Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

“It’s ok. I’ve heard that a couple of times today. I take it as a compliment.”

  Marco glared at Rafi. “It was nice meeting you guys. We’ll have to hang out soon.” And with that quick blow off, they headed down the hall.

  “What a fucking asshole. I wanted to punch that fucker in the face,” Marco said, seething. David grinned as he squeezed Marco’s hand. “Rafi sure does have the hots for you.”

  “People like him never know when to back off.”

  “Don’t worry, I didn’t take it personally. I’m sure you get that kind of thing all the time, right?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.” Marco turned to David and apologized. “I’m really sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be sorry for what other people do. I know you’re irresistible. And I know you love me.”

  “Thanks for understanding.”

  They finally made it to Marco’s door and stood there for a few seconds staring at it in wild anticipation. “Well, are you ready to see what it looks like?” Marco asked.

  “Definitely. This is like Christmas in August.”

  Marco punched the code in and turned the handle until it clicked. He looked at David and smiled as he opened the door. It was dark except for a little moonlight coming through two arched windows. Marco found the wall switches and flipped them up. Several strategically placed lamps illuminated the room in a warm glow. “Aah, my mother knows how much I like mood lighting.”

  “Marco, this is unbelievable.”

  “Yeah, it is. My mother really outdid herself this time.”

  Staring them in the face was the most perfect dorm room imaginable. The first thing David noticed was how big it was. It was at least three times the size of his room. He kissed Marco on the cheek. “Your mom has great taste.”

  “It’s everything I envisioned.” Floor to ceiling white bookshelves lined the far wall of the room. Marco’s mother filled them with his favorite novels. A Bang & Olufsen sixty-five inch wireless flat screen and sound system were neatly centered. A docking station, Xbox One and PS4 lay on a pullout shelf. Two Avegant Glyphs were hung up on hooks, and mood lighting lit the entire area.

  A black Cloten leather couch, a black Sydney premium leather chair, and two modern end tables with chrome lamps faced that entertainment area. Two burgundy and gray Persian rugs gave the room warmth within the sleek modern motif. There were two arched windows with perfect views of main campus. Under the left window was a white and gray desk with a MacBook Pro and iPad sitting there waiting to be put to use. Under the other window was a contemporary king bed. It had a chrome and gray bed frame, a burgundy comforter, and six overstuffed pillows. David couldn’t get over it. “Just think of the view you are going to have every time you wake up.”

  “No, think of the view we are going to have when we wake up in each other’s arms.”

  David smiled. Marco gently caressed his back as he contemplated asking him the question. A question that had been on his mind since that night at the lake. Marco had planned the lake visit so he could have emotionless sex with David. He fantasized about it for months. He knew David was a virgin and couldn’t wait to fuck that virginity out of him. But something else happened instead. He felt love for the second time in his life as he held David’s naked body in his arms. That night, David had taken him to emotional depths he never knew existed. Marco truly loved him and wanted to take the next step in their young relationship. And he did.

  “David, I love you so much it hurts. I hate when we aren’t together, so will you live with me? Here?” Marco was literally shaking as he asked. David was stunned. “What? I mean…..you…and…” his voice trailed off. Marco cupped David’s face with his hands and gave him tiny gentle kisses. “I love you more than anything. Will you do me the honor and live with me?” David wanted to say yes in the worst way, but fought off the urge to give him an answer. He contemplated the significance of Marco’s invitation, and then tried to explain his apprehension as best he could. “I’d love to live with you, but don’t you think we might be moving a little fast?”

  “No. I don’t. Not at all. I love you and you love me, so what is there to think about?”

  David looked into those pleading eyes and then down at the floor. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing. “Will you give me a couple of days to think about it?”

  Marco was disappointed, but understood. “Sure. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

  David knew he had hurt Marco’s feelings and wanted to make it up to him. “I love you so much. Please make love to me now.” Marco smiled as he put his hand in David’s and led him over to the bed. His heart raced with wild anticipation as he held David in his arms and kissed him. A couple of minutes later he whispered, “I love you more than anything in this whole world.” Marco gazed into David’s piercing blue eyes and could see the truth. It was real love, something he thought he would never find again.

  Marco began to slowly, gently, remove David’s clothes until his slender ghost-like body was completely naked. David stood there vulnerable, exposed, wanting nothing more than to please the guy he loved. He watched as Marco took his clothes off, revealing a perfectly defined body that wanted only him. They made love all night long. Marco was gentle and loving. David was in heaven. In the early morning hours they finally fell asleep in each other’s arms. A crescent moon streamed its celestial light through the arched window, making their perfect naked bodies glow in harmony with the rest of the universe.

  CHAPTER 25

  SEPTEMBER 2ND

  It turned out to be a perfect morning on the first day of class. The residence halls had come alive at the same time the sun was waking up. The energy level, the anticipation, the day of reckoning began to ramp up in each young mind. David had already showered and dressed an hour earlier due to a restless night of sleep. It was a combination of nervous excitement, self-doubt, and being able to finally open the door that had always been just out of reach. It was hoping that he could slay the academic dragon that lay before him. His restless night’s sleep was also caused by a terrible nightmare.

  David had gone to bed early that night so he could make the morning come faster, but that didn’t work at all. He tossed and turned for twenty minutes before deciding to read a book, hoping it would eventually make him sleepy. He finally fell asleep just after 1am, but was jarred awake a couple of hours later by a nightmare that played with his mind. He dreamt that he woke up late for class, had a major exam and forgot to study, went to his locker naked, and couldn’t remember the combination. Then he started crying in front of all the people who were laughing at him as his naked body slid down the locker in shame. Then they started chanting, “You’re a stupid faggot loser,” over and over. He sat up in bed, his heart racing, his body shaking, as he tried to focus his eyes in the dark. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that he was still in his dorm room. There was no way his was going back to sleep after that dream. He put on his headphones and listened to Snakes and Arrows and Clockwork Angels as the early morning hours slowly ticked away.

  David and Marco met for breakfast at Lerner Hall. He was excited about the day ahead, but noticed that Marco seemed subdued and preoccupied, like something was on his mind.

  “Is anything wrong?” David asked.

  “No, everything’s fine. I just didn’t get very much sleep last night.”

  “Either did I. It must be catchy. I was going to text you but I figured you were fast asleep.”

  Marco smiled. “I was going to text you too.” He changed the subject to get his mind off of his insecurities. “I can’t believe the schedule you have. Are you sure you’re going to be able to handle it?”

  “I know it looks difficult, but I’m definitely up for it. I prioritize things a certain way and then everything falls into place. I’ve been doing it my whole life,” David said.

  “Just like a math proof, right?”

  “Yep. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. What classes do you have today?”

  Marco didn’t s
eem quite as thrilled or challenged. “Philosophy and two boring English Lit classes. The English department is making me take them. It’s a fucking waste of time.”

  “Come on, don’t be negative. They’re supposed to give you the foundation you need.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. But I just want to write. They’re making me wait until next semester. It sucks.”

  “Just enjoy the whole experience and it will all work out. You write every night anyway, right?”

  “My beautiful David, always the optimist. I can’t believe you’re already taking Honors Math, and what’s that other one they put you in?” David gave Marco an embarrassed look.

  “Intro to Higher Mathematics,” he sheepishly said.

  “Well, I guess everyone notices when you’re a genius.”

  “Please don’t say that. I’m not one of those. I just love math.”

  “Well, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”

  “Awe, thank you for saying that. You do know how smart you are, right?”

  “I thought I did. But have you noticed that we’re surrounded by smart people. I’m realizing how average I am.”

  “Believe me, you are not average. You are one of the smartest people I know. And you’re right about the intelligence level around here. But here’s the thing, it’s not about comparing ourselves, it’s about pursuing what we love at another level.” David put his hand on Marco’s to reassure him.

  “What are you smiling about?” Marco asked.

  “Everything. Me. You. Living here. Going to my first class. I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment.”

  Marco looked at David with a slightly lost look, like he was trying to find the perfect words to describe what he was feeling.

  “Hey, are you ok?” David asked.

  “I’m just admiring you.”

  David leaned close, close enough to where their lips were almost touching. He whispered, “I love you so much it scares me.”

  “I feel the same way.” Marco knew it was the perfect moment to ask again. “Have you thought anymore about what I asked you last week?”

  David’s gaze dimmed ever so slight. “Yes, I have. A lot, actually…” Marco cut him off. “I’m glad. I-I want…David…I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. I really mean that. Would you please do me the honor and live with me?”

  “Marco, I….” He cut David off again. “Think how perfect it would be waking up next to each other every morning. I need to see your face and feel your body next to mine.”

  David had thought long and hard about Marco’s invitation. It was easy to say yes from an emotional and physical standpoint. But he took in logical considerations while making his decision. “Marco, I love you and want to live with you some day, but I think we need to take things a little slower. I mean…”

  Marco interrupted him. “Don’t you love me?” He could feel David slipping away. He wasn’t used to not getting his way. He was beside himself to the point where he couldn’t fully comprehend what David was trying to say.

  “Of course I love you. I just told you a second ago. That’s not the issue.”

  “Then what is the issue? I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all,” Marco said, in a condescending tone.

  David knew he was going to be upset, so he kissed him on the cheek and tried to explain with more clarity. “I do want to live with you. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it. About us being together for the rest of our lives. That’s how much I love you. But we just got here, and we’re finally getting to know each other in real terms. In day to day terms instead of the long distance thing. But, at the same time, I don’t want to put any pressure on you, thinking that you always have to be with me every second of the day.”

  “I don’t feel pressured about that at all. I love being with you.”

  “And I love being with you, but I also want us to have the normal college experience. You know, where we make new friends and hang out with them when we aren’t together. I know it probably sounds dumb, but I have this romantic notion about college life. Making friends from all over the world. Finding out who I am as an individual. And seeing what I can achieve in the mathematical and physics community. It’s what I’ve dreamt about since I was little.”

  Marco felt lost. Alone. “I want to be…” David put his finger to his lips to shush him. “And the most important thing of all, having a beautiful caring boyfriend take me out on dates, and me taking him on dates.”

  “Am I that boyfriend?” Marco asked, feeling rejected.

  “Yes, of course you are. I like the idea of calling you up after a long day and asking you out for dinner and you saying ‘I’d love to.’ Then I go to my room and make myself look nice just for you. I walk over to your building, take the elevator, and climb the stairs to your floor with flowers in my hand. You open the door and I give them to you. I kiss you and tell you how much I love you. We walk hand in hand through the center of campus, out to Broadway, ending up at our favorite little restaurant. Then after dinner we go to the movies or just take a nice walk or go back to your room and make love. We lay in each other’s arms knowing we were meant for each other. And I’ll stay the whole night because I won’t be able to leave. Other nights I’ll go back to my room because the anticipation of being in your arms again gives me a high I can’t explain.”

  Marco was broken hearted, but completely turned on. He wanted to forget about classes and take David back to his room and make love to him. And then fuck him. He wanted to fuck him until he moaned, “Yes I’ll live with you,” over and over.

  “That is so romantic, but why…..” Marco said, his voice trailing off.

  “Why can’t we have all of that and live together? That’s what you were going to say, right?”

  “Yeah.” Marco pushed his tray away and slumped in his chair.

  “Just know that I love you more than anything. We have lots of time.”

  They sat their in silence, looking out the window at everyone crisscrossing the campus on their way to class. Marco finally turned to David. “I understand what you’re saying. I really do. I want you to know that I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  “Thank you for understanding.” David gave him an amorous grin. “Will you go out with me on Friday?”

  “I’d like that. Where are you taking me?”

  “I thought we could take the subway to 72nd Street and go to Central Park for a romantic walk. Then I’ll take you to this little Mexican restaurant on Columbus Avenue that I checked out online. We’ll have dinner outside and enjoy the neighborhood atmosphere.” He kissed Marco’s pouting lips and gave him the look. “Then we could, you know…”

  Marco grinned, “Do you wanna sleep over Friday night?”

  “Why, yes I do,” David said, with a seductive smile. “Should I bring my sleeping bag and pajamas with me?”

  “Nah, I don’t think you’ll need those things.”

  Rafi and two girls walked up to their table just as they were getting ready to leave.

  “Hey Marco, are we still on for tonight,”

  David watched as Rafi put his hand on Marco’s shoulder, giving it a slight caress. Then he turned to David, “Hi. It’s good to see you again. I hope you had fun at our hall party.”

  “I did. It was nice meeting everyone.”

  Rafi’s hand stayed firmly planted on Marco’s shoulder. David was trying with all his might not to get jealous. After all, he had just given Marco his rationale about making friends.

  “Hey Marco, it’s good to see you again,” Avani said, with a smile that easily revealed her crush. Marco seemed oblivious to the fact that both of them were hitting on him. David was jealous. It was as simple as that. He tried to stay calm while they chatted away. He was in Marco’s world and understood it was going to happen a lot. This is where trust would come into play. David trusted Marco implicitly, so he decided to enjoy Marco’s friends.

  While Marco, Rafi, and Avani talked, the
other girl was giving David the once over. She interrupted Rafi. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to these cute boys?”

  “Forgive my rudeness. Olivia, I would like you to meet Marco, my hall mate. And this is his boyfriend David.” Her smile faded, but remained gracious as she looked longingly at David.

  Rafi noticed and gave a lamenting sigh. “Yes Olivia, the cute ones are always taken, or they’re gay.” Marco gave David a look that said, “Get used to this.”

  After the flirtatious episode ended, Marco asked what the plan was for later that evening.

  “A bunch of us are going out for dinner, and then we’re going to the Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center to take in the views of the city.”

  “That sounds like a good plan.” Marco asked David, “Would you like to go with me?”

  “I’d love to, but I’m meeting with my research team at seven.”

  “Do you mind if I go?”

  “Not at all. It sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “Cool.”

  They headed out to the main campus together. Rafi quickly positioned himself so he was walking next to Marco. They talked about a hall meeting that was coming up on Wednesday. Avani made small talk with David while Olivia continued to check him out. David was oblivious to it because he was concentrating on the flirting Rafi was engaged in with Marco.

  Just as they were all about to go their separate ways, Rafi put his hand on Marco’s back and said, “I’m really looking forward to hanging out with you tonight.”

  “Yeah, I think everyone is going to have a great time.”

  Once Rafi and the girls were safely out of sight, Marco turned to David. “I’m sorry about all that. Just know that I know what he’s doing.”

  David grinned. “Yeah. It seems like someone is still crushing on you.”

  “I’ve tried to subtly get him to back off, but he just doesn’t get it. I am really sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You can’t help it that you’re so charming and handsome.”

  “Come on, don’t make my ego any bigger than it already is.” Marco grabbed David and started tickling him. “Cut it out you goofball or I’ll wrestle you to the ground.” David put his arms around him. “It’s ok that other people find you so attractive.”