Healing the Widower's Heart

by Susan Anne Mason

  Zach scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the path. “I guess if I had to choose, I’d pick here. I really like it here, Dad.” His face brightened. “If we have our own house, maybe we could adopt Willy, too.”

  A cat and a dog? Nathan swallowed, remembering his vow to make their next house a real home for his son. A couple of pets seemed a reasonable price to pay. “I think we could find room for Willy.”

  Zach whooped and reached over to hug Nathan around the waist. “Thanks, Dad.”

  Nathan ruffled Zach’s hair. “You’re welcome.”

  While he walked Zach back to join the other campers, his thoughts turned once again to Paige. He needed to have a serious conversation with her very soon. The summer was almost over, and if he didn’t try one more time to start a relationship with her, he’d regret it the rest of his life. He didn’t fool himself into thinking her reaction would be completely positive, but Nathan wasn’t ready to let their chance at happiness end without a fight.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Paige threw her full weight into the shovel as she flung the clean straw into Mabel’s stall. The physical effort helped relieve the frustration and inner tension that percolated under her skin. Her unwanted feelings for Nathan continued to plague her, compounding her exasperation over not pinning Zach down to more counseling time. After his outburst at the lake, he’d avoided her, as though afraid she might pry the truth out of him. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something about the day his mother died. If so, she needed to help him deal with it once and for all.

  She blew the hair off her forehead and stepped out of the stall, only to jump back in alarm at the sight of a man standing in the aisle. Visions of Brandon Marshall swirled through her brain, and it took a moment to realize it was Nathan. Her nerves skipped into overdrive for a different reason.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.” He took a step toward her.

  “It’s okay.” She closed the stall door and latched the bolt.

  “Could I speak to you for a minute?” An aura of unease swirled around him.

  Self-consciously, she tried to smooth her hair back into the elastic and brush the straw from her jeans. Nathan was perfectly groomed as usual in a polo shirt and neatly pressed khaki pants. “As long as you don’t mind following me. I’ve got some chores to finish before the campfire.”

  “Lead the way.”

  She headed through the barn to the shelf that held the water pails and turned on the hose.

  “What can I do for you?” She began to fill the containers without looking at him, figuring he wanted an update on Zach’s progress.

  “I wanted to tell you my news.”

  She straightened and turned off the water. “What news?” The muscles across her shoulders tightened.

  He leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “Dan Redding offered me a job as assistant pastor at his church.”

  Paige’s mouth fell open. “You’re kidding.”

  He grinned. “That’s how I felt when he first told me. But after thinking about it, I feel it could be the right move for Zach and me.”

  She blinked, trying to absorb the idea of Nathan working at the Pine Ridge church. His face radiated hope, free at last from the guilt and sorrow that had weighed on him so heavily when they first met. “You seem pleased with the idea.”

  “I am.” He bent to pick up one of the pails. “All summer I’ve been thinking how much I love it here. The fresh air, open spaces, the friendly people. Now I don’t have to leave it all behind.”

  “How did Zach take the news?”

  “Overall, I’d say he’s excited. Of course, the promise of a dog sweetened the pot.”

  Her lips twitched. “That would help.”

  “It will be a fresh start for both of us. Away from all the bad memories.”

  She picked up a bucket and headed toward Horatio’s stall. “I’m glad for you, Nathan. I know Zach will love it here, once he settles in and makes some friends.”

  They set down the pails near the stall door and Nathan took her gently by the shoulders. She attempted to quell the flutters in the pit of her stomach.

  “Everything is almost perfect,” he said.

  The way he looked at her made her tingle inside. Instinctively she knew she didn’t want to hear what was coming next, but found herself powerless to stop him. When he reached down to take her hand in his, she didn’t even try to move.

  “Paige, it’s no secret that I’ve come to develop strong feelings for you. You’ve changed my life for the better in so many ways. I’m not ready to let you out of my life.”

  Her heart battled to escape her chest. Part of her rejoiced at hearing his feelings for her. The larger part, however, quaked in terror.

  “I know you’re going back to school,” he continued, “and I have no intention of interfering with that.” His fingers squeezed hers. “I’m asking you to keep an open mind about the possibility of a future together. I’ll wait as long as it takes—until you’re ready.”

  She held up a hand. “Stop, please. You don’t understand.” It was hard to take air into her lungs with sheer panic suffocating her.

  He stepped closer, confusion swimming in his eyes. “Then help me understand.”

  His nearness overwhelmed her. One kiss and she’d be lost. Her nerves, already on edge, shredded to the breaking point. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. It’s too hard.”

  His features darkened. He let go of her, but didn’t step away. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me, I’ll never bother you again.”

  Anguish threatened to buckle her knees. How she wished she could lie and tell him she felt nothing. She shook her head. “Please, just forget about me, Nathan. It’s the best—for everyone.”

  She backed away, inadvertently upsetting one of the pails in the process. A flood of water spilled over her feet onto the floor, but she ignored it. With a sob, she ran from the barn, leaving the soggy mess behind.

  Back in the cabin, Paige yanked off her waterlogged shoes and threw them at the wall in disgust. She’d done it this time. She’d finally severed ties with Nathan for good. She pulled on clean socks and laced up her spare sneakers. Remorse consumed her, recalling the hurt that had filled Nathan’s face. All he’d ever done was offer her his strength and affection, and she’d treated him terribly in return.

  She swiped impatient fingers across her cheeks to dash away the tears that kept falling. She had no right to cry. She’d brought this all on herself by letting her guard down, and allowing Nathan to get too close. It made her want something she didn’t have the courage to claim.

  Paige pushed up from the bed and focused on getting ready for the sing-along. She took a deep breath to pull herself together and headed outside, praying that Nathan would be nowhere near the campfire tonight.

  * * *

  Nathan knocked on the Reddings’ front door and shoved his fisted hands into his pockets.

  “Nathan? This is a surprise.” Gwen smiled in welcome. “Please come in.”

  “Thanks. Sorry to drop by unannounced.”

  “Don’t be silly. You don’t need a formal invitation.” She gestured for him to follow her down the hall. “Dan’s in the study. Can I bring you a cup of coffee?”

  He tried to will his bad mood away and managed a weak smile. “No, thanks.”

  Gwen paused to peer up at him. “Are you okay?”

  He shrugged. “Not having my best day.”

  “I’m sorry. I know what that’s like.” She gestured to the open doorway. “Go on in.”

  Dan looked up in surprise as Nathan knocked on the open door.

  “Nathan. What brings you by?”

  Something about the man’s easy nature made the coil of tension inside him begin to unw
ind. Nathan moved farther into the room. “I wanted to tell you in person that I’ve decided to accept your job offer.”

  A smile broke out on Dan’s face. “Well, that is good news.” He rose and held out his hand. “I’m very pleased to have you on board.”

  Nathan shook his hand and took a seat across from the man who would be his boss.

  “I’m assuming Zach agreed or you wouldn’t be doing this.”

  “With a bribe. I promised him a new dog.”

  Dan chuckled and shook his head. “You may be sorry about that.”

  Nathan shrugged. “Could be worse. Could be a horse.”

  Dan laughed again, then got serious. “I get the feeling something else is on your mind tonight.”

  Nathan slumped in the chair as if the air had leaked out of him. “That obvious?”

  “Let’s just say I’d hoped for a bit more enthusiasm.”

  “Sorry. It’s not the job, believe me.” Nathan rose to pace the small room. Could he dump his problems on Dan? What would be the point anyway? No one could fix the situation. And yet he felt as if he might explode if he couldn’t talk this out with someone.

  “Is it Paige?” Dan’s voice was gentle, encouraging.

  Nathan nodded. “I finally got the nerve to tell her I had feelings for her and that I was willing to wait until she was ready for a relationship.”

  “That sounds reasonable.”

  Nathan gave a wry laugh. “I thought so, too. But she got upset and bolted out the door so fast...” His throat constricted, too dry to continue.

  Dan came around to lean a hip against the desk. “What did she say?”

  “She told me to forget about her. Can’t get much clearer than that.”

  Dan crossed his arms, frowning. “That doesn’t sound like her.”

  Nathan blew out a long breath. “I guess I have to face the facts. Paige is not interested in a relationship with me. Simple as that.” A mantle of sadness weighed down his shoulders at the thought.

  The floorboards creaked in the hall. Gwen appeared in the doorway, a sheepish expression on her face. She entered the room carrying a mug. “I wasn’t eavesdropping. I came to bring Nathan some herbal tea. It helps ease tension.” She handed him the cup, not quite meeting his eyes.

  “Thank you, Gwen.” He took a quick sip of the tea and smothered a grimace at the bitter taste.

  Gwen hovered beside the desk. “I’m so sorry about Paige, Nathan. But I think you’re wrong about her feelings.”

  He straightened and set the cup down. “What do you mean?”

  She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t want to betray a confidence, but I can’t stand by and watch her throw away this chance at happiness for you both.”

  A flutter of hope rose in his chest. Nathan waited while Gwen seemed to wrestle with her conscience.

  She looked at Dan and back to Nathan. “You know about Colin, right?”

  “Yes, she told me about the accident.”

  Gwen closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them, a determined light shone in their depths. “After Colin died, Paige made a promise to herself.” Gwen sighed. “A promise never to marry. To devote her life to helping her patients.”

  Nathan sank onto one of the chairs, processing her words. “That was four years ago. Don’t you think it’s possible she’ll change her mind?”

  Gwen shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s terrified of losing someone she loves again. She’s never allowed anyone to get close. But you and Zach got through her barriers. I may be wrong, but I think she has real feelings for you.” She reached out to lay a hand on his arm. “Don’t give up too easily, Nathan. You’ll never find a more honest, caring person than Paige. She’s worth the effort, I promise.”

  * * *

  Paige tried to get into the spirit of the sing-along, but her heart wasn’t in it. Trying to push her feelings aside, she concentrated on a rousing rendition of “The Bear Went Over the Mountain.” When they finished the song, a nagging sense of disquiet snaked up her spine. Something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

  She scanned the group before her, and when she spied Peter and Kyle sitting together, it hit her like the pail of cold water she’d spilled in the barn.

  Zach wasn’t there!

  Sweat broke out on Paige’s forehead. How could she not have noticed? Rising from the bench, she clapped her hands for attention. “Has anyone seen Zach?”

  A murmur rippled through the kids. Beside her, Jerry and Sandy rose also. Paige moved toward Peter, who sat with his gaze glued to the ground. “Peter, do you know where Zach went?”

  The boy looked up, his eyes awash with misery. “Is Zach in trouble?”

  Paige knelt beside the child. “No, but you need to tell me the truth.”

  The boy hesitated, then released a breath. “He went to see his kitten.”

  “When?”

  “Right after dinner.”

  “Are you sure?”

  When the boy nodded, Paige’s stomach clenched. That meant Zach had been in the barn at the same time she and Nathan were talking. He must have overheard their whole conversation.

  Paige rose slowly. “Thanks, honey. You’ve been a big help.” She turned to Jerry. “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

  They left Sandy in charge and headed over to the barn on the off chance that Zach might still be there.

  “Nathan and I had an argument earlier,” she told Jerry as they walked. “I think Zach may have overheard us.”

  Jerry frowned. “What were you arguing about?”

  Paige picked up the pace, annoyed at the heat rising to her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter.” They had reached the barn, and Paige paused, her hand on the latch. “The bottom line is that if Zach overheard us, he’s probably pretty upset.”

  “What about Nathan?”

  “He was upset, too.”

  “Could he have taken Zach and left?”

  “It’s possible. But my instinct says no.”

  Jerry’s mouth set into a grim line. “I trust your instincts. Let’s check here and a few other spots before we panic. No sense in worrying Porter if we find Zach first.”

  Twenty minutes later with no sign of Zach, Paige could feel hysteria bubbling up in waves. “It’s all my fault, Jerry. If something happens to him, I’ll never forgive myself.”

  He turned angry eyes on her. “You need to stop thinking like that and get a grip on yourself. We’re going to find him, but I need you to stay calm.”

  She took a deep breath, counted to ten and exhaled. “Okay, what do we do next?”

  Jerry turned toward the lake. “We’d better check the water. And call in more searchers.”

  Dread mixed with the panic rolling in her stomach. “I guess I have no choice. I’ll have to call Nathan.”

  But how on earth was she supposed to tell him his son was missing?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Nathan drove back toward Wyndermere pondering Gwen’s words. Don’t give up too easily, Nathan.

  He didn’t want to give up, but what else could he do to change Paige’s mind?

  The sound of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts.

  “Nathan, it’s Paige.”

  His pulse sprinted. Had she experienced a change of heart?

  “Zach isn’t with you by any chance, is he?” Her voice sounded unnatural.

  Something cold and unholy skittered through his system. “What do you mean? Isn’t he at the campfire with you?”

  Paige’s hesitation told him what his gut already knew.

  “I’m sorry, Nathan. I’m afraid Zach is missing. We have a search party looking for him now.”

  “What?” In one wild jerk of the wheel, he pulled over to the side of
the road. The blood seemed to drain from his body. Just as quickly, anger surged up and spewed forth. “How could you lose my son?” The harshness of his tone jarred even him. He swiped a hand over his eyes, trying not to imagine the countless ways Zach could get hurt—in the woods, on the water...

  Nothing but silence hummed on the other end of the phone.

  “It looks like Zach may have overheard us in the barn,” Paige said at last. “He could be hiding because he’s upset—”

  “I’m on my way.” He disconnected the call, cutting her off midsentence.

  As he turned the car back onto the road, Nathan began reciting every prayer he could remember.

  * * *

  Paige slid her phone into her pocket and blinked hard to push the moisture back. Any doubts she had about Nathan’s feelings toward her after the scene in the barn were now clear. He despised her. Not only had she rejected him, she’d neglected her duties and now Zach was missing.

  “Paige.” A breathless Jerry ran up the path. “One of the canoes is gone. And we found Zach’s hat down on the dock.”

  A sharp stab of fear sliced through her. Zach was out on the water, alone in the pitch-dark. Faced with that daunting reality, determination stiffened her spine. She would not allow anything to happen to him.

  “Grab some flashlights,” she ordered. “We’re going out.”

  A chill had settled over the inky water as they pushed away from the dock. Paige wished she’d had time to grab a sweatshirt. The soggy life vest was not helping matters as the dampness seeped through her cotton T-shirt. Jerry paddled with fierce strokes while Paige shone the light ahead. Not a ripple broke the calm black surface.

  “I wish we knew which direction to look in.” Jerry huffed as he pulled on the paddle.

  “Head over to the island,” she said. “He wanted to go there once before. It’s a long shot, but...”

  “Worth a try.”

  Paige forced all negative thoughts out of her mind and focused with grim resolve on the water ahead. The farther out on the water they went, the blacker it became, with only the beam of the flashlight visible in front of them. The sound of the paddle slicing the water broke the incredible stillness surrounding them. After ten minutes of silent paddling that yielded no results, Paige’s hope began to waver. She squinted out over the dark expanse. Could Zach really have traveled this far by himself?