Pride and Passion

by Jenna Bayley-Burke

  She rolled her bottom lip in, her teeth pulling at the flesh. How many ways could she explain to him that she couldn’t be anything but miserable in the situation he was offering? He wanted a well-brought-up trophy wife on his arm at events who would give his children a history he couldn’t. She could never look anyone in the eye knowing she was nothing but a decorative brood mare. And she certainly wouldn’t bring a child into the world in such an unstable home.

  “I don’t want you to decide now, but I don’t want to stay in town either. Before I met you I spent Christmases in Hawaii with my grandmother. She’ll love you, I promise. I’d bring her here, but she can’t stand the cold. It’s a complete change of scenery. I think it would really help you get through.”

  She hoped her smile was noncommittal. “It would give you the wrong idea. If I go with you, you’ll think I’m agreeing to marry you and I can’t.”

  He took both her hands in his own, a warm sensation traveling through her body as he smiled gently. “Do you know how long it has been since I’ve said please?”

  Her eyes grew heavy, so she blinked away the sensation in order to gain control. “Is that what I am supposed to tattle to your grandmother about?”

  Chapter Nine

  Jake felt all of his troubles drift away as his plane left the ground. Lily was here beside him, on a trip he’d wanted to take her on since the moment he met her. He wasn’t about to let her spend the holidays alone, and he didn’t want for his grandmother to have to do the same either. He was managing to make both the women in his life happy at once. He knew better than to think it would happen often. Still, it made him feel like the cat that swallowed the canary.

  “Most people get anxious at take-off. Did you take something?” Lily asked.

  “Nope, this is all you.” He reached across the plush chairs and squeezed her hand. It amazed him how much closer he felt to her now than he had three months ago. Giving her the space to find her way to him had been a gamble, but she was coming around. Once he got her all the way, she’d never leave. A rush of excitement thrummed through him and he tried to bring himself back down to earth.

  She didn’t love him, and she probably never would. He hoped that in time and with the children her affection for him would grow and she might forget her initial distaste for his company. But she was growing to like him, and that was enough for now. That, coupled with the fiery passion sizzling between them, would be enough, more than most people ever got.

  Lily still held all the cards though. He hated not having the upper hand in anything. He wanted to explain to her about Dee, even her ridiculous notions about Susanna, but he didn’t want to set a precedent where he’d have to defend himself every time she saw him with another woman. His mother had spent her life trying to justify herself to his father and never could. Lily would have to learn to trust him or deal with her own insecurities. Maybe once she agreed to marry him he might explain. Once.

  He didn’t want to think about anything negative. They were on holiday after all, and that included a break from worrying about their future.

  He cleared his throat. “Have you been to Hawaii?”

  She shook her head. “Dad preferred the Caribbean.”

  “It’s amazing. A few short hours in the air and it’s like being in another world.”

  “Have you always gone there?”

  His shoulders tensed when he thought of the first time he’d arrived in the islands. “Only since my mother died.”

  Lily’s brows knit together. “Where did your grandmother live before?”

  “She hasn’t left the islands in about thirty years. It was my mother who left.” He shifted in his seat, knowing he’d never get comfortable while talking about this but realizing that if he didn’t tell Lily, his grandmother would. “My mother was very young when she met my father. He was a fisherman who didn’t care that she was seventeen. But then he never cared about much beyond himself.

  “When they found out she was pregnant he spirited her away to Alaska. No one in her family heard from her again, they didn’t even know about me until I came to tell them their daughter was dead.

  “I was angry and wanted some kind of retribution for how they’d abandoned her, how they’d never come to save us. But they didn’t know. They’d looked for her, but the trail stopped dead in Alaska. He was only able to keep jobs in short jumps so they moved a lot. Alaska for crab and cod, Washington for salmon and sturgeon, halibut and tuna in Oregon. When I started school we settled in the city and he’d be gone for stretches. She could have left him then. I don’t understand why she never did.”

  He waited for the pity, for the more probing questions he’d have to refuse to answer, but they never came. Lily merely squeezed his hand, rubbing her thumb over his.

  “Your grandmother must have been comforted to see you, even though it was a shock.”

  “I don’t know if it was at first. I look an awful lot like the man who took her daughter. But she welcomed me from the beginning, even when I was resentful and hostile. It didn’t take long for me to warm to her though. She looks like my mother, and when we first met I took comfort in that.”

  “It sounds like the two of you have quite a bond now. I hope I won’t be interfering with your time together. I don’t want to intrude.”

  “You couldn’t. She’s been expecting you for a year.”

  “Why would she do that?”

  “Because I told her that I’d met the woman I was going to marry. She’s been after me to bring you to her ever since. Though when I said you were finally coming she did have a talk with me about the propriety of maintaining separate bedrooms while under her roof. If it wasn’t so funny, it would have been mortifying.”

  Lily’s eyes widened. “We can’t share a room. Even at the penthouse you’ve never—”

  “Calm down, Angel. If I only wanted you in my bed you’d have been there by now. I have too much respect for you to put you in a situation like that.” Not that he hadn’t come damned close to losing control once or twice, but he wouldn’t let it happen again.

  “I don’t know if I believe you, but I’m hoping my bedroom door has a lock.”

  “With the way you behave, I should be the one who needs protecting.”

  She pulled her hand from his to whack him in the chest. Thanks to the smile on her face he had to grin back.

  He took her hand again, resting it on his thigh. “I’m glad you decided to come, Lily. I’ve spent so much time with you lately I don’t know what I’d do without you to talk to. I’d always want you around, except I think about you naked every two minutes and I’d accomplish nothing all day and you’d never have a moment’s peace.”

  Lily chuckled and leaned back in her seat, as relaxed as he’d seen her in months. His chest swelled with pride that he’d been the one to relieve some of her tension. If only she’d let him take it all away.

  First class had always been good enough before, but Lily could get used to flying on a private jet. The privacy and quiet took all the stress out of traveling during the holiday season. As they stepped off the plane the humid air wrapped around her like a hug, the sun shining on her face.

  The warmth relaxed her completely, her last vestiges of doubt about whether she should have come disappearing. She saw him reaching for her hand as they walked from the tarmac toward a waiting car. Before, she would have either ignored the gesture or hidden her hands behind her back. He’d been a dream on the plane and had taken her to paradise, so she slipped her fingers against his.

  The whole trip she’d been thinking of what life would be like if she’d never known him or if he hadn’t been so determined to have her. The problems her father had would still have wreaked havoc on her life, but the aftermath would have been much messier.

  Her home would have been sold to strangers, her degree forgotten, everything she would have managed to salvage would have been sold to support herself while she found a job that had no possibility of supporting her. Because of Jake and hi
s kindness she’d been allowed to grieve in the only home she’d ever known, finished her masters, gained marketable job skills and found a friend. A real one.

  He was honest with what he wanted, and so was she. Still, he’d built up her confidence, given her a chance to learn the business her father had created, and helped her find an enthusiasm that lived within. It made her happy not to have to share him with other women for a while, his grandmother notwithstanding. It would give him a chance to see a life without his string of mistresses, because Lily found herself on the verge of loving him, nearly agreeing to his proposal. She was almost to the point of wishing he would have some epiphany and decide he didn’t need the other women, just her. But she knew it was far more likely that being together now would be the bittersweet end she needed in order to move on. Hopefully to a university across the country where she wouldn’t have to be constantly reminded of his amorous exploits.

  As she slid into the waiting red convertible, it was hard to believe the man starting the car wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. She took a deep breath, pulling the spiced scent of tropical blooms into her lungs and letting go of the worry. Reality would be there when they got back home, like the cold wind of winter.

  The sun was low in the sky as they left the airport, painting everything with a golden glow. Lily loved the feel of the breeze through her hair as Jake maneuvered the car out of the relative normalcy of the airport area into the unknown of what seemed to be a winding road through a jungle.

  In a few minutes they were high above it all, able to look out at the ocean and down on the colorful vegetation embracing the island. He made a few more turns, and then pulled into a secluded area with a view of everything. Lily took it all in, from the tall palm trees swaying in the breeze to the turquoise blue of the Pacific gently kissing the caramel-colored sand of the beach and the flowers sparkling like jewels on the lush plants.

  She turned to ask Jake what his grandmother’s house was like, but found him staring at her intently. She tilted her head in question which only made him smile.

  “I need a favor and I’m not used to asking for them. Usually people owe me a favor and I collect, not the other way around.”

  “Within reason, I think it’s safe to say I probably owe you one.” Or seventeen. But since he wasn’t counting she wasn’t about to get out a tally sheet.

  He let out a deep breath and released his choke hold on the steering wheel. “My grandmother isn’t as healthy as she seems. She’ll put on a brave face while we’re here and then take weeks to recover. I have a nurse who lives with her full-time to monitor her diabetes and her heart.” His lips twisted in a wistful grin. “I still find it hard to believe there is anything wrong with having a heart that’s too big. But anyway, this could very well be her last Christmas. I hope not, but I am realistic about her condition.”

  Lily reached her hand to his arm and rested it there. Jake took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing it in a gesture so tender it made her insides melt. He held her hand tightly between them and looked right at her, his gaze intense in a different way than she was accustomed to.

  “I will marry you, Lily Harris, the moment you are ready. I know you’re not there yet, but I want you to let her believe the wedding is imminent.”

  She tried to pull her hand away, but he held it firmly. “Jake, lying to her is not a good idea.”

  “It’s not a lie. We’re inevitable. I know if you don’t do this and we lose her before we’re married you’ll wish you had. She worries about me. The same pictures you’ve seen in the magazines, she has too. She’s not as keen on believing the stories, but I know she wants more for me than that garbage.”

  “She wouldn’t want you to lie to her.”

  “What if I extended our agreement? You can stay on at Tolliver-Harris and stay at home as long as you need. I’ll forget the New Year’s timeline. You do this for me, and we’ll do everything else at your pace.” His eyes were filled with a curious, profound longing, as if he were actually pleading for more than he was asking.

  “I appreciate all you’ve done, but I’m ready for the game to be over. I won’t deny that we’re attracted to one another, but I won’t live your life.”

  “Because you will never trust me.” Raw hurt glittered in his eyes.

  She gave a shrug, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “Because I deserve more than being someone’s socially acceptable trophy wife.” It tugged at her that it was Jake who taught her that lesson, perhaps a bit too well for his own gain.

  “I agree, but that has nothing to do with what I am asking.” He pulled out a black box from his pocket and opened it. A vintage art-deco filigree engagement ring blinked up at her. The detail of the delicate setting made her want to take a closer look, but she didn’t dare. “The ring was hers. She gave it to me last year to give to you, only when I told your father he wasn’t so keen on the idea. If you don’t like the ring you can pick out your own, any one you want when we do get married. But I am asking you to wear this ring here. I would love for her not to worry about me anymore.”

  Lily rubbed her face with her hands, wishing there were an easy solution to this. “What am I supposed to do? Lie to a dying woman to give her peace? You have me up against a wall here.”

  A devilish look lightened his dark gaze. “I’ve never had you up against a wall, but I think I’d like to.”

  The sensual image flashed in her mind and her body warmed at the thought. “Would you stop?”

  “Why, does it scare you to know exactly what I want from you?” He gave her body a raking gaze. “Are you still afraid of me, Lily?”

  She shook her head. “I never really was.” What terrified her was her own reaction to him, her longing for him.

  “When I first told you that I wanted to marry you, you claimed you hated me. Did you mean it?”

  The opportunity to free herself from him was right there, tied up with a golden bow. If he’d stayed the enigmatic stranger she would have been able to lie and end things once and for all. But he was her friend now, and even if he had his own agenda, he’d been the only one who’d been there for her when she’d needed a friend.

  “I hated how helpless I was at that moment, and that I’d let myself get there. It wasn’t you I hated really, but that you never would have allowed yourself to be in such a position. It felt as if I were trapped and drowning at the same time. You tried to save me, and when I refused you taught me how to save myself. For that I’ll always be grateful.”

  “So you’ll do it?” His eyes held a laughter she wished he’d release.

  She nodded, watching as he took her hand and slid the ring on her finger. “If she is in perfect health I may have to confess the entire ruse. Just so you know.”

  “Now you have me up against a wall. I’d like to have her healthy and you wearing the ring.” He kissed her hand again and then released it. “Do you like it? It’s so refined and classic I thought it suited you.”

  She looked down at the ring, realizing she could stare at it for hours. Everything suddenly felt very real. They were overlooking the ocean in the middle of a tropical paradise and the man she was in love with had just put a beautiful ring on her hand. If only the happy ending came with this fairy tale. She knew she could have the impression of a marriage with Jake, but it would never go deeper than the façade. He had no intention of loving anyone, or ending his collection of new lovers. Two reasons why she couldn’t possibly give in.

  Jake’s thumb brushed over her cheek, the dampness of a tear cooling against her skin. “I always thought you’d cry when we got engaged.”

  “We’re not.” She sat up straight and squared her shoulders. “This is just for your grandmother.”

  “It doesn’t have to be.” His husky whisper wove around her, but she wouldn’t let herself be caught in the snare.

  “I’m not interested, thank you.” Her words were heavy with sarcasm.

  “Liar. You think about it constantly. You know as w
ell as I do it’s not a matter of if, but of when. You will be my wife, Angel.”

  She turned to him to object, but the words never left her mouth because his lips were there first. Her body responded on instinct, wanting to open for him, to taste him. Somewhere deep inside she found what was left of her backbone and used it to put her hands firmly against his chest and push.

  “We’re not doing this again. You get me worked up to the point where I’m willing to be with you and then you reject me and run to one of your girlfriends. They aren’t around, are they? Did you pack one of them along?”

  “With all I’ve given you I’d think you’d be over petty jealousy.” He started the car and revved the engine.

  “I’m not jealous, just practical. You don’t want me and they aren’t here. I wouldn’t want you to go to all the trouble of having to find someone new.”

  “Jealousy is an emotion you don’t wear well, Angel. I suggest you get rid of it.”

  “I’m not jealous. That would mean I was in love with you, and I know better than that.”

  “Yes, we both know better, don’t we?” He put the car in reverse so forcefully she was jerked forward in her seat, holding the armrest as he made his way back onto the winding road.

  “What will you do when we get home and I leave?” She asked over the roar of the road. “I’ve kept my side of the deal. I know the business better than I ever thought I would, so I’m free to go.”

  “You’ll never be free of me, Lily. Try and run, you’ll find that out.”

  Coldness washed over his features, the familiar countenance of a man in control of the world slipping over him. It chilled her to know something ominous would happen if she left, and he wouldn’t have to do a thing. Just as her heart tore a little when he sealed himself off like this, it would break completely when she had to leave him.

  Opponents, not allies. Lily hated how a single conversation could turn how she and Jake reacted to one another around. Some people worried about walking on eggshells, but she and Jake lived with bare feet on broken glass.