The Reason is You

by Nikita Singh

  Siddhant ended up going to the comedy show with Priyesh, after all. It was a Saturday evening, and Priyesh was eager to get out of the tentative plans he had made with his friends, because apparently, Priyesh’s friends could never agree on what they wanted to do or where they wanted to go – which resulted in all sorts of arguments and wasted time.

  ‘They act like we’re still in school. Like we have all the time in the world,’ Priyesh grumbled as they got in line to enter the auditorium. ‘Some of us have jobs.’

  ‘Come on, they’re just … more relaxed with their time. Most people loosen up on weekends, you know?’ Siddhant smirked.

  ‘Shut up! I can loosen up fine. I just don’t want to chaperone a bunch of kids blowing their dads’ money. At hookah bars, no less. Seriously, they need to grow the fuck up.’

  ‘Whoa. You okay, dude?’

  ‘Yeah. Yeah. It’s just sometimes … it gets to me. We work so hard, and want to protect our free time. I don’t want to spend it trying to get a group of grown up children to come to an agreement about how to spend an evening. It would be midnight before we even left the house.’

  ‘Good thing you don’t have to do that tonight,’ Siddhant said. He looked up at the poster of the show and added, ‘You sound like someone in need of comedy.’

  ‘You bet. Are these people supposed to be good?’

  ‘I think they’re brilliant. I’ve been to their stand-up shows before, but this is a completely new set they’re going to perform tonight. Been hearing great things about it.’

  ‘Sounds promising,’ Priyesh said.

  Once inside the auditorium, they found their seats and settled down in the dark. The ninety-minute set didn’t feel too long. Time seemed to fly as the auditorium became a laugh machine. Siddhant couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed this hard. By the end of it, Priyesh’s foul mood had disappeared completely.

  Siddhant wished Akriti had come; she could use a laugh. The set had mostly revolved around politics and current affairs – essentially a satire on the government. He wondered, however, if it would’ve been her cup of tea. Despite having been with her for almost half a year, he sometimes felt as though he didn’t know her at all. They’d skipped the getting-to-know-each-other part of the relationship, and jumped right into a boyfriend–girlfriend situation. He spent his time and energy trying to be her boyfriend, but the reality was that sometimes, his girlfriend felt like a stranger to him.

  The thought gave him pause. It was the first time he had thought about their relationship like that. And now that he had, it made perfect sense. They’d never got a chance to get to know each other in the beginning, and in the time that they’d been together, the focus had been on keeping her happy; they hadn’t got around to learning each other’s interests. Sure, he knew about her family, her moods and quirks, her friends, her everyday life, but there was a big gap when it came to his knowledge of her likes and dislikes.

  Half the time, she wasn’t in a mood to talk. And when she did, every topic ended up leading to her father, her family, her loss. She never took an interest in his life, his friends, never even asked him how his day had been. Everything was always about her.

  Siddhant felt guilty as soon as this thought crossed his mind. He wished he could take it back. She had been through something terrible, she deserved to make it all about her. He was wrong to feel this way when her pain was so much bigger than his little problems. It was just that sometimes he felt as though he was losing his identity trying to care for her …

  ‘You were right. They are very good,’ Priyesh said, interrupting Siddhant’s chain of thought.

  ‘I told you,’ Siddhant responded absently. Before he had a chance to completely shake his thoughts about Akriti away, he heard someone call his name as they exited the auditorium. Both Siddhant and Priyesh looked around to see who it was.

  ‘Laila?’ Siddhant squinted in the semi-darkness. There was a group of people, but he could distinctly make out Laila’s profile in the centre, with Maahi on her side.

  ‘I told you it was him,’ Laila said to Maahi before turning to Siddhant. ‘Hey man, how’s it going?’

  ‘Good. How have you been?’ Siddhant said.

  ‘Good, good,’ Laila said. ‘Just out here, trying to get a dose of laughter. By the way, this is JD, my boyfriend. And that’s Ekta, Utkarsh and Gagan. And you know Maahi.’

  ‘I know Maahi too,’ Priyesh chipped in, looking at Maahi. ‘Do you remember me?’

  ‘Of course!’ Maahi said, stepping forward to hug Priyesh. ‘How are you? So good to see you!’

  ‘Really good to see you too!’ Priyesh grinned. ‘Wow, I’d forgotten how pretty you are. Or do you just get hotter every day?’

  ‘Are you hitting on me?’ Maahi cocked her head to the side.

  ‘What if I am?’

  ‘It’s not working.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Priyesh raised his eyebrow. He probably thought he was being charming, but he came across as ridiculous to Siddhant.

  ‘Pretty sure,’ Maahi nodded fervently, laughing.

  ‘Can’t blame me for trying …’ Priyesh grumbled.

  Still laughing, Maahi turned to Siddhant. ‘I forgot you were a fan of this group! Wasn’t tonight’s show the best?’

  Before he could respond, Laila chimed in with, ‘Maahi wanted to see this show so badly. Dragged us all here. Made us buy tickets like months ago.’

  ‘They sold out within the hour! We had to buy them as soon as sales opened. And you can’t say you didn’t like it. You were laughing the whole time.’

  ‘That I can’t deny,’ Laila said.

  ‘It was a very good show,’ Siddhant said. ‘Definitely one of their best sets so far.’

  ‘Right? I thought the Pappu jokes would get old quickly, but nope. Still hilarious,’ Maahi said. ‘The bit where they compared Modi to—’

  ‘We’re blocking the exit,’ Laila interrupted, ushering them out. ‘So Siddhant, do you guys have plans tonight?’

  ‘Priyesh might hang out with his friends after we leave here,’ Siddhant said, looking questioningly at Priyesh as they walked out.

  ‘Nah, I can’t deal with them tonight,’ Priyesh said.

  ‘So, no then,’ Siddhant said to Laila. ‘No plans for the rest of the night.’

  ‘Why don’t you come with us? We’re celebrating Maahi’s birthday tonight. Next stop – a rooftop in HKV that I think is outdated, but the birthday girl is partial to, so …’

  ‘Oh, happy birthday,’ Siddhant said to Maahi. He knew that it wasn’t her birthday that day, but he kept that to himself.

  ‘Thank you. It’s not until next week, but we decided to celebrate early, because we’re going to be travelling for work on the day of,’ Maahi explained.

  ‘So, what do you say?’ Laila asked.

  ‘I’m down,’ Priyesh said.

  Siddhant looked from Priyesh to Laila to Maahi. The night was still young, the weather was perfect for a couple of drinks on a rooftop … but he was worried about Akriti. However, she had made it clear that she didn’t want to go out that night … and he wanted to go. Besides, it would be rude to say no to Laila.

  He nodded in agreement, making a mental note to call Akriti from the car.

  Chapter 12

  Siddhant slipped his phone back in his pocket. He’d called Akriti twice from the car, but she hadn’t answered. He figured she had fallen asleep. It was only a little after ten, but she’d had a migraine all day, so it wasn’t unlikely that she’d gone to sleep earlier than usual. He left her a text message explaining where he was and decided to check on her a little bit later.

  He returned to the corner of the rooftop where he’d been hanging out with Priyesh and either Utkarsh or Gagan. They were all holding bottles of beer that they’d pulled from the many buckets lying around. The party was much bigger than Laila had let on in her casual invitation – there were at least twenty people. A portion of the rooftop had been reserved for the party; there were fo
ur rustic wooden tables lined to one side, and the longest couch Siddhant had ever seen, spanning from one end to the other. Silver balloons with little cupcakes on them hung from the string lights above them.

  Siddhant scanned the place and found Maahi within seconds. It wasn’t hard, since his eyes had inadvertently been following her ever since they got there. Even though he pretended not to have noticed, he knew Maahi had changed her outfit for the party. She’d taken off the T-shirt she had on back at the comedy show, to reveal a shimmery violet top held together by very thin straps tied at her shoulders, tucked into her a sleek black skirt that ended a little below her knees, with a slit running up along one side. When she moved, her top caught light and came to life.

  As if sensing his gaze on her, Maahi turned and looked right at him. When their eyes met, she gave him a big smile. Siddhant could only return a smile half as happy as hers. Her hair, which had been open at the comedy show, was now piled up on top of her head in a bun, several escaped strands floating around her face in the summer night breeze. But it was her lips that had Siddhant in a trance. As he looked at her, he remembered what it felt like to kiss those lips …

  Siddhant caught himself. He quickly turned to Priyesh and focussed his attention on the conversation around him. Just because it felt like no time had passed and nothing had changed when he was around her, didn’t actually change the reality. Things had changed. They weren’t together. He couldn’t afford to have these feelings. If their timing had been bad before, it was even worse now.

  Shortly after, Laila got everyone’s attention. A gigantic cake in the shape of a cupcake was brought out and set on the table in front of Maahi. The birthday song was sung, champagne bottles were popped, hugs were exchanged. Meanwhile, Siddhant fidgeted with his phone. He had tried calling Akriti again a few times, but she hadn’t responded at all. He told himself that she must have fallen asleep, but a part of him wasn’t convinced. The part that knew that nothing was ever really that simple with Akriti.

  ‘Busy?’

  Siddhant turned to look at the owner of the voice. Maahi was standing next to him, holding a glass of white wine, her beautiful eyes cheerful under the fairy lights.

  ‘Hey,’ Siddhant said, swinging the bar stool around to face her. ‘Happy birthday. Great party!’

  ‘Thank you! Mind if I join you?’

  ‘Not at all.’

  Maahi took the seat next to Siddhant. They were sitting by the ledge, facing the sky outside. They could hear the music coming from the bars around them, people chattering in the streets. ‘Everything okay?’ Maahi asked, gesturing to Siddhant’s phone.

  ‘Yes, just checking on Akriti.’

  ‘Oh, is she okay?’

  ‘Yes, yes. She had a migraine all day today, so I wanted to make sure,’ Siddhant said. Because he felt strange talking about Akriti with Maahi, he changed the subject, ‘Big turnout, huh?’

  Maahi burst out laughing. ‘Isn’t it so dumb? Laila was adamant about making a big deal out of this, you know, because I’ve hit quarter century, so she invited everyone we know. Look at those buckets of drinks just strewn about all over the place. How ridiculous!’

  ‘An onlooker may take you for a spoiled south-Delhi kid,’ Siddhant said, smirking.

  ‘Exactly. The horror! I’ll let you in on a secret though – the owner of this place? He’s friends with Laila’s boyfriend JD, so he hooked us up. We’re paying wholesale price for the liquor.’

  ‘That sounds like a good deal. And happy twenty-fifth! All of this makes so much more sense now. You will be legally allowed to drink alcohol in the state of Delhi this time next week!’ Siddhant laughed.

  Maahi rolled her eyes. ‘I’ve lived my whole life outside of the law …’

  ‘Yeah, you’re the very definition of an outlaw.’

  ‘Hey, don’t make fun of me! It’s my birthday party!’ Maahi chided playfully.

  Siddhant held up his palms in surrender. ‘Sorry, sorry. You’re right. It’s your day. But imagine, in a week, you will no longer be cool. You’ll be allowed to drink, no more rule-breaking required …’

  ‘I’m focussing on tonight,’ Maahi said. She twisted her wrist to study her watch under the dim lights. ‘Because for now, I still drink as an outlaw!’

  ‘Cheers to that!’ Siddhant smiled at her excitement.

  They clinked their glasses, but Siddhant didn’t take a sip out of his, which Maahi noticed. ‘That’s rude. You’re supposed to actually take a sip after you say cheers …’ she teased.

  Siddhant pointed to his phone, which he’d been holding in his hand the entire time he’d been at the party. ‘I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want to drink …’

  ‘In case you have to drive back?’

  Siddhant nodded. ‘Sorry for being a party pooper.’

  ‘Oh stop. You clearly have bigger things to worry about,’ Maahi said. She bit her lip and studied his face for a second before saying, ‘I know you said everything is fine, but … are you sure? You don’t seem to be doing so well. You don’t have to tell me … You looked so stressed out just then, so I decided to butt in.’

  Siddhant smiled at her, exhaling. ‘The honest answer is – I don’t know. Akriti has been dealing with some pretty big stuff these past few months, so we have our highs and lows. The only way I seem to be able to help is by being there for her, and so I try to check in with her every couple of hours …’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Maahi said sincerely. ‘When was the last time you spoke to her?’

  ‘Before leaving for the comedy show. She hasn’t been responding to my calls since …’ Siddhant looked worriedly at his phone again, counting the hours since he’d heard from Akriti.

  ‘Listen, I’m sure she’s fine, okay? Don’t worry. She’s probably sleeping or something,’ Maahi said. ‘But I also think you should go check on her, just in case.’

  Maahi spoke calmly, but Siddhant could sense her serious undertone. She was trying to reassure him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had come up to him and asked him if he was doing okay. His family didn’t care; Akriti was self-involved (for valid reasons, he told himself, but self-involved nonetheless); and Priyesh had too much on his plate most of the time with hospital stuff, especially after the month-long bad streak he’d had.

  He felt an unexpected tightness in his throat. Trying to avoid her eyes, he nodded at her as he rose. She stood at the same time, and his hand accidentally grazed hers as he turned to face the party.

  ‘Sorry,’ he muttered, feeling the warmth of her touch on his arm spread all over his body. Siddhant gulped and looked away. He was feeling … emotions he wasn’t ready to acknowledge. He snapped out it as Akriti’s face flicked across his mind. He panicked. What if something was wrong? What if she wasn’t okay? All thoughts of himself and everything else had left his mind. He had to go to Akriti. She might need him. ‘I have to go.’

  ‘Thank you for coming.’

  Siddhant looked at Maahi’s face, smiling up at him. They were now joined by Laila and two other people. ‘Thank you for having me,’ he said to Maahi, who rose up on tiptoe to give him a hug. ‘It’s going to be okay,’ she whispered to him before pulling away.

  Her voice, full of kindness and concern, rang in his ears as he walked away and searched for Priyesh. He located him, standing by a table with a group of people, and walked up to him. Once he was able to corner Priyesh, he said, ‘I have to go back. Are you ready to go?’

  ‘Now? Why? I thought we would stay longer,’ Priyesh asked, looking around at the party. ‘I like this place. Why do you have to leave?’

  ‘I want to check on Akriti,’ Siddhant said. He didn’t offer any further explanation.

  ‘Is something wrong with her? I mean, more than usual?’ Priyesh snorted.

  ‘Don’t start,’ Siddhant warned.

  ‘Okay, okay. Sorry. I take it back,’ Priyesh sobered up quickly. He set his beer can down and asked with sincerity, ‘Is she okay?’

>   Siddhant felt a little stupid saying, ‘I don’t know. Maybe.’

  ‘Why do you think she might not be?’

  ‘I haven’t been able to get in touch with her all night.’

  ‘That could be nothing! Maybe she fell asleep?’ Priyesh suggested. ‘Or did something happen before we left? Did you guys get into another fight?’

  ‘What do you mean by “another fight”?’ Siddhant snapped, annoyed with the interrogation and Priyesh’s perceptiveness.

  ‘Just what it means, another fight.’ There were no traces of humour in his tone. ‘That’s kinda what you guys do, right? Fight all the time?’

  ‘Listen, I don’t have time for this. I don’t know what your problem with us is—’

  ‘Not with you. Her. Why can’t you see that she’s fighting with you all the time, literally, all the time!’

  ‘Priyesh, she suffered a big loss! Cut her some slack,’ Siddhant said, louder than he’d intended. He lowered his voice and continued. ‘I’m leaving. Are you coming or will you call a cab later?’

  ‘You’re going to drive? Haven’t you been drinking?’ Priyesh asked.

  ‘Just water. I had half a beer when we first got here, but I’m good to drive now,’ Siddhant said shortly.

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ Priyesh said. He mumbled under his breath, ‘Can’t let you drive alone in this state …’

  ‘What state?’

  ‘You’re clearly … unhappy. You look like you’ve seen a ghost, and you’re obviously worried about your girlfriend. I’m coming with you.’

  ‘I’ll show you a ghost …’ Siddhant muttered as they made their way down the cramped staircase.

  ‘Could you be more childish?’ Priyesh shook his head at Siddhant.

  ‘Just keep walking.’