Happily Ever After: 6 Marriage Romances In 1 (BWWM Romance)

by BWWM Club

  “I’m sorry,” she said, covering her mouth with her hand. “I don’t know where that came from.”

  “It’s okay,” said Mike. He didn’t say anything after that. Kizzy was hoping that he would say it back. She was hoping that the sex they had just had had come from a place that was beyond mere lust. She had been hoping that it had come from a more visceral place. However, from the way Mike was behaving right now, it was pretty clear to her that this was not the case.

  “What’s wrong?” she said. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” said Mike. He looked away. “I don’t know if we did the right thing just now. I just… I feel like we rushed into this. It was the emotion that was attached to the whole situation, you know? We were so into each other because I was there for you for the first time, and it happened to be just when you needed me.”

  “So what are you saying?” asked Kizzy.

  “I’m not saying anything,” said Mike. He sighed and then said, “I guess I’m just thinking out loud. I need to make sure that you understand that… I don’t take such things lightly.”

  “Neither do I,” said Kizzy. “What makes you think that I thought of this as something frivolous? Did you have the opinion that I was just fucking around here? Because that’s a very weird thing to think considering I just told you that I fucking love you.”

  “Hey,” said Mike, “calm down. I am just thinking out loud, like I said. I have never done this before. I have never had sex with someone I…”

  “Someone you what?” asked Kizzy after Mike did not say anything for some time. She was going to demand a response from him, she was going to make him say something, anything. “What are you not telling me? Someone you what?”

  “Someone I… you know… someone I like,” said Mike.

  “Like?” asked Kizzy. She started laughing, but it was a terrible laugh. It had not mirth in it, no joy. It had no happiness at all, in fact, nor anything remotely similar to happiness. The only thing it had in it was bitterness, and hidden deep within this bitterness was scorn. She was laughing because she was sad. She was sad that this man that she had just experienced something so profound with was so unable to talk about his feelings.

  “Are we in the fifth grade?” asked Kizzy. “What’s next? Are you going to tell me that you “like” like me? Is that where we are right now? I am really confused, I am just trying to understand where you are coming from here. We just had the best sex of our lives. Don’t you dare pretend that that was not what it was for you, because I could tell how into it you were.”

  “It was the best sex of my life,” said Mike. “It was the best sex by far. Before this… before this I only ever had sex with people that I lusted after. I never had sex because of anything deeper, you know? I have never fucked anybody that I had an actual connection with. This is new for me, it’s something I have never tried before. I just don’t know how to process all of the things that I am feeling right now.”

  “Well learn how to process them,” said Kizzy, “because whether you like it or not, you are feeling what you are feeling, and nothing is ever going to change that.”

  Kizzy turned around and faced the wall. She felt cold. All of the warmth that she had received from the sex seemed to have drained from her completely, until the only thing that was left was the fact that the man that she loved, or at least thought she loved, would not say it back to her. How could she deal with this?

  “I don’t even know what to say to you right now,” said Kizzy.

  “I’m sorry,” said Mike. “What did you expect me to say? I didn’t ask you to tell me that you love me.”

  “I know,” said Kizzy, “and I apologized for saying it. I am not angry right now because you did not say it back to me. I am angry right now because you had the audacity to actually feel something and not express it. Not hearing it back is hard, and if you had not felt anything I would not have minded all that much. I would have assumed that you just didn’t feel what I feel, and that made you hesitant to say it back. That would have been understandable. What I can’t understand is the fact that you feel something but are still refusing to actually say it. What I can’t understand is that I didn’t hear it back in spite of the fact that there is something there. How am I supposed to feel about that? Please tell me, because I really don’t know.”

  Mike did not say anything. He then turned around and got off the bed. He stood at the window and lit a cigarette.

  Smelling the smoke, Kizzy turned around. “I didn’t know you smoked,” she said.

  “There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” said Mike. “Just like there are a lot of things I don’t know about you.”

  “Okay,” said Kizzy, “what the fuck are you talking about? We’ve barely known each other a couple of months, of course there are gaps in our knowledge about each other. That’s how friendships work, you know. People get together and start to learn about each other bit by bit. They start to understand where the other person is coming from. And then, they come together and find the things they like and build a relationship off of them.”

  “Yeah,” said Mike. “Barely a couple of months. That’s how long we have known each other. And now… here we are.”

  “I still have no idea what the fuck you are on about right now,” said Kizzy. “I told you that I love you. It’s true, I didn’t say it for any other reason. Honestly, what other reason could there possibly be for me to say it? I didn’t get anything out of it. I was hoping to hear it back but that’s just because love is best when it is reciprocated.”

  “All I’m saying is that we barely know each other and now we are professing our love to each other,” said Mike, still looking away.

  “First of all, we did not profess our love to each other,” said Kizzy. “I told you that I love you and you didn’t say it back, that meant that I said it. And secondly, so the fuck what if I did say it? I didn’t ask you to fucking marry me or spend the rest of your life with me. If I recall correctly, you are the one that asked me to marry you just because you wanted out of your parents company to start something of your own. Just because you are too much of a fucking pussy to man up and actually tell them that you are here and you are mature and you are able to handle things on your own now. How is that okay but me telling you that I love you is not?”

  “I never said that it’s not okay,” said Mike. “I just said that I don’t know how to respond to it. What am I supposed to say to that? When you said it, I started thinking about the fact that we barely know each other. Loving someone is a big deal, and when you say it, it becomes a hundred times more potent.”

  “So you do love me,” said Kizzy. “You’re just not saying it because you are scared of what will happen when you do. Is that it?”

  “No,” said Mike, “I didn’t say that.”

  “Do you love me or not?” asked Kizzy. “I deserve to know.”

  “But you can’t just force me to say it!” said Mike, turning around, his eyes wide and angry.

  “I am not asking you to say it, I am asking you to give me an answer either way,” said Kizzy.

  “Well that’s fucked up too,” said Mike. “That’s just as fucked up. You can’t just force me to answer if I don’t want to answer. That’s not how this works.”

  “How would you know how love works?” asked Kizzy. “All you have ever done is sleep around. All you have ever done is use women however you have wanted to, turned them into your personal sex toys and dumped them after you were done with them. How would you even know the first thing about love and all that it’s about?”

  “I know some things, okay,” said Mike. “I am not a complete fucking idiot.”

  “Well that’s news to me because from the way you are behaving right now I would assume that you are, in fact, a complete fucking idiot,” said Kizzy.

  “Fuck off!” said Mike. “Just fuck off!”

  “I didn’t ask you to come here,” said Kizzy. “I didn’t ask you to call me that night I couldn’
t sleep. I didn’t ask you to call me every day while I was with my parents. I didn’t ask you to become emotionally involved. You did that all on your own. You chose to do all of those things. Obviously, when a man took care of me and made me feel good, when a man cared so much about what I am feeling and how I am feeling it, that man became an important part of my life. I started to love you because you chose to become emotionally involved. You were the one that wanted all of this, and now that you have gotten what you wanted you want out because that’s just the kind of asshole that you are.”

  “Come on now,” said Mike, “it’s not like that.”

  “Oh isn’t it?” asked Kizzy. “Then what is it like, because that is exactly what it looks like. You got the sex that you wanted, it was good, but now that you have to deal with the aftermath of it you don’t know what to do. You are so pathetic. You just wanted sex all along didn’t you? You just wanted to fuck. You were bored. You thought that I am a girl that would do anything for you if you just give her something to care about, so that’s what you did. You sick, twisted son of a bitch. I fucking hate you and everything about you.”

  “You just told me that you love me,” said Mike. “Are you changing your mind all of a sudden?”

  “Emotions are complex,” said Kizzy. “I know that they are a difficult concept for someone like you, but it’s the truth. Emotions are not black and white. I did feel something for you in that moment, and I still do, but the way you reacted to me expressing my feelings made me not want to have anything to do with you at all. Is that getting through your thick fucking skull? Or do I need to explain it some more for you?”

  “You really need to watch your tone,” said Mike. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

  “I can talk to you however the fuck I want to,” said Kizzy. “It’s a free country, I am a free woman. You are not in one of your country clubs and I am not one of your servers who you can talk down to. I am your equal.”

  “Oh just get the fuck out of here,” said Mike. “Get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to see your face, it makes me sick to my fucking stomach.”

  “Fine,” said Kizzy. “Fine. At least you said something meaningful. At least you allowed yourself to feel something instead of pretending like feelings don’t exist for you, you fucking piece of shit.”

  Kizzy got up and as she walked out said, “Sorry you had to pay for the room on my account. I will pay you back for it. I have your banking details. And I will pay you back the money for my dad’s surgery over time. I don’t have enough money now, only about one third. I will transfer that money, along with the cost of this hotel room, to your account as soon as I can.”

  “Kizzy,” said Mike, coming up behind her. “No, you don’t have to pay back the money. That’s not what I meant, it wasn’t about the money. It was never about the money. I’m so sorry. I am so sorry that I made you feel that way, I didn’t mean for it to come across like that. Look, let’s just sit down and talk about this, we can sort this out if we try. It’s not that bad. We can talk it out.”

  “It’s over, Mike,” said Kizzy. “It’s fucking over. Go find a whore that you can marry for some time. I am done with this shit.”

  Kizzy left the hotel room, slamming the door shut behind her. She stomped out of the hotel and walked to the most secluded spot she could find. And when she got there, she did not care about the fact that it was unsafe, she did not care about the fact that anything could happen. When she got there, all she did was cry, because that was the only thing that she felt she could do in this situation. She wept for the loss of the experience of her first love to someone who truly had not deserved it. She wept because she felt, partly at least, responsible for everything that had happened. If she had just not said I love you none of this would have happened. And yet, with all that had happened in the previous few weeks, on top of the amazing sex that she and Mike had experienced, that had really only seemed like the logical option. She had had no option but to say that she loved him.

  Regardless, she cried her eyes out because it was the only thing that she could do that could possibly make her feel better about her situation. And when she ran out of tears, she sat there numbly until the middle of the night when she finally gathered the courage to hail a taxi and head home.

  *****

  Mike sat on the edge of the bed. Everything that had happened had just happened so fast, he had had no time whatsoever to rationalize it in any way. He had felt like he would never be able to love her as much as she wanted, because he had never felt it before in the first place. How could he put her through that? How could he put her through the experience of loving him, someone that was so low and so pathetic? She was incredible, the most incredible woman in the world. She was perfect in every single way. And he was just some rich guy that had tried to bribe her into marrying him just so he could get what he wanted. He had gotten everything he had ever asked for his entire life, but that hadn’t stopped him from ruining the only good thing in his life to get more. Always more, always more, the way the mind of the rich worked, and he hated it. He hated himself for having such a mind.

  He buried his face in his hands. There had to be some way to fix this. There had to be some way he could make it up to Kizzy. But how? What could he possibly do that would make her feel better about what he had done?

  His mind raced. He could do this. All he had to do was talk to her calmly. That was the biggest mistake he had made. That was what he had done wrong above all else. He had spoken to her in an angry manner and had made her feel like she had done something wrong. As a result, nothing he had tried to say had come across, because his words had been muddled up by the defensiveness that was welling up inside him.

  Kizzy was everything to him. He had to put an effort into this. He started to think of this like a business.

  If Kizzy was a client, what would he do? She needed to be talked to, but the problem was that she would never talk to him in a million years. He would be lucky if she ever looked at him again without spitting at his face. He would be lucky if she ever even wanted to be in the same city as him again. So what should he do? He should find a way to make her listen.

  This was a very dangerous game. He needed to make sure that the manner in which he made her listen to him was not creepy in any way. He needed to come off as someone trying to explain his side of the story.

  He suddenly had an idea. She didn’t have a problem with hearing him out, per se. All she had a problem with was talking to him. Hence, if he managed to get his message to her without her having to talk to him, that problem would be solved.

  There was a very easy way to do this. He could record a video of himself talking and he could send it to Kizzy. It would be difficult, he would have to make sure that the video was completely and utterly spot on, but at the end of the day it was something he had to do so he would just have to find a way to do it.

  He got his phone and placed it in front of him. How would he start this thing anyway? She would probably see his face and shut it off, so he needed to say something that would make her stay with the video. He knew she would definitely open it, so if he made her keep the video open past the first minute he knew that he would have her for long enough to get his message across.

  “Before you delete this video, just hear me out,” said Mike. “I need to explain to you, very calmly, what I was trying to say at the hotel. Everything is my fault, and I mean this. I was the one that got defensive, I was the one that got hostile. And you are right, I was the one that initiated all of the emotional bonding that we went through, I had no right to make you feel like you were imposing in any way.”

  That was a good start but he needed to keep it going. What else could he say?

  He then realized something. He shouldn’t say everything in this video. He should tell her how he felt and then make her meet up with him somehow. He knew now what he could do that would make everything better. He would be honest about his feelings, he would make her feel all of the things that she w
anted to feel.

  As Kizzy got home and washed up, curling into bed in order to sleep away the day’s pain, Mike sat up frantically writing things that he could say down. He also continuously thought of new and better ways to do what he intended to do to make it all up to her. For some reason, none of it really seemed to measure up. He knew that this was going to be a real shot in the dark, but it was the only thing that he could possibly do. And when this was sent, he would at least be able to sit back and think that he did his part. If he lost Kizzy even after sending this video, then it was meant to be. But if he never even tried, he would always wonder if he had done the right thing by just giving up.

  Michael Gamble the Third was many things, and he was considered many other things by other people. But one thing that no one ever thought he was, something he truly was not, was a quitter.

  Chapter 12

  Kizzy woke up the next morning feeling completely and utterly drained. She felt dazed, in fact, the way one feels when one is hungover. However, she did not have any of the pleasant memories that often come with a hangover, memories of revelry and going out with your friends. These things, to some extent, make a hangover worthwhile, and rather ironically the emotions that she was experiencing in this moment were the exact opposite of what her mental state was right now.

  She just had no more tears to shed, so she got up and tried to make herself feel better by looking outside and taking in the wonderful summer air. When this did not work, she opened her laptop and decided to immerse herself in a digital world. This would, at the very least, be better than wallowing in her misery and feeling like nothing in her life was ever going to go right.

  However, waiting there for her in her inbox was something that she had not expected to see. Right there in her inbox was an email from Mike. She wondered if she should open it. What would be in it? Would it be more ranting? Would he accuse her of even more things? Kizzy did not think that she would be able to deal with it if this was the case, but she hoped that it would be something better. She hoped beyond hope, and when she opened the email she saw that it was a video.