The Reason is You

by Nikita Singh

  ‘Sid,’ she said, her lower lip trembling.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘She’s so pretty.’

  ‘Akriti, please. Please, let it go,’ Siddhant begged. ‘We broke up a year ago. I didn’t expect to see her, or I would’ve told you about her. I’m sorry I hurt you.’

  ‘You said it was the timing …’ It was as if Akriti hadn’t heard anything he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You said it wasn’t the right time for the two of you. She wasn’t over her ex and made a mistake …’ Akriti said, her voice breaking. ‘What if that’s changed now? What if now the timing is right?’

  ‘It isn’t! How can the timing be right now, when I’m in a relationship? With you! For all we know, she might be with someone too. We have completely different lives now, lives that practically never intersect,’ Siddhant declared, a tightness forming in his throat as he said those words.

  ‘But if the timing was right now … would you choose her over me?’ Akriti asked in a small voice.

  ‘Are you listening to me—?’

  ‘I’m dark. And defective—’ she continued gravely.

  ‘What—?’

  ‘She’s pretty and perfect. She bakes cookies. Her bed is probably made of rainbows and butterflies. Does she have a pet unicorn?’ she finished bitterly.

  What is happening? Siddhant was completely baffled by the nosedive this conversation had taken. Granted, he had only known Akriti for three months, but he had never seen her so insecure before.

  He also disapproved of her assumption that Maahi’s life was easy, and she didn’t have any real problems because of her choice of profession. It was unfair and judgemental of Akriti to think like that and be dismissive of Maahi’s profession. Siddhant thought it cast Akriti in a very bad light. She was a hardworking surgeon; she shouldn’t feel the need to judge others and put them down to feel better about herself.

  Siddhant had no idea how to tackle this situation. He wanted to comfort her and make her feel better. Yet, at the same time, he didn’t want her to think it was okay to have accusatory conversations like this with him or bully others.

  ‘That’s enough, Akriti. You have to stop,’ Siddhant said finally.

  ‘Why did you say we weren’t at the point of discussing past relationships?’

  ‘What?’ Siddhant was thrown again. She wasn’t listening to a word he was saying. It was like she was having a conversation with herself.

  ‘Aren’t you serious about me?’

  ‘I don’t know what the right answer is here. What do you want me to say?’

  ‘You’re not! You’re just playing with me!’ Fat teardrops began rolling down her face, as if on cue.

  ‘What—no! I care about you!’

  ‘You said you love me!’

  ‘I did! I do!’

  ‘You’re lying. You’re a liar! Akriti spat angrily. She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. ‘You’re a liar!’

  ‘Stop it! I’m not a liar! I have never lied to you,’ Siddhant said desperately. The situation was spinning out of control again and like before, he had no idea how to fix it.

  ‘You don’t love me!’

  Siddhant paused for a breath and picked his words carefully. ‘I told you I love you. It was true then and it is true now. But it is also true that we have only known each other for three months. Love takes time. I’m getting to know you better each day. It takes time for two people to develop a deep connection. We can’t expect to fall madly in love overnight, that our love will be as strong as that of a couple who have been together for fifty years!’

  ‘So what are you saying?’

  ‘I’m saying that … why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves, and our relationship? Can we just stop worrying about things that don’t affect us and live in the present?’

  ‘So now I’m putting pressure on you? What are you talking about?’ Akriti’s voice was getting high-pitched again, and even though she’d stopped crying, the hurt look had reappeared in her eyes.

  ‘No! God!’ Siddhant rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. ‘I’m just saying that we don’t need to put a label on our relationship and follow some sort of manual. We should just focus on getting to know each other, and allowing ourselves to—’

  ‘What kind of bullshit is this? What a fucking joke—’

  ‘Akriti! This conversation is going nowhere—’

  ‘Because you’re just bullshitting me—’

  ‘Stop it!’ Siddhant said loudly, overpowering Akriti’s cries. ‘Just STOP!’

  Taken aback, Akriti turned quiet immediately. Then in the next second she jumped out of the car and stormed into her building.

  Siddhant didn’t go after her. There was no point trying to reason with her in her current state. They both needed to sleep it off. Every word that came out of her made less sense than the last and nothing he said was making any difference at all. They were just going around in circles, and by that point he was so dizzy he couldn’t tell which side was up.

  He had to let her go for now, give her time to cool down. Most of all, he felt tired to the bone and just wanted to go home.

  Chapter 8

  Over the next week, Siddhant and Akriti circled each other much like wrestlers gauging their opponent before a match. They tried to assess where the other person was, emotionally, and how to move on from the night at the parking lot.

  They didn’t text or make any plans to hang out. When they saw each other at the hospital, the most one offered the other was a swift nod or a hesitant smile. Neither of them was sure about how to recover from their fight.

  Siddhant thought putting some space between them was the best idea; they needed time to process things. Besides, he was in no rush to make up with her. She had been unreasonable, irrational, suspicious and distrusting of him – and for no real reason as far as he could see. He might have reconciled with her behaviour if she had stopped after the first few questions. But getting drunk and picking a fight …

  By the time he’d returned home that night, he had a splitting headache. Yet, he couldn’t sleep. He lay awake in his bed for hours, going over everything she’d said to him. Since he’d known he would be driving after the party, he had refrained from drinking – which meant once he fell into bed, he didn’t even have the luxury of simply passing out.

  He’d arrived at work with just a couple of hours of sleep, resulting in a day that was far more tiring than usual. He barely made it through their morning rounds, constantly stifling yawns. He finally saw Akriti when he got out of his first surgery of the day. She was talking to two people; the three of them huddled together in a group. She looked at him as he walked by. The only reaction he got from her in those few seconds was a startled expression. The following day, she gave him a nod as a hello.

  A week later, they were yet to exchange more than cursory acknowledgements in the corridors. Siddhant was growing tired of the situation and wanted things to go back to normal, but he didn’t know how to make that happen. He also believed that he deserved an apology from her, for treating him the way she had that night. Although he wasn’t angry anymore – it wasn’t in his nature to hold grudges – he did think that she ought to be the one to initiate conversation.

  A few days later, Siddhant got home from work to find Akriti in his living room. She was wearing a flowing blue kurti and had tied the top half of her hair in a really high ponytail at the crown of her head. When she turned to look at him, her bright pink lips stretched in a big smile.

  ‘Hey, Sid!’ she greeted cheerfully.

  Siddhant looked back at his front door, wondering if he’d entered another dimension. Last time he’d checked, his life didn’t look like this. Ever since Akriti had entered his life, he had become incapable of gauging what the next day would be like. At the moment, it looked like a scene from a romantic comedy.

  ‘What’s going on?’ he wondered aloud as he set his bag down on the floor.

  Akriti produced a long-stem
med white rose from behind her as she came towards him. Handing it to him, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. When she pulled back, she was looking at him with pure adoration. She smiled and returned to the table she’d been setting. ‘I just wanted to do something special for you,’ she explained.

  Siddhant stood there, holding the white rose, which he now understood to be a signal of peace. Is this how they were going to make up? Brush everything under the rug and ignore the important conversations? Just pretend everything was … rosy?

  He set the rose on the kitchen counter and walked to the table. The table, covered with a pale pink cloth, was set for two. Each setting had a cloth napkin, rolled up and fastened with a wide gold ring, placed on a small plate, which was then placed on top of a large plate. To the right of each plate sat a knife and spoon and to the left were three forks of varying sizes – more than he’d ever used for one meal in his life. There were three little orange tea lights in the centre of the table. There were three glasses per person too, which he found confusing.

  ‘Wow.’ Siddhant wondered how long it had taken Akriti to put all of it together. He’d never seen anything like it before.

  ‘Do you like it?’ she asked eagerly.

  ‘Like it? This is … Wow! I’ve never seen anything like this, at least not in person,’ Siddhant said honestly.

  Akriti laughed. ‘Yeah, I got inspiration from Pinterest.’

  ‘What are all these forks for?’

  ‘They each have a purpose! My mom taught me how to use five-piece cutlery when I was young. We used to host a lot of parties, because her work required a lot of socializing and stuff.’

  ‘Great – then you can teach me,’ Siddhant said. ‘It’ll be like the how-to-be-a-proper-lady etiquette training they used to have in Britain.’

  ‘Almost exactly like that, yes.’

  ‘And then I can sit pretty and wait for suitors to line up for me?’ Siddhant asked in all seriousness.

  ‘Pretty much,’ Akriti responded swiftly.

  ‘Sweet!’

  They both laughed, and the tension between them broke. Maybe this wasn’t how Siddhant would’ve chosen to resolve their fight – maybe he would’ve preferred to acknowledge the things that were said and feelings that were hurt in the process. But pushing it all under the rug felt so good … For once he was okay with taking the easy way out.

  Akriti had, after all, put in a lot of effort to set this up. The least he could do was go along with it.

  The doorbell rang and Akriti sprang into action at once. ‘That’s our food,’ she said, going towards the door. She came back to the table carrying a large paper bag.

  As they began extracting boxes from the bag, Siddhant asked, ‘What are we having?’

  ‘Italian,’ Akriti said, looking up at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

  ‘Oh, cool.’ Siddhant felt like he was missing something.

  ‘Just like our first date,’ Akriti explained. ‘Don’t you remember? I thought it’s your favourite.’ She looked at him quizzically.

  ‘Yes, of course. I love it!’ Siddhant said, biting his lip.

  Akriti visibly relaxed and brought out the remaining boxes. Siddhant didn’t correct her – they did get Italian food on their first date, but not because it was his favourite. It was because he had asked her what she was in the mood for and then picked out the restaurant based on her response. But pretending that Italian food was his favourite was a small price to pay for some peace between them.

  ‘Let me wash up quickly and come back,’ Siddhant said.

  ‘Don’t be long!’ Akriti smiled. As he walked away, she added, ‘Food’s getting cold.’

  ‘Just a second,’ Siddhant called from the door to the bathroom. He saw his reflection in the mirror and was disappointed to find a tired face looking back at him. His hair was going in five different directions and badly needed a cut. His facial hair could do with some trimming too. He hadn’t had time to shave for over a week, resulting in a full face of beard and moustache. He pulled his T-shirt over his head and bent down to wash his face. He tried to fix his hair, and was successful in taming part of it. Buttoning down a fresh shirt, he peeked under his bed and pulled out two bottles and took them to the living room.

  ‘White or red?’ he asked Akriti, holding up the wine bottles. ‘Found some leftover bottles from a party we had a while ago.’

  ‘Red would be lovely,’ Akriti said, still pretending to be in a rom-com.

  Siddhant smiled, thinking about how hard she was trying to make everything perfect, and uncorked the wine bottle. They sat down across from each other and he poured her a glass. She waited till he had poured himself some, and then raised her glass.

  ‘To a beautiful night,’ Akriti said, smiling lovingly at him.

  ‘To a beautiful night,’ Siddhant repeated. He took a sip and looked down at the table in front of him, completely blown away. It looked even more appealing now, with the food and wine adorning it. ‘So, which fork should I use for the pasta?’

  Akriti motioned towards a fork. ‘This one. But I promise I won’t judge you if you use the wrong one. This is a safe place!’

  ‘Really? What if I eat with a spoon?’

  ‘That’s okay too.’

  ‘What if I eat with my fingers? I can make them look like prongs of a giant fork …’ Siddhant teased.

  ‘Go ahead!’ Akriti laughed.

  ‘Wow. I’ll be honest with you – I expected more strictness from my how-to-be-a-proper-lady teacher. What if suitors don’t line up outside my door tomorrow?’

  ‘Good for me! I get to keep you.’ Akriti grinned at Siddhant.

  ‘Ah, you have ulterior motives – now it all makes sense!’ Siddhant shook his head in mock disappointment. ‘Pure evil.’

  ‘Hey, I’m just trying to keep my man, you can’t blame me!’ Akriti reached out and took Siddhant’s hand.

  As the meal progressed, Siddhant forgot all about their horrible fight, that awful night that had dragged on for hours. Akriti was going out of her way to make the moment special for them, and he appreciated all of it. Halfway through their meal, Priyesh returned from work. When he saw the romantic-candle-lit-dinner-for-two arrangements in the living room, he went straight to his bedroom and made himself scarce.

  ‘Should we ask him to join us?’ Siddhant suggested in a low voice.

  ‘Here?’ Akriti asked, completely confused by his question.

  Siddhant immediately backtracked. ‘No, of course not. This is for us. Never mind.’

  ‘I guess we can, if you want to …’

  ‘No, no. We’ll let him know afterwards that we have more food if he wants …’

  ‘Okay,’ Akriti said, pursing her lips.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Siddhant said proactively. ‘You’ve put so much thought and effort into making this a special date for us. It was stupid of me to suggest that.’

  Akriti smiled at him. ‘Thank you for understanding.’

  Although relieved, Siddhant could tell that the mood had shifted – it wasn’t as relaxed as it had been just a few moments ago. He immediately began thinking of ways to change that.

  ‘What’s your day like tomorrow? If you don’t have an early start, would you like to stay here tonight? We can watch a movie, or start a TV series together?’ Siddhant suggested, racking his brains and coming up with one clichéd idea after another. ‘Or we could play … Never mind, that’s dumb.’

  ‘Play?’ Akriti raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I meant video games. It’s stupid – forget I suggested that,’ Siddhant said. Looking at Akriti sitting across from him, he couldn’t think of anyone less likely to be interested in playing video games with him.

  ‘Ah … I thought you meant play, as in play.’ She winked at him, then burst out laughing.

  Siddhant joined her, thinking it was a joke, until the next moment – when Akriti dabbed her lips on her napkin and got up. She held his hand and tugged to make him get up. Once he got to his feet, she pulle
d him into his bedroom. Siddhant simply followed, too surprised to do anything else.

  Akriti shut the door and then pushed Siddhant up against it. Her eyes holding his, she took three steps back, stopped, brought her hands behind her neck and undid the strap holding her outfit up. As the garment fell to the floor, Siddhant gulped, realizing two things. One, what he had thought was a long kurti was actually a dress, and two, Akriti was wearing lacy purple lingerie underneath – a nearly transparent bodysuit that started right above her breasts and ended at the top of her legs.

  ‘Akriti.’ Her name came out of Siddhant’s mouth involuntarily.

  ‘Yes, baby,’ Akriti whispered, walking back to him. She reached up and kissed him, lingeringly, her palms placed firmly against his chest for support.

  Siddhant snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He tilted his head to one side and slid his free hand behind her neck. He let it rest there, just below her ear, cradling her chin as he kissed her.

  When he opened his eyes a few seconds later, he found Akriti watching him. He smiled at her, between kisses, and she broke away.

  Leaving a trail of kisses from his lips to his ear, she whispered, ‘Do you like it?’

  ‘This?’ he asked, his eyes travelling down her lace-clad body.

  ‘Yes …’

  ‘I was a little surprised, to be honest,’ Siddhant let out a nervous laugh, caressing her lower back over the lace.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Akriti cocked her head to one side.

  ‘Just that this is a little unexpected.’ Siddhant’s heartbeat quickened for all the wrong reasons. He had a feeling that if he didn’t control the situation quickly, it was likely to tumble south. ‘I didn’t think we were there yet, that’s all,’ he explained softly.

  ‘Why not? Didn’t you say you love me? And I love you. What else do we need? What are we waiting for?’ Akriti challenged him. ‘And don’t say this is getting to know each other better!’ she added before he could respond.

  ‘I wasn’t going to! If anything, I think this is a fun part of getting to know each other,’ Siddhant said. ‘I didn’t mean—’