A Heart of Little Faith

by Jennifer Wilck

  Getting serious, Lily removed her hands from his and twisted them in her lap. “Do you think it’s okay? I mean…”

  Tom lifted her chin. “Daniel would want you to be happy, Lily.” Their eyes welled with tears. “Are you happy with him?”

  “His name is Gideon,” Lily whispered.

  “Are you happy with Gideon?”

  Lily nodded. Being with Gideon filled the empty places inside of her, spaces she thought would remain empty forever. He made her feel cherished.

  “I’m happy for you, too, and I think it’s great.” A knock on the door interrupted them. Lily wiped her face as she rose and opened the door to Gideon.

  “Hey Lily, I’m going to Samantha’s, but I wanted to return your book. Are you okay?” His forehead creased in a frown and he caressed her arm. She offered him a watery smile and clenched her fists to keep them from wiping the crease away. Not now. Instead, she took a deep breath and blocked the doorway.

  “Hi, Gideon. Yes, I’m fine.”

  He craned his neck to peer around her body. Lily couldn’t prevent the two men from meeting each other. With their strong personalities and assertive nature, it would be like trying to contain a hurricane in a bottle. Reluctantly, she moved out of the doorway and made room for Gideon. He wheeled into the room. Tom walked over to him and they shook hands.

  “Hi, I’m Tom. Claire’s been telling me all about you.”

  “Gideon. Since she beat me the last time we played Trouble, I’ll assume she said good things about me. Lily’s told me a little about you, but apparently I’ll have to get Claire to fill me in on the details. Lily was surprisingly vague.” His voice was filled with humor and his face was relaxed as he made no effort to hide his curiosity.

  Tom laughed, a bottomless sound that started in the tips of his toes, built pressure as it rose and poured out of his mouth. “Good, maybe someone has missed out on the embarrassing stories about me. It’s great to meet you!” Gideon chuckled.

  Before he could answer, Lily cut in. “I’d be happy to embarrass you Tom, but I’m afraid I need a little time to choose the most appropriate stories.” She plastered a bright smile on her face at the interplay between the two men and tried to figure out how to get Gideon to leave. As much as she wanted them to like each other, the thought of them together made her cringe, and she wanted a chance to prepare herself for the meeting. It was like introducing a boyfriend to ones parents when you knew there were pitfalls. She needed time to prepare herself. Not now, not when I’m feeling like this. A sour taste rose in her mouth as her nerves wound tighter and tighter. She swallowed, and rubbed her stomach.

  “Let’s have dinner together,” Gideon suggested.

  Tom looked at Lily. “I’ve got meetings all day tomorrow, but I should be free for dinner afterward.” He raised an eyebrow at Gideon.

  “Yeah, tomorrow works for me,” he affirmed. “What about Claire? Do you want to bring her? We could eat early.”

  Lily would have liked more than twenty-four hours to prepare herself, but since she suspected they would meet with or without her, she agreed. “Why don’t we have dinner here? That way Claire can go to bed on time and we can relax. Just come over after work, okay?”

  The three of them agreed, and Gideon said goodbye. Lily and Tom caught each other up on their lives and by nine o’clock, he returned to his hotel. She spent the rest of the night tossing and turning as she thought about dinner.

  ****

  The next day, Lily rushed home from work, picked Claire up from aftercare and started cooking. Tom and Gideon together. Her old life and her new one were on a collision course, and she would be stuck with the wreckage if things didn’t go well. The thought was a better appetite suppressant than the most expensive diet pill and her stomach roiled.

  When Tom had first called, she’d been excited for him and Gideon to meet. But now, she didn’t know. Tom represented her old life, her life with Daniel. He had been Daniel’s best friend. What if he didn’t like Gideon? And what if Gideon felt uncomfortable having someone around from her previous life? Not to mention how prickly Gideon could be at times. What had she gotten herself into?

  “What if, what if?” she muttered to herself as she stirred the chicken soup.

  “Cackling to yourself over your witch’s brew?” Tom snuck behind her and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “That’s reassuring.” He dipped a finger into the pot to sneak a taste.

  “Quit it!” She smacked his wrist with a wooden spoon, the crack echoing in the kitchen, and he danced away, surprisingly nimble for someone of his size.

  “Or what, you’ll put a spell on me?” He grinned. “This is delicious, by the way. When’s the boyfriend arriving?”

  Lily shrugged and busied herself over the stove again. “Whenever he gets here.” She opened cabinets and took out plates and bowls. She slammed them on the counter. The sound reverberated through the apartment and Tom coughed. “Claire, come set the table, please!”

  As Claire and Tom set the table, the doorbell rang. Claire squealed and ran to the door, while Tom finished up. Gideon hugged her while handing a white paper bag to Lily.

  “Hey, Gideon,” said Tom.

  “Tom.” The two men shook hands. Lily fled into the kitchen with the bag, leaving the men alone to size each other up. She peeked in to see them stare at each other and then glanced away as strains of Western music before a shootout played in her mind.

  “What did you bring, Gideon?” Claire asked.

  Gideon smiled at Claire and led her into the living room. “Dessert.”

  “What kind of dessert? Am I going to like it? Can I have some?”

  He hugged her. “Is there any kind of dessert you don’t like?”

  As Claire stuck out her tongue at him, Tom looked at Lily, who watched from the kitchen.

  “Can I help you with anything?” Tom asked.

  “Nope, I’m all set. Gideon, are you making the salad?”

  Gideon entered the kitchen. “Of course,” he answered with a grin.

  Lily gave him the salad bowl, opened and shut random drawers and cabinets, dropped a spoon on the floor and almost put the dishtowel in the refrigerator. She took a deep breath. Every muscle in her body screamed with tension and she clamped her mouth shut to keep her scream from escaping.

  Gideon washed and shredded the lettuce and she clenched her fists at the side. Did he always move this slowly, or was he dragging it out on purpose? She shifted her gaze to the living room where Tom played with Claire. Her heart ached as she thought about how much of her life he’d missed. She swallowed the lump in her throat as Gideon finish tossing the salad. With a deep breath, she followed him into the dining room. Everyone sat at the table. As usual when Claire was present, she dominated the conversation. Tom and Gideon took turns asking her about school, her friends and her favorite TV shows.

  “So what’s your favorite thing to do at school, Claire?” Tom asked as he served himself salad and passed it to Lily.

  “Math. Spelling is boring. Oh, and I like gym, too.”

  Tom raised an eyebrow. “Really? You like math the best? That’s fantastic.”

  “I like Cyberchase too,” she said.

  At Tom’s quizzical expression, Gideon jumped in. “That’s a math cartoon. It teaches kids math, but makes it cool.”

  “That’s the best way to do it.”

  “Claire, why don’t you tell Tom about your school project,” Lily suggested. As Claire explained it to Tom, Gideon leaned over to Lily. He caressed her knee and she jumped. The table rattled and she averted her gaze.

  “Are you okay?” Gideon asked. Concern oozed from his deep brown eyes, but she couldn’t face him, couldn’t answer him. How could she possibly tell him she was worried about what Tom would think of their relationship? He’d never understand.

  “I’m fine.”

  Gideon arched an eyebrow. “Really?”

  She smiled, but it only stretched her mouth into a brief grimace before sliding o
ff her face. “Really.”

  Gideon reached for her under the table and squeezed her fingers. The pressure on her cold fingers enabled her to fill her lungs with much needed air. She squeezed back, blushed, and pulled away. The last time she’d shown any kind of affection for anyone in front of Tom was with Daniel. The similarities and differences overwhelmed her. Her heart raced and her throat closed.

  “Can I get anyone anything from the kitchen,” she croaked as she rose and searched for an escape. When everyone shook their heads no, she fled. She stood over the kitchen sink, ran the water, braced herself and took a deep breath. The cold metal sink soothed her and she gripped it hard enough to make her knuckles whiten. Breathe. It’s going to be fine. They’re going to like each other.

  Unable to delay any longer, she returned to the dining room, avoided eye contact with anyone, sat and let Gideon’s and Tom’s conversation wash over her.

  As dinner ended, Lily stood and motioned for Claire to start clearing the table. Tom rose to help, but Lily brushed him away.

  “No, it’s okay, Tom. It’s Claire’s job. Right, kiddo?”

  Claire made a face, but carefully walked around the table collecting plates. As her daughter cleared, Lily reset the table for dessert. The monotonous task gave her something to focus on and the clink of the silverware soothed her. When everyone was seated again, and the coffee percolated, she served Gideon’s dessert—chocolate mousse pie. Her mouth watered and suddenly, she was hungry again. She studied the pie with a gleam in her eye.

  “Well you certainly know the way to her heart,” Tom chuckled as he helped himself to a large slice. Lily’s face burned and she stuffed a piece in her mouth as Gideon snorted.

  “She’s been pretty clear about the chocolate thing,” he agreed.

  Claire scarfed the pie and Lily told her to say goodnight. As she hugged everyone, Lily brought out the coffee.

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She looked from one man to the other. “Help yourselves to more dessert and coffee, and try not to make my ears ring too badly,” she said, only half joking. They leered at her and she made her escape.

  Ten minutes later, Lily closed the door to Claire’s room, leaned against it for support and watched the two men in her dining room. They ate without speaking. It didn’t seem strained, but you never knew with men. Especially when one of those men was Gideon.

  She squared her shoulders, mentally shook herself and entered the dining room. As she sat down, she gave them a determined smile. They laughed. Lily looked from one to the other, but that only made their eyes water. She interrupted them, but neither one of them answered her questions. She crossed her arms and waited for them to calm down, as her face heated. Finally, with several false stops and lots of sputters, they quieted.

  “Did I miss something?” she demanded.

  Tom and Gideon started to smile again.

  “Oh no you don’t, not again!” exclaimed Lily with exasperation. She reached for something to throw at them, and the two men covered their mouths until they successfully stemmed the glee. “Now come on, tell me what’s funny.”

  “You are,” said Tom.

  “Me? Why?”

  “Because you walked in here ready to face a firing squad,” Gideon answered. He took a sip of his coffee and stared at her over the cup’s rim.

  How did he know her so well? “I did not.”

  “You did, babe.” Tom leaned in his chair and stroked his beard. His eyes twinkled. “Now that leaves me wondering…”

  “Where you left your Santa suit?” Lily replied tartly.

  Gideon choked on his coffee and tears came to his eyes. He wiped them and replaced his glasses.

  “Packed away with my reindeer.” Tom answered. Lily glared at him. “No, what I was wondering was exactly what scares you more—my stories or Gideon’s?”

  She stood up, twirled on her heel and took the pie into the kitchen. “Cute. I’m not afraid of any of your stories, or yours either, Gideon.”

  “Oh?” Tom answered. “Not even the one about when you and Daniel and I went out and you got drunk and…”

  “That’s enough, Tom. Gideon isn’t interested. Does anyone want more coffee?” Lily rushed to pick up the coffee pot, but they ignored her. Coffee sloshed over the rim, splashed her wrist and dripped onto the table. She patted it dry with a napkin Gideon handed her.

  “Lily drunk? Oh, I’d definitely be interested in that.” He covered his coffee cup and stroked her back as she came near him, but she retreated to her seat without acknowledging him. “Then again, maybe Tom would be interested in—”

  “Oh, he wouldn’t be,” Lily hastened to say before Gideon could finish his sentence. “Doesn’t anyone want more coffee?” She rushed around to Tom’s side of the table, but he shook his head no. “Well, why don’t we play a card game? Or watch a movie? Or charades? We can play charades.” She desperately wanted to distract the men, but they weren’t buying it.

  “Lily, honey, come here,” Gideon murmured. She glared at him across the table and didn’t move. He smiled at her.

  “You’re enjoying this a little too much,” she said to him. “Somehow, if the roles were reversed, I don’t think you’d be getting quite so much enjoyment out of it. In fact, I seem to remember a time with Samantha—”

  “Come here, please,” he interrupted. His voice was low and soothing. She rose on leaden legs and walked around the table to him. He pulled her arm and her muscles stretched. She caved. He settled her in his lap and hugged her. Somehow, no matter how angry or uncomfortable she was, being cradled in Gideon’s arms was enough to turn her to jelly. The tension she’d felt all day dribbled down her spine until she was certain she’d see it land in a puddle on the floor. Tom was smiling at her. Neither man was uncomfortable or disapproving. She leaned into Gideon’s hard chest, inhaled his scent and began to relax. As she did so, Gideon squeezed her and rubbed his cheek in her hair.

  “Tom, is there any reason why you’d have a problem with us dating?” He gazed at Lily as he waited for Tom’s answer. Horrified, she inhaled and buried her face in Gideon’s neck. He stroked her back.

  “Nope, not a one. Didn’t know it was my business, though.”

  Her eyes welled with tears. “It’s not.” She sniffed. “It’s just, I don’t know, you were Daniel’s best friend, and I didn’t want you to be upset if I started dating, and…”

  Tom leaned against the table.

  “Lily, you’re right. Daniel was my best friend. But you are too. And even though I miss him terribly, you’re still here. And I want you to be happy. Does Gideon make you happy?”

  Lily nodded, and Gideon squeezed her tighter.

  “I told you the other night I was happy for you,” he reminded her.

  “I know, but I thought it might be different, or awkward, with you seeing us together. And, I was afraid maybe you wouldn’t like each other, and it would be uncomfortable.”

  Gideon kissed the side of her face, sending tingles of electricity around her neck. “You think too much; you know that?”

  Chapter 24

  For the first time in ages, Lily woke happy the next morning. She stretched her arms over her head. Her muscles tingled awake and she sat up, rejuvenated. Despite all of her concerns, last night’s dinner went well. Better than well. She might say wonderfully. Gideon and Tom liked each other. Gideon had been relaxed and friendly. Tom had been happy for her. She couldn’t ask for a better reaction from either of them.

  Her light-hearted mood lasted for most of the day—through the prolonged, and sometimes agonizing, task of getting Claire ready for school; despite three rescheduled meetings and two conference calls; and into the evening, her first chance to relax. That is, until she examined the RSVP list for Claire’s birthday party that weekend.

  Suddenly, her mood evaporated as she contemplated hosting thirty kids herself. Her neck tightened and her heartbeat increased as she imagined the chaos that would ensue. Visions ran through her brain of super-en
ergetic six- and seven-year-olds running around with a sugar high as she enticed them to sit down.

  A quick call to enlist Samantha’s help eased her mind only slightly, and she sat at the table and made a check list of all the things she had to do to prepare as she tapped her pencil on the table and swung her foot in circles. Games first, or crafts? Food before or after the activities? And how many of these parents could she con into helping? The ringing phone jarred her out of planning mode, and she answered it, still focused on her list.

  “Hey, Lil, how are you?” The timbre of Gideon’s deep voice forced her lips into a smile and she reclined, relieved at the momentary respite.

  “Better, now that you called.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I’m just stressing over Claire’s party.”

  “Why? I thought having it at the community center would take the stress off of you. That’s why I suggested it.”

  “It does.” Lily chewed her lip. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never given a birthday party for this many kids before and I hope I can keep them all entertained. Most of the parents are just going to drop off the kids and leave.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” His voice oozed confidence.

  “I can’t ask you to do that. You’ve got better things to do on a weekend than host a kid’s party.”

  “You’re right, for any other kid. But this is Claire. I’d do anything for her, and I’m happy to help out. What do you have planned?”

  Overwhelmed by his feelings for her daughter, her heart swelled. “Well, I figured I’d come up with a few games, we’d do a craft, have a piñata and some cake.”

  “You take care of the craft; I’ll handle the games.”

  “You will?” She blinked tears away.

  “Of course,” Gideon assured her. “Now, do you want help setting up?”

  “No, I think I’m okay. I’m just going to get the balloons and cake, and go decorate. Tony and Samantha said they’d help.”

  “You know, for someone as organized as you, you’re a lousy delegator.” He laughed. “How about if I pick up the balloons and cake and meet you at the gym?”