Lost

by Jennifer Davis

  The pews are filled with smiling faces, many familiar to me due to our decades of friendship. I spy my parents sitting on the bride’s side and daddy gives me a cute nod when our eyes meet. Mother smiles at me too, but her eyes seem to judge more than laud. I immediately adjust my posture, pushing my shoulders back and raising my chin upward. These dresses are not the most forgiving on a curvy figure like mine, especially since I have to stand next to my model-like friends on display. I refocus my eyes ahead and see my wonderful Jack sitting, watching me in the crowd. He smiles brightly to me, and I glow with admiration of him, appreciative of his eagerness to come alone to a wedding ceremony to support me, and his willingness to meet my parents so early in our relationship.

  I join my friends on the altar, and within a few seconds Callie makes it safely down the aisle and stands next to me. Meredith steps forward into view, and I whirl my head toward Cale. The best part of a wedding is undoubtedly watching the groom’s face when he sees his blushing bride appear before him. His nervous expression softens, and his eyes lock onto her. Meredith flows easily down the aisle, her broad smile gleaming, her hair perfectly shaped into a low bun, accented with large curls pinned into an almost flower shape. Her deep V-neck silk dress hugs her tiny frame from top to bottom, just until it widens into a small train at her feet. Behind her cascades a cathedral-length veil, and in her hands a bouquet of white roses with a hint of greenery. She makes it to the altar and her face is calm, confident, but her broad smile makes her excitement impossible to hide. When she finally takes Cale’s hand at the altar, I watch him let out a deep sigh. The love between them is undeniable, and I take the moment into my memory, hoping that one day I too will walk down the aisle as confident as they are, knowing that I want nothing more than to publicly commit my life and love to someone else for all eternity. I imagine Jack as my groom one day, but my heart quickly aches at the idea of him having a happily ever after with Lela.

  Stop it, Jess! You know you love Jack. And he says he loves you. Don’t poison your relationship without validation. I decide to believe my innermost conscious, at least for the moment. I know my chat with Jack has to happen, and soon. Really, even though you were drooling at the vision of Max a few hours ago?

  Following the bride and groom’s lead, we once again make our way down the aisle; this time each bridesmaid is escorted by one of Cale’s groomsmen. We whirl past the guests before I can get a glimpse of Jack in the crowd, so I wait for him in the hallway just outside the cathedral.

  “Hello, sweetheart,” Daddy says, giving me a warm squeeze as he and mother approach me outside of the cathedral.

  “You girls made for such a beautiful wedding party. And these bridesmaids dresses she picked are so nice. Where are they from?” Mother asks me with feigned innocence, before sliding her finger into the back of my dress, a familiar attempt to check the size of what I’m wearing. I watch as her eyebrows raise, the telltale sign of her seeing the horrific and shameful number 8 on the tag. I almost open my mouth to justify my size. To tell her that everyone orders a size or two up in bridesmaids dresses because they notoriously run small, and that I even had it taken in to fit me better. Before my lips open I see Jack approaching us from behind. Oh no, here we go. Time to meet the parents.

  “Hey, you made it through the ceremony,” I say, smiling to Jack as he approaches. I hesitate for a moment unsure of how to greet him. It’s too awkward to lay a big kiss on him in front of my parents, so instead I gently grab his arm and pull him toward me.

  “Mom, Dad, this is Jack.” Jack reaches his hand out confidently.

  “Hi, Jack. Daniel Bauer, pleasure to meet you.” Daddy extends his hand outward and I spy mother scanning him, judging everything from the cut of his suit and the polish of his shoes to the blue sparkle in his eye. Her level expression shifts into a slight smile and it seems he’s gotten the first impression stamp of approval.

  “Hi, Jack, I’m Emily Bauer, nice to see you.” She takes her delicate hand and places it into his for a limp looking shake.

  “Nice to meet you both.” Jack flashes his all-American smile back at them both, and I notice how his dark blue tie brings out the deep blue of his eyes. I allow myself to be proud for a slight moment, happy to have him standing by my side as my cute, well-dressed boyfriend, who I’ve really fallen for.

  “So, Jack, I hear you’re new to Atlanta. How long have you been living here?” Mother asks him.

  “It’s been about six months now, I’m finally starting to learn my way round the city.”

  “And where are you living, Jack?” Uh oh, here she goes again. I hope that Jack is oblivious to her prying, trying to gauge his status from what part of town he lives in.

  “I actually bought a house in Buckhead, about ten minutes away from here.”

  “Oh, lovely. You’re in a great part of town,” she acknowledges, and I once again see through her pointed questioning.

  “Yeah, it’s a great location, close to work, and not too far from Jess’s place.” He slides his arm around me and I watch mother’s lip twitch upward, into a nearly approving smile.

  “Jess, we’ve got to go,” Emma says, walking toward us.

  “Ok, I’ll see you guys at the reception, we have to head over for wedding party pictures. See you shortly?” Jack nods and releases his hold on me, sliding his hand down my arm, and pausing to squeeze my hand affectionately before letting me go. I feel bad leaving him there with my parents, defenseless to my mother’s questions, but he seems to be handling it well, so we head off on our way.

  ***

  “Ladies and gentlemen, please come to your feet to help me welcome the new couple, Mr. and Mrs. Caleb Michaels!” Applause rolls through the ballroom, everyone eager to celebrate the happy bride and groom. The wedding party surrounds the dance floor, ensuring they have a cheering section for their first dance. The music begins to play to “It’s Your Love,” one of Tim McGraw’s sweet ballads, a perfect fit for the southern-rooted marriage. Cale whirls Meredith around the dance floor effortlessly, and a happy smile settles on my face. There’s nothing better than seeing a dear friend so perfectly happy, except maybe being that happy myself.

  After a few minutes the song comes to a close and we all cheer, happy that they made it through without faltering, but even happier because it means bridesmaid duties are done. I secure myself a glass of champagne, and turn back toward the ballroom. Just a few feet away is my handsome boyfriend, making his way toward me. “Hi,” he greets me cheerily. “Do I finally get you to myself for a minute?” Jack asks, smiling broadly. “It’s been torture watching you but not being able to get my hands on you. And in this dress...” Jack lets out a sound, somewhat of a cross between a sigh and a groan, showcasing his desire for me. I can’t help but giggle and be lured in by his reaction. He pulls me in close to him and I slide my arms around his neck, forgetting about the public space we’re in. The thought of my parents’ presence flashes through my mind and I almost pull myself away, but the closeness to his lips draws me in. I’m desperate to have his feelings affirmed after last week, and his mouth isn’t a bad place to start. He plants a hard but sweet kiss firmly on my lips and pulls my body closer into his by grabbing my hips more tightly. I can feel him pressing into me through his pants, and I’m immediately aroused just by knowing that he is.

  “There you are!” Mother’s voice sharply interrupts us, and I immediately blush at having been caught in our PDA. I awkwardly shift away from him and extract a fake smile from my ass to my face.

  “Where are you sitting?” she asks us.

  “I was just wondering that myself,” Jack says coolly.

  “We have a spot at the main table, Meredith wanted us all sitting there with her,” I explain, willing the redness to leave my cheeks. I notice Jack sneakily adjust himself in his pants when Mother turns toward me, and I have to trap my giggle so that I don’t give him and his excitement away. “Where are you and Daddy sitting?”

  “Over there, near the ot
her bar. We’re with Emma and Callie’s parents. It’s lovely to see them all and catch up.” She turns back toward Jack. “Speaking of catching up, I need to spend more time with you, my dear, so I can get to know why my Jess is so crazy about you.” She winks at me. “Perhaps a dance later?”

  “I would love that. Especially if it means I get to hear how crazy she is about me.” Jack and mother have a good laugh, and I take a long drink of champagne, enjoying the small victory: escaping an interaction with Mother sans insult or embarrassment.

  ***

  “Jess! So what’s the plan for later tonight? Are we all going out? Grabbing a drink anywhere?” Emma catapults questions at me, her buzzed state helping her to become very chatty very quickly. “We could go to the St. Regis bar, some of the guys mentioned that earlier. Thought it could be fun since we’re all dressed up.”

  “Oh, um, I haven’t really thought about it.” Or about him—until now that is. Truthfully, and amazingly, I haven’t. I’ve been having such a wonderful time with Jack this evening that I even managed to get the surprise of seeing Mr. Lust out of my mind. But now the thought of the St. Regis…would I see him there? I do know his propensity to hang out at hotel bars…his chiseled face and amazing allure slide into my brain. I ponder this more and realize that if we see Max, he and Jack will inevitably chit chat. He wouldn’t possibly tell Jack about our little rendezvous in New York. Would he? Better safe than sorry, I decide. “I don’t know, Emma, I’m not sure I’m feeling the St. Regis tonight.”

  “Hey, beautiful,” Jack woos me, wiggling up behind me and planting his lips on my cheek. “So what’s the plan?”

  “Emma and I were just talking about options—”

  “How about the St. Regis?” Jack chimes in immediately.

  “Yes! See, Jess. It’s decided then. Two against one,” Emma laughs.

  “Is that ok with you, babe? We thought it would be fun, and I know some of the out-of-town groomsmen are staying there tonight so it’s convenient for them.” I quickly look for a plausible excuse to avoid the swanky bar.

  “It’s just kind of expensive, I was just trying to be a little more frugal after all of these wedding expenses,” I lie, not about the need for frugality, but about the other reason for my hoped aversion.

  “Well, luckily I know someone who loves and adores you that will gladly buy you drinks all night. Although I might need something in return.” He gives me a naughty glance and I feel myself drawn in. My mind and body do need to be reassured of his feelings for me.

  “St. Regis it is!” Emma announces. “That will be convenient in case you two need a room,” she teases us, leaving us for a quiet moment together.

  “Jack,” I start, unsure if this is the right time to bring up the Maine situation. “I’m hoping we can talk about some stuff later.”

  “Ok,” he lets out a half laugh, “that’s specific. Everything ok?”

  “I hope so. Just want to talk about some stuff from last weekend.”

  “Sure, babe. But let’s just have fun with our friends tonight and we can talk later? I have some things I want to talk about as well.”

  twenty-two

  The St. Regis bar is crowded, completely packed with a young, attractive crowd who loudly chats, drinks, and parties the night away. The dark leather sofas and tan club chairs can barely be seen through the piles of people sitting on and around them. I spot the mural of a phoenix on the wall up ahead, an indication that the bar isn’t too far away. My stomach is wrenched, wondering if Max might be here, and what Jack’s chosen topic of discussion will be.

  “So do you think they’re here?” Emma questions me, looking around the room for our fellow wedding goers.

  “Well they left just after we did, so I’m sure they’ll come find us,” I respond.

  “Screw that. I’m going to look for them. Caleb’s tallest groomsman is hot. What was his name? Ryan something? Oh, yeah! Ryan WantsAPieceOfEmma.” She laughs loudly at herself and I can’t help but giggle. She turns and walks away to begin her prowl, and despite my own drunkenness I notice that she’s a bit wobbly. High heels and alcohol always seem to fight each other, yet ironically one always makes the other seem like an even better idea.

  I turn my focus to my own handsome date. “I’m going to look for an open spot to sit since we’ve got a few more people coming. You mind grabbing us a drink?” I ask Jack.

  “Sure, what do you want?”

  “You know what I like. Surprise me.”

  “Sure, baby.” Jack gives me a squeeze, then leans in to give me a swift kiss before walking away. I stand in the back-right corner near the far wall of the bar, inching my way through the crowded room.

  “So how was the wedding?” The familiar, salty voice rings into my ears and I know that lusty Max is here. Surprise, surprise. The international manwhore frequenting a hotel bar. I’m instantly excited yet flustered by his presence.

  “Hi,” I stammer. “What are you doing here?” He quickly unnerves me as our eyes connect. He’s dressed in a suit sans tie, and is freshly shaved, unlike many men who take the weekend off. His hair seems a bit longer now, his gentle dark waves easily tucked behind his ears. Even in the dark mood lighting he would make any woman swoon.

  “Well, I’m staying in the hotel. And this here,” he pauses, gesturing around us, “is called a bar, where they serve drinks. I have come for such a drink.”

  “What a surprise, you, in a hotel bar?” I instantly flirt with him, and guilt follows just as quickly. “How did you know I was at a wedding?”

  “I am a detective, didn’t you know?” He laughs at his own joke. My blank expression clues him that I missed the joke. “I saw your twins running around here.” Oh, I guess a flock of identically dressed bridesmaids are a dead giveaway.

  “What are you in town for?” I attempt to revert our conversation to a more casual tone.

  “Business. Just here until tomorrow night. I didn’t realize I would get to see both you and Jack. It’s a nice surprise.” He raises his eyebrows, and I’m immediately confused. Which of us was he expecting to see? “So you and Jack are still…friends?” It’s apparent that Lust quickly did the math, realizing that if we are still together now, then we likely were during our rendezvous in New York.

  I choose my words carefully. “We are together now, yes. We had a period when we were”—I pause looking for the right word—“apart.” I don’t want to relive the details of our semi-breakup, and how I technically was still with Jack when I nearly mounted him in the club.

  “I see.” His eyebrows raise again and then his expression changes suddenly into a smile. His eyes look past me, and I turn to see what has caught his eye.

  “Jack. How are you?” Mr. Lust extends his hand out to my boyfriend, and I want to die caught here between these two men.

  “Hey, good to see you made it. How is Atlanta treating you?” Oh. So Jack was expecting to see him?

  “Atlanta is great. Lots of southern hospitality all around. And lots of beautiful women.” Max smiles and gives me a subtle wink, one that only I would notice standing next to him in this dim room.

  “I certainly can’t complain about that.” Jack gives my hand a squeeze. “Jess, I found us a table over there, want to find Emma?”

  “Sure, see you there.” I’m grateful for the opportunity to escape. Max’s normal quiet mystique is notably absent, and his confident and flirty presence have an unbelievable ability to flap me, even in the presence of the man I love. As I leave them to chat, I silently pray that Max keeps his mouth shut about our past.

  I find Emma at a corner table, set up with four chairs and a perfect view of the surrounding room, which will make it easy for us to spot our other friends.

  “Did you find Ryan?”

  “Who?” an overly buzzed Emma responds.

  “The hot groomsman?”

  “Oh, no.” She immediately pouts. “He and his boyfriend went to Blake’s.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “Sorry,
but you know that’s the world we live in. All the good ones are taken, most of them by men!”

  “I know. Maybe I’ll get lucky and meet someone—” she pauses, mid-thought. “Umm, who is that?” I turn my head around and see Max and Jack chatting as they head toward our table.

  “Oh, that’s Max.” I try to think of the most appropriate way to describe his relationship to me and Jack. “He and Jack work together.” I leave it at the simple answer, knowing this isn’t the time to consider opening up my deep, dark, slutty secret.

  “Well good God, Jess, be a friend and introduce me. I mean holy shit is he hot.”

  I instantly fill with jealousy for the man who is not, and never has been, mine. “I will. But Emma, he’s not really the boyfriend type. And he lives somewhere between New York and Paris. So just don’t do something you’ll regret.”

  “He looks like a mistake I’m more than willing to make.” She laughs and I’m instantly en guard of what remains of my fantasy with him. Why, Jess? You love Jack. Max is nothing more than a fantasy. She hops from her chair and heads toward my man. My men?

  “Hi, I’m Emma.” She jumps to her feet before I even send a signal to my mouth to speak.