It's Not Over

by A. L. Zaun

  He held my face in his trembling hands, his eyes raging with frustration. “You think you have this under control, but you don’t. Remember, I’m a liar and a manipulator. I know these things. The only difference between him and me is that he’s a predator, and I’m not. I never wanted to hurt Daniela, but he doesn’t have a conscience. He’s playing you like a fine-tuned violin, and he’s out to destroy you.”

  “You’re being dramatic and giving him too much power and presence in our lives. You need to learn to pick your battles. This isn’t one to fight. Let it go.”

  “You’re fucking crazy if you think I’m letting this go.” He let go of my face and stepped back. He looked past me and rubbed his face. He blew out a deep breath. “This is so typical of you. Are you doing this because you knew I’d be pissed off? Anything to be difficult—”

  He was being ridiculous, and I needed to stop this now.

  “You’re wrong,” I interrupted before using his own words back at him. “Let me love you, Maddy. Let me take care of you, babe. Let me spoil you. I need you to do that right now.”

  I walked up to him and reached out for his hands, but he wouldn’t look at me.

  “Trust me, Rick. Love me, Marin. I need you to be Team Maddy just like I’ve been Team Rick all along, no questions asked, with full-on support.”

  He turned his eyes right on mine and let go of my hands, pulling away from me. “You give me your secrets and your pussy. Newsflash…” He slipped his feet into his shoes and grabbed his phone and keys. “You can keep them. What I want is your heart.”

  “Stop.” I grabbed his arm and resisted the urge to slap him. “How can you say that?” I cried, my lip quivering in a combination of anger and hurt. “Please…” I ran my hand along his face. “Don’t make me choose. Don’t…please.”

  His eyes were blank, and his body was stiff. “I need space before I say something I’ll regret.” He placed a quick kiss on my forehead. “This isn’t over.”

  “Rick,” I called out on the brink of breaking down.

  But he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

  I stood there, frozen, wanting to run after him but wondering if I should. We both needed a time-out. The argument had gotten heated and out of control. I should have reeled him in. I should have persuaded him. I should have shown him how this could work. I should have told him how much I needed him to be on my side. I should have done so many things. I handled this wrong. What have I done? And how can I fix it?

  As the reality of everything sank in, I slumped down against the door and buried my face in my hands. “Please don’t make me choose.”

  Chapter 33

  Rick

  Está loca. She’s fucking crazy.

  That was the only thing that fucking made sense to me. I had to get out of there before I said or did something I would regret. She still had the ability to piss me off like no one else ever had. I shook my head at her audacity asking me who the hell I thought I was. I’d been a split second from shoving my dick inside her to remind her exactly who the hell I was. She was fucking mine, and she needed to get that shit through her head.

  She had to go and turn this around as she made it all about her career. Why can’t she see that I’m trying to protect her? Why can’t she just fucking listen to me? I didn’t asked her to pick between her fucking job or me. There had to be another way that didn’t involve that cocksucker. I clenched my jaw, hearing the last words he’d said to me in New York.

  I have what she wants. At the end of the day, I always win.

  I stormed past Walter, who barely had a chance to get up, when I pushed through the door to the garage. Once inside, I started pressing the keyless entry just to make sure the fucking car would be open when I got to it.

  Every muscle in my neck and shoulders was wound tight, and I fisted my hair in my hands, trying to make sense of everything. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I shouted. “Goddamn you, Madison. Fuck. What the hell are you thinking?”

  I couldn’t replay much in my head because all I saw was her having a mental breakdown, and then less than twelve hours later, asking me who the hell I thought I was. She needed professional help for her mood swings and her obvious psychotic break. No sane person would even entertain working with or for that motherfucker. I needed to figure this out. What am I missing here?

  I turned on the car and tapped the gearshift, waiting for inspiration as I stared at the digital console on the dashboard, but nothing came to me. Goddamn it. I didn’t have these problems before Madison. Most women I’d been with wouldn’t give me this shit because they knew their days would be numbered if they had. Maddy…Maddy…Maddy. She’d changed my fucking life. What am I supposed to do now? The only person with the answer was the one driving me insane. What would Maddy tell me to do?

  She’d cross her arms in front of her chest—her tits always looked great when she did that—her lips would pucker into the cutest little smirk, and she’d lift her eyebrow. Then, she’d say, “From this angle, I can’t tell if you’re an asshole or a pussy. Get your shit together, Marin. Fight for what you want, and don’t let anyone stop you.”

  With a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, I pulled out of the parking lot and drove toward Estrella’s house. Madison needed some time to get her head out of her ass and stop being a bitch. In the meantime, I had business to take care of.

  ***

  Rocking on my feet, I ran my hands through my hair as I waited for someone to open the door. Wax on and wax off was in full force. For months, Madison kicked my ass and abused me with her insults. She was cold, indifferent, and hostile, but she really wasn’t like that—not the real Maddy, anyway. She should have given up on me a long time ago, but she hadn’t, and I couldn’t give up on her or on us. I wouldn’t.

  I rolled my head, stretching the tight muscles in my neck as I replayed my conversation with Chris. Tension began strangling me like a python the more I remembered. My sisters were a real piece of work.

  She said she’d be here. What the fuck is taking her so long?

  Just when I was about to ring the doorbell again, the door flung open.

  “Tío!” Gabe shouted a couple of notches too loud with too much energy.

  Did this kid ever stop moving?

  “Hey,” I greeted, rubbing the top of his head. He should enjoy that head of hair. One day, he’ll meet a woman who’ll be the sole cause of his premature baldness. “Where’s your mom?” I asked, checking my own hairline in the hallway mirror. It’s still there.

  “Don’t talk too loud,” he said, putting his fingers over his lips. He led me to the family room. “She says she hasn’t had enough coffee today.”

  The house was dark and unusually quiet for a Saturday. I didn’t see my nieces running around.

  Gabe grabbed my arm and pulled me down to him. “I need to talk to you, man-to-man.”

  “Sure,” I answered him, rubbing my eyes.

  Gabe was a good kid despite the apparent assholes he had for parents. I was his cool uncle, and I knew there would be a day when Gabe would come to me for condoms, women, and liquor.

  “What’s up?”

  He signaled for me to lower my head. He whispered, “Madison. What’s your deal with her?”

  Him, too? “She’s my girlfriend. Why do you want to know?”

  “A woman like that needs a man who knows what he’s doing,” the little fucker said, dipping his chin and raising his eyebrow.

  This was very true. Madison would get a kick out of this.

  “Where the fuck are you getting this shit from?” I asked, not wanting to laugh in his face.

  “From fricken Disney XD,” he said proudly, letting a smooth smile spread across his face. “If you aren’t going to marry her, then I will.”

  “You need to change the fucking channel.” I shook my head, and then I gulped as what he’d just said hit me. “Marry?”

  “Who’s getting married?” Estrella’s raspy voice caught us by surprise. She stood in the
doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand, and a look of death warmed over on her face. She focused straight on me, but she said pointedly to her son, “Gabe, I know you’re not talking about your uncle.”

  Poor kid. He has no idea just how much his mother is going to interfere in his life.

  His shoulders slumped as he whined, “Mom…”

  “And why wouldn’t we be?” I matched her stare.

  “Gabe, go to your room.” She sighed and walked into the kitchen. “I need more coffee for this.”

  “So, tell me, Estrella, why wouldn’t we be talking about me getting married?” I asked, walking past her. I looked at my arms to see if I’d broken out in hives from saying the word marry.

  I was surprised I could say that word and not go into convulsions. Normally, the idea of marriage had freaked the shit out of me. Every married couple I knew looked like they had been handed a death sentence, or worse, a life sentence of misery. Even though Madison drove me to my breaking point and was a health risk, the thought of not having her in my life was no longer an option. How or if that would ever materialize into marriage, I didn’t know though.

  Estrella poured herself another cup of coffee, overdoing it with the artificial sweetener. She looked up to me as she brought the mug to her lips. “There are so many reasons why you getting married to that girl would be wrong.”

  “Why don’t you educate me?”

  She had to hear the bite of sarcasm in my voice.

  “I’m not in the mood for this right now.” She sighed deeply and rubbed her heavily lidded eyes.

  Karma was a bitch. At least she felt like shit this morning.

  “You really should have gone easy on the mojitos. You look like shit this morning.” I opened the refrigerator door to grab a couple of bottles of water. “This is what you should be drinking, not the coffee that’s only dehydrating you more.” Now, I was even talking like Madison.

  “Thank you, Dr. Oz.” She grabbed the bottle and sipped a little before placing it on the counter. “You look a little tense. Didn’t get much action last night?” She waddled to the leather couch in her family room.

  I sat down on the ottoman across from her and leaned my elbows on my knees, watching her as she lay down and covered her face with a pillow. She was my oldest sister, and she had gotten me out of more jams than I could count. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew she would give me a kidney if I needed it. While I wanted to smother her with that pillow, I knew I had to keep things in perspective.

  “Where are the girls?” I asked, buying time before I got down to business.

  She peeked at me. “With my in-laws. What do you want, Ricky?”

  “Maybe I just wanted to see my big sister.” I nudged her leg the way she had done to me last night. “Weren’t you bitching a couple of weeks ago how you never see me anymore? Well, here I am.”

  “You’re so full of crap. If that were the case, you would have already laid down on the opposite side of the couch and tortured me with that stupid military channel.”

  “Hmm,” I said with mock concern as I lifted the pillow from her face, “maybe your husband needs to fuck that bitchy mood out of you.”

  She grabbed the pillow and flung it at me. “Leave Fernando alone. I have no complaints in that department, thank you very much.” She sighed. “If you can’t tell, I’m hungover. Those damn drinks were strong.”

  “That might explain why you were such a fucking bitch,” I finally said, jabbing her with my hand. “Where’s Fernando?”

  “He’s playing golf with some friends at The Biltmore.” She shot me a quick glare. “And why are you calling me a bitch?”

  “He plays a lot of golf,” I suspiciously noted with a shrug. “The motherfucker has never invited me to play with him. Hmm, he probably knows I’d beat him.”

  And I would—as in beat the living shit out of him. Fernando’s behavior had always been questionable, but he was either innocent or slick. Either way, I had enough to cast a little doubt to fuck with Estrella’s head.

  “I’ll tell him to invite you next time,” she mumbled with her eyes closed. “And don’t call him a motherfucker in his house. That’s just rude. He’s my husband and the father of my kids. Show him some respect.”

  I leaned over her and said in a menacing voice, “Like the respect you showed Madison?”

  “What are you talking about?” She moved her hand from her face, having the audacity to look surprised. “I told you, I was on my best behavior. I even have witnesses.”

  Did she honestly think she could play the innocent card with me? “Cut the shit, Estrella. I know what you said about her. She heard everything.”

  She sat up and crossed her legs under her. “I see she likes instigating problems and then having you fight her battles for her. What a bitch for running to you like a little girl. If she has a problem with me, she can tell me to my face.” She pressed her fingers into her temples. “And for the record, I’m entitled to have a private conversation with my sister or with whoever the hell I want.” She straightened up and pointed at me. “This really pisses me off. What a bitch.”

  “Why is she a bitch?” I clenched my jaw. “She didn’t do shit to you, but that didn’t stop you from talking out of your ass about her.”

  “Don’t raise your voice at me in my house,” she whispered loudly, holding her head. “She’s been in your life for five minutes, and she’s causing problems with us.”

  I huffed indignantly. It was always someone else’s fucking fault. I stood up over her and pushed back the ottoman. “Take responsibility, Estrella.”

  “Wow. You’re defending her honor. This is really great to see.” She stood up and cast a doubtful look at me before she walked to the kitchen. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you care about anyone else but yourself.” She drank some water. “I think you might actually love her—or you think you do anyway. Regardless, it’ll never work.”

  “Nice deflection.” I smirked. “Own the fact that you talked shit about me and my girlfriend.”

  She waved her hand widely. “Look around. Do you see that girl giving you a home like this with kids? She looks like the in-it-for-now type. She’s not in it for the long haul, which is fine. It’s what you like, but after a while, it gets old.” She placed the water bottle down and poured herself another cup of coffee. “There will come a point when her tits will sag, her ass will fall, and her face will wrinkle. She has to offer you something more than a blow job and great sex. You’ve always been very clear on this, so come to terms with the fact that she’s a temporary distraction until you decide to get your shit together. You’re thinking with your dick. The sex will get old and boring, and then you’ll trade her up for a newer model.”

  “Que interesante. Very interesting, Estrella. I see you have my entire life figured out. Thank you so much for enlightening me on all of this. What would I do without your wisdom?” I dropped my bottle in the trash can. I turned and then braced my arms on the edge of the counter, giving her a sarcastic grin. “The sex getting old for you? Fernando better step up his game and fuck his woman like she needs it because if he were doing it right, I don’t think it would be getting old or boring.”

  Her mouth dropped in shock. While my sisters liked hearing about my sex life, I wanted to know nothing about theirs.

  “Why are you being an asshole?”

  I pushed back from the counter. “Newsflash, I am an asshole. In fact, I’m fucking Asshole Extraordinaire. You have no clue what I want, so stay out of my fucking life,” I snarled, grabbing my keys. “You and Liz crossed the line last night. I made it clear that I wasn’t putting up with your bitchiness. I’m done with this shit.”

  She sighed and threw up her arms, following after me. “Rick, come on, we were just having a little fun. We didn’t know she was listening.”

  “That makes it okay?” I was disgusted by them. I opened the front door. “For the record, Madison didn’t tell me shit. She actually has class. The two of you, on the oth
er hand, are an embarrassment.” I started walking toward my car and turned back to my sister, so she’d get the full brunt of my fuck-off. “I’m not delusional. She’s not perfect or a saint. She drives me fucking insane and pisses me off more than anyone else I know. She doesn’t need me to fight her battles. She’s been doing that her entire life.”

  Estrella glanced away, hugging herself.

  “Trust me, if she cared about what you said or even what you think, she would have had no problem at all cutting you down to size. But this is the thing, she has me now, and I have zero tolerance for this fucking shit.”

  Her mouth fell open, and her eyes bugged out of her face. “Fine. We were out of line. What do you want me to do? Apologize?” she scoffed as she stomped toward me. “I want you to be happy and settle down. Madison is a novelty for you. She’s new, and you’re feeling things that maybe you’ve never felt before, but I think you’re just infatuated with the fantasy of this girl.”

  “Fuck you,” I growled.

  She continued her self-righteous rant as I opened my car door. “You want to be angry with me because I’m telling you the truth? What do I have to gain from being right? I hope, for your sake, I’m wrong.” She held the car door open “You don’t want to see it because you’re too close, but she’s the type of woman that men have affairs with. Have you noticed how she looks, dresses, and the way her body moves. She’s not the type that men settle down and have kids with. Think about that.”

  Fuck this shit. I was done. I got in my car and put the key in the ignition. “After you’ve fucked yourself, you can go to hell,” I said with disdain. “Are you the type of woman a man marries, the type he fucks, or both?” I shook my head. “Is Fernando fucking around? Is that why you went from being a bitch to a bully?”

  She looked away from me, but I could see the wheels turning in her head. She jutted her chin out. “Stop making this about my husband. He comes home to me every night. He’s a good provider and a good dad. Can you say that about Madison?”