Surrender to Me (I Surrender Trilogy Book 2)

by James, Monica

  You gave me no choice! I internally scream.

  “It's not like that Jasper,” I settle for instead.

  “Yes it is.”

  Is he really doing this here? Now?

  Judging by the hard look in his eye, I think he is.

  I choke back the approaching nausea. “You never gave me an opportunity to explain.”

  “Because you lied to me,” he snaps.

  “So did you,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling.

  Jasper throws his hands up in defeat. ”I give up! Just forget it.”

  Taking a step towards him, I latch onto his arm when he appears to dodge my touch. Him using the phrase forget, brings on a fit of anxiety.

  “Never say that. Never give up. On me. Or us.”

  “What the fuck, Ava? Am I just meant to wait around like a lost puppy dog till you get bored, and decide I'm good enough for you?” Jasper has a desperate look in his eyes, waiting for me to explain.

  “You were always good enough Jasper. You are too good for me.”

  I need to talk to him and tell him everything. Tell him that I choose him, because there was never a choice to make. But more so, I need to ask him why he left me the way he did-with that bullshit note.

  He takes hold of my upper arms, shaking me lightly. “Then why are you with him? Answer me this!”

  Lowering my eyes, ashamed of what I am about to tell him, I whisper, “Because you left me that...”

  But Jasper lets me go and takes a step back, not allowing me to finish my sentence.

  “I left you because you fucking tore my heart out!” he screams.

  I am motionless, staring at him, the ache in his words kicking me in the guts.

  “Let me explain,” I beg, needing to tell him why I accepted Harper’s proposal.

  But as he looks at me with finality, I know I am too late.

  “Jasper! Wait!” I yell, as he turns his back on me and walks away.

  Chapter 16

  Cat-napping

  I have been in a bit of a funk ever since Jasper and Harper had ‘words.’

  When I came in last night, Harper wasn’t around...again, nor was he when I left this morning...again. This suits me just fine as I can’t deal with whatever went down between us. My brain hurts from over thinking, so when V invited me on a shopping expedition, to get some last minute wedding items I can't even pronounce, I was more than grateful for the distraction.

  After being ordered about and subjected to every bridal store for the past three hours, I am finally sitting down. I am waiting for V in The Mall’s food court with my feet propped up on the seat opposite me, exhausted. I only agreed to this shopping outing as V promised me a hot dog from Daggy Dog, the best hot dog place in L.A.

  I have been craving these hot dogs since my return, and my sore feet and head will thank me when I take my first bite.

  V arrives with a tray full of food, and I clap my hands excitedly. “Yay! Oh Daggy Dog, how I've missed you.”

  V places the tray onto the table before I gnaw her hand off.

  “You really need to come back to L.A. You're obviously going through withdrawals.” She lets out a small laugh as she sits down, taking a sip of her drink.

  Her comment for some reason hits a nerve. Being back here with V, my parents and Jasper, has really made me think twice about my decision to move back to Singapore. I know I don't have long until I am able to transfer back to CIA in California, but the thought of going back to Singapore after the wedding, brings about unanticipated feelings of apprehension.

  “What's up?” V asks, chewing on her straw.

  I shrug because I don’t even know what’s bothering me.

  “You're not eating your dog. So I’m guessing you're deep in thought, probably involving a certain boy whose name starts with J and ends in asper.”

  Letting out a giggle, I throw a French fry at her, and no matter my mood, my best friend can always make me smile.

  She ducks out the way of the flying fry missile, and my breath catches in my throat when I see who is standing a few tables behind her.

  Slouching low, I brace the edge of the chair so I don’t slide off.

  “What are you doing?” V asks, clearly confused by my bi-polar.

  Totally ignoring her question, I peer over her shoulder, attempting to spy on two people who are thankfully oblivious to their surroundings.

  “Ava?” V shouts.

  “Sssh!” I shush V, gesturing with my hands for her to lower her voice.

  She looks over her shoulder at what has me so intrigued, and her mouth drops open.

  “Hollllyyy shit. Is that Indie and...”

  “Jasper’s mom,” I finish.

  “What the fuck?” she shrieks, turning back around quickly.

  So much for being quiet.

  I only shrug because I don't know what they are doing together.

  They take a seat, happily chatting, and I shuffle up in my chair so I can get a better view over V’s shoulder. Jasper’s mom reaches across the table and grabs a hold of Indie’s hand, talking to her animatedly, while Indie lowers her eyes and pouts like the spoilt little hoochie bitch that she is.

  “What are they saying?” asks V, talking out of the side of her mouth.

  “I don’t know. I don’t have bionic hearing.” Although in this moment, I wish I did. “I can’t hear jack over this noise.”

  I don’t know why, but I have my suspicions they are discussing Jasper. What else would they be talking about?

  “Have you met Jasper’s mom before?”

  I nod cringing, while keeping me eyes glued to their table.

  “I take it didn’t go well.”

  Turning my attention back to V, because I am about to puke when I witness Indie give Jasper’s mom puppy dog eyes, I reply, “She totally hates me. She gave me serious stink eye and wiped her hand when I shook it.”

  “Ouch.” V looks at me sympathetically.

  “Tell me about it.”

  Returning to my undercover work, I am all but falling off my chair, watching the exchange between the two of them, when V asks smugly, “Why do you care if his mom hates you? I mean you’re together with buttface now.”

  I know what she is doing, and I am so not taking the bait. I don’t want to explore my jealously over seeing Indie and Jasper’s mom laughing like best friends.

  I continue on with my observation, and when Indie jumps up, hugging Jasper’s mom, I feel nauseous because I have a feeling they are up to no good.

  Looking down at my hot dog, I sigh as my appetite is totally shot.

  Looks like I won’t be having my Daggy Dog after all.

  *****

  I am all jittery after The Mall incident and I know why. When I saw Indie and Jasper’s mom together, something a little like jealously passed over me, because I wanted to be the one having lunch with her, and laughing like old girlfriends catching up. But instead I am second guessing everything, and I am feeling this. This confusion as to where I stand with Jasper.

  Jasper is giving me mixed signals every time I see him, and I cannot deal with this emotional rollercoaster I am currently riding with him. He acts as my protector, and then leaves me a blubbering mess in the span of five minutes.

  It sucks.

  So, there is only one thing that can make me feel remotely better, and that’s my cat. I am racing down the street to be at the one place I need to be. Sadly, Oscar is under house arrest at Jasper’s, but I am about to be the cat burglar, and I mean that in the literal sense.

  I still have a spare key to Jasper’s house, and I intend to put it to good use. Jasper says he doesn’t hate me. Well, maybe I need to give him a reason to hate me so he will stop being so nice to me. That way I know where I stand, and I won’t be so torn all the time.

  Why did he sing me that song? I am convinced that there are two Jasper’s, and at the moment, I hate them both. The nice Jasper gives me blind faith that maybe there is hope for us. But the other Jasper is moody an
d temperamental, and that Jasper is seriously sending me crazy with his mixed signals.

  Pulling up around the block, I slip on my black sweater, which blends in with my black short shorts and black high tops. I look ridiculous, but I don’t care. This whole situation is ridiculous, and stealing my cat back is the only thing that makes sense to me at the moment.

  I am one with the wall as I walk along it, peering around, while making sure no one sees me. As I creep up to his house, I see Jasper’s truck isn’t in the driveway.

  Score!

  Creeping up his front steps, I pull out his spare key which I have around my neck on a silver necklace. I insert it slowly into the lock and it clicks. Pushing the door open, I sneak inside, closing it softly behind me, and I actually get a rush of adrenalin as the hard part is over. Now, I just have to find Oscar and make a quick exit.

  I call out to Oscar in a hushed voice, not wanting the neighbors to hear me. Of course he doesn’t come when he’s called. What cat does?!

  I know he likes sleeping on Jasper’s bed, so I decide to climb the stairs to his room, crossing my fingers that he is up there as I am starting to get nervous.

  The top step has always been creaky and screeches loudly when I step onto it. I jump off it, and bang into the wall, which echoes throughout the house. Freezing, I listen intently to ensure I can’t hear any approaching sirens. The coast is thankfully clear, so I continue on with my cat napping.

  Slowly opening Jasper’s door, the sight of his room warms my insides. It smells so much like him, and I creepily close my eyes, inhaling deeply. I quietly enter and close the door behind me, searching for Oscar. He is happily napping on the bed, and when he sees me, he gives me a dirty look.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I whisper, approaching him slowly, because I know if I rush towards him, he will get spooked and run.

  I tip toe over to the bed, while Oscar is looking at me with an aloof look on his little face. I am so close to him, I extend my hand so he can smell my fingers, but of course I trip over a discarded shoe, which sends him screeching off and scampering under the bed.

  Damn!

  I sigh, I so deserve this. This is what I get for sneaking into my ex-boyfriend’s house, attempting to steal back my cat.

  Crouching low, I crab crawl towards the bed.

  “Here kitty kitty,” I say, in hopes of coaxing him out.

  The blanket is obscuring my view of Oscar, so I lift it up and peer under the bed with my cheek pressed to the carpet.

  “Hey baby. Come out for mama okay,” I whisper when I see him sitting casually under the bed.

  Oscar looks the other way, and I swear he is grinning at my stupidity.

  Crawling further on my hands and knees, with my butt sticking up in the air, I shove my arm under the bed in attempts to pull him out, but of course he moves further away from me.

  Calling out to Oscar with my head basically wedged under the bed, is probably not the best idea when you are breaking into someone’s house, seeing as I cannot hear anything.

  “Ah ha!” I rejoice when I grab a hold of Oscar.

  But that celebration is short lived when I back out from under the bed, and come face to face with Jasper.

  Damn, I suck at being a spy!

  *****

  “I don’t know if I should call the Police or Playboy.”

  Jasper is chuckling, while I feel my face turning the deepest shade of red. EVER! I know he saw me in that compromising position earlier and I squirm.

  I can’t believe I have been caught, and worse still, in my panic I let go of Oscar, who has darted back under the bed. All that effort was for nothing!

  “I am almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing?” he asks, looking at me smugly, leaning against the doorway.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” I scoff, attempting to shrug off the fact I broke into his house, and was caught on my hands and knees, looking under his bed, like a lunatic.

  “Um, no, not really,” Jasper smiles, covering his mouth.

  “Why are you here?” I snap.

  “Um, because I live here,” he replies smirking, crossing his arms across his chest.

  Damn him and that smile.

  I quickly stand up, dusting my hands together.

  “So, are you going to explain why you decided to break into my house?” Jasper asks while raising his eyebrows, amused.

  Think Ava.

  “I lost my earring.” I cringe as soon as it’s out of my mouth.

  Jasper bites back a smile and I want to smack his smug face.

  “Technically it’s not breaking and entering because I have a key.” Crap, now I’m totally busted.

  That wipes the self-righteous look off his face. “You still have a key?” he asks stunned.

  “Yes,” I admit. “I haven’t given it back because I thought when I returned to L.A, it would be under different circumstances.”

  Lowering my eyes, suddenly very embarrassed, I walk towards him slowly.

  “Here,” I say, pulling the key out from under my sweater, handing it to him.

  I feel like a part of me is dying as I don’t want to give it back to him.

  He stares at it and shakes his head. “Keep it.”

  Looking at him stunned and confused, I ask, “What? Why?”

  He searches my face. “Because it’s yours.”

  “Yeah but...”

  “No buts,” he smiles, wrapping his fingers around my outstretched palm, enclosing the key into it.

  His actions warm my heart, and I return his smile. “I promise I won't use it without asking first.”

  He lets out a soft chuckle. “It's fine. I kinda liked seeing you in my bedroom.”

  I kinda liked being in his bedroom, I silently add. Although the position he found me in I can do without.

  “Sorry you found me in such an unattractive position.”

  Jasper looks at me confused, so I clarify. “You know, on my knees.”

  He looks at me with his bedroom eyes, and I struggle to breathe.

  “That was the best part about finding you in here,” he replies, winking.

  Taking a step back, away from his intense gaze, my knees hit the end of the bed, and the look he is giving me is not one a friend should be giving another friend. Quickly turning away, before I haul myself across the room and embarrass myself further, I notice a picture of him and his mom on his bookshelf.

  “Hey, that's nice,” I say, pointing at the photo.

  Jasper looks at it. “Yeah, that was taken back in Chicago.”

  “You guys look alike,” I comment, noticing the similarities between them.

  Jasper smiles and he looks happy that he bears a resemblance to his mother. Thinking about his mom, I remember the awkward encounter I had with her the other day, and of course I think about her and Indie being all smoochy with one another.

  “I don't think your mom likes me,” I admit timidly.

  Jasper shifts uncomfortably. “Why do you say that?”

  Oh, maybe because she is BFF with your ex.

  His uneasy reaction indicates I am right. “I dunno, maybe by the way she was giving me serious stink eye when I met her.”

  Jasper has the nerve to laugh. “She is just protective. She knows about you.”

  “Oh?” I squeak.

  That would explain why she hates me, and is Indie’s best buddy. “What exactly does she know?”

  “She knows about us,” he replies calmly.

  “Everything?” I respond, mortified.

  He shrugs, his shoulders stretching under his tight black tee.

  “Yeah, most of it.”

  “Oh God!” I cringe. “No wonder she hates me,” I whine, covering me eyes.

  Jasper softly removes my hands from my face. “She doesn't hate you Ava. I'm sorry if me telling her has made you uncomfortable.”

  He looks genuinely apologetic, and I feel like a total ass for making him feel bad about confiding in his mom.

  “No, it's
fine. It’s good you two are talking about this kinda stuff. I will just ignore her the next time she looks at me like I am the Antichrist.”

  Jasper chuckles and I suddenly don’t like the playful look in his eye. “Why would it matter if my mom didn’t like you?”

  Yeah Ava, good question. I know why, but should I tell him?

  With nothing left to lose, as this night can’t get any more embarrassing, I confess, “Because she's your mom and you're...”

  “I'm what?” he asks cutting me off, while taking a step towards me.

  “You're you. And...”

  “And what?” he prompts, taking another step closer.

  “And I want her to like me because...”

  “Because what?” he questions, taking yet another step towards me so we are standing inches apart.

  “Because I like you,” I whisper, totally lost under his spell.

  “You like me?” he smirks. “How much?”

  What is he doing? Is he flirting with me? I am seriously going to get emotional whiplash dealing with his mood swings. But I’ll play along.

  “When you're mean to me, I like you this much.” I pinch my thumb and forefinger apart a few inches.

  Jasper holds his hand over his chest in mock horror.

  “But when you're nice to me, I like you this much,” and I widen my fingers only a few extra inches.

  He peers at my fingers, and gives me a lopsided smile.

  “Is that all? Wow, I must be a real sucky friend.”

  I giggle. “You are.”

  This is the one time I don’t mind him referring to himself as my friend, because he is paying out on his suckiness.

  “How can I bump up my likeability?”

  I tap my finger on my mouth, deep in thought. “Be nicer to me,” I reply a little breathlessly when he pulls me towards him by my hips.

  “How can I do that?” he asks.

  What the hell is he doing? This is the type of behavior that is going to send me straight into a straightjacket. I can't keep up with his love me, then leave me attitude.

  Peering up at his big eyes, I don't know what to say, because all I want to do is kiss him.