Full-Time Father

by Susan Mallery

  She nodded. A single tear leaked from the corner of her eye. She sniffed. “Are you feeling better?” she asked.

  “Yes, thanks. Although when she gets out of here, we’re going to have a long talk about the boulders and not leaving the beach.”

  “Good.” She gave him a shaky smile. Her lips quivered, then twisted. Tears filled her eyes. “I’m trying to be strong, but I’m not doing a good job. Oh, Parker.”

  He held open his arms and she threw herself at him. She was shaking. “She’s going to be okay. It’s just a break, a clean one from the X ray.”

  “I kn-know that’s what they said, but what if there’s something else? I couldn’t bear it.”

  He led her over to the chairs and sat. He settled her on his lap, then rocked her.

  “You held yourself together long enough to make sure I didn’t feel guilty, then you fell apart?”

  She pressed her face against his neck and nodded. “Dumb, huh?”

  “No, very brave. You’re a hell of a woman, Erin Ridgeway.”

  “A real p-pillar of strength.” A sob shook her.

  “Hush.” He smoothed her hair and continued to rock her. “She’s going to be fine. They’ll probably keep her overnight to observe her.”

  “I’m not leaving her side.”

  “No one has asked you to. This isn’t a busy hospital. I’m sure you can stay.”

  As long as he lived, he would never forget those few minutes he’d spent looking for Christie. The gut-level fear had permanently scarred him. While intellectually he could say it had been an accident, in his heart he accepted the blame.

  “Thank you for being here,” she said and straightened.

  Tears dampened her face. Her mouth was swollen, her eyes and nose red. He brushed the moisture from her cheeks, then slid his fingers through her hair.

  “There’s nowhere else I would rather be,” he said, and kissed her.

  Her lips yielded immediately. The contact was comforting rather than arousing. She clung to him, then buried her face back in his shoulder.

  “Tell me again she’ll be fine.”

  “She’s a strong little girl. She has a real zest for life. Of course she’s going to be fine. She’ll have a cast. Just think of how she’ll use that to get her own way.”

  Erin’s laugh was muffled against his chest. “She’s going to wrap you and Kiki around her little finger.”

  “I know. You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “No, I wouldn’t.”

  They held each other until the doctor joined them. Erin wiped her face, then stood up and held out her hand to the older man. Parker rose and did the same.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, your little girl is going to be just fine.”

  Parker was so relieved he couldn’t speak to correct the doctor’s mistaken assumption that they were married. Erin sagged against him. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “I told you so.”

  She smiled up at him. “Those are the nicest words you’ve ever said to me.”

  The doctor chuckled. “As I told you before, it was a clean break. She’s already in a cast. Because she was unconscious for a few minutes, we’re going to keep her overnight to observe her. If everything is fine, and we expect it to be, then she can go home with you in the morning.”

  “I want to stay with her,” Erin said.

  “Me, too,” Parker told the doctor.

  “That’s not a problem. Most parents stay with their children. If you come with me, I’ll take you to her room.”

  The next morning Erin hovered anxiously as Parker carried Christie up three flights of stairs to her room. He held the girl easily, as if she weighed nothing. Kiki had hurried ahead and pulled down the bedspread.

  “But I’m not tired,” Christie said as she was set on her bed. “I don’t want to sleep.”

  “You don’t have to sleep,” Erin said. “Just rest. The doctor said you should take it easy today. You can get up and play tomorrow.”

  “Can’t I rest downstairs and watch television?”

  Erin smiled, relieved to have her child home. “This afternoon. For now, you’re going to stay in bed.”

  Parker sat next to her and smoothed her bangs off her forehead. “It’s not so bad, kid. We’ll all keep you company.”

  Christie stared at him. Her lower lip trembled. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to go on the rocks. I won’t do it again.”

  Erin saw the guilt on Parker’s face. He still blamed himself for Christie’s injuries. She wished she could make him believe it was just an accident. She didn’t think it was his fault, but he wouldn’t believe that, either. Maybe with time he could see the truth.

  “Are you hungry?” Kiki asked.

  Christie wrinkled her nose. “I just had breakfast. They gave me pancakes, but they weren’t as good as yours. The nurse was nice, but I’m glad to be home.”

  “We’re glad to have you back.”

  Erin touched her daughter’s wrapped arm. “How does it feel?”

  “It hurts a little.”

  Erin glanced at her watch. The doctor had said Christie could have children’s pain reliever every four hours. It was nearly time.

  “I’ll get you some medicine,” she said.

  “I’ll come with you.” Parker started to follow her from the room.

  Kiki moved to the bed and asked if Christie would like some stickers for her cast. They were out of earshot before the girl answered.

  Erin headed for her room. Parker stopped her just inside the door.

  “Are you doing all right?” he asked. “I know you didn’t sleep last night.”

  She glanced at him. There were shadows under his eyes and lines of weariness by his mouth. “You didn’t, either.”

  “I guess we were both worried.”

  “It’s going to be fine, now,” she said. “Christie is a healthy child. She’ll heal quickly.” There was a faint scratching from the end of the hall. She looked in that direction, then shook her head. “I can’t believe she’s finally won that battle with me.”

  Parker grinned. “You can still change your mind.”

  “No, we owe her for saving Christie’s life.”

  “Now?” he asked.

  “Sure. You get the surprise, I’ll get the pain medication.”

  Erin measured out two chewable pills, then secured the top of the container. Parker met her in the hall. He held a leash. The skinny little dog that had saved Christie’s life walked beside him.

  Kiki had taken the animal to the vet. According to him, it had been on its own for nearly a month. Kiki had checked old newspapers and asked around town, but no one was missing a dog. As near as they could tell, someone had just dumped the animal on the beach and abandoned it.

  After getting the dog a clean bill of health and a bath, Kiki had bought a leash and a collar.

  “Christie is going to be thrilled,” Parker said.

  Erin sighed. “At least she’s small enough not to be too much trouble.”

  She went in the bedroom first. Christie took her pills. “Where’s Daddy?” she asked when she was done.

  “He’s in the hallway. We have a surprise for you. Now you can’t get out of bed until after lunch, but if you promise to behave, you can have your surprise now.”

  Big eyes got bigger. “What is it, Mommy?”

  “Parker?”

  He walked in with the little dog at his side.

  Christie squealed. “My doggie! Mommy, it’s my doggie! Oh, he’s so clean and pretty.”

  “He’s also a she,” Parker said.

  “A girl doggie?”

  “You’ll have to take good care of her,” Erin said. “Walk her and feed her. You can’t ignore her because you have something better to do. She’s your responsibility.”

  Tears filled Christie’s eyes. “I’ll be her mommy. And I’ll be as good a mommy as you.”

  The dog jumped up on the bed and licked Christie’s face. The girl giggled. Before Eri
n could order the animal off, she circled twice, then settled next to Christie. The look in her little dog eyes said this was exactly where she belonged.

  “Oh, I love her so much,” Christie said, gently stroking the dog’s head.

  “She needs a name,” Kiki said as she leaned against the foot of the bed. “Take your time and think up a good one.”

  Erin glanced around the room. The joy and happiness here were as tangible as the furniture. Parker moved close and she took his hand. He squeezed her fingers. They were in this together for the sake of their child.

  Christie was safe and finally had her precious puppy. Parker was close; everything was as it should be. Erin wished she could hold on to this moment forever with only one small change. She wanted to tell Parker she loved him and she didn’t want to leave him. She wanted to have the courage to admit she wanted them to be a real family.

  But she didn’t say the words. She couldn’t force him to love her back. He was still withholding a part of himself. Until he learned that some risks were worth taking, until he saw that only by giving everything would he get all he needed, the clock continued to count down the time until she had to leave.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Parker stepped into Christie’s darkened room. The night-light by the door cast a faint glow over the left side of the bed. He could see his daughter asleep on her back, her teddy bear clutched in her good arm. The cast was supported by a pillow and her new dog curled up by her feet.

  He bent over and petted the animal. “How you doing, Laverne?” he whispered. She licked his fingers, then settled back down and gave a contented groan. Between her full belly and Christie’s affection, her doggie life was complete. Parker wondered if she minded being called Laverne. They’d discussed other names, but Christie had insisted.

  He crouched by the little girl and gently touched her fingers. They curled around the end of the cast. Her skin was warm and soft. Her chest rose and fell in time with her breathing. How fragile she seemed at night. It terrified him to think how easily she could have been taken from him.

  A sharp pain sliced through him. He gritted his teeth to keep from calling out. Dear God, he would never have survived that. Not just the guilt, but the sorrow of not seeing her smile or knowing she was alive to brighten the world.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I should have watched more closely, or told you to stay off the rocks. Give me a chance and I’ll do better.”

  She slept on. He stared at her and wondered how anyone could know her and not love her. Her presence in his life was a gift. He’d done nothing to earn it. He could only accept graciously and do his best to make her happy and help her grow.

  Erin had warned him about holding back. At the time he wasn’t sure he could give everything. Now he knew he didn’t have a choice.

  “I’ll make it right,” he said softly. “I swear. I’ll always love you, Christie. No matter what. I’ll love you with all I have.”

  The act of speaking the words caused the last barrier in his heart to break free. Emotion flooded him, overwhelming him. Love, sorrow, regret, pain, pleasure and need all swirled together until he found it difficult to breathe.

  He wanted to weep for the past and how he’d messed everything up. Robin had been right not to trust him. He wanted to stand up and scream that he’d finally changed. It was all right now.

  But it was too late. Shame filled him. The change had come because of his wife’s death, not in spite of it. Had she lived, he might never have learned to truly love. He missed her but it was time to make peace with her passing. He would always love her, but now it was time to say goodbye.

  He squeezed his eyes closed and wondered when it got easier.

  “Parker?”

  He raised his head and saw Erin standing in the doorway. He rose and walked to her.

  “What’s going on?” she asked.

  He stepped into the hall. She followed. “Nothing,” he said. “I was checking on Christie. I…” He swallowed. “You were right. I was holding back from her. In these last couple of days I’ve seen how much she means to me. We came so close to losing her.”

  She took his hand and pulled him into her room. There was a chair by the window. When he was seated, she knelt in front of him and placed her hands on his thighs. Her gaze was intense, her expression ernest. “I wish I had the words to convince you it was just an accident. No one is to blame. Otherwise they would be called deliberates.”

  God knows he wanted to believe her. But he couldn’t, he knew the truth. “I should have watched her better. I should-”

  “No. I should have come with you to the beach instead of staying inside to finish writing my letters. I should have sensed something was wrong.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” he said. “You couldn’t know something was going to happen. The odds of her going up on the rocks, then falling through are-”

  She cut him off. “Exactly my point. Or are you saying only you can accept unreasonable blame?”

  “I…” He stared at her. She had him there. If he told her it was just an accident, then he had to believe it himself. The guilt lingered, but not as strongly as before. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was just one of those things. He gave her a half smile. “You’re pretty smart.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  They stared at each other. A subtle awareness filled him. She was close and she was touching him. He hadn’t stopped wanting her. But she’d been the one to put the brakes on their physical relationship and he was determined to respect that.

  She leaned forward. “I’m glad you were with me through this. I would have fallen apart if I’d been alone.”

  “You’re too strong for that. You would have been fine.” He touched her face. “I have a confession. In the hospital, I wasn’t sure she was going to make it. I was just as scared as you.”

  “I know. You were very brave.”

  “I didn’t feel brave. I felt more like a coward.”

  She took his hands in hers. “Parker, just for tonight, please let me love you.” She brought his fingers to her mouth and kissed them. The soft touch burned, but not as hotly as her words. That simple sentence had seared a path to his soul.

  “Erin?”

  She sighed. “I know you don’t want me to feel that way about you, and I won’t-tomorrow. But for tonight, accept my heart and my body. Let me love you and pretend that you love me back.”

  He pulled his hands free and leaned toward her. He gripped her shoulders. “What are you saying?”

  Her smile was pure surrender. She reached for the buttons on his shirt and unfastened them. “Make love to me.”

  A gentleman would have refused her, but he had always known he was a bastard. Desire raced through him, boiling his blood and pooling in his groin. Questions swirled through his mind. She spoke of love. It couldn’t be true. She couldn’t love him. He didn’t deserve it. Except maybe for tonight. While it was dark out and nothing was real, he could accept her gift.

  As he pulled her to him, she came willingly, molding herself to him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his. The hunger was instant. He tasted her sweetness and wondered how he’d survived this long without her.

  “I’ve missed you,” he murmured against her mouth.

  Her tongue touched his and she groaned. “Me, too. More than you can imagine.”

  She pulled his shirt free and touched his chest. He tensed with pleasure as her fingers traced circles on his skin. His muscles rippled, his erection throbbed. He wanted to be in her, touching her everywhere.

  He buried his hands in her hair and angled his mouth more firmly on hers. He plunged inside, exploring her, recalling the pleasure he’d found here before. He kissed her until she was trembling. Only then did he reach for the zipper at the back of her short-sleeve dress.

  It lowered easily. While he traced a damp path along her jaw, he drew the dress down her arms. The fabric pooled at her knees. He urged her to stand. She rose awkwardly, her thi
ghs shaking. She wore nothing but panties and a bra, pale peach against her honey tanned skin.

  Her stomach was at his eye level. He leaned forward and kissed the smooth, flat skin. She sucked in a breath and balanced herself with her hands on his shoulders. He moved lower, kissing and licking until he reached the lace panties, then he slipped down to her guarded secrets and breathed in the scent of her.

  She exhaled his name. Her fingers kneaded his muscles. She vibrated with desire and that aroused him more. He liked her that way. He liked knowing he could reduce her to mindlessness with just his touch.

  He looped his fingers under the elastic around her thighs and tugged the triangle of lace free. She stepped out of the panties and shifted, parting her legs slightly. He dipped one finger into her curls. Moist heat enveloped him. Slick skin beckoned. Gently, carefully, he opened her, exposing the tiny place of pleasure. He leaned forward and touched his tongue to her. She jumped.

  He stroked her, tasted her, loved her until she was shaking too much to stand. When she collapsed, he carried her to the bed and placed her on the spread. He removed her bra. She was flushed and panting. Her nipples stood at sharp attention, her fingers curled into her palms.

  Parker quickly tugged off his shirt, then reached for the button fly of his jeans. Rational thoughts intruded.

  “Tell me you have protection up here,” he said.

  She raised her head and focused on him. “What? Oh, no, I don’t. I didn’t think-”

  He gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll go get some downstairs. Save my place.” He started for the door.

  “Parker, wait.” She rolled toward the nightstand and pulled open the top drawer. “Kiki is very thorough. She might have…Oh, my. I guess she did.” She held up a small box of condoms. “Thank goodness it’s not the jumbo-size container.”

  He took them from her and grinned. “Not a multicolored fluorescent one in the bunch.”

  “Gee, that’s too bad. I kind of liked it with the lights out.”

  He dropped the box on the bed and swooped down to pull her into his arms. “Figures. Next you’ll be wanting me to wear an animal print G-string.”

  He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. She straddled him and winked. “Only if it’s a leopard print. That’s my favorite.”