always make them dress like the adolescent sluts he loved to put in their places.

  He parked his car in the driveway and hurried to the stairs leading up to his apartment, but his mother’s voice called out to him before he got halfway up.

  “You’re home early, Julie. What’s wrong?”

  Julian stopped but didn’t turn around. “Mr. McCarthy’s sending me away on business for him, Mumsy. My flight leaves tonight, so I have to pack.”

  “When will you be back?” The disapproving note in her voice made him grip the stair rail so tight that it hurt his hands. “You know I need you to take me to the outpatient center Friday morning. Dr. Coleman’s doing my colonoscopy then.”

  “I’ll be back on Thursday,” he said, continuing up the stairs. “Don’t worry, Mumsy.”

  “Do you want me to help you pack?”

  “No, I can do it!” He scrambled to get his key in the lock and open the door.

  “Well, make sure you take plenty of underwear so you won’t have to get them laundered while you’re gone. You know you’re allergic to everything except Mumsy’s special soap. And don’t forget to pack the cream I bought you for that stubborn eczema on your peepee.”

  Julian slammed the door shut behind him and leaned against it, his fingers twisting his nipples as hard as he could. Who was he kidding? There was no way he’d ever be anything other than a pathetic freak as long as that mountain of sweaty, smothering flesh still drew a breath. The only hope he had of escaping her clutches was to finally kill her the way he’d dreamed of doing since he was twelve years old. Ever since she’d started using the catheters and nightly enemas to “cleanse” him after she caught him masturbating with his yearbook open to the cheerleader pictures.

  He unzipped his pants and administered the punishment he deserved, but he promised himself that as soon as he got back from this trip, he’d fulfill his ultimate fantasy. He’d drive her to a remote spot in the woods nearby and slice her throat so he’d never have to hear that screechy, chastising voice of hers ever again. Then he could do whatever he wanted to do, anytime he wanted to do it. Then he could finally be a man instead of Mumsy’s little Julie.

  Yes, he’d do it as soon as he got back from the meeting in Miami.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  I couldn’t wait to talk to Annalee now that I had Lew’s permission, so Zombie Girl hit the streets again after Karen and Brad went to bed. When I got to Annalee’s apartment, I punched out the newly taped window pane and made a note to tell her it wasn’t safe to leave it that way. Once her heart rate returned to normal after I woke her up, we had a long talk about everything Lew had told me.

  “He must really trust you,” she said. “I’m glad, but it’s a little surprising since he’s only known you for such a short time.”

  “I guess it’s because he knows I lost somebody too.” I told her the story I’d given him about how Gwen had met Jada at the group home and lost her to a predator. “I know all of it was a lie, but I really do know how he feels because I lost Cassie.”

  “Have you thought about what it will do to him when he loses you?”

  “Of course I have. I’d never hurt him on purpose.” I didn’t like her suggestion that I wasn’t considering his feelings, mostly because I’d worried about the same thing myself and didn’t want to think about it.

  Annalee must’ve heard the defensiveness in my tone, because her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean it that way, Gwen. I know you wouldn’t hurt him intentionally. I just know how hard it’s gonna be on him when you leave, because it’s gonna kill me.”

  God, I was so stupid for not knowing that’s what she’d meant. I should’ve known her heart was always in the right place.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere for a long time,” I said, pulling her into a hug. “Even if I was ready to go, I haven’t gotten anywhere on finding the scumbag.”

  She hugged me back then wiped her eyes. “You never heard back from that guy you messaged on FaceSpace?”

  “No, nothing.” I didn’t tell her I hadn’t bothered to check Cherry Licious’s account in almost a week.

  She looked relieved. “Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad. I don’t want you to find him. And I’m really glad Lew has you to talk to. It must have been so hard for him to lose his brother like that.”

  It was almost three o’clock when I left, and the streets were as close to deserted as they ever got in that part of town. My Zombie Girl outfit helped me blend in with the shadows, so I was surprised when I heard somebody calling Gwen’s name just before I got to the end of Annalee’s block. I turned and saw Javier at the bus stop where Lew had picked me up the week before.

  “What you doing here this time of night, mami?” He eyed my outfit and laughed as I walked back to the stop. “And what the hell you wearing?”

  I sat beside him on the bench. “Okay, you caught me. I’m a member of a secret sorority called… the Zodiac Girls. We meet at Annalee’s house, and this is what we all wear.”

  He folded his arms and looked at me. “I know I ain’t smart like mi socio Lew, but I ain’t stupid neither. Don’t bullshit me, chica.”

  “Didn’t Lew tell you I was a street kid? Old habits are hard to break.”

  He still looked skeptical. “What habits?”

  I sighed. “I’ve got a nice foster family now, but sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe in their house. They’re great and all, but sometimes I have to get out and run the streets before I suffocate. Me and Annalee needed some girl talk, and I didn’t want to wait ‘til tomorrow.”

  He seemed to swallow that for the most part. “So what’s with the clothes?”

  “I learned a long time ago that black makes it easier to stay out of sight when you need to keep it on the down-low.”

  “Si, I know that’s right.” He leaned back and rolled his neck.

  “You just getting off work or going home from a date?”

  “I closed tonight.” He winked at me. “And the niñas don’t let me go home after a date. Sometimes for many days.”

  I laughed. “So I hear from Lew.”

  “I hear some things too.” He put his arm behind me on the bench. “I hear you and him got something going on now. Make sure you do him right, mami. He is mi hermano always.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “But don’t tell him you saw me here, okay? I know he’d freak out if he knew I was running the streets at night by myself.”

  He nodded. “His world is not ours. Most times, I’m glad I don’t live in his.”

  “You mean because of his mother?”

  He spat on the sidewalk then unleashed a stream of Spanish I was glad I couldn’t understand.

  “I don’t know what you said, but
I’m sure I agree. And you’ll be glad to know she totally hates me.”

  His sneer faded into a smile. “Let me know the next time you go there. I think I have to visit Mama then so I can see the look on that puta’s face.”

  * * *

  The chess tournament the next day was held at Vizcaya Academy in Coral Way. Since it didn’t start until four and the chess team was supposed to meet in Mr. Weston’s room for one last practice session before they left, I waited for Lew and Annalee on the bleachers again. The football field was empty this afternoon, so I passed the time reading Flowers for Algernon for my English class.

  “Why were you talking to my coach yesterday?”

  I looked up to see Matt standing in front of me. “Can’t you guess? I’m banging him for lunch money.”

  “Bullshit. You got rich boy’s money now. What were you talking to him about?”

  I knew he was trying to find out if I knew about the steroids. Underneath his usual hostility, I could tell how worried he was, but I didn’t know which one he was more worried about—getting to play football or everyone finding out he wasn’t who they thought he was.

  “Relax, Matt. Your secrets are safe with me.”

  “What’re you talking about? What secrets?”

  His fingers were fidgeting noticeably at his sides, and he kept wiping his hands on his jeans. Maybe it was because I knew he and Lew used to be friends and that Lew still cared about him, but I couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for him.

  “Look, you can stop pretending, Matt. I know what you did for Caitlin, I know about you and Lew, and I know why your coach was yelling at you yesterday. I’m not gonna open my mouth about any of it. I swear.”

  He tried to maintain his threatening posture and was still glaring at me, but I could almost see the relief wash over him. And he also didn’t deny anything I’d said.

  “Why? What do you want in return?”

  I laughed. “Hadn’t thought about asking for anything until now. Let me think about it and get back to you.”

  He looked like he was trying to decide whether or not I was serious, then he turned to walk away. “Yeah, whatever.”

  “Hey, wait,” I said. “I thought of something.”

  He turned around and eyed me suspiciously. “What?”

  “I want you to talk to Lew.”

  “I got nothing to say to him.”

  “Yeah, we both know that’s not true. Looks to me like the two of you have a helluva lot in common. You’re both pretending to be somebody you’re not, and it’s because neither of you have dealt with his brother’s death.”

  He looked around to see if anyone was nearby, then he ran up the bleachers until he was standing on the one just below me. “Shut your mouth about that.” His voice was a furious whisper. “You don’t know anything about it, and it’s none of your business.”

  I looked at him unfazed. “I know it’s not fair for him to lose both his brother and his best friend all because of that bitch he has for a mother.”

  “He didn’t have to quit football, did he? He didn’t have to stop being himself and turn into some weirdass copy of Drew!” He slammed his fists against the bench on either side of my feet, tears streaming down his cheeks. “He didn’t have to go away too!”

  I leaned forward so my face was right in front of his. “You need to say those things to Lew. Try acting like his friend instead of trying so hard to prove you’re a man.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Just shut the hell up!” He turned away and stomped down the bleachers.

  I let him go without saying anything else. I hadn’t expected him to admit as much as he had, so I actually thought it had gone pretty well. At least I’d planted a seed of reconciliation in his mind. I went back to my reading, and Lew got there about ten minutes later.

  “Annalee’s riding with Sidney,” he said. “She told me he needed the ego boost after you broke his heart.”

  I laughed as I walked down the bleachers. “Okay, let’s go. I want to be sure I get a good seat in case there’s a crowd.”

  It took us only fifteen minutes to get to Vizcaya Academy. Lew parked beside the same black Jaguar I’d seen at his house on Sunday night.

  “Your grandfather’s here?”

  He nodded and took my hand as we walked toward the gym. “He and my aunt and uncle always try to make it to at least one of my matches. Granddad plays chess himself, but Uncle Bud and Aunt Jaycee only come because they love me.”

  “That reminds me,” I said. “Nathan wanted to come, but his science project won for the county, and the award ceremony was this afternoon.”

  “Tell him congratulations for me. What’d he do his project on?”

  I shrugged. “Something about swamp water and mango trees. I’m clueless about that stuff.”

  He stopped and looked at me funny. “You’re a genius at chemistry but clueless about biology?”

  “Hey, don’t judge me.” I pulled him forward again. “I can’t help how my brain works.”

  When we entered the gym, he led me over to a handsome older gentleman standing with a blond man who looked so much like Lew that he had to be his dad, a good-looking man with dark hair, and a blonde woman with a figure that had to be a major distraction for a gym full of teenage boys. Everyone in the group turned to look at us with unmasked interest as we approached.

  “Here he is.” The older man held out his hand to Lew. “Ready to crush the competition, my boy?”

  “Absolutely, Granddad.” Lew turned to me. “This is my girlfriend, Gwen Stewart. Gwen, this is my grandfather, my dad, my Uncle Bud and my Aunt Jaycee.”

  “Nice to meet all of you,” I said, surprised when Lew’s grandfather took my hand and lifted it to his lips.

  “Mack Stanton at your service,” he said with a smile that made Lew’s seem almost dull in comparison. “I’m always proud of my grandson, but I must say I’m extra pleased with him today for bringing such a lovely young lady to keep on old man company during the tournament.”

  I shot Lew a questioning look and he shrugged. “I told you he was twice as charming. Granddad, she’s only been my girlfriend for a couple of days. Cut me some slack and don’t steal her, okay?”

  Mr. Stanton continued to smile at me. “You know how it works, my boy. Every man for himself.”

  I elbowed Lew. “Too bad for you, Triple C.”

  Lew’s dad rescued my hand and shook it. “Please excuse my father, Gwen. He can’t seem to help himself around beautiful women. I’m glad you were able to come today. Lew’s told us a lot of nice things about you.”

  “Good,” I said, “because I’m sure your wife wasn’t too complimentary.” Might as well get it out there to start with.

  “Not a problem.” He patted my hand without so much as a blink. “My wife and I agree on very few things these days.”

  “Talk about déjà vu,” Lew’s uncle said to his wife. “Jaycee, does this remind you of the first time I brought you home to meet Dad and my brothers?”

  She nodded and held out her hand. “Hi, Gwen. I’m Jaycee and this is Bud. If Belinda hates you, I’m sure you and I are gonna get along great.”

  Lew had to go check in with the tournament officials, so his family and I went to sit in the bleachers near the tables set up for the matches. The talk was mostly polite questions about school and my foster family. I was a little surprised that Lew had told them I was a foster kid, but none of them seemed to have a problem with it. They weren’t anything like I’d expected from people as wealthy as I knew them to be. Nothing like my parents, that was for sure.

  After the first round of matches was over, I went down to congratulate Lew on his win and to speak to Annalee, whose match had ended in a stalemate. Lew told me there was one more round of qualifying matches, then the finals would be held Thursday at Bay Harbor.

  “How’re things going with the relatives?” he asked.

  “Fine,” I said. “Your grandfather’s a total trip, and yo
ur dad and your uncle are both nice. I see what you mean about your aunt. I can tell she’s a smartass like me. Guess that’s why I like her so much.”

  “I knew you would.” He looked around to see if anyone was watching and bent to give me a quick kiss. “Wish me luck. The guy I’m playing next is supposed to be Brickell’s big gun.”

  “You can take him,” I said. “And if you get into trouble, you can always break his jaw.”

  “Ha-ha. Very funny.”

  He left to take his seat for the next match, and when I turned to go back and sit with his family, I saw his Aunt Jaycee coming toward me.

  “Why don’t we sit by ourselves this round?” she said. “We can talk without the men interrupting.”

  “Okay, sure.” I followed her to the far side of the bleachers where only a few people were sitting, wondering what was coming.

  When we sat down, she said, “I’ve never been one for playing games, so I’m gonna cut to the chase, okay?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “This is the first time I’ve seen my nephew smile in almost a year. I know I have you to thank for that, Gwen, so I want to be sure you don’t let that pretentious bitch he has for a mother scare you off.”

  I didn’t know what I’d been expecting from her, but it definitely hadn’t been an offer of backup. “You don’t have to worry about that,” I said with a laugh. “I don’t scare easily.”

  “Good, because I’ve decked her before and wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if you need it. I love that boy like my own, and I’d do anything to see him happy.”

  “Thanks, but I’ve got a pretty good right hook myself.”

  She put an arm around my shoulders and grinned. “A girl after my own heart.”

  “What’d she do to make you hit her?” I asked.

  “Let’s just say I was setting a precedent. She learned not to mess with me anymore.”

  “Lew’s dad seems like such a nice guy,” I said. “Why’d he marry such a bitch?”

  Jaycee sighed. “That’s a story that’ll have to wait until we have more time to talk.” She snapped her fingers and pointed at me. “Hey, why don’t you come over tomorrow afternoon and keep me company? Bud’s got meetings all day with his dad and his brother, and the last one is at Lew’s house. If we’re lucky, Belinda’s head will explode when she sees the two of us there together.”