Chaotic (Imperfect Perfection)

by Williams, C. A.

  I stuffed a cookie into my mouth to give myself time to think. I thought about what Callie had said about just giving things a try, but I was also worried about how this would affect our friendship. Nash held my hand the entire time, silently staring back at me, waiting for my answer.

  “I think we could give it a try, on one condition.”

  “Anything you want,” he responded quickly.

  “If things don’t work out for whatever reason, I need you to promise me that we’ll stay friends. I don’t want to lose you, Nash.”

  “I think I can handle that, Della. In fact, I’m glad you brought it up. There is one thing that I wanted to talk about before we go any further.” He gave me a tight smile, letting go of my hand. “You know it’s been awhile since Mariah and I broke up, but I thought I should let you know that we hooked up about two months ago. It was just a one-time thing, stupid really, but I didn’t want to start anything up with lies between the two of us.”

  I shrugged my shoulders, showing him that it really didn’t bother me, even though it reminded me all too much of how things got started with Justin. But Nash wasn’t Justin. At all. My heart wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, but my head was telling me that it was. Nash told me the truth upfront.

  “Nash, we weren’t together then. I wasn’t even ready for another relationship, so what you did in the past doesn’t affect us now. Let’s just make sure to always tell each other the truth, no matter what.”

  “Of course.” He gave me a relieved smile, pulling my hand back up to kiss my palm.

  We talked for what felt like hours, just laying there looking up at the sky, his arm wrapped around my shoulder while I listened to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. It felt good to be with Nash like this. We were comfortable together, and I wished we could stay this way forever.

  **********

  “I think we are in need of a night out,” Callie commented as we walked inside after another day of just laying out under the sun. Nash had stopped by for a little bit to swim, bringing Madison out who insisted on seeing me. She looked so cute in her tiny bikini, and the way Nash was instructing her on how to swim and playing silly little games in the water was so sweet. By the time he left to take her in for a nap, I think all three of us were in love with Nash.

  “That actually sounds perfect, Cal. I wanted to get together with this guy I met the other day, Reed. Totally hot, fun, and smart as hell. He asked me out on a date, but I told him he would have to wait for a bit. Do you mind if I bring him along?”

  “Not at all, just gives me an excuse to meet up with Drew. Do you think Nash will want to come, Della?”

  “Um, I guess I could ask him and see.”

  By the time we grabbed something to eat, showered, and got ready, all three of the guys had agreed to go. Nash insisted on picking me up, so Callie and Zoey were going to ride together to pick up Drew and Zoey’s flavor of the week.

  “Damn, Della. I wish I could tan like that,” Zoey sighed, coming up from behind me to look at my reflection in the mirror. I had thrown my hair up, which had practically turned pretty blonde from all of the sun I had been getting lately and then chose a strapless white sundress that deepened my tan.

  “Oh, please, I would kill for that skin of yours, even though it seems like a pain in the ass with all of that sunscreen you use. Have you ever considered buying stock?” Zoey rolled her eyes as she slid on a pair of wedge sandals and tossed a set of keys to Callie.

  “Mind being the DD tonight? If all goes right, maybe I’ll end up going home with Reed.” She wiggled her eyebrows as we headed down the stairs, and I looked out the front window when I heard the crunch of gravel and saw Nash jump out of his truck.

  He looked handsome in a white polo paired with cargo shorts, his hair smoothed down that had grown out a little since school had ended. I opened the door just as he was about to knock and he grinned, looking me up and down. “You look amazing, Della. Are you all set to go?”

  “Yeah, I think so. Cal, are you two about ready to head out?”I called out from the doorway.

  “Just about, we’ll make sure to lock the door behind ourselves, see you in a bit.”

  Nash helped me into the truck, and we headed towards campus. We had decided on going to the pub, even though it wasn’t my favorite place in the world. Way too many memories, but tonight, I was going to put a lid on those.

  We waved at Serena who was getting out of her car just as we were leaving. She looked worn out from a long day at work, and I knew she would still have to deal with a four-year-old when she got home. It had to be rough.

  “Does Serena have much help besides you and your mom? Is Madison’s dad in the picture at all?” I asked as Nash merged onto the highway.

  “Nope, just us really and a few friends. That asshole took off as soon as he found out Serena was pregnant, and she hasn’t heard from him since. She hasn’t gotten a dime in child support. I know they were young when it happened, but that doesn’t matter, he should have stepped up.”

  “That’s too bad, it seems like Serena’s really trying though. Hopefully, she’ll be able to be on her own two feet someday.”

  We pulled into the bar, and I quickly scanned the parking lot, letting out a deep sigh as I opened the door car door once I saw that Justin’s car was nowhere in sight. Nash grabbed my hand as we walked through the parking lot and inside the bar. I found a table big enough for all of us as he headed towards the bar to get us drinks.

  I waved Zoey and Callie over when they walked in with their dates and took a sip of the drink that Nash handed me. “What the hell is in that?” I managed to get out, my lips puckering at the sour taste.

  “A little bit of this, a little bit of that,” he vaguely answered while pouring beers for the other two guys.

  “I have a feeling you’re trying to get my drunk tonight.”

  “Well, it’s normally not too hard,” Zoey piped in before grabbing onto mine and Callie’s hands. “Let’s go dance before we get too wasted.”

  The three of us danced through a few songs together before Drew and Reed joined us on the dance floor. I knew Nash wasn’t much of a dancer, so I wasn’t too surprised when I looked back at the table to find him watching me with a smile. “Haven’t had enough to drink yet?” I asked as I tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear and took a sip of the new drink that was set in my spot.

  “I would have to have a whole lot to drink for you to be able to drag me out there. Now, I wouldn’t mind a few slow songs, but I don’t think that’s really their scene here.”

  Not at all, I thought as I bobbed my head to the music. It had definitely been Justin’s, one of the main reasons why we probably met in the first place. We came a few times after that night together, and I had always loved dancing with him. It had been highly erotic every time, and I could still feel his hands on my body like it was yesterday.

  Nash’s thumb started to rub circles on my wrist, and I quickly shook those thoughts away as I smiled back at his brown eyes that were focused solely on me. He deserved my attention, not for me to be living in the past. He motioned to my empty glass as he stood up. “Yes, please,” I answered, licking the remainder of the sweet drink off of my lips.

  We ended up at the pool table even though I had seriously no focus once the alcohol started setting in. I giggled when one of the balls popped off the table and landed on the floor with a thud. “I think we’re done here,” Nash said with a smirk. “You ready for another drink?”

  “Of course,” I replied as I swayed my hips in front of him and somehow made it back to our table. Zoey and her date, Reed were quietly talking to each other. I giggled when I saw her hand run up his thigh. Zoey was pulling out all the moves tonight, and I don’t think Reed minded one bit. I seriously doubted she would be coming home tonight.

  “Cheers.” Callie clinked her glass with mine just as Nash handed me a fresh one and plopped down in the seat next to me, a winded Drew coming to stand behind her. He seemed like he
was always trying to keep up with Callie. She was a little bit of a whirlwind sometimes.

  “So, where are you two headed tonight?” I asked, wiggling my eyebrows with a giggle.

  Callie gave me a shy look which I didn’t think was even possible and nudged me with her elbow. “I’ll probably end up going home with Drew,” she said in a hushed tone, like it was against the law or something.

  “For god sakes Callie, he’s your boyfriend. If you’re going to go home and have sex with him, at least be proud of the fact.” I hiccupped as I winked at Drew whose face had turned bright red.

  “Okay, I think someone needs to be cut off.” Nash smiled at me as he wrapped an arm around my waist. “I think we’re going to call it a night guys. Does anyone need a ride back?”

  Everyone quickly answered no, and I narrowed my eyes. “See, I was right. Don’t be shy because you’re getting lucky. I’ll see you two in the morning, expect to be grilled.”

  Nash helped me into the truck, thankfully, because I don’t know how I would have gotten there otherwise. I leaned on him the whole way home, practically doing a face plant in his lap, which would have been embarrassing, normally.

  “I think I’m going to need to stay with you tonight,” Nash stated as he plucked my keys out of my hand to open the front door.

  “Oh, are you looking to get lucky too? I think I could arrange that.” I yanked him into the house, attacking his mouth as soon as he stepped over the threshold. We both stumbled together, and I giggled when I realized what was happening. “We’re going down.” I giggled against his mouth as he landed on top of me, my back hitting the wooden floor with a smack. I had a feeling that was going to hurt in the morning, but right now, the alcohol was numbing any pain.

  “Della, are you okay?” he asked, pulling back at the same time I tried to yank him back down. “Of course, silly. More than okay.” I pushed my hips up, hoping to encourage him but when I saw a worried look flash across his face, I knew it wasn’t helping.

  “Della, we don’t need to be doing anything tonight when you’re like this, even though it’s cute.” His thumb brushed across my lips, and I darted out my tongue to lick him. “Della,” he said in a warning tone. “If you keep doing things like that, I’m not going to be able to stop what you’re starting.”

  “Well then, don’t stop,” I demanded, forcing him back down to my lips, pulling at his shirt at the same time. I ran my hands over his smooth stomach, and he reached down to slap my hands away. “Della, this is your last chance. Are you sure?”

  I looked up into those brown eyes, filled with something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on but I knew he cared about me. More than a lot of people did. Justin being one of them. “Yes,” I insisted as I tugged at his shirt again, and this time, he ducked his head down, helping me along. I flicked my tongue over his nipple once it was off, and he shuddered in response.

  I pushed back onto his chest, rolling over so I was now straddling him, completely in control, or at least that’s what I was telling my foggy brain, but Nash was not having that. He rolled our bodies again, studying my face once more before he leaned down, brushing his lips against my neck, then to my jaw and then finally landed on my lips.

  I felt his hands fumble around a few times, but eventually he worked my dress down my body and unsnapped my bra, cupping me in his hands. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this with you,” he whispered before leaning his head down to suck and bite at each of my nipples. His mouth stayed locked on me the entire time while he stripped the rest of my clothes off.

  I felt him shift slightly as he pulled his shorts off while I kept my eyes squeezed shut the whole time. I had a feeling if I opened them, the whole room would be spinning. “So beautiful,” he whispered, and I leaned up to pull him back down, biting at his lip as I felt his bare skin meet mine.

  He wedged my legs open, and his fingers slip inside, causing me to whimper at the contact. He thrusted in and out, as I arched up against his hand. I felt so close, but he pulled away before I could make it all the way. I heard the familiar sound of foil ripping before he was back over my body, kissing me roughly while he slowly pushed himself in.

  He groaned against my lips as he touched his forehead to mine, and I breathed through the slight pinch of pain. After I felt him in all the way to a hilt, we found a steady rhythm together as I dug my fingers into his back, pulling him even closer. Our movements became erratic, our heavy breathing mixing together.

  He pounded into me even harder with a growl, reaching a hand down between our bodies, and I fell apart shouting out his name, as I tried to catch my breath. Nash made it difficult to think as he continued to pump inside of me and then one last time before he shouted out my name.

  “Everything I ever imagined,” he breathed against my neck as his hands twisted into my hair and we laid there together, our limbs wound around each other as we tried to catch our breath. The alcohol’s effects were quickly working on me, making my eyelids heavy with sleep before we drifted off, entwined with each other.

  Chapter 26

  The next morning when I woke up in Nash’s arms, I knew that I had made a mistake. Not necessarily a mistake at being with Nash, but I had pushed him into the physical part of our relationship far too soon. All because I had decided to go out and get wasted.

  My old ways of filling a void were slowly creeping back into my life, only this time I was trying to fill the gap that Justin had left behind. Nash seemed so happy though, and I just didn’t want to ruin that, so I figured I would give things a little more time.

  Nash and I spent a lot of time together, going on group dates, the movies, or out to eat by ourselves, but we didn’t have sex again. He didn’t push it, and I felt a little guilty, but I wanted to wait until the right time. Even though I didn’t know if that would ever come again. I felt more like one of his friends than a girlfriend whenever we were together.

  “Hey, Nash, can you stop at Shorty’s? I was going to talk to Brian about possibly getting my job back when school starts up.” He looked at me sideways, but didn’t say anything and turned in that direction.

  I rubbed my hands nervously against my shorts. I knew I needed a job once the school year started up so I could pay for utilities and school books and figured I would look at Shorty’s first. Sure, it would bring back lots of memories that I just wanted to go away, but at least Justin wouldn’t be there.

  He had probably all ready graduated from the police academy and was most likely working as a cop by now. I secretly said a silent prayer for him every day even though I had never been religious. I really needed to just stop thinking about him. But I couldn’t.

  Nash’s door popped open and I looked at him as I hopped out of the truck. “What? I thought we might as well grab some food while we’re here.”

  “Uh-huh, more like you think I need protection or something. I’m a big girl, and I’m sure Justin’s not even here.” I bit my tongue as I swung the door open and instantly spotted his figure sitting at the bar with a drink in his hand.

  My breath caught in my throat, all I really wanted to do was run over to him and feel his arms around me, but I pushed forward trying to ignore him as much as I could. But of course that couldn’t happen. “Della,” he called out in a surprised voice as I leaned against the counter, looking for Brian.

  Nash stood closely beside me, glaring over the top of my head at Justin who stood up and moved down to where I was. “What are you doing here?” His eyebrows knitted together as he stared at me, and I saw his hand twitch like he wanted to reach out and touch me, like to see if I was really there. I was just about to do the same thing.

  I never believed there was such a thing as soulmates, but now I was starting to rethink that. Even after spending so much time away from each other, and everything that had happened, I still felt this pull towards him that was undeniable.

  “Seeing about my old job,” I replied tightly, turning to look away from him and it took everything out of me to
do that. Those grey eyes were just about ready to suck me in, even with Nash standing right there. It was like only the two of us existed, right then and there.

  “Della, I-”

  Luckily, Brian stepped out from the kitchen at that very moment and cut off whatever Justin was about to say. “Della, what a surprise! Please tell me you’re here to get your old job back because if you are, it’s yours.”

  I smiled at Brian, having missed his easy personality. He really was the best boss. “Really? That’s awesome, I was hoping I could start back up once school started.”

  “Perfect, stop in next week, and I’ll have you down on the schedule.” He looked between me and Justin who was now leaning against the counter, his head cradled in his hands and his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Good luck with that,” he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, before turning back towards the kitchen.

  “Della,” I heard Justin call out my name again, but Nash stepped forward. “Just leave her alone, dude.”

  “Nash,” I interrupted quietly. “Could you please just give us a minute? I’ll meet you in the truck.”

  I saw a flash of hurt pass through his eyes, but he backed up and nodded his head before going towards the parking lot.

  “How have you been?” I asked tightly, trying to make some kind of small talk because really I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Horrible. I think about you night and day, Della. About what we had, about what we could have had before I fucked everything up. And you’ve obviously seemed to move on,” he looked down at the floor, kicking his shoe against the bar stool.

  I didn’t bother arguing. Yes, I was with Nash but I had most definitely not moved on. Justin was on my brain almost every second of the day. But I didn’t want to give him any kind of hope because I didn’t think we would ever go back to being us, at least not for awhile. I think someday I could forgive him, but I would never forget, even if what he did seemed not that big of a deal to other people.

  “Well, I don’t know what else to say Justin. You’re not the only one who can’t stop thinking about us, but right now I just need a little more time.” It took everything in me, but I turned away and walked out the door, leaving him standing there alone.