Starving For Vengeance

by Debra Kayn

  After a quick trip to the one-stop shopping center¸ she now owned a blanket, a pillow, and a basket of supplies for the bathroom. Not exactly the home sweet home she remembered growing up in.

  The next day after she'd arrived, the funeral home director handed her a stainless steel urn. What the fuck did they expect her to do with the urn?

  She had an empty house that was now in her name, a suitcase full of bitch clothes, her makeup case, several shoes, and five thousand dollars that Kurt and Risa handed her when she'd said goodbye. And, an urn.

  Everything important to her remained back in Federal. The bikers, the Silver Girls, the club, the cabin, the town. Lee

  She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. One of the hardest moments of her life was when everyone in Bantorus MC came to tell her goodbye and watch her leave. Cutter, Ink, Muff, Tim, Stripper, Germ—the big guy had wiped tears from his face and wouldn't let go of her until Crain pulled him away. All the Silver Girls cried, giving her extra love, and promising to call every day to check up on her—which they did, daily at noon. Big Dawg, Wyatt, Beckett even came out to wave her off.

  She'd had one foot in the club truck when Sawyer rode up on his motorcycle. She'd waited for him to come to the pickup, but he remained on his bike and lifted his hand. Then he'd followed her all the way to Spokane before riding off. She hadn't had a chance to tell him goodbye, but his show of continuing his friendship even after she left club property meant the world to her. She swallowed the lump that remained all these days later from the tears she'd cried walking onto the airplane and away from Remmy and Natalie, who saw her off.

  Dear Remmy offered the couch in his cabin to her if she ever needed somewhere to lay her head, and Natalie drilled that offer home. God, she already missed everyone.

  Especially Lee.

  She'd looked for him when she walked out of the clubhouse, but he chose not to say goodbye or watch her leave, and that's when it hit her how much she'd hurt him.

  She'd left for him. She only hoped he'd realize that someday.

  He continued to battle Los Li in his head, even though the war was over. His scars would never heal if she had stayed, because being with her would remind him every morning, every night, every time she wanted to talk about her uncle or why she had to leave California, and why she'd first became a Bantorus bitch before meeting him. Los Li had infiltrated her life, and until Lee told her the truth about why Uncle Ted put her in Federal, she hadn't known.

  But, he'd known.

  Tap. Tap. Tap.

  Every muscle in Shari's body seized in panic at the knock on the door. Scared to move, she held her breath and swung her gaze to all four corners of the room.

  Tap. Tap.

  She rolled, throwing off the blanket, and crawled across the room to her suitcase beside the door. She unzipped the bag slowly, thinking even that was too much noise. After what seemed like forever, she slid her hand inside and found the pistol she'd brought with her.

  She pulled the barrel back. "Shit," she whispered, forgetting that she'd removed the loaded magazine before packing her bags, knowing she'd never make it past airport security with a loaded weapon.

  "Shari, open the door," a gruff male voice said.

  She looked at the door, the unloaded pistol, and for the first time since arriving, she was scared. There were no bikers to protect her, no girlfriends to squeeze her hands, no uncle to run to, and no Lee. She reached into her back pocket of her shorts and pulled out her phone.

  Dead.

  Shit.

  "Hey, sweetheart, it's Torque from Bantorus MC, open the door," the voice said.

  Torque? She stood up and leaned against the door, wishing there was a peephole. She remembered meeting him twice before, but couldn't even remember what he sounded like when he talked. "How do I know it's you?"

  "Use your phone and call the number I'm going to give you. It's to Cactus Cove, Rain's pulling an all-nighter at the club, and he'll tell you who's knocking on your door," he said.

  She pressed her forehead against the door. "My phone's dead."

  "What?"

  She straightened, unlocked the door, and swung it open. "My phone's dead."

  Filling the doorway, the older biker with shoulder length gray and black peppered hair set his gaze on her. "Jesus, woman. If you weren't positive it was me, don't open the door."

  She stepped back and motioned him inside. "But it is you."

  "Lucky for that." Torque peered around in the dark. "You alone?"

  "Uh, yep. Just me." She shut the door and cupped her elbows. "Sorry about the lack of lights. The place has been vacant for five years, and well, I haven't called the electric company to have the power turned on yet. No electricity means no bill. It's a win-win situation."

  Torque turned around and softened his voice. "Sweetheart—"

  She held up her hand. "It's no biggy. What are you doing here? It's a long way from Pitnam."

  "That it is." He walked over to the living room window and peered outside. "Brandy's in the car."

  "Oh." She joined him at the window, spotted a lone car out at the curb. "You should go out and tell her to come in."

  "Better yet, grab your shit, and get in the car with me," he said.

  She laughed at the insanity of tonight and the realization of how comforting it was to have another Bantorus MC member with her, even if it was Torque and he came out of the Pitnam club. "What for?"

  "Sweetheart, are you always this lippy?" His eyes narrowed and he growled. "You're coming to stay in Pitnam, so you remain under the protection of the club."

  "Oh my God, did Lee send you?" she asked, both warmed and irritated. The feeling reminded her of how her body reacted when she'd first met Lee, and made her homesick for Federal.

  "Lee's had us camped out at the motel down the street all week." Torque laid his hand on her shoulder. "We're here to watch and keep you safe...and Brandy and I needed a vacation."

  "I'm fine." She shrugged off his touch and stepped in front of her makeshift bed on the floor to hide how pathetic her life had become. "There's no reason for me to go to Pitnam. I left Federal Charter."

  Torque shook his head. ""You're going back. This time it's not Lee asking, it's Raul. He wants me to bring you back to the club."

  "Raul?"

  "Crystal's man. Smooth guy with the accent," he said, helping her figure out which Bantorus member was ordering her around.

  She nodded, remembering the older Latino man. "Can you tell me why he'd do that?"

  "He's got something to tell you, and seeing as how he busted his leg two weeks ago and he knew I was doing this job for Lee, he's having me bring you to him." Torque reached into his pocket and flicked a lighter, casting the room in more light. "Where're your bags?"

  "By the door." She followed him. "How'd he break his leg?"

  "The asshole laid his bike over when he was parking. We all told him not to ride down to Arizona, but he wouldn't listen and he paid for it when his legs gave out when he parked the dam bike at Cactus Cove when he arrived home." Torque grabbed her bags. "Anything else?"

  She grabbed his vest, stopping him. "Can't I just talk to Raul on the phone?"

  "He says it's important. A message from your uncle," Torque said.

  Her hand came to her chest and she said, "Oh?"

  "Come on. Let's get you in the car, and I'll come back and load your stuff up." Torque walked out the door.

  "Don't forget the urn on the mantel and my makeup case in the bathroom," she said.

  Torque glanced at her over his shoulder, raised his brows, and said, "Right."

  Shari followed him along the sidewalk and slipped into the backseat when Torque held the door open for her. Half exhausted and half confused over why she was leaving, she said hi to Brandy and buckled her seatbelt. The fact that she was more comfortable in the car around Bantorus members than she was in the house she grew up in wasn't lost on her.

  She also heard and understood Torque telling her Le
e had him and Brandy watching her back. She leaned her head against the window. Nothing made sense anymore since she'd left her heart back in Federal, in Lee's hand.

  Torque got in the car and set them on the path toward Pitnam. Shari stared out at the night lights of the city while making polite conversation with Brandy. Talk soon waned, and she closed her eyes and accepted sleep.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Lee parked his Harley in Raul's driveway in Pitnam and stalked toward the door. One fucking long week since Shari walked out of Lee's life, and he felt like shit. The emergency trip better be worth dragging his ass eight hours through the night when he'd rather skip the stop at the head club, cruise straight to California, and bring Shari back home.

  Lee opened the door without knocking, and Crystal, Raul's old lady, jumped out of her spot on the couch beside Raul. A shriek of surprise set Lee back a foot. It'd been a long ride coming off the worst hangover of his life, and though he realized his mistake bursting into the house, he wasn't backing down.

  "What the fuck do you want?" Lee glared at Raul.

  The older man he'd tagged along with growing up in Bantorus MC, who he admired and respected, remained on the couch with his left leg in a cast propped up on the coffee table in front of him. Raul's long hair pulled tight into a tail couldn't straighten the deep lines of living a hard life.

  Raul turned his attention to Crystal. "Mi vida, give us a few minutes, si'?"

  Crystal leaned down, kissed Raul, and whispered something Lee couldn't hear. He watched the closeness between the two with a jealous heart and lifted his chin when Crystal glanced his way before hurrying out of the room. He hadn't missed the lingering touch on Raul's shoulder letting both of them know, she'd prefer to stay in the room and guard her man.

  Raul motioned for Lee to sit. "You've lost yourself, amigo."

  When Lee remained standing, Raul sighed loud and tired. Lee hadn't hit the road at two in the morning to arrive in Pitnam to receive a lecture. His job was finished, the war over, Tango dead, and his woman gone. Life was all about loss.

  "Respect you, brother, but don't go judging my life." Lee looked toward the kitchen. "You've got a beautiful woman, a home, a life. Those things aren't in my future. You knew that my whole life and saw through the funny kid to the fire inside of me. I had a job, it's over. Let me be."

  Raul laughed, the sound harmonious in the depressing air of the room. "Where did I go wrong?"

  Lee squatted, bracing himself with elbows to his knees. "Crystal needs to check your pain pills. You sound like you've been popping too many."

  Raul's smile turned serious. "You had a woman in your bed. You pleased her. You wanted her. You'd kill for her. You—"

  "She left," Lee said, cutting off the conversation.

  "No." Raul shook his head and slapped his hand over his heart. "She's still in there, brother. The only reason she walked away was for you to realize what we all see. You're a good rider. No one is questioning your life. Only you know what you've done. You're in my house, because I called you to get your ass home to your family, and you can look around at every member in Bantorus MC and see the people who love you unconditionally."

  Lee's legs cramped and he straightened. "They don't know what I've done."

  "Ah, bull shit." Raul grabbed his crutches and hobbled over to stand in front of Lee. "You've set yourself up to only see from the outside. Rain orders men to do dirty business, so he can run a clean town. Your dad fought Los Li, an ex-wife, and instead of losing himself, he stuck by Taylor and every day it eats away at him, because he did not choose to end his life by fighting a war he wouldn't win. He'd give his left nut to be the one to see Los Li locked up for a lifetime."

  "He can't—"

  "No, he couldn't. Because he had a woman he put first in his life," Raul said. "Torque spent time in the state pen and lives with a record every day. Bruce went against his club to keep his world intact and earned him a spot as a lifer. Your brother fought his way to the top, turning away opportunities that'd see him living the high life by fighting professionally, and why? Because he wanted the good life for his family. They all wanted paradise, amigo."

  The stiffness across Lee's shoulders eased and he crossed his arms. "None of them have the enemies' blood on their hands."

  "You're wrong." Raul lowered his voice. "Tango—a former Lagsturns member—swam in blood. He deceived the whole club. No one knew the real Tango, because he lived alone. He died alone. He unselfishly lost the one person who meant the world to him to give her a better life, and that little girl has been through hell and deserves the good life."

  "I'm not that man," he rasped. "I forced her to accept me, and I still can't give her all of me. There will be things I can't talk about with her. I won't put that shit on her, or she'd never look at me the same again. If I told her what I've done, I'd lose her completely."

  "Did Tango lose her?" Raul asked.

  Lee rocked back on his heels and frowned. His head pounded. Tango loved Shari, and that's why he risked bringing Lee into the plan to protect her. Shari obviously still loved her uncle. She'd trusted him without any question and stayed in Federal because of that trust. He acted like a father to her.

  "No, he didn't lose her," he said, more to himself than to Raul.

  Shari admired and respected Tango for the job he did for the government. Lee's breath came faster, clearing his head. The killings, the arrests, the dangerous situations were accepted, because Tango wore a badge. Her uncle kept people like Shari safe.

  "Fuck," he mumbled, sweeping his hair back from his face.

  Raul smiled big. "Glad to see you're not a dumb motherfucker. I didn't feel like punching you in the face to get you to see the light, amigo. I'm getting too old for that shit, though I would do it, for you, because you're worth it."

  Lee held out his hand. Raul pulled him in for a half hug/chest thump. "You had a purpose in your life before Los Li entered your world. Grab it, and let that perseverance make you happy."

  Before Los Li, all he knew was his mom and dad before they split up. His mom was a shit mom, choosing other men over anything else. All he wanted was a family, a safe place that he went to sleep every night and knew in the morning that someone would be there to wake him up, and be a part of his life. He shook his head in disbelief, because his purpose was right in front of him the whole time, through his nomad status, his aim on Los Li, and working as a consultant.

  Behind his motives, he also wanted all those things. He reached for his cell phone. He wanted the peace that Shari kept telling him to find and he refused to look.

  "I need to call Shari," he said.

  Raul slapped Lee's shoulder. "She's already here."

  "She's here?" Lee's body vibrated. "Where?"

  "You'll see her when I'm done talking to her." Raul hobbled back to the couch and shouted, "Crystal, come here."

  Lee walked closer to Raul. "What are you doing with Shari?"

  "I have a message from Tango that needs to be delivered." Raul slid his crutches under the coffee table and sat, grimacing as he placed his cast on the pillow. "She'll need you after I'm done talking with her."

  "Right," he mumbled, stepping away and walking to the door.

  "Hey, before I forget," Raul said. "Your dad and Taylor want to see you at the bar. Don't make them wait."

  "I'll go over there now." Lee left and walked outside. He wanted Shari, and he wasn't going to wait until Raul talked with her. If she'd need him afterward, she could have him now.

  He sat his Harley and typed out a text message.

  Doll. Need to talk. Now.

  He waited five minutes, and she still hadn't replied. He keyed in again.

  Call me. ASAP

  He slid the phone back into his pocket, rode the back street three blocks, and crossed the road into the parking lot of Cactus Cove. The familiarity of the place he called home left him breathing easier.

  The single story bar served as a clubhouse. The cabins lining the back of
the lot housed single members and the bitches. The cow field behind the cabins still carried the smooth oval dirt path where the club kids rode their dirt bikes. The whole area brought a sense of community that every Bantorus member craved.

  The mobile coffee shack sat to the left of the bar. He caught sight of Tori, Rain's old lady, working the drive-up window and lifted his chin.

  Tori stuck her head out and waved. "How's Lilly doing in Federal?"

  Lee hitched his thumb over his shoulder and walked backward toward the bar to escape answering. "She's staying with Kurt and Risa. Give them a call."

  Tori blew him a kiss in answer. He pivoted and walked away. Lilly wasn't his problem, and he wanted to be clear of Rain when he found out his daughter was managing a strip joint.

  His phone vibrated. He pulled out the cell and read the screen.

  Too soon. I need time & so do you. Please give this to both of us. I'm sorry.

  He texted her back. He didn't need time.

  Damnit. Call me, doll. I fuckd up. You fuckd up. All that matters is us. Call me.

  Frustrated that he had a lot more to say and he wasn't going to do it over the phone, he pushed through the door and the familiarity of home hit him upside the head. The pool balls clashed, the glass mugs on the trays the serving girl carried clinked, the sour aroma of beer tinged with the scent of flowers from the women wearing perfume permeated the room. He inhaled deeply.

  Rain pushed off the bar and turned around. Lee walked up to the president of Bantorus MC and held out his hand.

  "Damn good to see you, prez," Lee said.

  Rain, fifty seven years old and still looking like he was in his forties, remained a powerhouse and carried himself knowing he was cool shit. Rain shook Lee's hand. "Good to see you walking, Ramchett. How's my daughter."

  Lee laughed. "No, how are you? Where've you been? Welcome back to Bantorus?"