Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  With Jordan by his side, David looked around to see if Marco was there. He wasn’t, so he looked towards the hedgerow hoping to spot him. His face lit up when he spotted Marco walking past the lion with two girls. He was wearing his sexy sunglasses and talking away.

  David and Jordan were half way up the sidewalk when Marco came around the hedgerow and stopped dead in his tracks. His smile faded and was replaced by shear panic when he saw Jordan walking next to David. He tried to get it together as he walked up to them.

  Even though they hadn’t seen each other in almost a year, sparks flew in every direction as Marco and Jordan looked at each other. They could never forget their night of perfect sex.

  David was oblivious to the sexual energy that had surrounded him. Marco felt like he was going to throw up, but tried his best to smile when David ran up and kissed him.

  “I missed you so much.”

  Marco held David tight. “I missed you too.”

  “How were your classes?”

  “Better than I thought. How were yours?”

  “Surreal. You won’t believe it. Professor Eldridge is teaching Intro to Higher Math this semester.

  “Nice. I’m really happy for you.” He gave David tiny little kisses, trying to hold back the tears. Jordan felt defeated as he watched this scene play out. David was taken by a guy he couldn’t compete with. Marco looked over David’s shoulder, locking eyes with Jordan again, hoping like hell that he wouldn’t say anything about their night of sex.

  David gave Marco one more kiss before introducing Jordan. “I’d like you to meet a new friend of mine. His name is…”

  “Marco, it’s good to see you again,” Jordan said, with a measured grin.

  Dead silence erupted. A chilly gust of wind suddenly whipped through the trees to let them know their chance meeting was more than some stupid fucking metaphor. In an instant Marco and Jordan had become a binary star system orbiting around a common point. One was trying to hold on, while the other was trying to take away. It was a dance without movement. A shadowed tragedy beginning to play out at the edges. Eventual singularity. David looked confused. “Do you guys know each other?”

  “Kind of. We met last year,” Jordan said, suddenly realizing all was not lost.

  “That is so cool. Where did you meet?”

  Jordan smiled at the thought of Marco’s tight little bubble ass propped in the air with his back perfectly arched, moaning in ecstasy with each ravaging thrust. “We met at a gathering for college students in Chelsea about a year ago.”

  Marco thought for sure that Jordan was going to tell the truth. He breathed a sigh of relief knowing he had been given a temporary reprieve.

  “Yeah, it was one of those conferences where future college students get to talk with current students,” Marco added, hoping Jordan would keep playing along.

  “Wow! It really is a small world. We definitely have to hang out.” David’s innocence began to cut Marco deep.

  “So I take you two are boyfriends.”

  “Yeah,” they both said in unison. Marco went into total protection mode at that point, knowing David was going to be Jordan’s next sexual conquest. “We’ve been going out for almost a year.” He took his sunglasses off and gave Jordan a look that said don’t even try. Marco made a vow right then and there. Even If David found out about them and then broke up with him, he would still do whatever was necessary to protect him.

  Jordan ignored Marco’s threatening look and congratulated them on their relationship. “David, you need to know that Marco is a very special guy. He’s smart and has passion for many things in life. He is extremely talented. I know this first hand.”

  “I agree. I’m lucky to have met him,” David said, as he squeezed Marco’s hand.

  Marco did his best to remain calm. “David, are you ready to get some lunch?”

  “Yeah, I’m starving.” He turned to Jordan and asked, “Do you want to have lunch with us?”

  “Maybe next time. I’m meeting up with Marna and Chandler in a few. Thanks for the invite though.” Jordan gave David a hug. “I’m glad you got into Eldridge’s class. Show him what you’re made of.”

  “Thanks. See you in a couple of days.”

  “Marco, it was nice seeing you again.”

  “Same here. I hope you have a good senior year.”

  “Thanks, I think I’m going to make it one to remember.” Jordan gave Marco a coded smile. His arm brushed against Marco’s as he walked past him, out to the main walkway.

  Marco stood there, desperation distorting his handsome face. David noticed. “Are you ok? You have this weird look.”

  “It’s nothing, I’m fine. It’s just….” Marco’s voice trailed off as his eyes veered from David to Jordan and then back to David. “It’s been a long morning and I’m hungry.”

  “Me too.”

  David felt like a little kid. He held Marco’s hand and semi-skipped as they headed toward the main gate. “It’s still hard to believe that I’m in his class. I have to call my parents tonight and tell them. I can’t wait to tell Tyler and Melissa too.”

  “I know they’re going to be happy for you.”

  “Yeah. They know how influential he has been in my life. Marco, you won’t believe this, but he looked at me several times during his lecture.”

  “Of course he did. He knows greatness when he sees it.” Marco adjusted his sunglasses and his thoughts. He pulled David close and hugged him deep. Almost to the point where he was hurting him. “I love you so much it hurts.”

  “I love you too.”

  With fierce kisses and his deep infinite embrace, Marco tried to create a barrier between his past and the present. Between love and random sex. Between David and rest of the world.

  That cool summer breeze swirled around their perfect bodies and their fragile vulnerabilities, trying to let them know that forever was a real place.

  CHAPTER 29

  Spending the evening apart proved more difficult than David realized. He walked across campus that chilly morning to meet Marco for breakfast. They filled each other in on their night of research and fun. They had been together every evening since arriving on campus, so doing things separately with new friends was the beginning of the next phase in their relationship.

  Their conversation further validated David’s concerns about living together.

  He understood that having alone time and hanging out with other people were normal components of a healthy relationship. It was also an important aspect of college life he wanted to experience. He trusted Marco, and hoped their time apart would make them realize how lucky they were to have each other.

  Looking and sounding dead to the world, Marco asked, “So how did your research go last night?” David gave him an empathetic smile. “What time did you get in last night?”

  “You mean this morning. Around four I think.”

  “You must have had a great time,” David said, trying not to sound jealous.

  “Yeah we did.” Marco decided to change the subject. “So tell me about your research. I mean, what is Mathematical Physics anyway?” Marco put his cup of coffee to his lips, drinking it like it was the elixir of life.

  “Mathematical Physics covers a wide spectrum within both fields of study. For the most part though, it is coming up with new mathematical ways to further advance physical theories. You know, everything around us, including ourselves is mathematical. It’s cool to think that we are probably living within one gigantic mathematical equation.” David knew he was getting carried away, so he pulled back on the enthusiasm. “The math we are concentrating on deals with Relativity and Quantum Relativistic Theories. It’s pretty cool stuff.”

  Marco gave David a weak smile. “That sounds amazing. I wish I knew more about it. The farthest I went in math was Calc I. And I took the easier science classes to keep my GPA up.” Marco hated to admit his academic weaknesses.

  “I know I’m a geek when it comes to this stuff, but…” David stopped and ga
ve Marco a quizzical look. “Do you have a hangover?”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. Actually, I think I’m still a little drunk.” Marco felt embarrassed.

  David rubbed his hand. “Keep drinking your coffee and I’ll be quiet.”

  “Thanks, but please keep talking. I need to hear your voice.”

  David scooted closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Ok. So tell me all about your night of fun.”

  “We started off by having dinner at Keens Steakhouse. I have to take you there.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “I wanted to show them some old world New York ambiance and class. That place definitely has it. Then we went to the Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center to check out the skyline. Of course everyone loved the view. Manhattan is magical at night.”

  “I wish I could have gone with you.”

  “Me too. You were all I thought about last night. I want to take you this weekend. Are you free Saturday night?”

  “I’ll make sure I am.” Then David’s insecurities slipped into the conversation. “So then what did you guys do after that?”

  “Rafi, Avani, and Olivia wanted to go to a club. Somehow they got fake IDs and wanted to see if they worked. I had mine, so we cabbed to the village and hit this cool little piano bar. The whole place was in party mode. We were singing show tunes with everyone else and I got carried away with my drinking. I’m sorry. You probably think I’m an alcoholic now.”

  “No, I don’t. I think you were just showing your friends a good time and things just kind of happened.”

  “Thanks for understanding. I promise, this isn’t how I am.”

  “I know.”

  “Can I come over tonight?” Marco asked, with eyes closed and head throbbing.

  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

  They finished breakfast and headed in different directions across campus.

  CHAPTER 30

  David was quieter than usual that evening while sifting through research data with a couple of other students. Professor Logan noticed and tried to help when they had a few minutes alone. “You seem a little preoccupied tonight. If something is bothering you, I’m a good listener.”

  David hesitated for a moment, thinking about all those eyes on him the day before. “To be honest, I’m a little nervous about taking Particle Physics and Cosmology.”

  “Why is that?”

  David felt embarrassed to tell him the truth. “Everyone was staring at me in both of my math classes yesterday. It was the weirdest experience. And I know it is going to happen in this class. Honestly, I felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong, and somehow they knew it too. I know that probably sounds stupid.”

  “Not at all. I can empathize. Being in higher level and graduate classes can be intimidating, especially for someone as young as you. But you belong there, and every student in those classes will know that soon enough. I believe you are destined for an extraordinary career, and I am afraid that you are going to have to get used to people admiring your abilities. That is why they are staring.”

  “That’s nice of you to say, but I’m not any different than they are.”

  “I hate to say this, but you are. And there is nothing wrong with that. You simply have abilities that make you stand out from the rest.”

  David sat there processing what he had just heard. He finally gave Professor Logan a half smile.

  “I appreciate your kind words. I’ll do my best not to let it bother me anymore.”

  “I’m glad. And just to let you know, you won’t be alone in physics. I gave an override to one other freshman. His name is Miguel Montag. My hope is that the two of you will get to know each other.” David couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “Miguel and I are already friends. We met during move-in day. We live in the same residence hall.”

  “That is good to hear. You two have similar gifts, which should help you overcome any trepidation about being surrounded by doctoral students.”

  David was ecstatic about Miguel being in the same class. It was just what he needed to hear to calm his nerves. He felt bad about only seeing Miguel a couple of times since arriving on campus. As he walked back to the dorm that night, he vowed to be a better friend and even help Miguel deal with the age issue if he needed it. He walked through the entrance and headed straight to Miguel’s room so he could tell him the good news. They talked for a few minutes and then David had to leave because Marco texted, saying he was on his way over.

  It was close to noon the next day when David headed to Pupin Hall. As the sun peaked through cumulus cloud formations, he walked next to the hedgerow in front of the Mathematics Building with the palm of his hand skimming the freshly trimmed tips. The ticklish sensation instantly became a wormhole to the past. He was transported back to the days as a little kid when he would go backpacking in the woods. He remembered running down random trails with his arms spread out like he was flying. The tips of the virgin undergrowth would tickle his palms, making him giggle. That sensation always made him feel connected to the world. That long ago memory gave him a sliver of comfort as he continued on.

  He looked ahead and saw the lion waiting, so he ran the last twenty meters. His hand flew off the hedgerow and landing on the lion’s left paw. David looked up and greeted him with a smile before continuing on his way.

  The anticipation of attending his first physics class with Miguel felt perfect. The best thing about it was being able to spend more time with his new friend. He entered Pupin, walked down one flight of stairs and entered a narrow hall where he could see the back of the lecture hall through the open doors. Taking a deep breath, he walked in and looked around hoping to find Miguel sitting somewhere. But no such luck. Just as he was ready to go find a seat, he felt a tap on his shoulder. It made him jump. He turned and there was Miguel smiling away. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Man, you scared me. Where did you come from?”

  “Sorry about that. I tend to do that to people for some reason. My friends call me Ghost because I seem to appear out of nowhere. I’m just stealthy I guess.”

  “I’ll say you are. That is quite a talent.”

  “Thanks. Do you mind if we sit in the middle? That way everyone can stare at us without having to strain their necks.” David laughed. “That sounds like a plan. Might as well get it over with.” Within seconds David almost tumbled down the steps because he wasn’t watching where he was going. Fortunately Miguel grabbed him by his backpack and saved the day. “Hey, don’t kill yourself on the first day.”

  “I’ll try not to. I’m such a klutz. Thanks for saving me.”

  Miguel was concerned. “You didn’t get dizzy again, did you?”

  “No. Honest. I just wasn’t looking where I was going.”

  They continued down and slipped into the middle row. Miguel grinned. “This should give everyone the perfect view.”

  “I love the way you’re handling the age thing.”

  “After all the staring the last couple of days, I decided to give them what they want.”

  “I know what you mean. It felt really weird. I even overheard people taking about me. It was uncomfortable. But I guess since we can’t control any of it, let them stare and talk and get it out of their system.”

  “Exactly.”

  David overheard a group of students a few rows down talking about Supersymmetry while he and Miguel were powering up their laptops. One by one they started looking their way. Two guys even did double takes. Once David had his file set up, he looked at them with a hesitant smile. Miguel was far more confident and engaging. He waved and said hi and things got back to normal. That is until the floodgates opened up. Students piled in and the inquisitive stares began once again. A couple of minutes later, just as Miguel had predicted, they got it out of their system.

  There were still five minutes before class started, so it gave David and Miguel a chance to talk. “You never mentioned that you were a physics major when we first met. It is so cool that we are pursuing t
he same major,” David said.

  “Yeah, I agree. I’ve come to realize that us meeting is definitely some sort of destiny. We must have been drawn together by a common quantum energy field or something.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Um…even though I’m wired to think logically, I still believe in destiny. Sounds weird, doesn’t it?”

  “No, not at all. I’ve done my share of wishing for things to go a certain way, and when I’m about to give up, somehow it works out. So I think this life isn’t as random as it seems.”

  “You and I are connected in some weird way. I just know it.”

  David felt it too but didn’t understand how or why. “Why do you think that?”

  “While I was unpacking my stuff the first day here, something, or some kind of feeling told me to go check out the lounge. So I did. When I walked in I saw you looking out the window and knew we had to meet. Sounds crazy, right?”

  “Yeah, a little. But I’m glad you came over and talked to me because I was already getting homesick. And I was afraid for some reason.”

  “Maybe you needing someone to talk to drew me to the lounge. I don’t know how destiny works, but it does. And then you helped me,” Miguel said, with an edge of seriousness.

  “I did?”

  “Yeah. You stood up for me when your friends came over to meet me. I knew they didn’t like me, and I know you stuck up for me.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Jay saw me in the lobby the next day and apologized for being an asshole. Then he told me how angry you were and how you defended me. You were the first guy here who made me feel like I belonged. I really appreciate that. It helped me get through a strenuous first week of feeling like an outsider.”

  “I’m glad I could help. Believe me, I know how it feels to be an outsider. It’s the story of my life. Being the only openly gay teenager in a small town. My nerdy predisposition for the academic world. And my lack of desire to try and fit in with the high school royalty made me the perfect outcast. If it wasn’t for my two best friends I would never have survived.”