The Underwear Dare: Nerd vs. Bully!

by Sisters, The Nardini

  “Yeah, you’re right.” And then Eddie said something I couldn’t believe. “Sorry if I ever made you feel like that.”

  I was speechless. Did Eddie just have a change of heart?

  “Anyway, I’ll just play it off like I was goofing around. Everyone will know it was a joke.”

  “Do that and you lose the bet, remember? Everyone has to think you really love Ms. Waverly.” I added realizing too late that I just reminded him how not to lose the bet.

  “Thanks, Josh. You’re real good at making someone feel better.”

  “Great. I’ll just add that to my list of talents. Class farter and cheerer-upper.”

  “That’s funny,” was all Eddie said and laughed.

  * * *

  “So, how is everything going boys?” Ms. Behr asked.

  Eddie and I rocked back and forth in our rocking chairs. I was really starting to like rocking chairs even if I didn’t like the sessions with Ms. Behr.

  “Okay,” I mumbled. Eddie just shrugged for an answer.

  “I’d like to try something different today,” she said. “First, take these index cards.”

  She gave each of us two index cards and a clipboard and pencil.

  “Josh, you need to write one thing that Eddie is really good at on the first card. And Eddie you need to do the same for Josh.”

  What was Eddie really good at? Burping? No, I can’t put that. Farting? Ms. Behr would have a cow. Eddie wrote something quickly. That was fast. Not to be outdone, I quickly scribbled something down too.

  Ms. Behr took the cards. “Now on the second card, Josh is going to write something down that he wished Eddie was better at and Eddie is going to write something he wished Josh was better at.”

  Eddie scribbled away again. He didn’t even need a minute to think about it. It took me a little longer.

  CHAPTER 13

  I couldn’t believe all the junk food my dad and Allie had bought for tonight. There was popcorn, soft drinks, pretzels and mini-sized candy bars. When Eddie and I asked if we could each have a friend spend the night on Saturday, our parents were really happy. Allie kept saying over and over how nice it was for Eddie to have a friend. I could tell it embarrassed him a little. Good, I thought to myself, because he asked Paul to spend the night. Paul was my friend. Not my best friend of course, that was Manny, but still my second best friend.

  “Allie, I don’t think we need this much food,” I said as I watched Allie put it all on the counter.

  “Well, maybe you don’t. But I’ve been having a lot of cravings lately, mostly for salty and sweet food.”

  “Honey, they don’t want to hear about your cravings,” my dad said and hushed her up.

  “Yeah, Mom I always crave salt and sugar. What’s the big deal?” Eddie said.

  Eddie and I shared a look that said parents can be so weird.

  “Hey Dad, do you think we could camp out in the attic room tonight?” I asked.

  “I don’t see why not, the electricity is on and the plumbing is working in the new bathroom. But there’s no TV hooked up yet,” he answered.

  “It’s okay, we can tell ghost stories,” Eddie said.

  That did sound like fun. Wait, I had to remember this was Eddie. He’d probably try and pull some prank at my expense. Still, we could haul our mattresses upstairs and pump up the air mattresses for Paul and Manny.

  “I’ll order some pizzas for dinner,” Allie added. “I’m sure you’re both ready for something gooey and cheesy after eating so healthy this week. And I thought Josh might need a break from vegetables.”

  “Why?” I added even though pizza sounded great.

  “I just heard you’ve been a bit gassy at school lately,” she answered.

  “You heard that?” I couldn’t believe it!

  My dad came to Allie’s defense. “Now Josh, Ms. Behr was just giving us an update on your counseling sessions and she just happened to mention you’ve been gassy, that’s all.”

  “You mean me and Eddie’s counseling sessions. Aren’t those private?”

  Allie jumped back in. “Of course they are, Josh. She doesn’t tell us what you talk about. She just mentioned that you and Eddie were working through some issues. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your dad and I were going to suggest family counseling anyway, it’s hard to blend two families.”

  “But you boys have been making real progress. Ms. Waverly said Eddie’s grades are way up and now he’s losing weight. And you haven’t been getting picked on like before,” my dad added.

  “That’s because Eddie was the one picking on me!” I wailed.

  “I know, and now you two are friends and…”

  “We are not friends,” I said.

  “Are you sure?” My dad winked at me.

  Just then the doorbell rang.

  * * *

  Manny held the flashlight under his chin. It made his face look scary.

  “And that’s when my cousin’s, best friend’s, brother’s head blew off from eating pop rocks and drinking soda at the same time. The End,” Manny said.

  A pillow sailed from under Paul’s head and smacked Manny squarely in the face. “That was the lamest ghost story I ever heard. And it wasn’t even a real ghost story, plus you told us that story at lunch last week,” Paul added and Manny just shrugged.

  “Do you want to hear a real scary ghost story?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” they all said at once.

  “Okay, toss me the flashlight.” Manny tossed me the flashlight. It went sailing into an arc before I caught it perfectly in my hands. We’d set up the room so our mattresses made a big plus sign on the floor. That way, we could all lie on our stomachs and have our heads facing each other. I put the flashlight under my chin and began.

  “There was this guy in this room and he was the last man on earth,” I started.

  “Why was he the last man on earth?” Manny asked.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I added.

  “I bet it was because a virus wiped out the planet and everyone got sick and died.” Paul added.

  “Maybe it was aliens,” Manny guessed.

  “That’s not possible,” Eddie chimed in.

  “Why not?” Manny asked.

  “Aliens already landed here. I saw it on TV. I watched this show about how an alien spacecraft crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. Then the government tried to cover it up by saying it was a weather balloon.”

  “No way! That’s cool!” Paul said.

  “Yeah, what happened next?” Manny asked.

  “Hello? I’m telling a ghost story here!” I interjected.

  “What happened next was that the government moved the aliens and the spacecraft to a secret base called Area 51,” Eddie continued as if I didn’t exist.

  “Wow! I thought that was all made up,” Paul said in awe of Eddie and his astonishing alien facts.

  “Nope, it’s the truth my friend. The real truth,” Eddie said nodding his head knowingly while raising one eyebrow. “And don’t get me started about the moon cover-up.”

  “There are aliens on the moon?” Manny asked.

  “Hey,” I interrupted, “do you want to hear the ghost story or not?”

  “I want to hear about the moon,” Manny said.

  Traitor. Eddie spent the next few minutes spewing off some nonsense about how we never really landed on the moon. That it was all some secret government cover-up. Meanwhile, my two friends just lapped it up.

  Allie and my dad appeared at the top of the stairs with a load of extra blankets and a bowl of popcorn. Allie had her hand in the popcorn bowl and was munching away.

  “Oh Eddie, you’re not telling that moon story again. We did go to the moon. You can’t believe everything on TV.” Allie sighed and then reached for another handful of popcorn.

  Eddie just shrugged and took the popcorn bowl.

  “I brought up a night-light for you fellas. I know you guys aren’t afraid of the dark, but this will keep you from stubbing your toe if yo
u need to use the bathroom tonight.” My dad looked at me when he said this. I could tell he was sending me a message to keep my mouth shut about Eddie’s fear of the dark.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said letting him know I got the message loud and clear. He gave me a smile and a nod that let me know I was a good kid. Eddie looked relieved.

  “Hey Josh, weren’t you in the middle of a ghost story,” Eddie said as my parents left the room.

  “Oh yeah,” I said and continued. “There was this guy in this room and he was the last man on earth.”

  “Except for the aliens,” Eddie said and we all burst into laughter.

  Are there aliens on the moon?

  CHAPTER 14

  “Pink?” How did all of my underwear turn pink?” I cried as I looked at the underwear in my dresser drawer on Monday morning.

  “Oh, yeah, about that,” Eddie smirked. “It seems that a red sock got into the washing machine while Jack was doing the laundry.”

  “So?”

  “So, the red dye in the sock turned all the white clothes pink.”

  “What? You did this so I couldn’t win the bet. You knew I wouldn’t streak across the cafetorium stage in pink underwear! You’re so, so…”

  “So what?”

  “So diabolical,” I spat.

  “I know.”

  “Do you even know what diabolical means?” I asked.

  “Um, no. But it sounds like something I’d be.”

  “It is.” Eddie wasn’t the only one who learned things from television. It meant extremely cruel or evil. And that was Eddie, pure evil. Although, I wish I had thought of doing that to his underwear.

  My dad knocked on the bedroom door and entered.

  “Am I interrupting something?” he asked.

  “Eddie sabotaged my underwear!” I yelled.

  My dad just laughed. “A red sock accidentally got mixed up with the whites. I did the load of laundry so it must have been my fault. Looks like we will all be wearing pink underwear for a while, including me.

  “Eddie doesn’t seem to have any pink underwear, isn’t that strange?” I said to my dad, even though I was looking straight at Eddie who paraded around the room in a very baggy pair of white underwear.

  “I guess he was lucky. I’ll pick up some new white ones tonight,” my dad said.

  “But Dad, I can’t wear pink underwear. Everyone will laugh,” I exclaimed.

  “Josh, how will they know you’re wearing pink underwear?” my dad inquired.

  “Yeah, Josh, how will they know?” Eddie teased.

  “I guess they won’t,” I said glumly.

  “I thought you liked pink. Allie told me it was your favorite color,” my dad added.

  “It is not my favorite color!”

  “Then why did you ask for a pink skateboard?”

  “I didn’t! Agh! Never mind. I give up.”

  My dad looked around our room. He noticed that our mattresses were missing. “Where may I ask are your mattresses?”

  “We decided to keep them upstairs in the attic. It’s really fun sleeping up there.” Eddie said.

  “So, you both decided to move up there,” my dad said. He looked very happy.

  “Um, no. We haven’t decided who’s moving up there, yet,” I quickly said.

  “We’re both trying it out to see who has the better fit,” Eddie said.

  “I see. Well, you’d both better get dressed. The school bus will be here soon.” my dad said and left the room. He didn’t look as happy as before.

  “Looks like I’ll be winning the bet today,” Eddie said.

  I just stared at my top dresser drawer which was filled with row after row of perfectly folded pink underwear.

  * * *

  Eddie looked cool as a cucumber on the bus ride to school. He didn’t seem worried at all about the bet. I had two very mixed emotions today. I was nervous that Eddie might actually win the bet and I was also relieved that I didn’t have to run across the cafetorium stage in my underwear. Maybe I’m a coward after all.

  I decided to try to make Eddie nervous so he might chicken out. Then maybe I’d have a chance to win tomorrow. Eddie was in the middle of one of his favorite gross-out stories. He truly was a first class storyteller.

  “There it sat, a half-finished Snicker’s bar on the table in the Teachers’ Lounge. I saw it through a crack in the door. But how to get it without getting caught? And who left it on the table? What if it was a really smelly person like Nurse Turley? Then it would probably taste like chocolate, caramel, peanuts and tuna fish,” Eddie said.

  “Disgusting!” Marina said as the rest of us laughed.

  I got so wrapped up in the story I forgot about my plan of making Eddie nervous. I found myself asking, “What happened next?”

  “Well, class just started. I knew the teachers were already in the classroom. I also knew I’d get in trouble for being late to class. But I had that covered, too.”

  “How?” Manny asked.

  “Easy, when a teacher asks why you were late, you just say you were in the bathroom going number two.”

  “Gross!” Marina and Chelsea said at the same time.

  “Works every time. Teachers never question a number two.”

  “It’s still gross,” Chelsea said turning up her nose.

  “Anyway, I ran into the Teacher’s Lounge and quickly grabbed the bar. I sprinted to the boy’s bathroom so I could eat it in private.”

  “Why do most of your stories take place in the boy’s bathroom?” Marina asked.

  “I think that’s obvious,” he answered as Marina continued to look perplexed. “Duh, because you can hide in the stalls. Just make a few grunts and everyone will leave you alone.”

  “So, did you ever find out who left the Snicker’s bar?” I asked.

  “Yes I did.”

  “How?” Manny asked.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “Yes.”

  “One word: tuna fish!”

  “It was Turley’s!” Manny said and we all laughed.

  * * *

  I munched on a carrot stick. It was sweet and crunchy.

  “You’ve been eating so healthy lately, Josh,” Marina said as we sat at our usual lunch table.

  “Yeah, Eddie’s mom has been packing our lunches.”

  “That must be why Eddie’s lost so much weight,” Marina added.

  Eddie blushed. He actually blushed. And then it hit me. A sure fire way to stop Eddie from running across the stage in the cafetorium today. And none too soon. I noticed him eyeballing the stage. Like he was trying to pick the best time to make his move.

  “You really have lost weight, Eddie. It’s like your clothes just hang on you,” I said.

  Eddie just grunted.

  “I bet if you took your belt off, your pants would fall down,” I added. That got his attention.

  “Why would I take my belt off?” he asked.

  “No reason. But I’d bet it would be hard to keep your underwear up.”

  Bull’s eye! Eddie finally got it.

  “Oh, crud,” he said.

  “That would be funny,” Manny said.

  “Yeah, I’d like to see that,” Paul said.

  “Please keep your belt on,” Marina added.

  I knew I was safe for one more day. Eddie wouldn’t run across the cafetorium in his underwear if there was a risk that he would end up stark naked.

  * * *

  Eddie scribbled away at his homework for five solid minutes. Then after the commercials were over, he turned his attention back to the program on TV about the lost city of Atlantis.

  I sat at the dining room table finishing up my math homework. My dad came home and plopped a couple of bags of brand new underwear on the table next to me.

  “Here you go. Nice white underwear. No more pink for you,” he said.

  I felt a pit form in my stomach. I didn’t have an excuse to back out now. But at least I’d have an edge over Eddie. My new tightie-whities
were way better than his baggy bottoms.

  My dad threw a couple of bags of underwear to Eddie, too.

  “Hey, why does he get new underwear? His are still white. That’s not fair.” I said.

  My dad gave me one of those I’m disappointed in you looks. “Well, Josh. I noticed Eddie’s underwear was very loose this morning and I thought I’d buy him some that fit a little better. Is that alright with you?” he asked perturbed.

  “Um, yeah I guess,” I said feeling defeated.

  “Cool! Thanks Jack,” Eddie said.

  “It’s nice to hear a thank you,” my dad said and looked right at me when he said it.

  Great. I lost my edge now that Eddie had good fitting underwear. All thanks to my dad.

  * * *

  It was Tuesday and I was armed with my clean, new tightie-whities. I was ready for the dare. At least my body was, my mind still had many doubts. Like, if I actually go through with it, could I get suspended from school? That would go on my permanent record and I would never get into college. Or a good college, as my dad would say. My dad would definitely kill me. Ms. Waverly would definitely kill me. Principal Duff would definitely kill me and maybe even Ms. Behr. There were a lot of people who could make it difficult for me to go on to sixth grade. Was it really worth it?

  “I’m feeling lucky today, how ‘bout you, shrimpo?” Eddie said as we made our way to the cafetorium.

  “Yeah, um, me too,” I said but even I heard the nervousness in my voice.

  “Well, you don’t sound lucky.”

  “This is my lucky voice. You’ve just never heard it before,” I said.

  “I guess,” was all he said.

  The doors to the cafetorium were closed and Principal Duff was standing in front of them. He was whispering to Ms. Waverly. Even though I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I knew it was something bad. Ms. Waverly was wringing her hands and kept muttering, “Oh no”.

  “Class, please turn around and head back to our room. We will be eating lunch in our classroom today. For those of you who didn’t bring your lunch, sandwiches and milk will be sent to our room,” Ms. Waverly said.