Surrender to Me (I Surrender Trilogy Book 2)

by James, Monica

  And the reaction I have, is still the same, as the one I had all those months ago.

  Searching Jasper’s face, I’m hoping to make sense of what he is doing, as his actions are not those of someone who has forgotten me. If I was to decode the majority of times we have seen one another, his actions definitely do not convey that message at all.

  He releases my lip which is being held prisoner by my teeth with his thumb, and I can’t help myself as my tongue pokes out and brushes over the tip. He draws his hand back quickly and hisses through his teeth. I shyly avert my eyes, embarrassed I may have overstepped some line. But as I bravely sneak a peek at him, my hormones are in overdrive, as his arousal is clear as day on his impassioned face.

  Suddenly I feel a heat gather in my core, and I need to kiss him like now. I am so turned on, my hormones have taken over and I am a passenger to my needs. I nervously reach towards him and cup his warm cheek in my palm, and he surprises me as he turns into me, closing his eyes, his mouth slightly parted.

  “There you are,” I hear, and I snatch my hand away guiltily.

  Jasper opens his eyes and glares at the cause of our interruption.

  The epitome of beauty is standing before us, and I can’t hide the disappointment on my face.

  “Hey Harmony.” Jasper half smiles as she leans towards him, planting a quick kiss on his lips.

  Seeing the discomfort on his face, which no doubt is mimicking mine, I quickly leap off my stool in hopes of escaping this uncomfortable situation. But Jasper latches onto my arm to stop my retreat. Looking down at his hand, and then back at him, his eyes are pleading with me to stay. So as I sit back down, he visibly lets out a sigh.

  “Hi Ava. I didn’t realize you were back till I saw you the other night.” Harmony smiles while pulling up a barstool, sitting near Jasper.

  She flicks her long auburn hair over her shoulder and takes a sip of Jasper’s beer. Her full lips pull away from the bottleneck and she kisses Jasper on the cheek.

  I literally feel vomit rising in my throat, and when she interlaces her fingers with his, I excuse myself before I barf all over the perfect looking couple.

  Halfway to the bathroom, I hear Jasper in pursuit, calling out for me to stop. I am torn, so I do what feels natural; I slow down until he catches up to me.

  “Hey, where are you going?” he asks quickly.

  Away from you and your perfect girlfriend, I sulk to myself.

  “Just to the bathroom, you had company anyways,” I reply nervously, looking over at Harmony.

  Jasper steps towards me, his frame engulfing my tiny one. “Yeah I did, and she ran away.”

  Not knowing how to react to his comment, I avert my eyes, looking at my shoes.

  “Hey, stop that.”

  I can’t face him because the sincerity in his voice is killing me. Just being near him is throwing all my convictions of forgetting him out the window.

  “Ava, look at me.”

  I slowly look at him from under my lashes.

  “You’re you again.”

  Puzzled once again, I let him continue. “When I saw you wearing your scruffy jeans and your Converse, my heart skipped a beat, because you were once again the Ava that fell flat on her face when we first met. The Ava who I caught dancing in her kitchen uncoordinatedly and the Ava who is the cheapest drunk I have ever met.”

  I cringe at the memories, but a small smile breaks free. They are happy memories, and for once, I bless my klutziness and total inability to have one drink, without being everyone’s best friend.

  Jasper looks to be measuring what to say next, and I am curious as to where this conversation is headed, so I give him my complete attention.

  “The way you fit in my arms when I hugged you brought back so many memories and I…”

  “You what?” I prompt, as I step forward placing a palm on his chest. His heart is racing frantically underneath my hand, and I desperately want to touch him, skin to skin.

  “I miss that Ava. That Ava who made me laugh every day, that Ava who taught me to live everyday to the fullest, and that Ava who I loved everyday beyond words.”

  I crumble when I hear him refer to loving me in the past tense. But I know Jasper and I aren’t finished, I just need to show him that that Ava still exists.

  And I will die trying.

  “J man, sorry to interrupt, but we’re on in twenty.”

  Jasper and I look up at Lucas, who sheepishly smiles at us. Jasper nods and leans forward, kissing my forehead.

  “We will talk about this later, okay?”

  Nodding quickly because I can’t leave this hanging without a resolution, I watch them walk backstage, and within five seconds of Jasper leaving, someone tugs on my arm, nearly ripping it out of the socket.

  “Owwww!” I turn around to see my best friends’ face looking at me curiously.

  Before I get a chance to ask her what the hell she is doing, she drags me into the bathroom and pushes me into a tiny stall, locking the door behind her. Looking around at the black painted walls with words of “wisdom” scrawled everywhere, I wish she’d chosen someplace less nasty to talk.

  “Talk,” she says firmly.

  “Don’t you think this is a little extreme? We could talk somewhere a little nicer and less gross you know.”

  “No time. You’d just think of some excuse not to tell me what just went down between you and Jasper.”

  With literally nowhere to go, I figure if I get this over and done with quickly, she will let me out of this makeshift prison.

  “I dunno, V. He just said I’m the real Ava… whatever the hell that means. You know Jasper, always the conundrum.”

  V shakes her head and pins me with her gaze. “No babe, I agree with him. This,” she says, flicking my t-shirt between her fingers. “This is the real you. Not the other crap you were wearing. Or the distant attitude you had. That’s not the Ava we know. That’s the Ava Harper wants, and quite frankly that Ava blows ass!”

  I cough back a laugh because V is always so articulate in her speeches.

  “Okay fine whatever. Can we just get out of here, I am seriously gagging.”

  V throws her arms around me, and I huff out a breath with the force of her squeeze.

  “I’ve missed you, so don’t you dare change. And I mean that literally.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I reply with conviction, because for once, I mean it.

  “Good. Now let’s get the fuck out of here before I catch a disease.”

  I laugh, and we thankfully exit the stall in under three minutes.

  As we walk out of the bathroom, I don’t know what smells worse, in here or back in the restroom. There are so many sweaty bodies in here, awaiting P.O.E, and that thought makes me nervous for some unknown reason.

  I need a drink.

  We quickly down a few quick shots which go straight to my head, and as V and I demolish our sixth shot, the lights dim and I know the boys are ready to play their set.

  They start with their usual introduction, prepping the crowd for the arrival of Jasper, and I get a little giddy because I have missed seeing him perform. I am anticipating his arrival and almost fall flat on my face when he takes to the stage. He is a sight for sore eyes in his ripped at the knee, black jeans and grey muscle tank. His muscles are illuminated under the soft lights, and I can’t help but notice how much bigger he’s gotten. His obliques are rippling with each movement, and as he reaches up to adjust his guitar strap, his biceps flex firmly.

  He nods in time with the beat, and when he finally joins in with his guitar, the crowd goes wild and I smile widely, because I am so proud of him. Looking around, I realize P.O.E have quite a following, and I miss not being around to witness them acquiring all these new fans.

  V is standing near me, beaming as usual at Lucas. They are so in love that it may borderline on being sickening, but when I witness their worship for one another, I feel nothing but happiness for them.

  Jasper has started singin
g, and of course I am humming along with him, as I know every word. I see him scan the crowd often, and I am hoping he is looking for me.

  As I peer around the crowded room, I notice Harmony standing off to the side, staring at Jasper adoringly, and I feel sick to my stomach. V observes my object of fascination and bumps into me with her shoulder, shaking her head while mouthing, “He’s yours.”

  I shrug and play it off, but deep down I hope she’s right.

  After they play a few songs, I finally catch Jasper’s eye and he gives me a dimpled smile, his tousled hair falling into his perfect cerulean eyes. Giving him a small wave, he winks in acknowledgment, and once Jasper identifies where I am, he seems to be directing his performance my way. Disregarding that as my slightly inebriated brain playing tricks on me, I ignore the thrill it gives me if that indeed holds some truth. But when he hushes the crowd and looks my way, I know I am right.

  “Hey guys, we are going to do something we have never done before, so if it sucks, please don’t tell anyone,” Jasper says with a small smile.

  The crowd lets out a loud chuckle, and Jasper turns around quickly, talking to Lucas. I look over at V who looks just as baffled as I.

  “Okay, can I have thirty seconds of your time?”

  The crowd roars their consent, and Jasper smirks. “Naw, you guys rock.”

  Jasper is holding his pic between his thumb and forefinger as he cups the microphone seductively, and I think the ovaries of every female in the room have just exploded!

  “We’re going to play a cover.”

  The crowd lets out a playful ‘Boo,’ and Jasper clutches his heart teasingly.

  “If you don’t like it, then now is a good time to go get a drink or go to the bathroom, whatever. But there is one person who needs to stay where she is, because this is for her.” He openly looks at me and I gulp nervously.

  They start with a rocky tempo, and as soon as Jasper starts singing the first line, my whole body breaks out in goose pimples. He has chosen, I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight by Cutting Crew, and I don’t know what to do, because I feel like I am about to pass out. V clutches onto me, and I lean into her for physical and emotional support.

  He doesn’t take his eyes off of me for the whole song, and when he starts singing the chorus, he emphasizes each word passionately.

  His messy hair is drenched in sweat, and his grey tank is sticking to his chest, outlining his torso. I am salivating at the sight of him, but it’s the look on his face that is getting to me.

  I can see that Jasper is just as conflicted about us as I am. He feels it too.

  So, what does this mean?

  It means I am totally screwed, and need another drink… or twenty.

  After Jasper finishes the song, he gives me a quick wink and continues on like nothing happened. I signal to V that I am going to the bar, and push my way through the crowd.

  As per usual the line is too long, and luckily Jasper’s voice is keeping me entertained. I am bopping away, totally lost in his sensual voice, when I feel someone yank on my upper arm.

  “Owwww!” I look over at a pair of cold blue eyes, assessing me bitterly.

  He is hurting me, so I attempt to shrug out of his grip.

  “Ow Harper, you’re hurting me,” I squeak as his grip tightens. “Let me go.”

  I try not to make a scene, but Harper has other ideas as he pulls me roughly into him. “We’re leaving.”

  I look up at him and shake my head. “No, you can leave. I’m having a good time and I am about to get a drink, so please let me go.”

  “I think you've had more than enough,” he sneers.

  He has a sharp hold on my upper arm, and I wince as he tightens his hold even further.

  Again I attempt to pull out of his grasp, but he won’t budge.

  “I said you've had enough.”

  The grip on my arm is so tight, I know it will leave a bruise, but I stubbornly don’t move.

  “Come on Ava, we're leaving before you embarrass yourself further.”

  The look in Harper’s eyes actually scares me, and I know he is angry because he has witnessed mine and Jasper’s exchange. I don’t know how much he has seen, but it is enough to leave him seething.

  I rummage around the room, desperately searching for Jasper, but he's nowhere to be found as P.O.E have finished their set.

  I don’t have much of a choice as Harper won’t let me go, so I huff, “Fine!” as I finally shrug out of his grip, storming out the bar with Harper in pursuit.

  I explode outside and stumble slightly when I lose my footing on the gravel.

  Harper latches onto my arm, spinning me around to face him.

  “What is the matter with you?” he snarls, spitting in my face in anger.

  “What are you talking about?” I reply, trying to shake him off me, but to no prevail.

  “You are better than subjecting yourself to that cheap nasty alcohol.”

  Looking at Harper, he looks more like a parent reprimanding their child, than he does my fiancée.

  “Oh please, listen to yourself. I'm twenty three. I'm supposed to be getting drunk on nasty beverages. So should you, so lighten up.”

  “Excuse me?” Harper’s face is one of pure annoyance, but I don't take the hint.

  “You're my boyfriend, not my dad, so stop acting like a jackass!”

  I am on a roll and really shouldn’t be provoking him

  when he is this angry.

  “Are you serious? I’m you’re fiancé, not boyfriend, and I am only trying to protect you from looking like a drunken whore.”

  I flinch at the harshness of his tone, and also his choice of words.

  “I beg your pardon. A whore? That's what you think of me?”

  Harper can see he has hit below the belt with his unjust comment, and his face softens slightly.

  “Ava, no, of course not. I meant you were obviously affected by that deadbeat singer and behaving quite loosely.”

  I am no longer mad at his debasing comment directed at me. I am more so furious at his undignified remark about Jasper.

  “He is not a deadbeat,” I sneer. “And his name is Jasper.”

  “I don't give a fuck what his name is,” he bites back, pushing me up against a brick wall.

  Feeling trapped with him pinning me against the scratchy surface, I attempt to push him off, but my efforts are fruitless.

  “Let me go, Harper,” I shakily say, afraid of the crazy look in his eyes.

  “No,” he replies, lowering his face to mine, his eyes daring mine coldly.

  Pushing at his chest, which doesn't budge, I suddenly feel very afraid of what he might do next.

  “Let her fucking go.”

  Both Harper and I turn to see my white knight.

  Jasper.

  *****

  “You heard her. Let her go you pompous dick.”

  Harper has a malicious grin on his face as he turns to face Jasper. I quickly duck out of my Harper prison, afraid of the look in both his and Jasper’s eyes.

  “Excuse me? Who the hell are you to demand such things? This is none of your business.”

  Harper approaches Jasper menacingly, but Jasper stands his ground, not intimated by him.

  “I think it is,” Jasper replies as he crosses his arms over his chest.

  “Oh yeah?” Harper forebodingly sneers, getting into Jasper’s face.

  “Yeah,” Jasper mocks.

  I can feel the hatred pass over the both of them, so I quickly intervene.

  “Stop it,” I utter hysterically, afraid of the death stares they are giving one another.

  Attempting to wedge my way between the two of them, Jasper has other ideas as he places a protective arm around my waist, shielding me behind him.

  “Stay out of this, Ava,” he says while reaching for my hand, and latching onto it.

  Harper attempts to reach for me, but Jasper slaps his hand away.

  “You lay a finger on her, and you'll lose it,” he w
arns, menace clear in his voice.

  “Who the fuck do you think you are?” Harper says, clenching his fists.

  “I'm someone who wouldn't manhandle a woman.”

  Harper’s nostril flare and I see pure rage reflected in his blue eyes. I attempt to move, but Jasper tightens his grip.

  Harper looks down at the connection and scowls. “Hands to yourself vermin.”

  “Harper!” I gasp, appalled at his offensive choice of words.

  “Unlike your buddy, I think my hands are welcomed.”

  Harper gives me a heated look over Jasper’s shoulder.

  “I'm leaving. Do you choose to stay here with him?”

  I can feel Jasper’s grip stiffen, afraid of my reply.

  I'm given a choice with who I will choose.

  But there is no competition.

  It’ll always be him.

  “Yes,” I whisper after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

  Jasper’s shoulders sag and I hear him breathe a relieved sigh.

  I guiltily glance at Harper, who has a miserable look on his face, he looks vulnerable and hurt and suddenly I feel really guilty. I think about how he helped me survive my time apart from Jasper, and I feel horrible. What kind of person am I? To do this to someone who helped me when I needed someone the most.

  “Very well, you know where I am if you change your mind. I will always be here for you, Ava,” and he backs away, head bowed.

  Only once he's gone, does Jasper loosen his hold on my hand. He doesn't turn to face me though. His shoulders are hunched, and his head is downward.

  Apprehensively, I reach out to caress his shoulder, and I feel him tense under my touch.

  “Are you okay?”

  Jasper shakes his head slowly.

  Lightly running my fingertips over the wisps of hair curling at the base of his neck, Jasper groans softly, and the sound does amazing things to my insides. I bite my lip as I bravely run my hand through his messy locks, and the silkiness of the thick strands under my fingers, leaves me salivating in pure need.

  It's been so long, but the emotion feels so familiar, it feels like home.

  Jasper breaks my daydream by slowly turning towards me, and I miss the feel of him.

  He tongues his lower lip, his eyes heated. “Why are you with him? I can't believe he is the guy you have wasted your tears over. I can’t believe he is the guy you chose over me?”