Loving My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  Ash doesn’t hate me.

  He’s saying the others will forgive me, in time. It’s what I needed to hear to be able to stitch myself back together so it doesn’t feel as if my soul is being torn to shreds inside of me.

  “Are they here?” I ask shyly. I don’t even know what I want the answer to be. Part of me wants to apologize and make them happy with me again, and the other part is scared to death they’ll be so mad they won’t love me anymore. If that’s the case, I never want to see it.

  “Who? The others? No, they stayed back at the house. Remy said that if you felt like you needed to do this so badly, he wouldn’t stand in your way. You need to talk to him. Soon. If he doesn’t think you trust him to lead this family, then he won’t trust himself to be able to it. That’s not a wound you leave to fester,” he tells me with a pointed look. “Tristan says he understands why you did it, and the others were too hurt to even comment before I left.”

  Time passes with the two of just standing there. “I guess I did want to make you guys mad, because you made me mad. I just didn’t think…” I trail off, not knowing how to explain it.

  “That it would hurt so much?” Ash supplies, bending down so we’re at the same eye level. I nod my head sheepishly. “That’s why I find it easy to forgive you. I know you weren’t prepared for the fallout. Trust was broken here, on both sides, but it can be earned back. We all just have to want it badly enough.”

  “Right,” I say, chewing at my lip. “I do want that, Ash. I want to be trusted again.”

  He opens his arms and I move faster than I thought I could, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. His rough hand ghosts over my hair. “You will be. This wasn’t an outright betrayal, no matter what the others may think. You just have to realize that the eight of us come with our own baggage, and trust issues and abandonment are at the top of the list.”

  “I hurt them. I hurt all of you. I don’t think I can forgive myself for that,” I mumble into his chest.

  “Once they calm down and get over the shock, they’ll see this for what it was. You still need to make amends and learn what it means to be a part of a whole, but nothing is unfixable here. Running from your problems doesn’t fix anything, Kitten. Stomping into the room after hearing our discussion and putting us in our places would have been the better move, but…” This time he trails off and groans loudly, eyes rolled to the ceiling.

  “We’re fucking idiots. Of course, you would run. Avoid confrontation. With how you lived that was always the answer, wasn’t it?” he says more to himself than me.

  “I need to get back to flying the plane, and I have a few calls I need to make. Keep your chin up and stay strong back here,” he tells me, a smile finally lighting his face. I smile back, my heart speeding up a little.

  Sinking into one of the plush chairs, I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them. I’ve had a heck of a morning already and feel utterly exhausted. Turning my head, I stare out at the fluffy white clouds through the window. Everything is going to be okay, because I’m going to make it okay. I need to remember that.

  “I’m sorry,” Albert says lightly, taking the seat next to mine.

  I tilt my head to look at him. He looks dejected. “Don’t be. I put you in a hard position, and I shouldn’t have kept this from them in the first place.”

  “I didn’t realize when I booked this plane that it belonged to the Beta Jace, or that the pilot would be the Beta Ash. It was the only private jet company willing to work so quickly. After they confronted me, I had no choice but to tell them everything. Not only would they have killed me, but it was the right thing to do for you at that point,” he explains.

  I shake my head, waving a hand in dismissal. I know his position as Omega wouldn’t allow him to lie to my mates for me. Not if it wasn’t in my best interests. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’m kind of relieved it’s all out there now and I can start repairing the damage I’ve caused.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t put it like that,” he says on a sigh. “Your mates are shocked and angry, but they’re also blowing this up into something bigger than it is. Much like you did when you overheard them. All of you overreact and take things too personally. The truth of it is, you haven’t known each other long enough to know how the others will react to anything,” he tells me casually, making the events of the day seem almost normal.

  I smile sadly at him. “Ash said something similar. And it’s probably very true. Though, that doesn’t make this feeling any less painful.”

  He pats me on the back awkwardly. “You’re all passionate and stubborn, there’s bound to be a few bumps and bruises. It has been a very long time since I’ve seen a bond burn as brightly as yours. You love as fiercely as you fight, and you’re all smart enough to know it’s worth holding onto.”

  I blink a few times, thinking it over. I meet his eyes, a genuine smile in place this time. “Thank you, Albert.”

  A few hours later, I finally find enough courage to call home and speak to the others. I dial Remy first, just hoping he answers. “Yeah?” His rough, gravel-like voice comes on the line.

  “Hi, it’s me,” I begin lamely.

  “I’m aware,” he responds coldly.

  I sigh into the phone, closing my eyes. “Are the others around? Can you put us on group chat or whatever?”

  “On speaker,” he corrects. “Yes, they’re here. They came running when my phone rang.” The sound on the other end changes, and I hear shuffling in the background.

  “Look, I don’t want to fight or argue with anyone. I knew what I was doing was wrong when I was doing it, but I didn’t know that I would hurt you as much as I did.”

  Remy jumps in, trying to interrupt me, but I speak quickly before he can. “I promise to never hide things from you again, even if you’re hiding things from me. All of us made mistakes here, but I promise that I’ll spend the rest of my life earning back your trust and forgiveness.” I pause, giving them a chance to speak.

  “Kitten…” Remy starts, trailing off with a frustrated growl.

  “I’m angry, and I have every right to be, but more than anything we were worried. If you could just take a step back and look at the situation from an outsider’s point of view, you’d see a young woman who is currently pregnant, planning to run off in the middle of the night, not telling anyone where she’s going other than into known enemy territory.”

  “Oh.” I pause. “Well, when you put it like that it sounds really bad.” I grimace at the phone.

  “Yeah…Oh,” Remy repeats hotly. “You’re not in anything alone anymore, Kitten. Not this pack, not this pregnancy, and certainly not this family. What happens to you, happens to us. Even the decision to give you time before telling you about the declaration of war was made as a group. That little rat, Albert, was in on it as well.”

  “Don’t take it out on Albert,” I defend.

  “No! You don’t get to tell me what to do about him. You’re my mate, not his. I’m his Alpha, and he will have to answer for his actions. Being your advisor doesn’t make him above me when it comes to you or your safety. If he wants to keep his position then he’ll have to learn not to follow you blindly. Our family isn’t like any other he’s served under. There are nine of us adults, not just one Alpha to answer to. To serve you doesn’t mean to shun us,” he explains his reasoning.

  I have to admit, he makes a good point. Though, I’ll have to make sure they aren’t too hard on Albert for his part in my plan.

  “Okay, I understand. Just don’t make him suffer for the both of us, since it’s harder to be mad at me. And no violence, please,” I ask.

  “Oh, it’s not that hard to be mad at you, too,” he quips.

  I hear him take a long, deep breath, probably pulling himself together. “Look, Ash called a while ago and gave us all some perspective. It actually helped a lot in understanding your irrational behavior. It’s easy to forget that the rest of us have had each other’s backs for quite some time. Whereas you
have had to handle everything on your own, with only your instincts guiding you. You came up against a situation and didn’t know how to handle it like we would, so you did what you’ve always done. That’s not hard to forgive, Love.”

  Warm tears track down my cheeks and I have to speak around my throat threatening to close off. “Thank you. For forgiving me, I mean. I’ll get the hang of this, Remy, I promise. I’ll learn not to exact tit for tat like Jace said. I just want to be included in everything you guys are. You left me out, and it made me feel weak in your eyes. It made me feel useless and powerless to help.”

  I hear several snorts and huffs on the other end, but it’s Logan who speaks first. “Says the girl who has gotten nearly every wolf pack in the world to agree to a sit-down in a matter of weeks. Something that has never happened in the history of wolves. Who is on her way to a country she’s never been to, where they could be waiting to rip her throat out, all because the assholes wouldn’t answer when she called. Right, like anyone would ever think you’re weak.”

  I shake my head, even though I’m smiling as his assessment of me. There’s a long pause, making me curious as to what they’re doing. Eventually, Kellan’s voice floats to me from the speaker. “I know you’ve had a rough morning, Reed’s been experiencing everything with you, and it doesn’t look pretty. I need you to take care of yourself while you’re gone, Kitten. We never did get to check out the baby, and while I think he or she will be as strong as their mother, stress is never good for an unborn baby, and you’ve had your fair share of it.”

  “Yeah, have you been eating? You have to eat, Pretty Girl!” Tristan shouts from further away from the phone.

  I cringe inwardly. “I haven’t yet, but I will. I guess I didn’t think about, uh, my issues with that.”

  “Fuck it. I’m meeting them at their next stop. Logan, pack me a bag,” Tristan responds immediately.

  “Calm down. Don’t rush into shit, Chef Boyardee,” Logan quips.

  “I resent the hell out of that, and you know it!” Tristan accuses.

  “Ravioli does sound good,” Finn states conversationally.

  Remy groans loudly. “Boys, can you please act like the grown men you really are for ten fucking minutes? Kitten, maybe you can try some of the packaged food that’s on the plane. If you’re able to eat it, then try to stick with that for the rest of your very, very short trip. If you can’t, I’ll have Tristan on a plane first thing.”

  “Okay, I can do that,” I tell them. I wait a beat, picking imaginary lint off the comforter beneath me. I figured I could use as much privacy as possible when I called, and chose the little bedroom. “Are we…okay, then?”

  Silence greets me from the other end of the line, then Remy comes on again. “We’re okay, Kitten. We’re family. We fight, but we always stick together. I love you. Be safe.” His parting words are echoed by the others as well. I tell them all how much I love them and miss them already, eventually ending the call with a heavy heart. Though not as heavy as it was before I made the call.

  Making my way to the front of the plane again, I knock lightly on the door that leads to the control room. Jace slides the door open for me, his eyes raking me from head to toe. I’m sure I look a mess with all the crying I’ve done today.

  “Hi,” I say shyly, not knowing how to act around him now.

  “Hey,” he replies. Well, at least he didn’t call me Princess Ivaskov again. Baby steps.

  In that moment, I realize that Jace is always going to be the one who makes me work for it. That’s okay, though. I’m willing to work as hard as I have to, as long as I get to keep him in my life.

  Ash sits behind a control board filled with levers and switches. Huge headphones cover his ears and a complicated-looking seatbelt straps him into his chair. Even in a plane, he looks too big to be comfortable behind the wheel. Once he spots me, he flips one side of the headphones away from his ear and turns his chair to face me.

  “Hey, baby. You look like shit,” he tells me before motioning me forward.

  I happily step into him, his large hands going to my waist, pulling me between his spread legs. “I’ll take another shower soon. Tristan told me to eat some packaged food, so I’m going to do that first. I just wanted to come thank you for talking to the others earlier.”

  He searches my face, his thumbs making small circles on my hips underneath my shirt. “You talked to them then? To Rem?” he asks.

  I nod my head, a sheepish grin forming on my face. “Yeah, I just got off the phone with them. I think we’re going to be okay.”

  “We will be. This is just a little speedbump. We’ll get this trip knocked out and go back and work on our family. Shit will settle down then,” he tells me, letting go of me to unhook the seatbelt straps. Once free he leans forward, his hands grasping the back of my thighs, head resting on my chest.

  I put one arm around his shoulders, my other hand going to the back of his head, holding him to me. We stay like that for a while, neither one of us having anything more to say. His hands have me distracted, the electric tingles from the bond making it impossible not to notice them. My body warms, making me hungry for something other than food. I subconsciously move my legs a little further apart, making Ash chuckle knowingly at me.

  “Needing a little relationship reassurance, are we?” He grins up at me, dark eyes sparkling with humor.

  I tilt my head to the side. “I don’t know what that means.”

  He chuckles again. “That’s okay, I could use some myself,” he responds, confusing me further. He pulls me toward him by my hips, stripping my slacks down my legs and off me faster than I thought possible. In moments, I’m placed on his lap, my thighs to either side of his.

  “Sorry, baby. We need to be quick. I don’t want to leave the plane on autopilot for too long,” he says, reaching under me and adjusting himself.

  “I don’t mi…. oohh.” I trail off as he pushes into me, forgetting everything except the sensations wracking my body.

  Ash keeps one hand on my hip, guiding me to take more of him while his other hand finds my neck, bringing me forward to crash my lips against his. I moan deeply into the kiss, opening to let his tongue in to plunder my mouth. He nips at my bottom lip before lifting the hem of my shirt and bra in one fluid motion. I laugh as they get tangled in my hair, causing him to grunt with impatience. I reach back and help, freeing my hair and flinging the clothes to the floor.

  Leaning back with my hands on his knees gives him more room to thrust up into me, something Ash takes full advantage of. My head tilts back and eyes flutter closed. I feel his strong hand trail up my side, over my ribcage, taking the path between my breasts until he can cup the side of my face. I lean into it, my head turning to kiss his palm. His thumb rubs over my lips, and my eyes slit open to see him watching the action intently. My lips part, his finger seeking entrance and massaging my tongue as I lightly suck.

  Ash grunts, biting his lip and thrusting harder as my hips move to match his, both of us chasing the addicting release we can only find with each other. He pulls his thumb free of my mouth, bringing it down between my legs, toying with that bundle of nerves that drives me insane. His dark eyes never leave mine, waiting, wanting, asking me to crash over the edge and show him how good he makes me feel. It doesn’t take long, my arms nearly going out from under me as my whole body turns to a mushy lump of sensation and electric sparks.

  I feel him pulse inside me and know he’s close. Before my brain can catch up I’m being spun around, my hands finding purchase on the windshield, bent at the waist with my hips thrust backwards. Ash wraps the end of my hair around his wrist and hand before gripping my shoulder, his other hand at my waist, slightly lifting me to make up for the height difference. My feet don’t even touch the floor anymore.

  With a long groan and a hiss of pleasure, he slides himself back into me in a hard push that has me yelping in both unimaginable pleasure and just a pinch of pain. He doesn’t hold back now, chasing his own release an
d using my body like a tool to get him there. The display of strength and power fills me with primal pride and an overwhelming urge to please him. I want him to explode inside me. I need it. I need to be filled by him so badly.

  As sweat coats my skin I let my head loll forward, begging him to come inside me, his mate. At some point I think I downright demand it, and claim that it’s mine and he has to give it to me. Honestly, I lost the ability to think clearly a while ago, giving myself over fully to the lust and need this man creates in me.

  With a roar, Ash finally allows himself fall over the edge. His hips lose their rhythm, shoving himself into me as deep as he can go, but still pushing deeper as he expands and pulses, a hot flood spilling inside me.

  Ash wraps his arms around me, gathering me to him. My too-heavy head rolls back to lean over his shoulder as I pant in satisfaction. He sits heavily in his chair, my body draped over his like a blanket, even as we remain attached in the center. We learned before that after being so full and stretched around Ash’s length I end up feeling empty and sad when he withdraws too quickly. I’m glad he’s able to remember that fact in this moment, as right now I feel like I would burst into tears.

  “Maybe we should fight more often,” Ash rumbles into my ear as his hands caress my splayed-out body. He sounds a little breathless, if I do say so myself. Exhausting a wolf is no easy task, and I find myself immensely pleased and satisfied that I was able to steal such strength from my strongest mate.

  “Why’s that?” I slur.

  “I’ve never seen you like that. Hearing you beg me for me to fill you was the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed. You were like this lust-filled, sex-creature that only wanted me. It was hot, baby. Beautiful. That’s why I did it twice,” he adds playfully.

  I smack his arm. “That’s why you took so long. I thought I was going to die of need. Though, now that I can actually think, that seems ludicrous.”

  He laughs, making us both hiss in surprise as the action pulls him out of me. “I like knowing I can make you lose yourself.”