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by Amanda Berriman

  I creep back up the stairs and peek in the bathroom but there’s no one there so I tiptoe into Paige’s room cos maybe they sneaked back in there when I was downstairs but there’s no one there either. I look in the room with the boxes but there’s so many boxes, I don’t think there’s space for people too. There’s only Lorna’s room left. We’re not allowed to play in Lorna’s room but Lorna said I might find cheeky Uncle Ryan in there and she was laughing so it must be OK to just peep, cos I have to find them, don’t I?

  I push the bedroom door open quiet and slow and …

  BEEPITYBEEP-BEEPITYBEEP-BEEPITYBEEP!

  Ryan’s phone in Paige’s bedroom! I was apposed to wait for that! It keeps beeping and beeping loud and loud and Ryan and Paige will hear the noise and see me first and then they’ll win so I push the door open all the way quick and quick and shout, ‘FOUND YOU!’

  Paige is on the other side of Lorna’s bed and she’s holding her dress right up so I can see her belly button. Ryan’s pulling her pants up but he’s looking at me and I think his face looks scary but then he smiles big and says, ‘You didn’t shout you were coming, Jesika!’

  I say, ‘You tricked me! And Lorna says you’re cheeky cos you’re not allowed to play in here as well.’

  Ryan’s smile gets more big til I can see all his shiny teeth then he puts his hand up to his mouth like he’s telling me a secret and says, ‘We had to come in here so we could change Paige’s pants. She had a little accident.’

  I say, ‘I have accidents sometimes. Mummy says I have to go as soon as I need to go and not wait for ages.’

  Paige is still holding up her dress and her pants are pink with butterflies flying all over them and I love butterflies and I say, ‘I like your butterfly pants, Paige. They’re pretty.’

  Paige drops her dress and Ryan says, ‘Do you have pretty pants on today, Jesika?’

  I can’t remember what pants I have on today so I pull my Princess Tiana dress up and have a look and they’re yellow pants with nothing on and I say, ‘Just yellow pants. But I’ve got other ones with flowers all over them and they’re pretty like butterflies. But I’ve not got them on today.’

  Ryan says, ‘Ah, well, never mind. Maybe you can wear your pretty pants next time.’

  I say to Paige, ‘Come on, we have to play princesses now.’

  I go back to Paige’s bedroom and I hear Ryan’s feet thumping back down the stairs but Paige isn’t coming to play. I walk back to the door and Paige is standing outside her bedroom not moving, and her whole body and even her face looks like a statue. I hold her hand and pull her and say, ‘Come on, Paige,’ but she pulls back and she doesn’t move and she says, ‘I want my sweeties,’ and I remember that Paige said you’re apposed to have sweeties when you play hide and seek and maybe Ryan’s gone to get them but then Paige’s face goes mean and cross and she says, ‘You’re not allowed in my bedroom,’ and she pushes me hard so I fall on my bottom and she runs into her bedroom and pushes the door shut, BANG! and I’m crying and crying and I can’t stop and Mummy rushes up to me and she’s holding me and she says, ‘What hurts, Jesika, what hurts?’

  But I can’t make my crying stop and then Lorna’s there too and she goes into Paige’s bedroom and Mummy keeps cuddling me til my crying does stop and then Lorna comes out of Paige’s bedroom and she kneels on the floor and she says, ‘Paige won’t talk to me. Did she hurt you, Jesika?’

  I say, ‘She pushed me and I fell over.’

  Lorna closes and opens her eyes and her face is sad and she says, ‘I’m sorry, Jesika. She’s …’ Lorna stops talking.

  Mummy puts a hand on Lorna’s arm and says, ‘It’s OK. Honestly. Jesika’s not hurt.’

  I say, ‘I hurt my bottom!’

  Mummy says, ‘You’ll be fine, Jesika. She’s fine, Lorna. Please don’t worry.’

  Lorna says, ‘I know it’s just – this is what I was saying before. This move was supposed to be a fresh start, with Ryan nearby to help, but we seem to be going backwards again.’

  I look at Lorna sitting on the floor and she’s not going forwards or backwards and I screw up my nose and I say, ‘Going backwards?’

  Mummy says, ‘Come on, Jesika, let’s go and check that Toby’s not causing chaos for Ryan,’ and she stands up and lifts me onto my feet and we go downstairs.

  I play with Toby in the room with the squashy yellow sofas and after a long time Lorna and Paige come in and Paige says, ‘Sorry,’ and then plays with a doll all by herself and doesn’t talk to me at all.

  She doesn’t talk to me in the kitchen when we have lunch either, and when Lorna tells her to stop being rude she makes a growly face and a growly noise like a bear and Lorna has to take her out of the kitchen to tell her off for being naughty. Why isn’t she being nice like afore?

  After lunch, we have to take the princess costumes off cos it’s time to get ready to go to preschool and we’re all by the big outside door putting on shoes and coats and Paige says, ‘Are you taking me today, Mummy?’

  Lorna says, ‘No, petal, Mummy’s got to go to work. Uncle Ryan’s dropping you off, but I’ll be picking you up.’

  Paige wraps her arms around Lorna’s leg and says, ‘I want you to take me.’

  Lorna says, ‘I have to go to work, Paige. You’ll have fun at preschool,’ and Paige is stamping and crying but Lorna tells Ryan to lock the door and rushes out of the house.

  We all go out the door then and Ryan has to hold on tight to Paige while he locks the door cos she’s pulling at Ryan’s arm and crying and Toby’s shouting cos he doesn’t want to go back into the buggy. Then Ryan whispers into Paige’s ear and she stops crying and stops pulling and stands still and Mummy gives Toby his fayvrit zebra toy and he stops shouting and wriggling and everything is quiet.

  We get all the way to the end of Paige’s long, long road and Toby shouts, ‘Seb! Where Seb?’ And Toby’s dropped Zebra but not here cos he’s not on the ground and Mummy says, ‘We’ll have to go back and look, Jesika,’ and then, ‘We’re going to be late, again.’

  Ryan says, ‘Jesika can carry on with us, if you want?’

  Mummy looks back down the road and back to us and her face is frowny and she says, ‘I’m sure he can’t have dropped him that far back,’ and then she says, ‘OK, I’ll be as quick as I can and I’ll catch up. OK, Jesika?’

  Paige growls at me and I think Ryan will tell her to stop being naughty but Ryan just laughs and says, ‘Come on, tiger, let’s get you girls to preschool.’

  Mummy kisses my head and says, ‘I’ll catch up in a minute, poppet. You go on with your new friend.’ And she smiles and smiles and then rushes back down the long, long road and I don’t want her to go and I don’t want to walk on with Ryan and Paige, cos Mummy’s wrong that Paige is my new friend. I don’t think Paige wants to be my friend at all.

  9

  WE’RE ON THE road that preschool’s on and Mummy’s still not catched us up and I keep turning my head and looking ahind me and I can’t even see her. Why can’t I see her?

  I say, ‘Where’s my Mummy, Ryan?’

  Paige growls at me.

  Ryan says, ‘She’s just catching up, Jesika.’

  He stops at the green man and presses the button and we wait and on the other side of the road a bit further down I can see Amber walking with her Daddy and near to preschool I can see Lucia’s Mummy holding the car door open so she can climb out but I can’t see my Mummy anywhere. She might be lost.

  The green man beeps and we walk across the road and I say, ‘Does she know which way to go?’ Cos I didn’t know which way to walk to preschool from Paige’s house.

  Ryan says, ‘She knows which way to go. She’ll be here in a minute, Jesika, don’t worry.’

  Paige growls at me again. I don’t like it when she does that. What if Mummy’s not here in a minute? My belly feels funny, like someone’s spinning me around on a roundabout, and I press my hand right into the squashy bit where my belly button is but it doesn’t make the spin
ning go away.

  We get all the way to the preschool door and I don’t want to go in cos I still can’t see Mummy and Ryan pulls my hand and tells me to come and take my coat off and hang it on my peg. But if I go inside, I won’t see if Mummy’s coming and I want to see and I pull my hand away from Ryan and stand outside the door and look and look and look and …

  THERE SHE IS!

  I shout, ‘Mummy! Mummy!’ and she’s walking fast and fast down the road and I wave and wave and she sees me and she waves and I’m laughing and laughing and I say, ‘Mummy’s coming! Mummy’s coming!’

  Ryan says, ‘See? I told you she would catch up. Let’s surprise her now by getting your coat off and hung up before she gets here.’

  I follow Ryan into the peg room and I’m still laughing and I’m taking my coat off quick to surprise Mummy and hanging it on my peg with the picture of the wibbly-wobbly jelly, jelly-j-for-Jesika and …

  ‘Goodness, Jesika, you’re one of the first today!’

  I know it’s Stella even afore I turn round to see cos she’s the only one who makes her voice squeaky like a mouse, and when I turn round Kali is there too.

  I say, ‘I walked with Ryan and Paige today!’

  Kali smiles and says, ‘Did you?’

  Stella says, ‘And you’re wearing the right rainbow colour today!’

  I look down at my brown trousers and my yellow cardigan and I say, ‘Is it yellow or brown today?’

  Stella laughs and says, ‘There’s no brown in the rainbow, Jesika. It’s yellow and orange today. You can be either or both.’

  I don’t think I’m both. I unzip my cardigan and I’ve got a white T-shirt with a yellow sunshine on and I say, ‘I don’t have any orange but I’ve got more yellow on my T-shirt and I’ve also got yellow pants,’ cos I remember when I showed them to Paige and Ryan at Paige’s house.

  Stella laughs again and says, ‘We don’t need to know about your pants, Jesika,’ and then she says, ‘Jesika’s mum didn’t inform us that someone else would be dropping her off. We’ll need her consent if you’re picking her up too,’ and her voice isn’t squeaky now and I look round and it’s Ryan she’s speaking to.

  Ryan says, ‘I’m not dropping Jesika off, we just walked ahead. Tina’s behind us,’ and Tina is my Mummy’s proper name and I say, ‘My Mummy’s coming,’ and at the same time I say it, Mummy comes puffing through the door with Toby in the buggy fast and fast and …

  CRASH!

  The buggy bashes against the door. Everyone in the peg room looks at Mummy and she laughs and says, ‘Ooops!’ and Toby says, ‘Ooops!’ and I laugh and the other grown-ups laugh too, like Kali and Ryan and Amber’s Mummy cept not Stella. She’s not smiling and she walks to the other side of the peg room shaking her head like she’s saying, ‘No.’ Who is she saying it to? There’s no one over there.

  The peg room is getting squashy and Kali says we have to move through to the playroom if we’re ready but I’m not ready cos I’m cuddling Mummy.

  Mummy says, ‘Go on, then, Jesika. Paige has already gone in.’

  I cuddle tight.

  Mummy says, ‘What’s up, poppet?’

  I whisper in Mummy’s ear, ‘Paige keeped growling at me. I didn’t like it.’

  Mummy strokes the hair away from my face and says, ‘When we get home today, I’ll explain to you why she’s a bit growly, but for now will you try very hard to be her friend?’

  I say, ‘How do I be her friend if she keeps growling?’

  Mummy kisses my forehead and says, ‘Just keep being kind and helpful. She needs people to be kind and helpful, and you’re so good at that.’

  I smile and say, ‘I am good at being kind and helpful.’

  I kiss Mummy goodbye, and I blow a kiss at Toby cos he’s asleep now, and I run into the playroom to find Paige so I can start being kind and helpful, but I can’t see her anywhere. I run round the whole room looking for her and there’s Amber and Lucia and Azim and Big Toby and all the other children too but Paige is nowhere anywhere.

  Then I have a very clever think cos I remember Paige hided from everyone yesterday and I remember where she hided and I bet that’s where she’s hided now. I creep over to the house and I open the door quiet and I sneak in and there she is hided under the table just where I thinked she’d be! She’s curled up with her face turned away from me and she can’t see that I’ve found her so I pat her back and whisper, ‘Found you, Paige!’ cos I don’t want to give her a fright. She turns her face to me and growls.

  I’m thinking what to do next, cos Mummy said I should be helpful and kind, then Kali pushes her head through the door and asks me to come and help her sort out some jigsaws that have got all messed up. She says, ‘Paige will come and play when she’s ready.’

  But Paige isn’t ready for a long time. I sort the jigsaws and I do cutting and sticking and I play pirates outside with Azim and Lewis and I don’t see Paige at all til snack-time and then she sits down next to me. I say, ‘Hi, Paige,’ and Paige scrunches up her face like she’s going to growl again cept Big Toby comes rushing over and he says, ‘That’s my chair, Paige, I was there first,’ and he tries to push her off the chair.

  Paige holds onto the table and she says, ‘Get off, stop pushing me,’ but her voice is so quiet and I don’t think Big Toby can hear cos he’s still pushing her and saying, ‘That’s my chair, I was there first,’ but he’s not telling the truth cos he wasn’t there first, Paige was, and Paige is trying to tell him but he’s not listening. My face is hot and my heart is thumping and I stand up and look straight into Big Toby’s eyes and I say, ‘Don’t do that to my friend!’

  Big Toby says, ‘But I was there first!’

  I say, ‘Paige was there first and she’s my friend and you’re not sitting in her chair so stop pushing her.’

  Big Toby stamps his feet and his lips are wobbly and his eyes are going wet and I think he’s going to cry, then Stella is there with the drinks and the snacks and she’s putting them in the middle of the table and she tells Big Toby to sit down atween Lewis and Azim and he forgets about being cross cos the snack is crumpets and everyone always likes crumpets.

  I turn to Paige and I say, ‘Do you like crumpets, Paige?’

  Paige looks at me and I think she’s going to growl again, then suddenly she squeezes her arms tight around my neck and whispers in my ear, ‘I love you, Jesika,’ and I’m so surprised I don’t say anything and Paige squeezes and squeezes til Stella tells her it’s time to let go and eat up her snack, and when she lets go, Stella says, ‘I’m not sure Jesika wanted that cuddle, Paige.’

  I say, ‘I did! Me and Paige are best friends, aren’t we, Paige?’ and Paige smiles big and I smile big right back and then we’re both giggling and we can’t stop, not even to eat our crumpets, so we have to eat and giggle at the same time which is a bit messy and Stella gets cross.

  After snack-time, I say, ‘What do you want to play, Paige?’

  Paige says, ‘I don’t want to play, I want to hide.’

  I say, ‘Can I hide too?’ and Paige stares at me and she’s not smiling and I have a good idea and I say, ‘I can show you a different place that nobody knows about!’ and now Paige is smiling cos she likes this idea.

  We run outside holding hands and whizz round to the back of the climbing frame and I show her how to climb over the wooden bar and squeeze into the hidey-hole under the slide. There’s just enough space for both of us to kneel down with our knees touching. Above us, other children are thumping and banging and shouting and I say, ‘They don’t even know we’re here,’ and I press my hand to my mouth so I don’t giggle loud cos then the other children might find us.

  Paige squeezes her arms round my neck and she says, ‘This hidey-hole is just for us and not for anyone else,’ and her breath tickles my ear.

  We sit quiet and then Paige says, ‘You’re so special,’ and then she pushes her hand atween my legs.

  I push her hand away and say, ‘What?’

  Paige
says, ‘It’s how you be special,’ and then she stands up and she says, ‘I’ll show you how to do it,’ and she pulls my hand so I have to stand up too and my head is touching the top of the hidey-hole and I can feel the thump, thump, thump of feet above me, like they’re running right on top of my head. Paige pulls my hand again so I have to step closer and her other hand pulls her trousers and her pants down a little bit and she pulls my hand forwards and then she tries to push my hand down into her trousers and pants and she’s squashing my hand and I don’t like it.

  ‘Jesika, what are you doing?’

  Paige drops my hand and there’s Tamanna crouching under the slide and peeping into the secret hidey-hole. She looks like she’s just eaten something that tastes horrible, like lemons or mushrooms, and she says, ‘Paige, pull your pants and trousers back up, sweetpea,’ and then she says we’re not allowed in the hidey-hole and she helps us both climb out and when we’re back out on the play area, she says, ‘Remember, pants are private, girls,’ and I want to ask her what she means but Tamanna runs away afore she can tell me cos Amber’s shouting for help at the top of the slide.

  Big Toby rushes up and he’s dressed up in a sparkly pink princess dress and a pirate eye-patch and he’s waving a pirate sword at us and he shouts, ‘You’re not allowed under the slide. I saw you and I told the teacher. Ha ha ha!’

  I look at Paige and I know exactly what she’s going to do and at the same time we both look at Big Toby and we do a giantnormous tiger-fierce ROAR! in Big Toby’s face and he runs away. Then me and Paige run inside into the house and no one else is in there and I slam the door and Paige says, ‘We’re not letting anyone else inside our house today,’ and we play at putting baby to bed and having some tea and when Amber and Lucia try to come in, me and Paige ROAR! and they run away again.

  Kali’s head appears at the window and she says, ‘Have you heard? There’re two tigers hiding in this house! You better be careful, girls!’