Epocalypse: Inception.

by G. Adler

  I scoff out loud.

  “What a waste of time!”

  “Do you have sister issues too? Geniuses always have such messed up heads.”

  “Wait a second, I have my moments but I’m no geni…”

  Maya’s demeanor darkens and the glitter fails to reflect the light. “I have your psych reports in front of me. Your score is a single point into the above average range.”

  I laugh at her and fold my arms across my chest. “See, I told you…”

  The sphere begins to spin and shows a series of time lapse cameras and data. Maya manipulates it once more and a figure pops out at her.

  “What the file didn’t show is that you purposefully got that score AND that you completed the test in fifty minutes! It normally takes four hours!”

  Damn it, she’s good.

  Maya pulls a lollipop out of her purse and gives it a lick. She then looks at me and smiles.

  “Here’s the deal. It’s our senior year and we want to get back at Duts.”

  Joo-Eun frowns.

  “Actually, I voted against most of this idea. I mean having a new companion is psychologically advantageous and gives the brain an endorphin surge over the short term…”

  “ENOUGH!” the four of us shout at her.

  We laugh together for the first time. It carries with it a power that makes my skin tingle and I get goose bumps all over. It’s like hearing the perfect blending of five notes into a harmonious tone. Based on the open-mouthed, slack-jawed, holy-crap, pinch-me-I’m-dreaming expressions on their faces, they must have heard it too. Maya smiles and continues.

  “Duts watches us carefully. You know how to get in and out of places without being caught.” She then looks up at me with a twisted grin and says, “You know how to reveal the stupid truth and nothing but.”

  My eyes go wide and my jaw drops.

  “YOU KNEW!?”

  From across the room, Ethan raises a hand and calls out, “Big fan here!”

  Maya laughs. “Of course we knew. As soon as we saw your last prank, I checked and learned of your suspension. I went into the educational database and changed the rules so our program needed one more. We knew that Duts wouldn’t want to lose the funding he gets for having us here, so he was in a bind and had to take you. We have him in a Mexican standoff, so we’re all pretty safe. Each of us has managed to pull small things here and there but nothing like your stuff. You actually get to take credit for what you do. You don’t have to hide it.”

  Tyrese nods his head and smiles wide. “There is honor in what you do. It’s twisted in an Ethan-esque kind of way, but honorable all the same.”

  “I love being objectified. Love you all!” Ethan calls from the couch without turning his back.

  “You help people to see the truth. There is merit in seeing past the lies and exposing the pure data within,” Joo-Eun muses.

  Maya cups the sphere in her hand and spins it on one finger. As it rotates, images and files of all of my pranks project and spin around the room like a disco ball.

  Ethan’s hands shoot up and the lighter app appears on his phone. He waits until it is totally quiet and sings, “Dream Weaver, I believe you can get me through the night…”

  Maya laughs and looks right at me.

  “Hayden, I don’t know what your issues are or what you are trying to accomplish, but if there is one thing that I can recognize, it is the stupid truth. We want to achieve something and you have something to prove. Look at the talent around you. Imagine what that brain could come up with if you let us in on it.”

  All four of them stop what they are doing and stare at me. Their eyes are clear and honest.

  I let the tension hang in the air for a moment before letting a wide smile spread across my face. “Everyone gather around and bring me a Coke. This is going to be highly dangerous and require a ton of meticulous planning, but if my brain serves me right, I have just the thing to kill a whole flock of pelicans with one stone.”

  Maya applauds gleefully while the others laugh appreciatively.

  Chapter 13 - DANE

  Data imputing.

  Compiling evidence.

  Actions determined.

  Awaiting power.

  Activation required.

  Setting lure.

  Events unfolding.

  Chapter 14 - Hayden

  “What do you mean you have an idea? You just got here an hour ago. How could you possibly already have something in mind? Even nail polish takes longer to dry than that!” Maya protests.

  “Hey, you brought me here to be a man of action. Don’t lose faith in me now. Like you said, my track record speaks for itself.”

  “Okay then genius, let’s hear it!”

  All four of them gather around the wooden table and stare up at me like kindergarteners on the first day of school.

  “I’ve been saving this one up for a long time, waiting for just the right occasion, like that bottle of wine that your parents save in the cellar for that perfect celebration. I have been the bane of every principal since I started school. By sixth grade I knew that I needed a backup plan in case I came across an admin who REALLY had it out for me. Enter Operation Psychological Warfare.”

  Ethan smiles mischievously.

  “Now I’M liking the sound of that one. Is it going to have any boom-boom?”

  “Well, now that you mention it…”

  Just as I am about to start, a siren goes off at ear-splitting volumes. None of them seems to bat an eye at it. Instead, they all look over at Tyrese, who sheepishly walks over and hits a red button on the wall beside the door. The rest of them laugh.

  My eyes dart every which way and with a quiver in my voice I ask, “Have we been found?”

  Maya laughs.

  “No…it’s the warning bell I designed for Tyrese. It means that we have class together in ten minutes.”

  “THAT’S your warning bell? Why?”

  Tyrese blushes. “What can I say…I’m a sound sleeper. Train hard, rest hard right?”

  “Yeah, whatever you say, Tyrese.” I say and slap him on the arm. With almost no effort, he grabs my shoulders and lifts me in the air so that we are face to face. He looks right through my eyes and his face contorts for a moment as if he’s trying to decide something. Finally, he cracks a wide grin and says, “Call me Tank.” He then puts me down, pushes past me, and heads down the tunnel.

  Ethan laughs. “Awww, did somebody make a new friend? Be sure to take him for frequent walks, scratch him behind the ears, and don’t touch his Korean chew toy!”

  I immediately give him the finger and smile.

  “Shut up, Ethan.”

  A flash of light goes off in front of me followed by the foulest smelling smoke. By the time I stop coughing, Ethan is halfway down the corridor. “See, you’re learning already! I’ll save you a seat, Matthews. You still have a lot to tell us. There will be no ‘saved by the bell’ for you, sensei.”

  I turn to Maya and Joo-Eun, who are also heading my way.

  “So where are we going now?” I ask them.

  Maya rolls her eyes.

  “DUH, to class. You do remember that we are in school right? Senior year? Gifted program? Any of this making it past the ‘Y’ chromosome, or do I have to make Joo-Eun make Tyrese beat it into you?”

  Joo-Eun slaps Maya with a textbook and says, “Enough!” She then readjusts her glasses and pours through the middle of the book while trying to walk in a straight line. Just as she is about to hit the wall, Tyrese comes out of nowhere and steers her back in the right direction. She looks up at him for a moment and smiles before resuming her studies.

  I watch in amazement. “Maya, does he always do that for her?”

  Maya smiles. “Is it not the DREAMIEST? OMG I could die each time!”

  “I’ll take that a
s a yes. Does she know how he feels?”

  She shrugs her shoulders.

  “Neither of them knows for sure. They are both kinda stupid that way. But it also makes it cute and innocent. I don’t think that is such a bad thing, do you?”

  I watch Tyrese open the door the moment before Joo-Eun is about to walk into it and I have to nod in agreement.

  “So what is class like?” I say, changing the subject.

  Maya steps past me and motions for me to follow. We reach the janitor’s closet and we can already hear people in the hallway. Maya pulls the plunger and the shelf glides back into place.

  “Ugh, the two of us waited too long and there are too many people in the hallway. The others made it in time, but we still have to get to class. Can you do me a huge favor?”

  “Uh sure, what?”

  “Don’t get the wrong idea about this… it’s just part of the act.”

  Within seconds her lips are glued onto mine just as the janitor’s door opens behind us. I reach around and pull her close just as the crowd forms around us.

  Some jock wearing a varsity jacket looks over and says, “Ugh, look. There’s Maya making out with the new guy already!” His four friends all high five him and laugh along.

  Without missing a beat Maya pulls away from me, looks him up and down, and says, “Hey, if I’m going to be called the ‘school doorknob’ on Facebook then shouldn’t everybody get a turn?”

  The boy looks at her and stammers, “How did you…how could…I didn’t mean…”

  Maya smiles at him and says, “Does the rest of your team know that you order gay porn via mail?”

  The boy looks visibly struck. He recovers but nowhere near quickly enough. Maya and I just walk by as his cronies gather around him.

  “I have something on almost everyone in the school. Just in case. Most people know to stay away. Some never learn.”

  I wipe at my lips with my thumb to try and stop the tremble. I swallow hard and then follow after Maya.

  “If you ever lose me, you can just follow the glitter!” she calls back.

  I look down and laugh. Sure enough, every now and again the fluorescent tubes in the ceiling catch a grain or two of Maya’s unmistakable pink and purple sparkles.

  We walk up the stairs and head to the corner classroom on the second floor. I look through the door and see three other people sitting around a table. I have already met them all. I look at Maya and raise an eyebrow.

  “Seriously?”

  She nods.

  “I told you we had a very exclusive program. You are the fifth of our group. You’ll meet Ms. Moore soon enough. She’s a nice lady and all but a little bit…well…different.”

  “How so?”

  “I think I’ll let experience speak for itself. Let’s just sit at the round table and see what happens.”

  “Round table… like knights and all?”

  Maya giggles.

  “Just wait for it…”

  We walk into the room and the others all look at Maya, smirk and say, “YOU TOLD HIM!”

  “No, children, I did not. You all need to keep your hormones under control. I wouldn’t miss this moment for anything! All I said is that she was odd.”

  I raise a finger and correct her. “No, you said she was different.”

  Ethan snorts and practically falls off his chair.

  “Mathews, it doesn’t matter. The accurate way of putting it is that she is Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. But don’t worry, I’ve got you covered…but just for today. You hear me!”

  “What the fuck are you talking ab…”

  Ethan reaches under the table and pulls out a knight’s crown, which he very unhappily places on his own head. He also pulls off his leather jacket, revealing a very colorful purple, yellow and blue doublet.

  My jaw drops.

  “Ethan, what the hell are you wearing?”

  “I swear, Mathews. You owe me so big for this!”

  “Wha…”

  A loud bang distracts us as a woman trips into the room… literally. She is carrying a variety of papers, scrolls, feathers, and ink bottles that spill haphazardly all over the floor. When she finally gets up, I see what they mean about Ms. Moore.

  She is a middle-aged woman with thin blond hair that makes her look much older than she really is. Her dress is tight, revealing a reasonably nice figure, even for a lady dressed like a medieval wench. She stares at the lot of us and smiles.

  “Good morning, my knights, and how is our round table faring this fine morning?” She looks around the room, sees Ethan, and begins to clap her hands together gleefully while jumping on two feet. She summarily slips and lands flat on her ass. “I’m so glad you chose to get into the spirit with me, Ethan! I’ve waited for four years for one of my ‘knights of the round table’ to finally get into the first day of school spirit!”

  “You know me Ms. Moore! I’m just a slow starter! This is our new knight, Hayden Matthews.”

  “Hail to thee and thous…” I say while raising my hand in the air.

  Joo-Eun shakes her head.

  “Excuse me Hayden but that is more of the traditional Native American greeting. The knights had a more formulaic greeting that began around the year sixteen…”

  I give her a leveled stare.

  “Joo-Eun… not now.”

  “Right…sorry.”

  Joo-Eun gathers up all of Ms. Moore’s papers and spreads them over the table. Her hands flash like lightning while she rummages through and sorts them accordingly. Eventually the attendance folder slides out, while the rest of the papers are divided into five neat piles.

  Ms. Moore smiles at me warmly and says, “Welcome to our group, Hayden. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “You know you should never listen to rumors, Ms. Moore,” I say with a smile and a wink.

  She giggles a bit nervously but completes the attendance and leaves it outside the door to be picked up. “Okay people, to begin today I thought we could share…”

  Ethan quickly interrupts and says, “A fortuitous meeting such as ours should be well met with food and drink!”

  Ms. Moore stares at him skeptically. “My goodness Ethan, I love the spirit but isn’t this taking it a bit far?”

  “I’ll ignore that, Ms. Moore. Anyway, to celebrate our new friend here, how about we toast with a glass of root mead?”

  From behind his back he pulls out two glasses fizzing with a brownish liquid. He places them in front of her and says, “Choose!”

  “Ethan…”

  “Yes, Ms. Moore…”

  “Why aren’t the others having any?”

  “Because those buzz-kills couldn’t even manage to get into the spirit of the round table…even after all these years. It pains me Ms. Moore.”

  “Really, Ethan?”

  “Truly!”

  “How do I know that you didn’t do something to one of these?”

  “Do something?”

  “You know…spike them with something?”

  Ethan immediately sits forward, making his crown slide over his nose. He stands up quickly and puts his hand over his heart, “Forsooth you doth wound me, M’Lady. Such righteous indignation shall do nothing but sever the ties of fidelity which have so nurtured so tender a vessel for so long…”

  Moore’s face wells up with tears and she grabs the nearest mug. She raises it in the air and smiles. “To a new year!”

  Ethan grabs the other one and yells, “Compai!”

  Both of them drain the cup in one swing and slam them down on the table. Moore is out like a light before her mug finishes wobbling.

  I gasp.

  “Dude, what did you do?”

  “Relax, Matthews. I gave her a timed-release sedative. She’s been our teacher going on four years. I had Maya install a pressu
re plate in the threshold of our door so I could keep an accurate body weight of the lady. I hate guessing for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. Anyway, she’ll wake up fifteen minutes before the end of the day thinking that she gave us all of our work and we all completed it.”

  “But what would have happened if she had chosen the other glass?”

  “The same thing. I make the brew with an enzyme that Joo-Eun synthesized from the cells left over on Moore’s coffee cup. It only ever affects her.”

  “Only ever?”

  Ethan smiles at me.

  “We do this a couple of times a week… sometimes more if the weather is nice.”

  “And how does she figure that all of our work gets done?”

  “She thinks she taught it to us. We’re way smarter than her and with the Internet anyone can teach themselves anything really.”

  “Do you really write it all out then?”

  Ethan laughs. “Of course not! Why bother?”

  “Then how…?”

  From across the table Joo-Eun calls out, “All done! You guys can copy now if you want.”

  My eyes go wide and I can’t help but laugh.

  “I’ll do it at home, later,” Tyrese says and gathers up his share. He then picks up Moore and puts her at her desk with her head on her arms. I can already hear the soft snores coming from her corner of the room.

  Ethan looks around the room and says, “Alright bitches, let’s hear more about this master plan!”

  “That isn’t very knightly of you!” Maya informs him.

  “Sir bitches?”

  I can’t help but laugh. The others gather around and I say, “Alright, I have never staged a plan like this with five people. I usually work alone. For this plan to work, the five of us are going to have to stick together. I think each of your skills will be needed along the way if we are going to pull this off. Are you guys ready?”

  The four of them look at one another and then at Maya. She looks at me, extends her hand, and says, “Well, I brought you here.”

  “And you already kissed me,” I say with a wink as I take her tiny hand in mine.