Finding My Way

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I don’t chance a look at my dad. I know he’s beyond pissed. I mentally prepare myself for whatever he’s going to do to me. It won’t be pretty. I may need to call the Prestons tonight and ask if I can move in because I’m fairly certain that Sterling Westbury is going to kick me out of the house.

  I just chose the one school that was at the bottom of my list and that’s completely unheard of. I sit back down as a hush rolls over the crowd. I chance a look at the Texas coach. He’s stunned and when he makes eye contact with me I see nothing but pure elation. I don’t have a clue what my role will be there, but that doesn’t matter. I’m going to school with my best friend and right now that seems more important than anything.

  The last kid commits and we’re all ushered off the stage. I want to hide, but it’ll be no use. Sterling’s going to have my ass no matter what. I mingle, waiting for my dad to get backstage. I don’t even want to know what he’s talking to his buddy Hal about. If I was to guess he’s devising a plan to make everything null and void and forge my name for Auburn. Knowing Sterling, he’s writing a check to make sure today never happened.

  “Liam,” he commands sternly. I don’t turn around to face him. I stand still and wait. He won’t make a scene, not in front of all these other athletes, parents and alumni. “We need to talk. Now!” he growls into my ear. “If you’ll excuse us gentlemen we have some business to take care of.”

  My dad all but pushes me out of the room and directs me into a conference room that isn’t being used. I jump when he slams the door. The wall shakes, not because of the force, but because of the flimsy material they use to make these rooms. Everyone’s going to hear what he says to me. I’ll never be able to face my peers or the coach from Texas again. He’ll know this wasn’t a school that we even considered.

  “What the fuck are you thinking?”

  How does one answer that question without sounding like an idiot? It’s not going to matter what I say, the answer is wrong. Either I wasn’t thinking or I was thinking with the wrong part of my brain.

  “I was thinking that it’d be nice to play another four years with Mason.”

  “Are you shitting me here, Liam? Because if so, this isn’t funny. University of Texas, really? Since when did they matter? When did they even move into the top five?”

  I stand there listening to him. Right now he’s calm, but that won’t last I’m sure. He pushes my shoulder when I don’t answer.

  “Answer me smart ass. I didn’t bust your balls since fucking pee-wee football so you could half ass it at some school that doesn’t deserve you.”

  “Texas is a good program. They’re building.”

  “They’re building?” he starts to pace, pulling at his already receding hair. “They’re building and what, you think you’re the answer? Are you going to help them build their program and then in five or six years when you’re gone they can win a national championship? Jesus Christ, Liam, do you ever fucking think with your head?”

  “I was thinking with my heart!” I bellow out. “I was thinking that Mason and I have great chemistry on the field, and how easy that can transfer to a new school. I was thinking that I didn’t want to pick a fucking school today, and that I wish this shit would just all go away. I picked Texas because I’m going to have a friend there, someone familiar. Someone that is going to help me get through not having anyone around or being someplace that I don’t want to be. I don’t want to go to Auburn or Alabama or even Ole Miss. I don’t even want to play football anymore!” I yell at him causing him to step back. I cover my face in frustration and try to catch my breath.

  Sterling pauses and fixes me with his steely gaze. “You’re unbelievable and completely selfish, Liam. This is not how I raised you.” With that he walks out, slamming the door.

  Chapter 17

  I had always wondered what it would be like to piss my dad off so severely that he’d never speak to me again. I accomplished that task satisfactorily and haven’t heard a word from him in months. In fact, family life in the Westbury household has pretty much ceased to exist. Dinner isn’t made. The TV isn’t turned on. I haven’t seen my mother in weeks. If this is their form of punishment, I don’t know whether I’m supposed to feel hurt or thankful that they’re aren’t trying to tear me down with my decision.

  My decision to attend the University of Texas hasn’t been without complications. In the days after I made my choice, my father fielded call after call asking about my decision while I sat in his office, stoically, wondering if I had made the wrong decision. It didn’t matter if I did. I was going to Texas and there wasn’t anything I nor anyone else could do about it. Worse case, I transfer, but that will mean I’ll likely miss my freshman year. I can’t do that to Mason though. He’s excited that we’ll be taking the field together; at least I have his support if no one else’s.

  Baseball is over. Nick Ashford was the hero of the season. I didn’t even care, not about him nor the season. I want high school to be over. We won the state title with Ashford getting the most valuable player of the season. It didn’t escape my attention when I saw him eying Josie either. I don’t know where he’s going to college, but for the sake of his kneecaps it better be at least a plane ride away from Beaumont. I don’t want him anywhere near my girl.

  As Mason and I will now be together, I’ve decided not to ask Josie to go to school with me. The thought of Katelyn being alone didn’t sit too well. I wouldn’t want Josie alone, so taking her away from Katelyn is the wrong thing to do. They can go to college together, while Mason and I destroy defense in Texas. We’ll make sure we see the girls as much as possible. Josie knows that during football it will be almost impossible, but I’m going to make the time. Texas is within a day’s drive so it shouldn’t be too bad.

  I have two more rites of passages before I’m free from the confines of teenage life: prom and graduation. The latter of which can’t happen fast enough. I’m ready to get the hell out of this house. I need to talk to the Prestons and ask if I can stay at their place while I’m on vacation. Once I leave I’m never coming back to this house. There’s nothing here for me except memories that I want to forget. It’s time to create new memories with Josie and prepare our life together.

  Tonight can be the beginning. It’s our last dance together. Senior prom is upon us and I’ve gone all out just for her. That’s the one thing I’m surprised about – Sterling hasn’t cut off my funds. I keep spending and the money seems to be there. I’m not complaining. He’s making prom as special as it can be for Josie. I’ve rented a limo and we’ll pick up Mason and Katelyn, but once we leave the dance, it’s just us. After, we’re hitting the hotel. I have no intentions of leaving her tonight. I want to hold her in my arms until the sunlight is peering through the floral drapes that hang over the sliding glass door. We’re going to stay there until the housekeeper knocks and tells us it’s time to leave. Only then will we untangle and journey back into real life.

  I just want one night – one glimpse – of what our wedding reception will be like. The dancing, the drinking and the nightcap that only adults think they’re permitted to enjoy. I’m allowed to have that fantasy, even if I’m just eighteen and ridiculously in love. No one needs to know what I’m thinking. The guys will know exactly what’s going on when I take Josie by her hand and lead her out of the country club and into the waiting limo.

  The buttons on my crisp white shirt slide into their designated spots with ease. Sitting on my dresser are a set of cuff links that my grandfather left me. I don’t remember him much, but in my mind he’s nothing like Sterling. I slide the links through and bend the clasp. My slacks go on next, tucking my shirt in. I stand in the mirror and adjust my bow tie. My hair is short and I run my hand over the top of head just to give my hair a little bit of life. My vest is next, buttoning it before I step into my shoes. Once they’re tied I look at myself, taking a mental picture. This will be my last time in a tux until Mason’s wedding or mine, which ever will happen first. With one las
t look I slide my arms into my jacket and button my coat.

  Josie’s corsage is already sitting on my dresser. I picked it up this morning, fearful that if I kept it in the refrigerator something would happen to it. I shouldn’t have to live with that fear, but I do. I don’t know what Sterling is capable of and Bianca, well she just doesn’t engage. She doesn’t care. I can’t imagine being a parent and not caring about your child. They’re a product of you and your partner, isn’t that supposed to be best of both worlds in your eyes?

  I walk out the front door, slamming it as I leave. I hope they’re staring at each other ticking off each and every mistake they made with me. Eighteen years of raising someone and it’ll all be for nothing.

  At the end of my driveway is a black stretch limousine. The driver is at back door, waiting for me. Josie has no idea about this or my plans for tonight. I like that I’m going to surprise her or maybe she expects it. It doesn’t matter because the look on her beautiful face will be worth it. In the back there’s a dozen long stem roses and a bottle of champagne. We’ll go to dinner first before picking up Katelyn and Mason. As fun as double dates are, I want to be alone with my girl for a bit.

  The car pulls up to the Prestons and I’m out and hurrying up their walk way before the driver can get out. It’s not protocol, I get that, but I’m eager to see her. I knock once and Mr. Preston opens the door, allowing me in.

  He pats me on the shoulder. “She’ll be right out. You know how she likes to make you wait.”

  “Yeah I do,” I acknowledge. He stands next to me, waiting for a different reason. I try to put myself in his shoes and can’t. I can’t imagine my teenage daughter about to walk out of her room for prom for the last time.

  I look up when her bedroom door opens. She steps out into the hallway and I swear there’s a halo over her head because she looks like an angel. I swallow hard as she gets closer and quickly change my assessment. She’s no angel. She’s like Athena, the Greek Goddess of war, dressed to take any man that looks at her to slaughter.

  “Holy…” I shake the cobwebs from my eyes and refocus. Her dress is white, contrasting perfectly with her tan skin and hangs from her body in all the right places. My eyes wander over her body, noticing the slit up the side much like her homecoming dress. The sides of her dress are missing giving me a clear shot of her boobs.

  “Turn around?” I say huskily, afraid to look at Mr. Preston. He has to know I’m eye fucking his daughter into oblivion. Screw prom, we’re going straight to the hotel so I can put her on the table and just stare at her all night. Josie turns slowly showing me the back of her dress. It swoops down, leaving her back fully exposed. I discretely adjust myself when she turns back to face me. I step forward and wrap one her of her curls around my finger.

  “Holy fuck, Jojo. I don’t know how I’m going to keep it PG,” I whisper to her, hoping her parents can’t hear me.

  “Who says you have to?”

  I shake my head. “Damn girl you’re a walking textbook of sins and I’m about to commit each and every one of them.” She laughs, throwing her head back. I pull her white and gold corsage from it sits box. Now I know why she said gold. It’s perfect.

  “Pictures?” her mom requests. I take her hand and bring it to my lips and kiss her. We turn and face her mom and smile, making a memory that I’m sure I’ll never forget. “You guys look so beautiful together,” she says as her camera clicks. We pose for various photos before we head to the car.

  With her hand in mine, I open the front door and pull her behind me. She freezes, letting out a gasp. “What’s wrong, Josie?”

  “You rented a limo?”

  “Of course, it’s our last prom. We have to go out in style.”

  “You’re crazy, Liam Westbury.”

  “Crazy about you.” I pull her to my lips quickly. “Come on babe, we have memories to make.”

  “Let the party begin,” I yell, walking into the country club. After dinner we stopped and picked up Mason and Katelyn, who had their own provisions and we proceeded to drink as much as we could before we arrived.

  Katelyn and Josie are giggling at me, which is fine. I’m feeling fantastic and am about to dance with my girl until they tell me it’s over. I’ve never been a fan of staying at these dances for very long, but when you have someone as hot as Josie on your arm, you have to stay and show her off. I want every guy in the room to be jealous of me tonight.

  I pull her into the middle of the floor and hold her in my arms. We sway back and forth to the music as people around us dance with their arms flailing around. We could dance like that, but then I’d have to let her go and that’s just not happening.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful, Josie. I stand here and hold you in my hands with your body pressed against me. All I can think about is taking you out of here. I had plans to take things slow, to make love to you like you deserve. Not in my truck or when you’re parents aren’t home. I want to ravage your body and make you come undone by a simple touch, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do that. The way you’re dressed… you’re begging me to take you up against the wall with your legs wrapped around my waist.”

  I brush my fingers along her exposed shoulder and watch pebbles follow in my path. Her reaction to me matches the way I feel about her. The simplest of touches from her can weaken me in a heartbeat. That can’t be normal, but I’m not willing to test the theory. I hope that we always make each other feel like this down the road. I don’t want her to become robotic like my mother, and I definitely can’t stomach the thought of me being like my father.

  Our night continues with our friends. We dance, laugh and enjoy each other’s company. It’s nice to see everyone sticking around for this dance, knowing that it’s our last and in a few short weeks we’ll be graduating. I don’t want to think about that, at least not tonight.

  After Josie and I are announced as prom king and queen we take our exit. I’ve been a patient man, but even my resolve is starting to waver. Too many times to count, my hands have found their way into the side of her dress and it’s taking every ounce of self-control to not find out how her dress is covering her breasts. However, when we get to the hotel, I’ll be finding out.

  The limo drops us at the hotel. I hold her hand in mind, but feel her jitter. Is she nervous? This isn’t our first time, but it will be a night with no interruptions. No rushing. The first time we had sex with each other, we were both virgins. Our relationship was progressing and my horny teenaged self couldn’t keep my hands to myself or out of her pants. I rented a hotel room because I didn’t know where we could try and do it without getting caught. I was a nervous wreck and heaved my lunch before I picked her up. She brought her backpack with her and the whole time we were driving to the hotel I thought we were going to end up studying. I was pleasantly surprised when she took her bag into the bathroom and came out wearing lingerie. I knew in that moment we’d fumble through the motions, but figure it out soon enough.

  We walk into the lobby hand in hand, not surprised to see other classmates here. A few offer us a chance to party with them, but we politely decline. I checked in earlier and set up the room. I don’t want prom to be a cliché, I just want the opportunity to peel this dress off of her. Had I known about it, we would’ve ditched slow dancing and went right to the Tango.

  I open our room and allow her to enter first. The lamp is on in the corner, giving the room a soft glow. There are rose petals on the floor and bed with a bottle of champagne sitting on the nightstand.

  The door shuts, the loud bang causing her to jump. I step behind her, my fingers dancing along her skin. I press my lips to her bare back before wrapping my arms around her.

  “I know it’s not the Hilton, but I wanted to be alone with you for one night. I want us to be together without any interruptions or just some quick fuck in my truck. I don’t want to sneak around or have to muffle your cries with my mouth.”

  Josie turns in my arms, her hands resting on my lapels. “Y
ou thought of everything.”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t think about a change of clothes for the morning so we’ll be doing the walk of shame.”

  “I’m not ashamed to be with you, Liam.”

  I lean forward and ever so softly press my lips to hers. Her mouth parts and move with mine. Our tongues meet in a slow and tortured dance. My hand moves up and down her arms, to her neck and down her back. I can’t touch her enough. I pull away, hesitantly, and move into the room. I press play on the radio and music echoes throughout the room. I slip off my bow-tie and my jacket, resting them on the table. I undo my cuff links, followed by the buttons on my shirt. Josie stands there and watches, which is exactly what I want. I remove my shirt, leaving my pants on, but unbuttoned. I beckon her forward, she saunters as if she’s on a tether that I’m pulling.

  “I want to take things slow, but I’m not sure if I can. Lately, I’ve felt like there’s a distance between us and I don’t know if it’s from me leaving soon or if it’s all in my head. Sometimes I feel like my world is going to blow up and I’m going to lose everything. But then I’m with you everything feels right. I can’t lose you, Jojo.”

  She runs her fingers up and down my back before they rest on the waistband of my pants. “I’m not going anywhere, Liam. I know you’re under a lot of strain from your father about school, but I’m here, always. We can try to go slow.”

  “I want to savor you.”

  Josie nods, biting her lower lip. I run my thumb over her mouth before cupping her face and bringing her to me. My hands travel down her neck and to her shoulders. My mouth follows, blazing a trail on her skin.

  “Jojo, how on earth is this dress staying in place?” I ask as I kiss the valley of her chest.

  “Tape,” she says. I straighten and look at her. A smile creeps across my face. I bite my lip as I shake my head.