I Take It Back

by Liza James

  “How?” He was still holding my chin to face him, refusing to let me disappear from this conversation.

  “Because I already know how amazing you are. You’re intelligent, you’re passionate, you’re feisty as hell, and you’re beyond beautiful. They did an incredible job raising you for the best fifteen years of their lives, Emma. So, I know they were just as amazing as you are, and people like that know you should be living your life to the fullest, knowing it was never your fault for what happened to them. I already know they’d want what was best for you.”

  And just like that, everything inside me began coming back together. My raw, blistering heart was swelling and healing at his words. The holes and crevices inside me had begun filling, forming itself again as one whole, instead of a million sharp and jagged pieces that had been causing me so much pain for so long.

  His hand slid to the back of my neck, tangling in my hair as his eyes grew blazed with a heat I hadn’t seen before. He pulled me across the seat in a second, so that I was sitting in his lap and his strong, heavy arms were wrapped around me. My cheek was pressed against his chest and I could feel his tight muscles moving underneath his shirt. His hand traced an invisible line up and down my spine, sending shivers through my body but also filling me with a warmth that I only found in him.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly. And I meant it with every part of me. He had broken through a wall, meeting me again in the deepest, darkest places that my mind took me. And once again he found me there, pulling me out and bringing me back into the light.

  Chapter 38

  “Bambi, wake up, babe.” Cade was outside of the jeep, on my side of the vehicle with the door already opened. His sinewy arm had reached across my lap and was unbuckling me. I sucked in a sharp breath when I fluttered my eyes open, feeling his bicep brush across my chest and the cool air fill the small space. I must have fallen asleep after I shifted back to my own seat and we had continued our drive home.

  “I’m awake,” I said lazily as I felt him slide his arm underneath my legs and the other behind my back, twisting me so that I would face out of the door. I took his hand and let him steady me as I stepped down. An icy shiver slid down my spine as I fully immersed myself into the chilly wind. He wrapped one large arm around my shoulder and tugged me up against him, plastering me against his side and letting the heat from his body wash over me. I nestled in closer to him, memorizing the feeling of how perfectly I fit into his side.

  We made our way inside and saw several people still hanging out downstairs, either making out on the couches or draining the last of the kegs. I couldn’t help but notice one of those people was the girl I had seen with Cade last night, and her frozen glare shot through me when she noticed Cade’s arm around my waist.

  I ignored her. I was far too tired to fight any battles tonight and I wasn’t actually sure if there even was anything to fight. Cade had been so different tonight. I had seen such a unique part of him that I had never expected to see. This side where he was so thoughtful, he was strong and protective and not in the way that he had been around Tyler. No, this was something deeper and more emotional. He had been with me in one of my worst moments and, instead of running away or calling someone else to help, he took that responsibility on himself and he went to that dark place with me. He pulled me out of it when I needed that strength most.

  And all of a sudden, my heart was doing things I didn’t necessarily want it to do with Cade. I didn’t want to let myself fall for him. I couldn’t put myself through that.

  Because then I could lose him.

  I could lose him at any time, unexpectedly. Just like I lost my parents. Even though Sav and Logan were alive and well tonight, I was reminded of how quickly things can take a turn for the worst. I was struck with the urgent need to live life as if I wasn’t guaranteed tomorrow, because we weren’t.

  So when Cade took my hand when we reached the suite upstairs and pulled me against his strong, hard chest, I did something incredibly stupid.

  Like really, really dumb.

  I asked him a question.

  “Cade, can ... can you stay with me tonight?”

  “Of course I’ll stay, Bambi.”

  The tips of his mouth curled up in a slight smile, but there wasn’t anything mischievous or dishonest about it. I had started tonight in such a different way, expecting different things. Hell, I got drunk the first half of the night and ended it by seeking out Cade’s company in such a different way.

  But as we entered my room and the lights were dark, shadows fell on him at different, harsh angles. I couldn’t stop my gaze from settling on his profile. He stopped and leaned against the wall, facing into the main room where I had sat my purse down on my bed. His hands had slid into his pockets as he relaxed in the space. His head had tilted to the side and he regarded me quietly. My eyes drifted down his body and I noticed his jeans had sagged so low that I could see the sliver of skin that showcased his perfect V shaped muscles, encouraging my eyes to drop even lower. I took a seat on the edge of my bed, not taking my eyes off of him.

  He was quiet, observing the situation when I glanced back up, meeting his eyes with mine. They were darker now, a smoldering heat burning within them, and I couldn’t help but feel the tight knots begin forming in my stomach, begging to unravel at his touch.

  Damn, as much as I hated to admit it, I fucking wanted him. So badly. Obviously, I had been wanting him since that freaking incident at the pool. He felt so good, so frustratingly good that I’d been struggling to force him out of my thoughts for the last several weeks. And tonight, when he had me in that hallway? All I wanted to do was rip his clothes off and ride him until I came, until we both unraveled together.

  And then shit hit the fan. I had a serious meltdown and all of those terrifying thoughts came crashing down around me, dragging me into a frenzy that I worried I wouldn’t be able to escape. But instead of running for the hills, Cade had showed me such a different part of him. I was still terrified of genuinely opening my heart up to him. I was confused and frustrated with the things that happened between us and were keeping us apart. That hadn’t changed.

  But what else hadn’t changed? The undeniable attraction I had to him, that I felt like we had to each other.

  “What are you thinking, Bambi?” His low, rough voice broke the silence, washing over me like heated silk. My cheeks flushed, and I was thankful for the dark in this moment.

  “Nothing,” I said quietly, far too embarrassed to share my thoughts with him.

  In the span of a few seconds, Cade had crossed the room in large strides and had dipped his chin in front of me. “Lies. I can see your mind running a million miles a minute.” He reached forward and grasped my chin in his hand, pulling my face up to meet his. That heat began simmering in my stomach, starting low and inching even farther downward.

  His thumb drifted over my lower lip, gently tugging it and parting my mouth as his eyes dropped and focused on the action.

  “You can’t look at me like that,” he growled, a low seductive strain in his voice that sent jolts of electricity rippling through me. “I’m really trying to control myself.”

  I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know exactly what to say. My body was responding to him on every visceral level. My breasts were already tightening under my shirt, my sensitive buds straining against the material, aching for his touch. That familiar throbbing had already settled between my thighs and my body wanted him so badly.

  My hand came up and wrapped tightly around his wrist, his thumb still pressed against my lip. My breath hitched and I felt my shoulders sliding up and down with each heavy intake and shallow release of the air I was breathing. Nothing ever compared to the natural, intrinsic draw that I had towards him.

  “Don’t,” I finally managed to choke out. Saying the word released something in me. A wound coil had sprung lose and I suddenly found the courage to show him exactly what I meant by that. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, moving forward and taking
his thumb into my mouth. Sliding my tongue up and down the length of it, I swirled around the tip as I lightly sucked and heard his breath hitch before he spoke.

  “Fuck, Emma. What are you doing to me?” He dropped lower in front of me, so that our eyes met as he pulled his hand back and placed both on my thighs. He seemed to be thinking, unsure of what the right thing to do was. But I knew what I wanted now, I knew I needed to feel his touch, feel him inside of me. Besides, this was still casual, right? He didn’t date and I didn’t want to get closer to him than I should. But casual ... casual I might be able to do. I just had to keep my feelings out of this.

  Instantly, his hand slid up my shoulder and found its way to back of my neck, tangling in my hair as he gently tugged my head to the side. His eyes were still on me when mine rolled back and a soft moan escaped my lips. Even the simple touch of his hand on my neck was doing insane, ridiculous things to me.

  Wild, erratic waves of desire rushed through me as his hand on my thigh slid up and down my leg, his fingers coming incredibly close to that aching center of me. As if he had finally decided, he rushed forward, bringing his lips crashing on to mine in a kiss that was so powerful, so determined that I fell back onto the bed, bringing him with me as he hovered above. His tongue slid across the seam of my lips, urging mine to open, and they did without hesitation. I welcomed him, sliding my tongue along his as he practically devoured me. This kiss was so different than any other time, there was something else behind it rather than the simple physical, raw attraction we shared. There was emotion in this, desire and need for our bodies to be as close as possible.

  His mouth left mine, moving across my jawline and to the sensitive skin directly under my ear. His hands were sliding up my body, one moved to brace himself above me while the other slid under my shirt and cupped my breast, squeezing and eliciting a moan of approval before I could stop it.

  “This. Off,” was his only command as he slid one arm underneath and around my waist, pulling me up while his other hand had tried grasping the hem of my shirt.

  Shit.

  I forgot I was wearing that body suit that Jake had picked out for me.

  “What the ...?Wait, what are you wearing?” Cade pulled himself up, scanning over my body as he tried to make out what I was wearing that made it so difficult to pull off.

  Again, that weird, unfamiliar courage raged through me as I took my hand and placed it against his chest, pushing him back and onto his knees in front of me. Fuck, I had never done anything like what I was about to do before, with anyone. It felt way to intimate to have shared with anyone I had been with before.

  “Watch,” was all I could say as I brought my hands to the button on my jeans and popped them open, slowly sliding the zipper down as his eyes laid steadily on me, watching every move I made. My hands slid under the band of my jeans, sliding them down my thighs and off my feet. He could see I was wearing a body suit now, and he leaned forward, hovering just above my core as I brought one hand down, in between my legs, and slid a finger over the seam of the clasp. I took in a sharp breath at even the lightest touch of my own fingers on my aching sex. Instinct took over and I spread my legs just a little more, arching my back in response to him watching me. His eyes filled with molten lava.

  “Damn. Who are you, Emma? Do know what you do to me?” He never took his eyes off of me when I unclipped the clasp, releasing the suit and pulling it up my body. I tugged it over my breasts and off of me in a slow, tantalizing motion. I didn’t know why this was turning me on so incredibly much. But the way his eyes lingered on my hands, gliding up and down my body, had me desperately needing his touch.

  “I don’t really know. When I’m with you, it’s different. It’s like you bring something else out in me,” I said quietly, gauging his expression as I said the words. But nothing changed, I didn’t see any fear or regret flicker in his eyes. Instead, the heat that was there turned primal, an instinctual desire overtaking him as he gripped my hips and pulled me farther down against him.

  “I love hearing you say that,” he said as he leaned over me, reaching behind me and unclasping my bra. In a split second he had it sliding down my arms and dropped onto the floor beside us.

  His eyes dropped down, taking in my full, aching breasts when I sat up and brought my hands to the hem of his shirt, tugging it up and over his head. God, he was perfect. His incredible, solid chest was broad and spanned downward to those hard, rippled abs cascading below. That V was my favorite, though, it pointed to exactly what I wanted, exactly what my body was practically convulsing for.

  A smirk tugged at his mouth as he dropped down above me, bringing one of his legs in between my thighs and parting them. He kissed me with that same primal passion he had earlier, and his fingers came up and began working my nipples. They immediately hardened under his touch as he rolled one between his fingers, pinching and pulling it in a way that shot sparks straight down to my sex. I felt my hips rock against his leg, encouraging the pressure building at my core with every slight movement of my hips.

  He was happy with my response, because the answering groan that left his mouth and vibrated across my neck practically had me coming in seconds. But his mouth drifted farther down, moving across the swell of my breasts and dipping even lower.

  “I’ve imagined tasting you like this again so many times,” he said as his tongue slid over one of my swollen buds. He swirled it around my tip before he pulled me into his mouth, sucking and tugging gently with his teeth. My hand slid back around his neck, tangling in his hair and clenching my fist when I heard him groan at that sudden pull against his scalp.

  He let go of one of my breasts before moving to the other, giving that one as much attention and care as the one before it. My body was writhing and undulating underneath him as I worked myself against his leg.

  “Patience, Bambi. I’ll get you there.” I felt the smile on Cade’s lips as he released my second breast and shifted downward, trailing kisses down the center of my stomach until he came to my thighs. He gripped the back of one of my legs and lifted it up, widening myself for him as he kissed and slid his tongue up the inside of my thigh. His hands slid to my panties as he pulled them down, sliding them off my feet and tossing them to the side.

  “You’re so perfect, so beautiful.” He moved even closer to my sex, but hadn’t reached it before he moved back downward.

  “Please, Cade,” I said as my hips rocked towards him.

  “What do you want, baby? Tell me.” He moved back up, tempting me as he moved tortuously slow.

  “You know what I want, where I want you.” My voice was beginning to sound desperate and hoarse as I ached for him. My skin was on fire and my sex was soaking wet, convulsing and throbbing for what only he could give me.

  “I want you to say it for me. Say the words, Bambi, and I’ll give it to you.” His hand came up and he slid his thumb across my nipple, causing me to arch my back and gasp at his touch.

  “I need you to suck me, lick me, anything Cade. I want your mouth on me.” I laid my hand on the nape of his neck as he immediately moved to my center, his tongue coming out and sliding up my core before he sucked my clit into his mouth. I didn’t even bother trying to control the noises I was making, it would be no use. I could hardly control the way my body responded to his touch.

  “So good, baby. You always taste so good.” He spoke the words as he slid two fingers inside of me, reaching up and hitting that spot that had me nearing the edge already. But I didn’t want to be done yet, I wasn’t ready for this to be over without us even having sex yet.

  “Cade, please. I need more of you.” The words left my mouth in an exasperated plead. He lifted his head and his tongue slid across his bottom lip as he came back over the top of me. His hips settled in between my legs, and I could feel his long, hard length pressed against my sex. He rocked forward at my words, and I slipped my feet around his legs, pulling him tighter against me while my hands slid down to his shoulders. I tipped my head back, digg
ing my fingers into his shoulder as I brought my hips up to meet his.

  “The words, Bambi. I want to hear you say it,” he said as he rocked against me again, grinding himself on the most sensitive part of me.

  “I want you inside me. Please, Cade. Now.” I brought my eyes up to his, urging him on as I writhed below him.

  “God, okay. I can’t wait any longer. I need to be inside you right fucking now.” Goose bumps erupted across my body wherever his hands touched me, sending shivers shooting up my spine and across my bare shoulders.

  He sat back and unbuttoned his jeans before he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He quickly pulled a foil packet out and I saw him tear it open with his teeth. Tugging his jeans and briefs off, he had the condom slid on quicker than I could blink.

  He brought himself back over me, aligning our hips as he slid one hand down and in between us. His finger drifted through my wet sex as he slid one finger inside me, causing me to drop my head back and push my hips farther down on his hand. His lips were on me again as he slid his finger in and out of me. My muffled moans were swallowed by his mouth, and I felt the coil spinning tighter and tighter inside of my body, quickly approaching the point where it would shatter and rip through me.

  “God, did you get a sudden burst of restraint? I swear if you don’t stop and get inside me right now, I’m going to come just like this.” My voice was hoarse, breathy as he slid second finger inside me and twisted his hand so that the heel was pressing against my sensitive bud.

  A chuckle left his mouth, and I felt a smile on his lips as he pressed it to my neck.

  “Do it, come like this. Right now, babe.” His voice was low again, gravelly and rough against my skin as he brought his lips back up to mine. He continued pumping in and out of me, two fingers stretching me against him as I met his pace with my own hips.