Lost

by Jennifer Davis

  “Max. It’s my pleasure.” He extends his hand to hers, and I can see the effect he has on her. His not-so-subtle eye-fucking of her doesn’t go unnoticed, either. Slutty, slutty shitbag.

  “I hear this is your first time in Atlanta. Can I buy you a drink to welcome you?” she asks with a sweet, flirty face and an extra ounce of southern drawl in her words.

  “No,” he says sharply, leaving her expression hurt for a moment. “A lady never pays for a drink. Come.” He winks at me and places his hand outward toward Emma, offering an escort to the bar. Her hand in his is enough to send my jealously soaring. Simmer down, Jess.

  “Come here, beautiful,” Jack says, approaching me. “Everything ok?” I realize my distress over the prospect of Emma stealing Max and having what could have once been my mind-blowing sexcapades must have my face twisted about.

  “Yeah, it’s great,” I lie, replacing my jealousy with anxiety about our conversation that’s yet to come.

  twenty-three

  A blonde waitress in her mid-thirties returns to our table and eyes our beautiful men. I follow her gaze for a moment while she politely waits for a break in the chatter to ask if we’d like another drink. She looks at Jack, and I watch him speaking. The sparkle of his blue eyes is hidden in the dim lighting, but his genuine laugh and smile shine through, making him as handsome as ever. His oversized features, big eyes and lips, fit perfectly into his larger, athletic frame, and his face fits perfectly together with his firm but not overly chiseled jawline. Max on the other hand is equally handsome, but has smaller features, and it’s as if his pores just radiate sex appeal. It must be some combination of his liveliness, accent, and dark features, which are perfectly accentuated by his heart-shaped lips to make women swoon. And this waitress is no different.

  Jack notices her lingering and pauses the conversation, turning to face her.

  “Hey guys, can I grab you one last drink? It’s last call, so make it a good one!” The guys look across at each other, gauging the other’s interest in another round.

  “I say why not enjoy the good company with a final drink?” Jack proposes.

  “Well said. What should we have?” Max looks across at us. “Ladies, you decide.”

  “Champagne!” I blurt out without thinking of my history with said drink and present company.

  Jack turns to me quizzically. “We’ve been drinking bourbon, Jess, not sure that Max will want to switch to bubbles.” I catch Max smiling to himself, and I know he’s remembering the night that we first met.

  “I love champagne. It has many fond memories for me,” Max recalls, giving me a glance.

  “So one bottle of champagne?” the waitress confirms.

  “Sounds good,” Jack says, shrugging his shoulders.

  The waitress departs, and I’m forced to watch Mr. Lust and Emma flirting across from me. “So you’re really Italian?” I hear him ask Emma.

  “Yes! Half. I can even speak Italian. Ciao!” she exclaims loudly.

  Lust laughs at her unimpressive display. “Well, now I am truly convinced.”

  “You’re a terrible liar!” She pushes him gently on the shoulder. The sight of her touching him makes my blood begin to boil. He’s a completely different person with her. His normal mysterious demeanor is gone, he’s all smiles and flirting with her. Could this just be a show to make me jealous? Would he even care about doing so? Jess! Pay attention to your hot, sweet boyfriend and stop being a jealous friend.

  “Bathroom break?” Emma says to me, upon a rare pause in their conversation.

  “Sure.”

  We wander into the beautiful, expansive marble bathroom and the girl talk ensues. “Oh. My. God. Jess, seriously is he not the hottest thing ever?” I try not to hit her, and remind myself that she has no idea about our past indiscretions.

  “He is very handsome,” I say with a slight smile.

  “He’s seriously like drop dead gorgeous. And those looks with that accent…wow.” She looks back at me in the mirror and I look down to wash my hands, avoiding a response.

  “So do you think he’ll come home with me? Or ask me to stay? You know I have a three-date rule but he’s totally worth breaking it, right?” Her voice gets high-pitched at the end of her thought, another sign of her inebriation.

  “I just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret, you know?” I say, trying to be a good friend and selfishly hoping that I’ll steer her away from a sleepover.

  “I know what you mean. But come on, I don’t really think I’ll regret that one!”

  “Then just let it play out, I’m sure he’ll make it obvious if he wants to hang out with you more.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to come on too strong,” she says as we leave the bathroom.

  We approach the table and the boys are chatting away while the last few patrons leave the bar. I realize that it’s about to shut down and begin to fear what may or may not happen with them.

  “We’ve had a great time with you tonight, Max,” Jack says, signaling the close of the evening. “So glad you stopped in town, but it looks like we’re going to be kicked out soon,” he continues, nodding toward the circling hotel staff.

  “I think you’re right,” Max acknowledges, coming to his feet. “If you’re not ready to head home, I have a big suite with a balcony upstairs, you’re all welcome to hang out there if you’d like.”

  “Yeah, that sounds fun!” Emma responds annoyingly quickly. Ugh, the thought of the two of them hanging out together alone is not something I want to deal with tonight. I’m drunk, tired, and have barely had time to process this whole Max and Jack being friends thing.

  Jack clearly has plans of his own, though. “We appreciate the invite, but we should get going. You guys go enjoy it.” He gives a little smile to Max, insinuating that we don’t want to intrude on any alone time for him and Emma. Fuck. I can’t reasonably argue with him. Shit, Jack still must want to talk tonight. Is it about Maine? Lela?

  Jack climbs to his feet, indicating our imminent departure. He reaches his hand out to me, helping me to my feet, and Max stands to say goodbye.

  “Hope that business brings you back here soon,” Jack says, extending his hand.

  “As do I. You’ve all been so kind to let me crash your evening. I’m now starting to understand the charm of the south.”

  “You have to watch out for these southern girls though. They aren’t like any breed I’ve seen before,” Jack says laughing.

  Max chuckles and catches my eye. “I have no doubt these girls are full of surprises.” He slides in a quick wink and then he and Jack shake hands goodbye. My eyes turn to Emma to see how she’s going to play this. I stare at her for a moment but she refuses to catch my eye.

  “Emma, did you want to ride back with us? We’ll just catch a taxi out front.” She pauses for a moment and looks to Max for reassurance.

  “I think I might just hang out here for a bit.” He smiles at the news. Slutty, schmucky, fucking asshat.

  “Don’t worry, Jess, I’ll take good care of her and make sure she gets home safely.” He smiles. “Nice to see you again, and thank you for letting me join you tonight.” He extends his arms toward me and I realize he’s going in for a hug. I lean into him and wrap my arms back around him. I breathe him in for the brief moment while I feel the lovely reminder of his closeness, only to quickly let him go.

  twenty-four

  “What’s on your mind, baby?” Jack pulls me close to him in my bed. Um everything? Maine, Lela, slutty Max probably fucking Emma. My eyes can barely stay open but my mind races.

  “Nothing in particular,” I lie. “Just reflecting on the day.”

  “It was a great day. If you’re not too tired,” Jack probes, “I did want to talk to you about a few things.” Jack’s words make my heart rate quicken, and my mind refocuses on the status of our relationship. Right, say words like that and see if I can fall asleep.

  “Sure, babe. Let’s talk.”

  “I re
ally hate your apartment complex,” Jack says to me, matter-of-factly. I let out an audible laugh.

  “Gee, thanks?” I respond sarcastically, not sure where his comment is coming from. “Is that really what you wanted to talk about?”

  “Well, sort of. I don’t think you should live here anymore.”

  “Um, ok. And where exactly should I live? I can’t really afford much else,” my response is a bit snippy this time.

  “Baby, no it’s not that,” Jack senses the frustration in my voice. “It’s that I love you. So much. And even more every day. And it’s days like this where I realize how much fun I have with you, and how I don’t want to leave you at the end of the day. I want you to come home with me. To our home together.” What exactly is he saying?

  “I want you to move in with me, Jess.” Oh. This unexpected proposal of sorts has my head spinning.

  “Are you over Lela?” I blurt out the words before I can filter them.

  “What? Jess, come on. I just asked if you wanted to move in together? And you think I still care about my ex-girlfriend?”

  “Well, I don’t know what to think. After what happened in Maine…” My voice trails off, unsure of how to describe that situation.

  Jack releases an audible sigh then rolls over, putting his arm beneath mine and pulling me in close to him. Our eyes meet, our gazes only lit by the faint moonlight pouring in through the open shutters. “Jess, I love you. YOU. No one else. I’m sorry about what you witnessed at my parents’ house. Lela has nothing to do with my life anymore, or the life that I want. I want to be here with you. I want to keep building my life here with you.”

  “Well that’s just it, Jack.” I break away from his loving gaze. “Are you just trying to throw yourself into this life here to prove your family wrong? To force yourself to get over Lela because you’re too prideful to go back home and to her?” My candid words even surprise me. Although after a week of stirring in my head, I’m grateful to release them.

  “Jess. No. A thousand times no. I understand why you would think that but it’s absolutely not true. When that thing happened with Lela—it meant nothing. I’ve told you that. I think part of me let it happen because I had the same questions. I wondered if I had given up on her because I was looking for a new life. But kissing her,” he stops, closing his eyes as he sees the painful memory enter mine, “validated that I feel nothing toward her. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m glad it happened. Because I am one thousand percent sure that she and I broke up because we’re not right together. Not because I live down here. She offered to move with me, you know. I told her no.” Oh. I process his words, beginning to feel slightly more assured of his feelings toward me.

  “Jess, I’ve never lived with another girl before. It’s something I take very seriously. It’s the next step before marriage. And it’s a step that I’m ready for. With you. And I hope you are too.” Holy shit. What is he saying?

  “I think we should be pragmatic about such a big decision. We should test things out, make sure we would both know what we’re getting into before taking that step.” My brain is near-explosion of this revelation. He really loves me that much? Crazy me? That he wants to live together and test things out before marriage? My never-truly-loved soul devours his words, and craves their truth. Could this be real? Could he be the one? The love that I’d always dreamed about?

  “Baby, you’re being really quiet. What do you think?”

  “Jack, I love you too. Really. That’s why I’m so scared about Lela and question why you really left home. I want to believe you. And I do. I guess I’m just scared of a broken heart.”

  “I won’t break your heart, baby. Trust me?”

  I nod my head, allowing my brain to record how full my heart feels.

  “I do, Jack. I just need to think about it. It’s a big decision, so I want to make sure I’ve thought it through.”

  “Of course. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” I smile back at these words, wondering if this could really be as it seems. “I love you, Jess. So fucking much.” His eyes stare into me, and I feel my desire for him rush through me.

  “I love you, Jack. More every day.” I run my fingers across his temples and into his hair, lightly scratching his scalp as they slide into his locks. He lurches forward, pushing his needing body against mine. His lovely loving mouth meets mine, and I feel every ounce of love rush through me.

  “God, I love you so much.” The intensity of his eyes matches his proclamation, and I wordlessly respond to his request, wanting and needing to feel him just as badly from within. My urges run rampant and I quickly slide off my oversized T-shirt. I lean my bare breasts into his chest, relishing the skin-to-skin contact before planting my lips onto his once again. His hands grab my hair, moving my head forcefully and my hips slide upward, desperate to satisfy my need. I reach one hand below and shift his boxer briefs down as far as I can pull, exposing the throbbing, needing part of him. Without breaking his kiss, my hips grind upward, and my body glides across the tip of his need, and a slight moan escapes my mouth. “Fuck, baby, I love you so much. I want to feel you,” Jack urges me again, tired of waiting. I nod back at him and push my hips up a few inches just to slide them back down onto him.

  “I love you, too.” My response falls from my tongue with ease. It feels so natural with him. He groans at my words and slides into me again. Jack moves his hips slowly and pulls me underneath him for some good old-fashioned lovemaking. The slow but erotic movements quicken at first, but remain steady, stroking me inside. Again. And again. And again. I feel the sensation rising through me, the real love combined with his lovely lovemaking is too much to handle. My heart feels ready to burst, but instead I do, coming over and over around him and collapsing deeper into his embrace. His body mimics mine and we come together, both groaning from the extreme intensity of our physical and emotional connection. Jack kisses me sweetly, and I fall deeper under the spell of the man I love.

  twenty-five

  The screeching sound of rolling packing tape bounds through my nearly empty apartment. It’s still hard for me to believe that I’m moving in with my boyfriend. After two weeks of deliberation, soul-searching, and advice-seeking, the overwhelming consensus was to go for it. I know I love Jack and see a future with him, so why not test it out? There are, of course, the naysayers who remind me of the old saying “why would he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?”, implying he’ll never propose if he already has what he wants. I never gave that consideration more than a passing thought. I know Jack well enough to know he’s not a serial dater who lives with girl after girl. I will be his first live-in girlfriend after all.

  Even more surprising was that my parents were all for this step forward. I always assumed that they would be against me living with a guy before marriage. Not that we were ever the religious type, but from a practicality standpoint I figured they would be against it until we knew we were serious. In fact, Mother’s response was quite the opposite, I recall. “Jess, if you think this man has potential, then you need to understand what life with him would really be like. You know how quickly your father and I married and I’d like you to take your time and know what you’re getting into so you can decide if you see your life with him. Plus, you know your father and I hate you living by yourself, and we’d feel much better if you had someone like Jack there with you.” Her words from our phone call two weeks back ring through my ears, and I once again reassure myself that I’ve made the right decision.

  “Knock, knock.” I hear Meredith’s familiar voice announce her arrival.

  “We’re here to help finish packing!” Emma chimes in.

  “You guys are the best! I didn’t expect to see you here, Mere.”

  “I was in the neighborhood picking up some old things from my place, so I thought I’d stay and help,” she says, giving me a hug hello.

  “Yeah, you’re both leaving me to live with guys! It’s already been weird with you gone, Mere, but now I�
�ll be totally alone when Jess moves,” Emma says in a melancholy tone.

  “Well you know I’m not moving far away, it’s like a ten-minute drive from here, if that. And you say that now, but give it a few months and you’ll probably be moving in with someone too! This certainly happened faster than I expected,” I admit. “So anything new on the dating front? You always seem to have something in the works!”

  “Ugh. Definitely nothing exciting right now. The last guy I shacked with was Jack’s hot friend. The Italian.”

  I feel Meredith’s eyes glare into me. I revealed my near tryst to her under the heavy cover of darkness and red wine last weekend, and she knows I still have a lingering lust for this man despite being in love with Jack.

  “Have you talked to Max since that night?” I try to ask with a nonchalant tone, even though my heart beats faster as I await her response.

  “Yeah, we’ve texted a few times, but he’s just rarely in Atlanta. But come on, for someone that hot I’d be willing to do the long-distance thing! Among many other things with him.” I swallow hard and look away, not wanting to meet Meredith’s knowing glance. My mind immediately wanders back to that night, imagining his lips on someone else’s, and I shudder.

  “So where can you use our help?” Meredith shatters my thoughts and I happily direct them to wrap some dishes in the kitchen.

  Packing up four years of life in this apartment in a matter of days calls for reflection and liquid relaxation. The Saturday afternoon sun peers through the windows, shining light on my near-empty wooden floors. My furniture was picked up this morning and moved to storage, after all, Jack has a fully furnished house so there’s nowhere for it to go. But there’s no way I’m selling it yet. Because, well, just in case things don’t work out quite the way we planned. Yeah, maybe you’ll run away with a hot Italian guy and live happily ever after, my slutty subconscious says to me. Or maybe he will realize that you’re his rebound. I force the evil Jess and her hateful thoughts from my mind.