To Be or Not To Be: The Actors

by Cathrine Goldstein

  ****

  Before he left, Trevor handed Jenna an extra Valentine’s Day gift.

  “A smart phone?” She held the cell in her hand like it was a bomb about to detonate. “I can’t afford this, Trevor. But thank you.”

  “It’s paid for.”

  “No way.” Jenna gave the phone back to Trevor. “There is no way I can take this.”

  “I’m not asking, Jenna.” He pried her fist open and stuffed the phone back into her hand.

  Her body tingled at his touch.

  “It’s for work. As your boss I insist you have it. In case I need to inform you about…something… anything. And that means answering the damned phone when I call. Understood?” He raised his eyebrows, no doubt waiting for her to disagree.

  Her heart raced again, her body warming with the strength and power of his voice. “Fine.”

  “Fine.” Trevor nodded. “And before you get all angry at me for not knowing who you are and all that—listen.” Trevor pushed a button playing a ringtone that sounded like an antique phone. “And yes, I understand you’re not a cell phone type of girl, but I don’t give a crap.”

  “What?”

  “These things keep you safe. And I don’t care what your deep, dark secret is, Jenna. There’s no way I’m going to let you walk around without a cell.”

  He turned to leave, and her stomach cramped.

  He whirled back. “And one more thing.”

  Jenna looked up at him, swallowing hard.

  “I’d like you to accompany me to a charity dinner in two weeks.”

  “Trevor, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Her voice cracked.

  “I was just being polite. It’s not a request.”

  Jenna gasped at the demand in Trevor’s voice. Her body warmed with a definite pull toward him. She narrowed her eyes.

  “It’s for business.” He rubbed his unshaven chin. “Kat has the details. They asked for Hamlet and Ophelia.”

  “I don’t…I don’t have anything to wear.” Her cheeks reddened.

  “I’ll take you shopping.”

  “No.” Jenna put up her hand, stopping him. “No. I’ll…I’ll handle it.”

  “It’s black tie.”

  “Crap.” Jenna dropped down on the chair in her kitchen.

  “Let me help you, Jenna.”

  Looking at Trevor standing there in running pants and a sweatshirt, all Jenna wanted to do was to say yes. To everything he was offering. Instead, she shook her head.

  “Fine.” He looked away and then back to her. His eyes softened. “Honestly, even if you wear that same damned blue dress again, you’ll look stunning. But you don’t have to.” Trevor’s gaze stayed on hers. “I’ll buy you whatever you want, Jenna.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m free of at least some of my obligations now, and I was really hoping we could still spend these next couple of weeks getting to know each other…even if it is as friends…” He moved closer to her and leaned down. “Jenna, I don’t know what suddenly scared you off. If we went too far—”

  “No. It was perfect.”

  “Then why?”

  Jenna shook her head, unable to look at him.

  “Yeah, well…okay.” Trevor stood up, reaching to rub one shoulder. His hand dropped. “We have a show in a few hours. I’m going to get ready.”

  Trevor opened the door but it was all too final. Jenna jumped from her seat, and burst forward.

  “Trevor?”

  He turned quickly. “Yes?”

  The way he looked at her, so strong and protective, all she wanted was to throw herself against his chest and hold him while he held her.

  “I’m…I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not.” He walked out the door.

  ****

  Performing with Jenna every night was the only thing Trevor looked forward to. Thankfully, the tension between them didn’t spoil their performances. If anything, it heightened the stakes even more. But he would have given that up in a minute if it meant they could go back to their dinners of cherry pie at dive bars.

  Each night at the theatre Trevor stole glances at Jenna, and every time he looked at her, she was even more beautiful and talented. The only problem was she also looked sad…very, very sad. Not at all Jenna. He wanted so badly to hold her and make all the hurt go away but she wouldn’t let him. At least he had the nunnery scene when he could hold her. His acting had never before been quite so alive and in the moment. Don would have been proud. But unfortunately, all of this would be over soon. Long before he was ready, their limited engagement would end…and Jenna would walk out of his life forever.

  He couldn’t let that happen.

  ****

  Performing opposite Trevor every night was the only thing that kept Jenna going. She would spend all day, every day, thinking of nothing but him. She lived to get out onto that stage with him. Every night in their opening scenes she would smile at him, real smiles onstage, allowing Ophelia to live the life Jenna wished she could. Every night her heart would race when Trevor held her closely in the nunnery scene, hoping and praying he would break protocol and kiss her…and every night her heart would break when Hamlet abandoned Ophelia. Ophelia had been driven mad over her love for Hamlet, and Jenna now understood Ophelia completely.

  After the final curtain call of every performance, Jenna moped through the hallways on her way to her dressing room, fighting her tears. Some nights she’d walk past his dressing room when his door was opened, and she’d peer in to see him still wearing Hamlet’s customary black, his demeanor every bit as melancholy as the Prince of Denmark himself. And why wouldn’t it be? He was falling for her, just as she was falling for him. Damn it.

  She couldn’t let that happen.

  Chapter Seventeen

  On the way to Jenna’s apartment to pick her up for the charity event, Trevor’s knee bounced like a jackhammer as he sat in the back of the limo. Holy crap, how could he possibly be this nervous over a date? He’d been dating since he was fifteen, and all of his adult romantic life was documented in the trash magazines, killing even the most remote chance of privacy, so why was he so nervous now? He watched out the window at Manhattan whizzing by, rethinking his decision, or rather, demand. What if she was still angry with him? What if the whole evening was nothing but awkward? But no, after the night they had shared a few weeks earlier, there was something real between them. He knew it.

  Trevor fiddled with the small, black, rectangular, velvet box he held in his hands, and as the limo turned onto her street, he caught sight of Jenna standing there, waiting. What the hell? He sat forward, livid. Why wasn’t she upstairs? Why was he the only one concerned for her safety? He would have gone up to meet her at her apartment door. There was no reason for her to be out here, freezing and unsafe.

  As the car pulled closer, his furrowed brow relaxed, and his anger was replaced by awe. “Jenna.” Trevor bounded out of the limo before it had stopped completely. “Jenna, you look…” He gazed up and down her body. “Gorgeous.”

  Jenna blushed, smiling the first real smile she had given him offstage in—he couldn’t remember how long. He smiled back, so incredibly happy to see it. He was happy to see the rest of her as well, the beautiful, long black lace dress that fit her body perfectly, the soft black wrap thrown over, her gorgeous hair pinned up messily, her eyes smoldering. Trevor fought to take a breath. “Jenna, you are…” He shook his head, speechless.

  Jenna smiled and looked away. “Thanks. How’s Toby?”

  “He’s okay. Recovery is going well, and there’s no reason to think it was anything more than an isolated occurrence.”

  “Thank God.” A gust of wind blew by and she shivered.

  “Come on.” Trevor led her to the opened door of the limo and climbed in next to her as the driver shut the door behind them. “You really are stunning.”

  “Thank you.” She adjusted her gown, letting her small shiny clutch rest on the seat between them. “But I can’t take the cre
dit. It was all Loretta. Except the gown. I found that at a vintage shop downtown. Is it okay?”

  She looked up at him with eyes filled with so much vulnerability, all he wanted was to take her in his arms and prove how right it all was.

  “Jenna, it’s perfect,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

  She sat back, turning her head to look out the window, her wrap falling off of her shoulders. Trevor glimpsed her breasts, looking incredibly full in her gown. He inhaled deeply. Hell, yes. They should get dressed up more often.

  She faced him again. “The rest Loretta created from her makeup kit. And the pearls”—Jenna played with her earlobe delicately—“are hers.”

  “Luis has great taste.”

  He leaned over and touched Jenna’s earlobe, lightly. She closed her eyes, swaying toward him but Trevor backed off immediately, keeping his hands on his side of the limo. There was no way he would push her; he had already scared her off once; it wouldn’t happen again. The re-wooing of Jenna Joyce had to be done carefully. He shrugged off a cold chill, hating anything so calculated. He would never play games with her, but he had to be careful. He placed the black velvet box on the seat between them, sliding it to her. “I was wondering if you might want to wear these.”

  Her eyes widened and he silently prayed she wouldn’t push them back at him because it was too much, too soon.

  ****

  Jenna’s heart pounded. The idea of Trevor giving her a gift after this much time had passed was so…unexpected. She ran her fingers over the soft velvet of the box, desperately wanting to see inside. But how unfair would it be for her to accept this? It would only be leading him on. “Trevor, I can’t.”

  “Go ahead.” He nodded gently.

  Jenna grasped the box in her shaking hand and opened it carefully. Nestled in a black satin interior were the most beautiful golden sapphire and diamond earrings, shaped like tiny sea turtles.

  “Trevor, I…”

  “Do you like them?”

  “They’re amazing.”

  “Like you.”

  Jenna looked up at him. “I can’t keep them.” She closed the box and pushed it back toward Trevor.

  His eyes hardened. “Well, that might be a problem, seeing I had them made for you.”

  “You did?” Never in her life had someone thought about Jenna so completely. “That was so incredibly thoughtful.”

  “Aside from the obvious connection…” Trevor patted his chest above his heart as he spoke. “I had them use deep golden sapphires to match your eyes and diamonds…well, because.”

  Jenna froze at the word “diamond.”

  “Want to try them on?”

  Although her brain screamed, “No,” her head nodded.

  Trevor leaned over, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear, and Jenna closed her eyes, breathing him in. He smelled incredible, like light spice and clean laundry. She wished they could stay there all night, in the back of the limo, so close they were nearly touching. Trevor lingered with his hand at her ear. He touched her hair gently, and traced his finger down her cheek until it came to rest under her chin.

  Jenna glanced up at him, certain he was going to kiss her. Her body leaned forward, feeling that undeniable pull toward him. She lifted her chin. But there was no kiss. Instead, he smiled, and the limo driver said, “We’re here, Mr. Hughes.”

  Jenna cleared her throat, quickly removing her pearls and tucking them into her clutch, replacing them with her new stunning earrings.

  ****

  They stepped out of the limo, and Jenna turned toward the museum hosting the benefit, reading the sign hanging over the museum’s rotunda. “It’s a benefit for an animal charity.” Jenna turned to Trevor and playfully slapped him on the shoulder with her clutch. Giddy inside, she fought back a giggle. She took a deep breath of the cold night air and it rushed into her lungs. She hadn’t felt this free since…the last time she saw him.

  “Oh, look at that.” Trevor feigned surprise.

  Jenna squeezed his hand. There was a spark from his touch and she quickly broke away.

  He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Jenna. Just for tonight, let’s just be happy. Wherever that takes us, it takes us.”

  Jenna tried to speak but he gently placed his finger to her lips.

  “And wherever it doesn’t take us, it doesn’t.”

  “But Trevor…” Jenna looked down. “I don’t want to be unfair to you.”

  He placed his finger under her chin and lifted it. “Hey.”

  He smiled, and her defenses slipped away.

  “I promise I heard your warning. I’m a big boy.”

  “Oh…” Jenna giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. “I know.”

  Trevor chuckled, his broad shoulders shaking with his laugh. He took Jenna’s hand, slipping it in the crook of his arm. He tightened his muscles and Jenna immediately felt safe and relieved, but unfinished.

  “Trevor?”

  “Yeah, Jen?” He looked at her with eyes that for the first time in weeks were filled with happiness rather than sorrow.

  “I—I’m sorry.”

  He nodded.

  She searched for her words. “If you had run out on me after we had spent that time together, I would have been devastated. And instead, you came to find me and brought me an incredibly thoughtful gift.” She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “There’s really no excuse. I—I just panicked, because I didn’t want to hurt you, and yet that’s exactly what I did.”

  “I understand.”

  “Really?” Jenna looked up at him. He was so strong and smart and mature. She felt like a teenager in comparison. But she wasn’t just a kid; she was a woman, a woman who was involved with Trevor Hughes…in one way or another.

  “Yes.”

  Trevor led her forward a few steps, but Jenna hesitated. She drew a deep breath. “And I’m not…”

  He slipped her hand out of the crook of his arm and lifted it to his lips. He kissed her hand, gently. “I just want you here, Jenna. With me.”

  She reached up with her free hand and played with her earring, delicately. She smiled at him and he led her inside.

  ****

  “Wow.” Jenna took one step into the event room of the museum and stopped short. “Oh my goodness…” Her words fell away as she took in her surroundings: the high ceiling draped in millions of tiny white lights; dozens of large round tables covered in white tablecloths with white cloth-covered chairs flanking them; long birch branches climbing up the museum pillars, shimmering with sparkling lights; and large framed photos of animals everywhere along the sides of the room. A long bar with high white leather stools and at least a half dozen bartenders was before them, and a staff of dozens of waiters, dressed in black tuxedos, walked through the event room, carrying hors d’oeuvres on shiny silver platters. The room was warm and smelled like burnt sugar and vanilla. Hundreds of people milled about. “Trevor, this is…” Jenna walked closer to a photo of a dog with only one eye and a lopsided ear. “This photo—it’s incredible. Looks like a professional photographer did it.”

  “It was a professional. Professionals photographed all the animals, hoping they’ll have a better chance at being adopted.” He tossed his head. “Come on, let’s get our seats.”

  “Caspian…?” Before they could take a step toward the table, a woman in her mid-thirties wearing a long, black, sleeveless, satin dress and fire engine red lipstick stepped up to Trevor. Incredibly tanned, toned arm muscles flexed as she stood on her toes and kissed him on both cheeks. She didn’t even glance at Jenna. “Gloria. Remember? I work with the turtle charity.”

  “Yes, hello.” He took Jenna’s hand, pulling her closer. “It’s Trevor, actually. And this is Jenna.”

  “I know your name, but to me you’ll always be Caspian. So it’s true? You and Maggie?” Gloria looked Jenna up and down.

  Trevor nodded. “Yes, she decided it was time to part ways.”

  “She decided, huh?�
�� The woman raised her overarched brows. “Well anyway, I’m hooked up with the photographer Henri and we’re using celebrities in the next series of pics. I’d love to use you…” She smiled, patting his bicep with her hand, trying to wedge herself between Trevor and Jenna. “I’ve heard the rumor that there’s a turtle tattooed on that wide chest of yours”—she made circles in the air around his heart—“but you’re super private about it. Why not give me a peek, and I can let Henri know it’s for real. It’ll be perfect with the underwater series we’ve got planned.” She nodded toward one of the doorways. “We can have some privacy over there. Behind coat check. Why not give me a look?” She licked her lips.

  Trevor cleared his throat, standing up taller. “It’s very flattering that you’d like to use me for your photos, thank you. Why not give me Henri’s contact, and I’ll have my agent be in touch.” Smiling and winking at Jenna, Trevor took Jenna’s arm, leading her away from the woman and over to the bar.

  “That’s nerve,” Jenna said over the soft band music as Trevor took two glasses of champagne from the bartender and handed one to Jenna.

  “What’s that?”

  “Asking you to disrobe in the middle of a black tie dinner?”

  Trevor laughed it off like it was nothing. “Oh, I’ve been asked at the grocery store…Central Park…the middle of Saks.”

  Jenna’s heart ached. “That’s not very cool.”

  “You get used to it.” Trevor shrugged.

  “But could you imagine if a man asked that of a woman? It would be scandalous. Not to mention incredibly tacky.”

  “I guess.” He smiled, but his jaw jutted forward, his muscles clenched. “But what can I do? An occupational hazard, right? I mean, I do walk around shirtless nearly every day. I can’t expect people to look at me as more than bare-chested Caspian Locke if that’s what I show them.” He tipped back his champagne flute, swallowing hard.

  Jenna took the empty glass from his hand and set it down on the bar. “Trevor, you do know how incredible you are, right?”