Benevolent

by Leddy Harper

  “This is so much better than how I had pictured it. Nothing compares to what it feels like to be inside of you. Nothing.” My voice was coming out in breaths. She literally stole the breath from my lungs.

  Her tits bounced up and down. They were large and heavy and all I wanted was to taste them. I sucked and bit them both as she moved her fingers through my hair. The noises she made were intoxicating. Being with Eden could have only been described as being on the best drug known to man. It consumed me, all of me.

  “Dane!” she cried out as her walls began to close in on me again. “Are you with me?” she asked me, her eyes locked with mine.

  I wanted to make it last for her. I wanted her to come multiple times before I let go. But with that one question and the way she looked at me, begging me, I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

  Just before I let go and fell apart with Eden, I said, “I’m always with you.”

  I stayed between her legs as I continued to worship her body with my hands and mouth. She really was a goddess, and a temptress. My fingertips circled the tree on her side as I used her stomach as my pillow. I was amazed at the art she wore. It was like a story that I desperately wanted to know. I needed to know everything about her.

  “What does this mean?” I asked her against her stomach.

  Her hands played with my hair, scratching my scalp lightly and calming my entire world.

  “It’s just a dead tree.”

  I looked up at her, searching for the answers in her eyes. I could tell she didn’t want to tell me, but I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I finally had her. I had her in my arms, in my bed, and I wasn’t going to let go. I was going to know her inside and out.

  “It’s not just a dead tree. It has life, and it crosses your back onto your arm. I know about ink. I know why people get it, especially people like us. So tell me, what does it mean?”

  Her eyes looked away from mine again.

  “Stop.” My voice grew harder, more demanding. “Stop looking away.”

  “People leave, Dane. I already told you this. They stay around until they get what they want and then they leave. And sometimes, they don’t even stick around at all. They just push you off on to someone else, like you’re some kind of burden.”

  I didn’t think I had ever heard Eden talk like that before. I didn’t like it. She was too strong of a person to sound so broken. I almost said something, but stopped when she continued talking.

  “But I’ve learned something each time. The tree trunk is dead, much like relationships of the past. They’re gone and never coming back. But all you have to do is look up to see the life. Look beyond the dead, twisted past to find the beauty. My birth mother gave me away, and I struggled with that a lot when I was younger because I saw it as abandonment. But now, I see that things aren’t always black and white. It’s not one way or another. Sometimes there are reasons for why things happen and why people leave, and it’s always for the better. It took me a while to see that, especially after my brother died. But I finally realized that he was struggling here on earth and now he’s in a place where he doesn’t have to feel that way anymore.”

  I was shocked at what she was saying. She was only twenty-five and had already learned how to accept the positives from the things that seem so negative.

  “You think I look away out of insecurity, I say it’s me being shy. But maybe it’s neither. Maybe it’s just me protecting myself. If I let you see all of me, everything there is in me and you leave, it will hurt. I know I will get over it. I know it won’t break me down, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. I don’t want to be hurt, because I don’t want to give that to people. I don’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of hurting me. Me looking away doesn’t hurt you, it doesn’t hurt me, but if I don’t and give that part of me to you, I could be hurt.”

  “So could I,” I pointed out. I understood her need to protect herself because a part of me felt the same way. I couldn’t explain it. It made no sense. I had never really been concerned about being hurt before. The thought never occurred to me that I have a heart that could be broken. Maybe it was because I never had to worry about Gabi breaking my heart. Even after what she did, my heart wasn’t broken. I was angry, but not broken. There was something about Eden that made it real to me that I could be just as hurt as anyone else.

  “Has anyone left you? Like just walked out of your life? Gotten what they wanted and left?” she asked with a hint of concern in her voice.

  “No. I can’t say that I’ve ever experienced that. But I do have people in my life that should have just walked away. They are still in my life, but they don’t know anything about me. They’ve never cared to get to know me. To them, I’m just a distant relative instead of their child.”

  Her mouth fell open and she stared at me with wide eyes.

  “It’s not a big deal, though. I’m used to it. They’ve been like that my whole life.”

  She moved her hands to my face and began to stroke my scruff with her palms. “Tell me about them.”

  I didn’t really know what to say about my parents. No one ever asked me about them and there was really no reason to bring them up. Gabi knew everything, but never talked about it. Eden’s question surprised me a little. I wasn’t prepared to talk about my parents.

  “They are both successful and have always been the all work and no play kind of people. I was an accident, and had that not happened, I doubt they ever would have had a kid. My grandmother practically raised me and I owe everything I am to her. She taught me everything. But my parents weren’t bad people or neglectful. They took care of me when needed. They were just always really busy with work. I had a really good life, though.”

  “Do you ever want a family?”

  “Of course, I do. Why?”

  She shrugged her shoulders, but for once, never lost eye contact with me. “You were with Gabi for over eleven years and you never got married. It took you eleven years to even propose. Aside from that, what lifetime commitment have you given her?”

  I didn’t want to spend my weekend with her talking about Gabi, but her question was reasonable. I could see why she’d ask it. “Honestly, I don’t think I would have even proposed if she hadn’t pretty much demanded me to. It’s not that I never want to get married or have kids, but I guess I had never really felt ready before. Maybe I just knew I hadn’t met the one yet.”

  She pulled on the sides of my face until my body moved up hers and our lips met. We were both naked as the day we were born and feeling her body against mine made me hard again. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of Eden, but I certainly didn’t want her to think that’s all I wanted. So I kissed her for a minute before letting go. She must have felt the need to move, too, because she gently pushed me away from her and went to the bathroom.

  I stayed on the bed, waiting for her to return. I didn’t get up and put on clothes; it was like my muscles wouldn’t cooperate. I didn’t ever want to get up. All I needed was that bed and Eden and nothing else.

  She finally came out of the bathroom dressed in a bathing suit. The top barely held her tits and the bottoms left little to the imagination. I was pretty sure I would have a constant hard-on around her. After finally knowing what it felt like to be inside of her, and how she felt when she came on my cock, I would never know what it would be like to have a limp dick again. It would always be hard for Eden. I had to cover my face and focus on my breathing if I ever planned on getting up.

  “It’s after dark and the pool is closed. I thought we were going swimming. But if you don’t want to, I understand.” I could hear her voice around me but I couldn’t see her. I could tell she was moving around and I finally decided to open my eyes and look at her.

  “I do want to go.”

  “Oh, you’re not dressed so I wasn’t sure.”

  “I figured you’d want to see me naked some more. My body is irresistible and I just thought you’d want to take another look before I cover it up,” I teased and
watched her laugh. Most chicks would think I was an arrogant asshole, but Eden understood my humor.

  “Eh, I’ve had enough of your naked body for one day. That’s why I want to go down where it’s dark so I don’t have to look at it anymore.” She threw my board shorts at me and smiled.

  “Yeah, I agree. My sexiness is enough to make people go blind. We wouldn’t want that to happen to you,” I joked as I pulled the shorts on. I watched as she rolled her eyes and smiled, grabbing towels and walking to the door.

  We went downstairs and snuck into the pool area. No one was there and it was dark and quiet. We had the entire pool area to ourselves. I told her I’d teach her how to swim, but I hadn’t taken into account that we would be alone in the dark, half-naked.

  I tried to help her in the pool but she pulled away from me and laughed. “Dane, I’m not afraid of the water, I just don’t know how to swim very well. I mean, I can swim, but I look more like a three-year-old doing the doggie paddle than an adult swimming. I don’t need your help getting in the water. I really don’t even need you to teach me how to swim.”

  That didn’t stop me. I held on to her as I tried to teach her how to float. I held my breath and went under with her, and then kissed her while beneath the surface. I couldn’t help myself. I also couldn’t help it when my hands would grab her ass or accidentally squeezed her boobs. It was out of my control. Swear it. It was also out of my control when I pushed her against the side of the pool and kissed her. My fingers mindlessly wandered to beneath her bathing suit bottoms. Somehow, my shorts were lowered and my cock found its way to her waiting cunt. I knew it was waiting because my fingers got them there. Her heavy breathing and soft moaning also let me know.

  I pressed against her once before thrusting in. I heard her suck in a breath before our mouths and tongues met. I moved in and out a few times, feeling her warmth against me.

  “Dane, wait. I’m not on birth control. You can’t do that without a condom,” she panted as she pushed me away from her.

  I was so used to Gabi and I having sex, and she wasn’t on birth control, either. I would pull out, even though I knew about the risks. I hated condoms and didn’t trust that she was taking her pills accurately. So even had she been on something, I still would have pulled out. I wanted to mention to Eden that I could do that; I could pull out and she would be fine. But the more I thought about Eden getting pregnant, the more I realized the thought didn’t overwhelm me. It wasn’t that I wanted her to get knocked up right then and there, but I knew if she were to ever conceive my child, I would be more than okay with it. I almost wanted it. No. I did want it. I never remember feeling that way before. She made me feel okay about it somehow.

  But I followed her rules, since I could no longer trust myself to make the ultimate decision to pull out. I knew we had a long way to go before we ever reached that part, but damn did the idea of her carrying my child excite me. The thought of her wearing my ring and spending her life with me put a smile on my face. I knew it was way too early to think about things like that, but I couldn’t help it.

  I pumped my hips into her one more time before completely pulling out. The water felt cold around my cock once I was out and I wanted to immediately dive back in to her. I knew I couldn’t. I had to do as she asked. I would just have to wait until we were upstairs again before I could bury myself in her again. But just because my dick wasn’t in her didn’t mean I was done with her yet.

  I took her by her hips and lifted her from the water, placing her ass on the concrete edge of the pool. Her surprised squeal excited me even more. I moved her bottoms to the side and dove in with my tongue. She tried to make me stop at first, but after two licks she gave up. I had her coming again in no time. She wanted to return the favor, but I wanted to wait until we were back up in the room. I knew once her mouth came close to my dick I would want to be inside her again, and that would have to wait.

  We swam some more before deciding to go up to our room. I also finger fucked her in the elevator because, well, I just couldn’t wait. Again, she started to protest, but once I touched her, she backed down. I had to be quick with that one since the ride was short, but I had her quivering by time the doors opened. Once we were inside, I finished her off against the wall, then again over the back of the couch, and then we both got off on the bed with her riding me.

  Her confidence seemed to have picked up, too. She was louder and talked more. The things that came out of her mouth were dirty. They were enough to give me a stiffy just thinking about them, and I would be thinking about them for a very long time.

  Once we calmed down from our fuckfest, we took a shower. I wanted to wash her body; she wanted me to wash her hair to make sure all of the pool water was out of it. That made no sense to me… water was water, but I didn’t complain. It allowed me to have my hands all over her body.

  Having my hands on her and knowing I couldn’t do anything to her made me crazy. It didn’t matter that we just fucked all over the room or that I had my mouth and hands on her for the past two hours, I couldn’t seem to get enough of her. And it seemed she couldn’t get enough of me, either. As she washed me, her hands kept going to my hard cock. She’d give me a teasing smile every time her fingers grazed it. She was going to kill me. And it would be the best death known to man.

  We went to bed and passed out rather easily. I had her wrapped in my arms as we both tangled our naked bodies together. Clothes were unimportant. At some point before the sun came up, I woke to her on top of me. She was all ready with a condom and everything. Best late night wakeup call I had ever had. After that, we fell back asleep until the sun came up.

  We spent the day outside in the sun, swimming a little more in the pool—which wasn’t as fun with people around—walking along the beach, and of course, in the room. It was good because we were able to talk a lot. She confessed that she was still a little worried that we were rushing things. No matter how many times I told her that it didn’t matter if I had only met her one minute after Gabi dropped that bomb on me, it still wouldn’t have been fast enough. I felt as if I had been waiting my whole life for her, and I told her that.

  That night, I took her out to dinner. We didn’t bring any real clothes so we just put back on our work clothes from the day before. It was nice because it gave us time to talk intimately without the interruption of sex. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed that interruption, but I really needed to get things off my chest and I was sure she did, too.

  She took a sip of her wine and looked straight in my eyes. I knew something big was coming, so I waited patiently for her to talk. “What’s going to happen to me now?” she asked, sounding nervous.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Apparently, I’m quitting my job so we can be together. Where does that leave me? I need to work. I have a condo to pay for and bills and a credit card to take care of. I have a degree and would like to use it somewhere other than a bank.”

  I hadn’t even thought about that. I was too busy thinking about finally being with her I hadn’t given her job any thought. “We can get a place together. I’ll sell my condo, you can break your lease, and we’ll find our own place. I’ll help with the bills.”

  “No, Dane.” Her voice was sharp and demanding. “That’s not what I want. I don’t want you to take care of me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I never want to rely on anyone again. I won’t allow myself to be dependent on anyone else ever again. I just want to work and take care of myself. I also want to be with you. But I moved here to work for you. If I can’t do that, I need to find something else to do.”

  “I’m the boss. I own the fucking place. If you want to work there then stay. I made the rules and I can break them.”

  “No. It won’t be fair. And things could get messy.”

  “You are amazing at what you do. Our relationship won’t interfere with work. It may change our lunch routine,” I said with a sly smile on my face, “but it won’t change how you and I work together.
Trust me, I don’t want to give you up at the office, either. So why do it?”

  “I was actually thinking… what if I go to PR? That was what I originally applied for, and after working there, that part seems very interesting. I can take a few classes on public speaking and I’m sure there are enough people in that department to help me learn. That way, I won’t have to quit but I also won’t be directly beneath you.”

  I smiled and leaned closer over the table. “But I like you beneath me.”

  “I’m being serious, Dane. If you don’t like that idea then I’m sure we can come up with something else. But I need a plan. One that doesn’t involve you taking care of me.”

  I wanted to take care of her. It didn’t make any sense, but I did. Maybe it was because I was so used to taking care of someone I didn’t know what to do if I wasn’t. I was used to going home after work and having someone be there. Even if Gabi was depressed most of the time, I knew I wasn’t going home to an empty place. The thought of being alone didn’t bother me. What bothered me was not going home to Eden. Knowing that she’d be at her place and I’d be at mine. I didn’t want to be that far away from her.

  “What if you still worked—whether it be in PR or somewhere else—but we lived together? We can split the bills right down the middle. That way I won’t be taking care of you but I will still get to see you every day and sleep with you every night.”

  “I don’t know, Dane. After my last breakup, I swore I wouldn’t live with someone else again until I was married. And it’s way too early to talk about that. So, let’s just keep things the way they are now, and I’ll just find a different department to work in. I don’t have to do public relations; I could move over to the accounting department or work on the contracts. I could do billing or anything else. I just can’t be your assistant any more, and we can’t live together.”