Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.
Page 30
Chapter Twenty One
Wherein Drimblerod Explains the
Difference Between Magicians and Wizards
“Let’s just go through that.” Drimblerod held up a finger, “They turn your heart into a frog,” then a second finger, “Or your head into a mushroom,” he held up a third finger, “Or they teleport your skin someplace else”, he held up a fourth finger, “they turn your bones to jelly. He held up his thumb “Or maybe they just ... well, let’s just say it can get worse than that.”
Grimbledung blanched. “Wait, what was that first one again?”
Drimblerod ignored his partner’s baiting. Again. “Just imagine a bunch of uptight, upset, organized old hacks who just want to prove their worth. And by making a bunch of animated objects, they think you cheapen their craft.”
“How would you know all that?” Asked Grimbledung. “Did you cross them?”
“I might have had a fully Mechanimated workshop at one point,” confessed Drimblerod. “And they didn’t take too kindly to even the pliers working on their own.”
“What’d they do to you?”
“The last one” he said holding up his thumb. “I had to stay out of the sun and eat soft foods for a whole year. Trust me- that’s all the details you want.”
“Well, I’m dashed!” Said Grimbledung, “And I always thought that they were such kind-hearted folks, running schools to teach magic to youngsters, pulling rabbits from hats, and all that.”
Drimblerod shook his head, “No, no, you’re confusing Magicians with Wizards. They’re completely different. They’re not even in the same guild.” He thought for a moment. “Magicians do the rabbit from the hat trick. No Wizard would be caught pulling off a cheap parlor trick like that.”
“Cutting women in half?”
“Magicians.”
“Defeat dragons?”
“Wizards.”
“Quests for all powerful rings?”
“Those are just conjurors of cheap tricks. They’re in a class all their own.”
“Hmmm” Grimbledung said, “I’ve always thought that Big Julie was a tough Head Mistress, but she was fair. So, she’s a Wizard then.”
“Witch,” corrected Drimblerod absently. He blinked as he realized what he had just said, “Hold on. Big Julie is a female? Do you know her?” He continued hopefully.
“No, that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never met her. Julie’s a girl’s name so I just figured she was a girl. Who would name their son Julie?” He giggled. “A boy named Julie.”
“I have met several very dangerous males named Julie. One Eye’d Julie was a Troll who ran a Pickled Elf Toe stand in Orcistan, the other was No Teeth Julie Shor’tongue, a Human who was as crooked as the Great Salt River is long. Then there’s Flatfoot Julie. He had a Numbers racket that cleaned out a whole town.” When he had first arrived in town, Drimblerod had considered dabbling in the less than legal business of Numbers. Then after being at old Flatfoot’s lynching, he decided wand selling was the way to go.
“Well, either way, I hear that Big Julie is tough but fair. Why do you care anyway?” Grimbledung asked.
“At some point, I’d like to see his or her operation. To see how it might fit into our operation. If Big Julie is a male, things might be more difficult. There’s conniving that comes with that name.” Drimblerod stopped and considered the possibilities of selling wands to new students, and the invariable lost or broken wand that would require replacement. There was money to be had if a wand seller could align themselves with a successful Wizard and Witch’s School. The real hurdle was whether some other outfit was already affiliated with the school. A second hurdle was how to get rid of any other outfit already in that position. Since the school had been established fairly recently, the odds were in his favor that no one had an Exclusivity Contract. Yet. Drimblerod smiled at the thought of the profit associated with an Exclusivity Contract. New customers every school year. Former students keeping wands for nostalgia. Lost wands even. Income galore!
Drimblerod realized everyone was waiting for him to finish his thought. He scowled to get back in the mood. “We’re getting off track. What are we going to do with this Mechanimated sign?”