Liberty Ranch

by Temperance Johnson

  Susan knew this was going badly and she did not see it going any better. “I know she is my daughter, Mary Starry. She will be raised by Matt and Susan Starry. She will have many loving uncles, aunts, and cousins, and have grandparents.”

  Hannah almost glared at her daughter. “Why are you doing this? Out of pity for your man?”

  “No, mamma.” Her mother shocked her. Was her mother this way before she married Matt? She had changed so much, she hadn’t seen how close-minded her own mother was. The Starrys dealt with this every day. It was exhausting. “I love my daughter and I want to raise her. It might be hard, but I feel God calling me to do it. I have been talking to Matt about when we move to Colorado territory to live on Liberty Ranch with the Donovans and some of the Starrys.”

  “Move to Colorado? You are still thinking of moving there? Why in heavens would you want to move even more into the west, with no civilians at all out there?” Her voice became high pitched.

  Susan tried to explain. “At Liberty Ranch we will help orphans or touched children and their families get help and healing. ”

  Hannah looked at her daughter like she had grown two heads. “How could you do this? What if the people don’t have enough money to travel?”

  Susan hadn’t thought of that. “I must talk to Matt about that. He wants to be the pastor there. Juan Jose, Cole’s cousin, is going to train him and he is doing ministry part-time while being a deputy. Matt is a Godly man who wants to preach his word.”

  “So you are serious about this? You want to move to God knows where to help kept children.”

  “Ma, don’t call them that. They are God’s children, just had a harder life is all.”

  “Like that clan you married into.”

  “Yes, just like the Starry Yankees,” Susan told her. “Some of the family is already there. Sawyer and his wife, Annie, Gloria with her husband Jerry, are leaving next week. It means more work for deputy Job, but it will be fine. We hope to move there by late summer or early fall, before the heavy snow falls. I have missed having snow for Christmas.”

  “You’re moving for snow! It is so hard to live in the West. Why would you want that? You won’t be able to have servants or as many hired hands as we have here.” Hannah spread out her hands as if showing her all she was missing.

  “I would never use servants here, anyway. It might be hard, mamma, but my husband wants to go and so do I. I want to have a church family again.” Susan had missed her church family since leaving the north.

  “If you hadn’t married into that family, you would have friends and be a part of the social crowd,” Hannah told her like she had a dozen times before.

  “Mamma, I don’t want those kinds of friends and I would choose my family over that any day. Sometimes it’s difficult, but I have come to love them so much.” Susan thought of a way to make peace and make her mother happy. “Why don’t you come over to my house on Monday night?”

  “You mean to the sheriff’s office?”

  “Yes, were we live,” Susan told her, suddenly tired of all the years of being her perfect daughter until now. She knew then what she wanted. She wanted Matt and his way of life. And she would never regret marrying him, choosing his family. “We can eat on the back porch. It is so nice out there and you can try my sweet tea. I almost make it as well Julia.”

  “Matt says your tea isn’t good?”

  Susan covered a sigh. “Of course not. He just knows his sister's tea is better.”

  “Fine, your father and I will come, but don’t expect me to call or treat this grandchild as my own.” She added, “Now when you start a proper family, I will love my real grandchildren.”

  Susan stood up, knowing she couldn’t take much more of this. She needed to leave. She went to the door. “Thank you, mother, for coming to my humble house.” She left too fast for her mother to say anything in return, which was her plan. She would have a good cry at home, trusting their old mare to get her home. This hadn’t gone well at all.

  SUSAN WAS SO EXCITED about her mother coming, yet nervous. However, she was also disappointed, but not surprised, that her father wasn't coming. He had missed most of her childhood due to work. Her small house was spotless and neat; she had done supper perfectly and it was ready when her mother got there. However, Susan was still all nerves. She had finished feeding Mary when Matt walked in from the front door. He was off duty, while Cole and Maverick still worked. She was so glad to see him because she didn't want to be home alone when her mother came.

  She put Mary in the crib, then let Matt pull her into a hug. "How is my wife?"

  She smiled. "Feeling better now that you are here. I just don't want my mother to say those things again."

  "I won't let her," Matt said firmly but gently. "I think she will try to keep peace for now." He looked down at her. "She came to our wedding, which surprised me."

  "So was I." She paused. "Most of her friends didn't come."

  "What about your friends? Did they come?" He grinned.

  "Yup, all twenty-one of them.” She kissed him. “I loved having them all."

  Matt laughed and kissed her. "I love you, Sue."

  Before she could respond, they heard a knock on the back door. Most of the Starrys came through the front door to see them all and then walked through the office to the back.

  Matt opened the door and greeted Hannah, then they sat in the parlor as Susan checked on supper. Matt picked up Mary. He didn't ask his mother-in-law if she would like to hold her. Instead, he decided to make small talk and he wasn't good at it. He almost sighed when Susan said supper was ready.

  As they settled in, Hannah asked why they didn’t put that child in the highchair.

  "I was just going to feed her a bottle, but she just ate so she should be good for a bit," Susan explained. "We like to hold her as much as possible, and she doesn't like the chair."

  "Well, make her like it; you can't hold her forever," Hannah responded.

  Susan said nothing, thinking this was going to be a long evening. She warmed milk for Mary and fed her when they all sat in the parlor after supper.

  "What kind of milk is that?" Hannah asked as she looked at the child like she would give her the fever.

  "Goat's milk. We buy it from a farm next to Silkwood."

  Hannah grunted. "You should use cow's milk."

  Susan looked at Matt with long eyes, and he gave her a compassionate look. How could her mother be this hard? Had she always been this way and Susan just hadn't noticed? Just then, Mary pushed the bottle out and screamed.

  Hannah looked at the child, disgusted.

  Susan just got up and excused herself, knowing it would take a while for this one to end, and went to the bedroom.

  She prayed Matt could handle her mother until she got back. She then began to sing to her baby; she loved lullabies. Her nannies had sung to her, but her baby would not get nannies. She would be her mother forever and never pass her on to nannies while she was busy in society.

  MATT HEARD HIS WIFE singing over their child's cry. He loved when she sang to their daughter. He had never heard a lullaby as a child. He loved that he was giving his child a chance to hear a lullaby. It was the little things that made him love being a father. He hoped he was a good one, he prayed. If he was just a little like Ben, then he would be great.

  "She really loves that child," Hannah mumbled, more than she had said anything that night.

  He nodded. "We both do."

  "Why?" she hissed, like they loved someone horrible.

  "She is our baby daughter. We are raising her. Do we need another reason?" He added in a soft voice, "I love her so I can sing her lullabies." He knew his mother-in-law hadn't sung lullabies, nannies had. "It's never too late to learn."

  "Yes, it is too late." She frowned at him. "I don't want you taking my daughter to Colorado or anywhere. You never told me you were going to leave before you married her. Or was that your plan?"

  Matt sat up. "No, Ma'am. I did not do that, but Susa
n and I have been talkin’ and we want to raise our daughter, our future children. We reckon we need a new start. And the family agreed on Colorado." He noticed the baby had stopped crying as Susan continued to sing to her.

  "Well, I don't care why you are doing it." She told him angrily, "You have no right to take my daughter away from me."

  "I am not takin’ her away from you. You can visit any time you want, and I am sure we will make it back here." Matt wasn't sure when. Neither of them wanted to come back to visit, but if Susan wanted to, they would.

  Just as Hannah was about to say something, Susan walked out carrying a sleeping baby. She sat down next to Matt, trying to relax.

  Hannah glared at them. "This child is going to be the end of both of you. I won't ever see her as my grandchild, and now you are leaving." She stood up, her chest rising and falling in anger. "Susan, I told you this family you married into would destroy you and now look at you. You could have anything." She looked around the small house. "And you have this." She nodded to Susan. "If you want to leave this place, you can always come home. But if you leave for that land full of outlaws, never come home, you will not be welcomed," she shouted. "And neither will your real children. They probably will be touched, like your man and that child."

  Susan had tears running down her face as she held her sleeping baby closer.

  Matt stood up, holding his temper. "Don't you ever talk to my wife like that again. Her home is with me. Our home is anywhere we are together." He moved closer to her. "And don't you ever call your grandchildren touched ever again. Me, on the other hand, that might be true." He paused, holding his anger. "If you ever speak like this again, you will never come around here again. I am your daughter's husband and that will not change, ever! Do you understand?"

  Hannah looked shocked and stared at her daughter with disgust and disbelief.

  Susan stood up, standing next to her husband in more than just support. "Mother, I love you. I want you to love me and what I have chosen to do in life. My life is with Matt and Mary."

  Hannah looked at her daughter. "Then I guess I got my answer. I will never come back here, or that forsaken land you move too." With that, she stormed out and slammed the door.

  Susan sat down as the tears came. Matt took her in his arms with Mary between them. "What will your pa say?"

  "He always goes along with mother. He has never cared for me. He wanted me to marry wealthy." She cried to him, trying to not wake Mary.

  Matt held her and his daughter; he loved them so much. He would give anything to take away her pain, but only God could heal her. He just prayed, held them, and kissed her head and Mary's head.

  Chapter 17

  The sun was setting and beginning to disappear behind the trees on the mountains. In Colorado, it was so beautiful, with clear creeks and land as far as an eye can see. It was like Izzy and Jesse were on top of the earth.

  Izzy laid against Jesse's chest as he rested against the cabin; she sat between his legs. He smelled of smoke from the fire and wood. His rough hand ran through her curly hair. She enjoyed the feeling. She could even smell the leftover blueberry pie she had made in the dutch oven. That was her way of cooking. The ranch hands had eaten and left to bunk in the barn.

  Izzy laced her fingers with Jesse's, then asked ever so gently, "Jesse, can you tell me how you came to live in the asylum?"

  Jesse's back went hard, he kept still.

  He stayed quiet so long, Izzy wasn't sure he would answer, but he talked in a monotone voice, "I was having a hard time with Ellen. I was always angry, and I honestly hated her sometimes. It was hard because Pedro was better than I was. The war was about to start, and Ellen kept being told her Mexican boys needed a Mexican home. When I kept hearing that I just got worse. I broke Gloria's nose and Maverick nearly killed me, which I deserved. I am ashamed of how I acted now. One night, Ellen fought with Ben, Missy, and Owen. After crying, she told me I was going to a Mexican couple." He cleared his throat. "I was so afraid. Ellen cried many times after that, though she tried to hide the tears. The couple came to pick us up. I don’t remember much about the couple, just that they hated the Starrys, which made me angrier. Pedro got sick and he wasn’t getting better,” he muttered. “The couple hated me, so I arrived at a huge building. It was so cold and full of sick and evil people. They told me I would only stay there for a little while." He made a humorless laugh. "It was hell on earth. After a few months, I ran away. I don’t know how I got out, but I did. Ben always said if you got lost, follow the smell of the ocean. I got on a wagon which was headed for Daphne and then I walked home." Letting his hand fall on her shoulder, he continued, "I was filthy, and they didn't care. Ellen just held me. She had prayed for me every day I since I left; she knew I would come home. She had more faith in me than any other woman. I told her about the asylum, though later she knew more through the nightmares." He kissed the back of her head. "I tried to kill myself while living there, but Maverick and Ellen saved my life. I was in a dark place. Julia finally came to me and cried. She didn't cry often, if you remember. She cried for me, 'Killin’ yourself is only hurting the ones you leave alive to mourn you. Do you know what we would do without you? We are already missing a family member; we can't lose another. If you want out of this life, go fight in the war where hundreds of men are dying or stay here and live.’ Julia really helped like she did to each of us."

  "I didn't become a believer until I was sixteen, after moving out of the Starry's house and raising my own crops at my own cabin. That is really when the change started. I let go of a lot of things I held in my heart. God is still workin’ on me." He paused. "I am glad I believe because I will see Ellen, Ben, and Missy one day again."

  "You will. It gives me hope to see Lucida and Sophia in heaven one day," Izzy told him. They were her friends that were killed months ago. She still missed them and their help with Liberty House. "Thank you for trusting me. I know some things aren't easy to talk about."

  "That's the truth, but what could you be hiding?" Jesse teased lightly.

  Izzy half laughed. "I am a Cooper. Remember we have things in the closet to fill half of Colorado."

  Jesse grunted. "That is probably true, but you're a Donovan now."

  "Jesse," she said roughly. All the humor left her voice.

  "Yes, my love." He knew she needed him to be serious, and he was, though he did not understand what she would say.

  Her back went hard and straight like she was distancing herself from him. "I can't bear children." She could hear the variability in her voice, and it made her feel like shooting something. Tears stung her eyes as she waited for Jesse to respond. it was like her heart stopped and she held her breath. And then he squeezed her hand. It was like an anchor she waited for.

  "I am okay with that," he said softly.

  Izzy’s heart wasn’t as ready to believe him. "I know you want children; I can see how you are with children and your younger siblings."

  "I do," Jesse admitted. "But I love you and we could always adopt a baby in the spring."

  Izzy smiled brightly. Her heart was starting to soften, to trust him. Love was happening for the first time for her. She just hoped it lasted. "I love that idea. It will give us a good start for a little one."

  "But I want a baby," he said,. Then he added, softer, "I need time to bond with a baby and understand how to raise one."

  Izzy nodded. "I agree."

  Jesse ran a hand through her hair. Izzy knew she should tell him about her past, but she couldn't let the words get out. She didn't want to see the shock, disgust, and then pity that would come into his eyes. She knew he might be all right with it. But then he might reject her. What if he didn't love her anymore?

  She closed her eyes against the nightmares she had to live with. Jesse wasn't the only one with nightmares. She needed to call it a night. She was so tired that she couldn't think straight, and things went badly when two people weren't thinking. "We should go to sleep. I want to mud the cabin tomorrow with yo
u," she told him sleepily.

  "I was thinkin’ the same thing." Jesse's voice sounded too light.

  Izzy knew what he was getting at. "You are sleepin’ in the barn, mister." She said it strong enough for him to get the point.

  Jesse grunted. "Did Andrew tell you that?"

  "No," she said as she stood up. "We are adults. He wouldn't treat us like children, but I don't want to fall off that cliff."

  Jesse stood up and said angrily, "We will be fine. I would never do that." He came up behind her and whispered in her ear, "But doesn't mean we can't dance around it." He kissed her cheek.

  She turned around in his arms and frowned. "It means we don't, Jesse."

  He just kissed her frown away. "I love you, Izzy," he whispered.

  Izzy kissed him back. His arms went around her, holding her so close. She knew she had to stop. He got more passionate.

  Izzy finally had enough and pulled away. "I am going to bed. See you in the mornin’."

  "One more kiss?" He begged, giving her a flirty wink.

  She shook her head but smiled. "Go to bed, Jesse."

  KATRINA WOKE UP TO screaming. She ran to Francesca's new room. They had split Sara’s room in half to make one for Francesca. Katrina tried to wake Francesca up while she shook all over. "It's okay, baby girl. It's all right." Taking the girl in her arms, she moved her head before Francesca could hit her. "It's all right, baby. No one can hurt you again. It's okay." She whispered comforting words. It didn't hurt her ears as much as it would others. Maybe the reason she was deaf was to help her screaming children.

  As Katrina rocked Francesca back and forth, she thought of how most of her life others had considered her weird for being so tall and built so big. Now she was almost happy because of it. She was strong and could hold her girls where they couldn't hurt themselves or each other. She had never before thought maybe that was why God made her so tall, but He must have planned it. He knew of all she would do in her life.