Needing You

by Becca Siller

  I can’t say anything else to him. I kiss him deeply, trying to pour every ounce of my love into the kiss. When we part ways I see his eyes are shining with tears but I keep strong until we’re in the car driving away. I lay my head against Skylar and cry silently.

  “Hey, don’t cry. You’re never truly without him. You have Junior, remember? He needs you to be happy,” Skylar reassures me, softly squeezing my hand.

  “You know, you’re right. I need to be happy for my little button,” I smile, running my hand across my belly.

  “Of course I am,” Skylar says arrogantly. I snort, then settle in for our terribly long trip home.

  “Thank God we’re home. I swear I’m not flying that far pregnant ever again!” I bitch. I thought flying out was bad but coming home was worse. I guess because I was excited to see Miles on the way there but now I have to spend the next almost six weeks without him. That means I’ll be into my second trimester and possibly know the sex of the baby before I get to have him home with me.

  “I’m in some serious need of Olivia,” Skylar says, striding alongside me in the airport, heading for the baggage claim. He looks great in his plaid shorts and perfectly white t-shirt.

  “Olivia? I thought you two weren’t serious?” I look at him astonished.

  “Shut-up, Ry, you know what I mean.” Skylar glowers at me. Clearly jet lag.

  “Geeze, I thought I was bitchy. It’s like six a.m., I think we should just take a cab home. I don’t want to wake Charlie,” I tell Sky as I load his arms with my baggage.

  “I wonder how she’s doing. I swear I wanted to kick Wyatt’s ass. She’s too good for him anyway,” Skylar growls at me when I add another bag. “Ry, go get a damn cart. I’m strong but I need to see where I’m going.” Laughing, I jog to the luggage carts.

  By the time the taxi pulls up to our house, I’m surprised to see Darius and Scott pulling up at the same time. The guys all do the usual back slapping and cheap shots. Scott looks beautiful and tanned, of course, making me hate him. Not really, but it seems like no matter what he wears he always looks amazing. It’s just not natural. Darius is more animated and boisterous than I’ve ever seen. He looks at Scott with pure love and adoration. When they make their way to me, I wrap my arms around the both of them, squeezing hard.

  “How was your trip?” Scott asks after kissing my cheek.

  “It was amazing, but I just can’t travel that far pregnant,” I start to explain.

  “She becomes a total bitch,” Skylar reports, darting out of my reach before I can smack him.

  “She can be a bitch all she wants. She’s making your nephew, remember,” Darius responds, kissing my cheek. We all make our way into the house, talking over each other. After we all get in we stop and stare as a collective. Ian is striding from the kitchen with two cups of coffee, wearing only flannel pants. My mouth pops open and I’m struck dumb.

  “Hey man,” Scott breaks the awkward silence. “Where’s Charlie?”

  “Being lazy, I didn’t know you were all coming in this morning. I would’ve gotten dressed.” Ian looks down embarrassed.

  “Please, we all run around half naked here anyway,” Skylar says, taking the bags to his room. “Where’s Olivia?”

  I smile at Darius and Scott and mouth, “He has it bad.” They smile, winking back at me.

  “She’ll be here to pick me up at nine. I better take this to Charlie,” Ian replies, looking incredibly uncomfortable and insanely hot. That man is built like a dream.

  “No need, I heard the commotion.” Charlie comes out of her room looking a little…happy? “Thanks,” she says as Ian hands her the coffee cup and she hands him a shirt. He smiles, kissing her swiftly on the mouth. What’s been happening in the days they’ve been here alone?

  Scott is standing back with a knowing smirk, watching the two huddling over coffee. I give him a What the fuck look but he just hikes his shoulder in a shrug. Darius walks by and kisses him, and not a normal kiss. Darius grabs Scott roughly at the neck and devours his mouth, making Scott jump to attention, following him into their room. A moment later I can hear a hard thud against the door then rhythmic thumping. Awkward…but hot.

  “You seem fine. I was a little worried about you,” I say as nonchalantly as I can after that.

  “I am. How was the rest of the trip?” Charlie asks, plopping onto a bar stool.

  “Great! Miles took me sightseeing, it was amazing, Charlie. I wish you had stayed.” I catch myself. “Of course, I know why you left. Have you talked to him?” I see Ian head for Charlie’s room, not wanting to be a part of this conversation maybe.

  “No, I haven’t. I’m fine really. Definitely learned my lesson. I’m glad you got to spend time with Miles. Is he excited about the wedding?” Charlie really seems unaffected by her and Wyatt’s falling-out.

  “Yes, filming’s been extended but he said he’s hoping to be home in time for the ultrasound. Have you been having sex with Ian this whole time?” That last question just fell out of my mouth.

  “Jesus, Riley, did you forget to turn on your brain-to-mouth filter?” Skylar asks behind me.

  I look at him over my shoulder aghast. “What are you talking about? It’s a legitimate question. I ran Wyatt through the wringer after you left, Charlie.”

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, we are not and have not had sex, Riley. Wyatt is a grown man. He decided I wasn’t enough, and I’m finally okay with that. Ian and I enjoy spending time together. There isn’t anything wrong with that. Besides you told me to go out with him.” Charlie holds her hand up in annoyance.

  “I just don’t understand how you’re totally fine after a blowout like that,” I tell her, crossing my arms across my chest in a defensive stance.

  Charlie runs her tongue over her teeth, narrowing her eyes at me. “She isn’t totally fine. She’s doing what the doctor said and taking things a little at a time,” Ian interjects, stepping out of Charlie’s room freshly showered, wearing slacks and an undershirt. Damn, how does he look that good that fast?

  “I say as long as she’s up talking and eating, I’m cool with whatever she’s doing,” Skylar adds his two cents.

  “I just worry about you, Leelee. You were so torn up when you left…” I start, but Charlie interrupts me.

  “I know, Riley, and we don’t need to rehash it. I wasn’t very good the first day or so but I also need to live my life. I’m not going to let anyone take that from me again.” She stands and wraps her arms around me. “Trust me, Ry, I’m dealing pretty well all things considered. I don’t really have a choice, I can’t keep dwelling on things, right?”

  I guess I have to trust that she really is doing better. I mean she looks great and almost happy. Although, there’s a deep shadow in her eyes, a void where the light Wyatt brought her used to be. Ian watches the exchange with admiration for Charlie, and I truly believe he’s a good man who only wants to treat her well.

  Charlie

  Since Scotland my life has reached a level of normality that I’m comfortable with. Ian and I spend quite a bit of time together. He hasn’t slept over since the roommates all came home and sometimes I miss him. But I don’t know if it’s him I miss or having someone to wake up to. Tonight we’ve all decided to hit the town to let loose after a long few weeks. Olivia has been begging to go to this karaoke bar so we decided it would be fun. What everyone else doesn’t know is I plan on going home with Ian. Well, attempt to at least. I think I’m ready to move our relationship forward, into the land of sexual intimacy. I think that’s what I want to do. I keep telling myself this is a step normal couples would take at this point in their relationship. We’ve been on several dates, all ending in some making out or something along those lines. I know I can’t blame the trauma of my attack for my reluctance to get physically intimate with Ian. If that were the case I wouldn’t have had sex with Wyatt while I was in Scotland. When I discussed it with Dr. Iverson, he told me I can’t compare the two relationships. I’m not
the same Charlie who met and fell in love with Wyatt, but that part of me is still there and clings to Wyatt. Ian is stuck with the very broken, damaged side of me that can’t seem to get past my own barriers.

  It takes almost two hours before Riley and I are put together enough to leave. We’ve talked out the issues we had when she came home. Part of it is her raging hormones but she also worries I’ll rush into something and get hurt. She told me everything she said to Wyatt the morning I left Scotland. I’m glad she told him the truth about the situation even if I didn’t know it myself until I heard her explanation. She also told me how utterly shattered he looked when I walked out. I’ve decided to ignore that part of it. I’ve actually tried to ignore the memories of that night altogether.

  Riley said she’s been feeling much better and hardly has any nausea anymore. Between house hunting and wedding plans she’s been a little stressed out but I intend for her to have a good time tonight. If I know my Riley, the one thing to make her happy, besides Miles, is singing and dancing. She works too hard and needs a break. Something at work has her really stressed out but she refuses to talk to me about it. Hopefully it isn’t anything too bad.

  Ian and Olivia show up together and I smile when I see him. He looks handsome in his jeans and tight band t-shirt. His hair is messy like he barely had time to comb it after his shower.

  “You look great,” I tell him when he walks over to me.

  “You look stunning. I like your shoes.” I look down at my animal print skyscraper heels. His eyes are hungry, making me tingle when he runs his tongue out over his plump bottom lip. Despite my mental hesitancy, my body can’t deny the man is hot.

  “Thanks,” I say, slightly breathless. My outfit is sexy but not revealing. I have on tight skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder shirt. The shoulder that is covered happens to be the side with the scar on my chest. It looks so much better now. I’m comfortable enough with it around the house and Ian but not the public. “We taking my car?” I ask Ian, making him gift me with a bright smile. He loves driving my car. Anytime we go anywhere it’s in my car and he’s the one driving.

  “Hey, I thought I was going to get to drive!” Skylar protests.

  “You are…your car,” I quip, blowing him a kiss.

  We all pile into the cars and head out to the local bar. During the ride Riley and I chatter about her dress, wedding plans and the potential houses she’s found. Ian drives with a calm confidence I like. He’s so comfortable taking the wheel, so to speak. At the bar we all enter together, the guys chattering loudly behind me. Ian keeps a possessive hand on my lower back, comforting me.

  “I feel like a seventh wheel,” Riley pouts.

  “You are so not, but I can call Julian if you want. He has always had a crush on you,” I placate.

  Riley smiles so I send him a quick text. We find tables next to the stage and dance floor. The place is your typical dimly lit bar but the atmosphere is relaxed. There are the standard groups of people gathered together. The college kids all cluster around closely. When they catch sight of Riley and me, they wolf whistle and make a few tactless comments. Riley and I both just wave them away. I can tell Ian doesn’t feel threatened by them at all. It’s definitely a nice change. I’m sure if anyone became inappropriate he’d step in but he lets me handle myself and I like that. The nicer he is, the harder I fight my feelings about holding back from him.

  As soon as Riley and I sit, Darius is dragged out to the floor by Scott, and Skylar and Olivia are right behind them. I look at Ian, who looks slightly embarrassed.

  “I can’t dance, I’m sorry,” he says, bothered by his admission

  “That’s ok, you can just watch us. Make sure no one grabs Riley’s ass. I don’t want to get into a fight tonight,” I say with a smile and a quick kiss. I grab Riley’s hand and we hit the floor with a vengeance. There’s someone on the stage singing an AC/DC song and the crowd is into it. Ian is watching us intently. I have a sudden pang of regret. This is how things got started with Wyatt. The memories of our first almost-kiss wash over me. I close my eyes and let the music take me away. Back to a time when I wasn’t so full of hurt and anger. To a time when hope and love were real.

  We dance through several songs before Julian arrives. I give him a big hug and introduce him to the group. He knows everyone for the most part; they’ve all come to the office at some point. I notice his eyes stay on Olivia for a long moment, and he and Ian don’t shake hands. I take the chair next to Ian as he orders me a beer. “Do you already know Olivia?” I ask Julian when he takes the seat on my other side.

  “Uh, something like that…” he replies vaguely.

  “Julian?”

  “We were together for a long time. She was cheating on me and we broke up,” he states bluntly and with almost no emotional reaction.

  “What? She isn’t…” I trail off remembering when Julian went through a terrible break-up about four months ago. He was devastated by her betrayal. I never met her because she never wanted to attend our office functions. From what I heard around the office I thought his ex was a snobby bitch. Now the thought of that same cheating bitch with my, much younger than her, brother…my eyes widen in horror. “Julian…Olivia is the ex?”

  “One and the same.” He takes a long pull on his beer, then grabs Riley, dragging her out on the dance floor.

  After dancing up a good sweat with Julian, Riley decides it’s time to start singing so we draw straws for who’s first. Skylar goes first but we get to choose the song for him and he gets “Eye of the Tiger,” which he kills of course. Even Ian gets into it, and we all laugh and jump up and down for him.

  Eventually everyone except Ian and Darius takes a turn singing. Even Scott gets up to sing one. We cheer and dance until it starts getting late. I only drink two beers but I feel a little fuzzy by the time we all go out to our cars. I think it’s the heat in the club and the anticipation of what is going to happen later. Ian knows I want to stay over but not what I have in mind. Julian gives Riley and me a swift kiss before making a hasty departure. I know spending time with Olivia must be difficult. Luckily he never made it weird for anyone. I’ll definitely have to have a talk with Skylar about her very soon. Riley’s curse from the back seat brings my mind back on track.

  “What happened?” I ask, leaning my head back against the cool leather. Ian turns the air conditioning on high and places his hand on my thigh as we drive back to my house to drop Riley off.

  “Miles can’t Skype tonight. He’s got to go babysit Wyatt. I guess he’s drunk off his ass. Miles is pissed because he’s not acting professional.” Riley’s phone pings with an incoming message. “Shit, apparently Wyatt’s been drunk dialing, too.”

  I stiffen in my seat, and force myself not to grab the phone from my purse to check to see if I have any messages. “Who’s he been calling?” I ask, trying to feign indifference.

  “Scott, Darius, me, and even Sky. Did he call you too, Ian? I know he has your number,” Riley says, leaning forward with a questioning expression on her face.

  I turn to face him, watching as he shifts uncomfortably. “What did he say, Ian?” I ask as softly as I can.

  “I haven’t listened to the voicemail yet. I just read the texts,” he responds stoically.

  “And…” Riley interjects from the back.

  “And what? Why do you wanna know what he says? You know it isn’t good. He’s pissed because he knows I’ve been seeing you,” Ian says, scanning the cars around us.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him as I softly run my fingertips along his jaw. I don’t want him getting upset by Wyatt. I’m trying to separate myself from all of that. His phone rings from his pocket, making him clench his jaw. “Let me have it.” I waggle my fingers at his pocket.

  “No, Charlie, it’s fine really. I don’t want this to ruin our night together.” Ian’s face is hard with determination. Deciding to go about it another way I pull my phone out and dial Wyatt’s number. “Hell, Charlie!” Ian curses and starts
to pull his hand away but I squeeze it tightly.

  “You should really trust me more.” I look at him briefly before squaring my shoulders, waiting for Wyatt’s voice to come over the line.

  Wyatt

  I’ve been trying to get in touch with one of those assholes who used to be my friends. I want to talk to Charlie. I know I’m drunk and that this is a bad idea but I want to tell her what a mistake she made breaking up with me. Finally someone calls me back.

  “Hello,” I rasp into the phone.

  “Wyatt, is there something you need to say?” Charlie’s voice makes me close my eyes, savoring the sound. I can tell she’s in a car. I start to wonder where she’s been when she demands, “Wyatt, answer me. Why are you drunk and calling all of the guys?”

  “Why am I drunk or why am I calling my friends?” My speech is slightly slurred.

  “Don’t be difficult, Wyatt, what do you want?” Charlie sounds exasperated. I love this girl and she’s too busy to talk to me. I hear a man’s voice in the background telling her to just hang up the phone if I upset her.

  “Who the fuck is that? McShane, fuckin’ douche,” I bark into the phone.

  “Yes, it’s Ian, and there’s no need for name calling, Wyatt.” I can hear Ian’s deep growl come across the line. His irritation makes me smirk with satisfaction. She called me while she was with him. Score for Team Wyatt.

  “So you’re fucking him now? Just like that,” I know I’m trying to get a rise out of her but the truth is I’m so fucking miserable it doesn’t really matter what I do at this point.

  “Right, Wyatt, you’re definitely not one to throw stones when it comes to that, now are you? Will you please just tell me what it is that you want?” Charlie barely raises her voice at my taunt but she drips indignation.

  “Ouch, well I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing. I miss you, Charlie. I need you.” My voice cracks and I swear I can picture her closing her eyes, leaning her head back against the headrest.