Only Love

by Smith, Victoria H.

  With a sigh, I pushed on my knees, standing up. I wanted to think harder about it. Her mom should know, but I had a feeling that would only make things worse for her. I told her I wouldn’t tell her, that I’d taken care of everything, then escorted her out of here. She didn’t belong and shouldn’t be back here anymore.

  She saw Aubrey right away up front and latched onto her and her baby like they were here lifeline. In a way, maybe they were. Her hand on the back of Gabby’s head, Aubrey led our party out. She exchanged a glance with me, I believed wanting to know more about the situation, but I mouthed, later, and she let it go for now.

  Aubrey unlocked her apartment door, pushing it and letting everyone in. Gabby had Rissa on her hip, the little girl wide-awake now and playing with Gabby’s ponytail. With all the excitement, I wasn’t surprised she was up. It was still fairly early in the evening yet, so they had time to get her to relax again for bed. I made up the rear of the line, closing the door behind me. I was going to come up, then leave after I made sure they all got in safely but I needed to talk to Aubrey. She let into Gabby barely across the threshold of her apartment, and I knew that needed to be sooner rather than later.

  “What were you thinking?” She lifted her hands, dropping them at her sides. “You could have gotten hurt. I’ve warned you about rippin’ and runnin’ the streets. Fools won’t care how old you are. They’d take advantage of you without question.”

  Gabby cringed. Aubrey had kept silent in the car, all the way home, but I think that had been because of me. Through another glance in the car, I let her know any discussion of what happened inside needed to wait. She had no problem with going for it now, but she needed to know the whole story before things went further. Gabby lifted her eyes to her, a clear shame ringing them. She hitched Rissa up her hip. “I’m sorry. I know it was stupid.”

  This answer didn’t seem to appease Aubrey. She crossed her arms. “Stupid. Stupid! Gabby, it was more than—”

  I touched her arm, and she faced me.

  “Can we talk?” I spoke under my breath. Gabby turned away when Rissa grabbed her face, and I brought Aubrey closer to hear me better. “In private,” I urged, tipping my head toward Gabby.

  I think she saw the understanding in my eyes because she nodded right away. Letting out a breath, she turned back to Gabby. “Can you watch Rissa for a bit? I need to talk to Adam.”

  I could imagine Gabby knew exactly what our conversation would be about, but she didn’t question it. “Do you think I can stay tonight? I don’t want to wake my mom up by coming in. She gets mad.”

  The pleading tone of the request was evident in her voice, and that look of desperation I saw before. She had it on when she saw Aubrey and Rissa tonight. This wasn’t the first time she mentioned her mom, and every reference of the woman I’d heard from herself and Aubrey had always surrounded the negative. That fact wasn’t lost on me at all.

  Aubrey didn’t hesitate a response. “Of course. Get Rissa ready for bed and you can have the pullout. Pop in The Wiggles and she’ll go right to sleep.”

  Aubrey turned to walk away, but Rissa got fussy again. With surprising strength, she nearly kicked herself loose from Gabby’s arms, squealing in Aubrey’s direction. She apparently didn’t want her mom to leave. Aubrey tilted her head at her. “Aww, baby. I’ll be back. You won’t even know I’m gone. You’ll be asleep by the time I’m home.”

  Rissa kept kicking, forcing Gabby to put her down. The one-year-old ran toward Aubrey who’d almost made it to me at the door. Aubrey squatted down to get her, but she completely bypassed her. I let out a grunt when she grabbed my leg, pushing her face into my jeans.

  Aubrey popped her hands on her hips, still in her squat. “Would you look at that? She done forgot all about me.”

  I guess she had. Laughing, I picked her up, releasing the surprising grip this little girl had on my leg. “I’ll be around again,” I told her. “But next time we’ll make sure it’s ice cream and not hot wings.”

  I didn’t know if she understood what I said, but she giggled at me in response. I loved the sound so I tickled her belly, bringing it out more.

  Gabby relieved me of her, though that was definitely the wrong word. I wanted to stay as much as she wanted me to. After Aubrey kissed her baby’s cheek, she followed me up to my apartment. Heading over to my couch, she placed her purse on the floor, making herself at home for the first time in my place. I loved that just as much as her daughter’s giggle. “You’re so good with her,” she said.

  I smiled heading into my kitchen. I had a view of her in the living room there from over the bar. “Thanks,” I told her, flipping the lights on inside.

  “It’s like you’ve done this whole baby thing before.”

  Yeah. It was like I had.

  Choosing to answer the comment with another smile, I opened one of my cabinets, getting a coffee filter and a can of Folgers. “Would you like some coffee?” I asked. We might be talking for a minute.

  She clasped her hands together, that grin of hers fluttering my heart open for her even more than it already was. “That would be great.”

  “How do you like it?” I looked up at her over the bar, filling up a measuring cup of water for my coffee maker.

  “Sugar no cream. Lots of sugar,” she said piping up a laugh at the end.

  I did the same, chuckling lightly. “I can do that.”

  Once I had our coffees, I sat hers in front of her. I had to admit. Aubrey and I did this whole domestic thing well. It’s almost like she was mine, and I hers. She took a sip of the dark, steamy liquid in her cup. I tried not to notice the euphoria on her face, the moan of enjoyment as she rolled the coffee over her tongue.

  “So this is about Gabby,” she sighed, placing her cup down.

  Her words brought me to the reason I asked her over. That was good. Real good. I put my own cup down on my coffee table. “How much do you know about her mom?”

  My question surprised her, her eyebrows narrowing. “Her mom? Why do you ask?”

  I settled into my couch, bringing my arm around the back of it to look at her. “Gabby wasn’t just brought in for curfew.”

  That’s what she and I both believed before as that’s what Gabby had told Aubrey on the phone. Aubrey shook her head, not understanding.

  I continued. “Drug residue was found in her bag. Cocaine. She didn’t have any on her, but she was picked up only blocks from a party that had just been busted for the same.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would she have that? Be there?”

  I decided to share my theory. No need beating around the bush. “I think she may have been running drugs. I caught her coming out of a pretty sketchy apartment the other day. I didn’t hassle her too much about it because I didn’t want to pressure her.”

  Aubrey ran her hand down her face, coming to rest over her mouth. “That doesn’t make sense. That’s just not Gabby. I mean, she’ll sell candy but not drugs.”

  “You said she hustles to help her mom.” I lifted my hand from the couch, resting it back. “What if this change has something to do with her? Have you met her? Do you think she’s pressuring her? Possibly influencing her?”

  She rested her arms on her knees, placing her hands together. “I see her every once in a while. She doesn’t look pleasant. I’ve guessed she’s on stuff herself, drugs, but it’s not my business to pry. Gabby doesn’t like talking about her. I know she only hustles because of her, though. Her mom’s threatened to kick her out if she doesn’t pay for herself, which is stupid because Gabby isn’t over there half the time.”

  I turned my head, hating to hear that. She was just a kid. She shouldn’t have to pay for herself at all.

  “What do we do, Adam?”

  Chewing the inside of my cheek, I danced my fingers on the couch. “Keep encouraging her to be with you. When you can of course. I’ll continue to take her to school and offer to pick her up if she needs it and I’m available. I’ll patrol the building more and at di
fferent times every night so she can’t predict my routine. We just got to keep an eye on her. What you did tonight was good. She should stay with you as much as she can as long as it’s not an inconvenience.”

  “Oh, it’s not. Never. I always have a place for Gabby.”

  And I knew she did. Aubrey’s heart was so open. I just wished she’d worry more about taking care of it.

  “Crap.” Groaning, she lowered and picked up her purse. I watched her fumble around it for a moment before she retrieved her phone, the one with the crack in it as she dropped it on the floor earlier. Shaking her head at the screen, she stood. “I have to go. I gotta do laundry.”

  I stood myself. “This late in the evening?”

  “Mmmhmm. I didn’t plan on Gabby staying tonight. I stripped the bedding off the pullout to wash and haven’t gotten around to it yet. The poor thing won’t have any sheets.”

  I didn’t want her down in the basement at the washers this late. I headed toward my bedroom. “I got you covered. I have extras. You can return them any time when you’re done.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” her voice came behind me. It didn’t trail so I assumed she stayed in my living room. So when I found her behind me as I crossed the threshold to my bedroom, that surprised me.

  She jumped back a step, her gaze jumping around the room with it. “I’m sorry. I…” She pointed behind her. She looked like she didn’t know whether to stay put or flee as she was now in my personal space. “I’ll go…”

  “You’re fine,” I assured her, going to my closet. “And I don’t mind about the bedding. You shouldn’t be down in the laundry room this late.”

  Deep in my closet, I found the extra bedding I finally got around to unpacking. I just washed everything before coming here so I hadn’t had to wash anything yet. I really wasn’t looking forward to using the laundry facilities myself. The super didn’t really keep up with it, so I was glad I washed everything ahead before moving. I gathered the closest buddle and spun around. Seeing Aubrey standing in my room made me laugh. She looked like a deer in headlights, those pretty brown eyes wide and her jaw dropped as she studied the area around her.

  I laughed, coming toward her with the comforter and sheets. “What’s wrong?”

  Blinking long lashes, her eyes flashed my way. She pushed her hand behind her neck, rubbing. “Sorry. It’s just so…” she said, taking the bedding as I gave it to her. “Clean in here.”

  Folding my arms over my chest, I leaned back against the closet. “Well, I am a grown man. I’d like to think I can take care of myself.”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean that. I…” She chewed her lip. “I know you’re grown but it’s still unusual. You’re still a bachelor. So… yeah. I’m digging this hole I’m in even deeper, aren’t I?”

  I chuckled. “No, you’re not. And give it a week. I just broke down the last moving box. You can come by and see the bed unmade and takeout boxes lining the room for yourself.”

  I think my joke broke the tension a bit. Her laughter moved through the air and my heart squeezed at the sound. I knew I needed to control that, but I was finding it harder and harder to resist the draw that was Aubrey. She had the power to make me lose myself, and that could be dangerous. For her and for me, as she was still involved.

  Pushing off the closest, I widened my bedroom door to let her out. She passed in front of me, but stopped. “Thanks,” she said lightly.

  I gave a short laugh. “The sheets really aren’t a problem, you know.”

  She got the joke again. Nudging me with her shoulder, I fought hard from resting my hand on the place of my chest that she touched. “Not just for these. For everything. For getting Gabby. Taking me and Rissa out. Talking to me.”

  I’d talk to her all day if I could get her to look at me the way she was now. I wanted to freeze-frame it—that glow in her brown eyes. I wanted to tell her no problem. I knew I should tell her that and only do so causally, but I couldn’t help it when I grabbed her arm and brushed my lips against her forehead again. Perhaps, it was the intimacy of our environment, her being in my space, or maybe I just couldn’t resist because it was simply her.

  Aubrey.

  Whatever the reason, I did kiss her there, and I couldn’t help it when my lips lingered. I breathed her in, her sweet scent coiling around me, binding me to her like the tightest rope. This was inappropriate. How long I was kissing her, how much I was enjoying it, and I knew that immediately. Despite that, I didn’t stop and she didn’t make me. She wasn’t strong enough, but I needed to be. I didn’t want her to do anything she’d regret, something that I’d regret by coercing her into it. So I stepped back, forcing myself away, and the longing behind her eyes squeezed my heart again. But this time, not in a good way.

  I placed my hand on her lower back, guiding her out. At least… that’s what I meant to do. Neither one of us moved, no feet lifting from the floor, no steps of retreat, and she turned. With the way we were positioned, I somehow had my arm around her now, looped around her small waist. If not for the bedding in her arms, she’d be right up against me.

  And then she was.

  The sheets went to the floor. She dropped them there and out of the way. Before I knew it her hand went behind my neck and she was kissing me, on my cheek with small, breathless kisses, making my heart race.

  She needed to stop. She needed to stop… now. I wasn’t strong enough, and I knew that immediately when I separated her from my cheek. But not to move her away.

  To get her closer.

  I backed her up and ended up caging her against my closest. Her tiny hands in one of mine, I lifted them above her, pressing them against the door, locking her against the door. I told myself I placed them there to remove them from me, my body, my heart, but this move made things worse as I watched her breasts, moving up and down in ragged breaths through her thin shirt, her mouth, open and panting. I wanted to devour it.

  My hand found her thigh. Slipping around it, I snaked it up her leg, taking her skirt with it until I made my way underneath it. She didn’t stop me.

  Please stop me…

  I had it up, her skirt, and when I pushed my hand between her thighs it draped around my arm. I grasped her mound, her lips so wet. So goddamn wet… for me.

  “Aubrey…” I rasped. Laying my forehead against hers, I tried so hard not to kiss her. She wasn’t mine. I couldn’t do this if she wasn’t mine.

  She pushed into my hand below, pressing up on her toes as she rocked back and forth against my fingers. She wanted me to have her. I couldn’t. Not like this.

  “I won’t take another man’s woman,” I told her. My voice ached. I ached for her.

  Whimpering, she pressed her forehead against mine, moving until her nose brushed my cheek, her lips there next.

  “You aren’t,” she said, and I lifted my head. I watched her eyes, looking for something, anything of a lie, anything of uncertainty but I couldn’t find it.

  I couldn’t find it.

  “You aren’t,” she repeated.

  And that’s all I needed to hear.

  As soon as I spoke the words, Adam’s slow, gentle approach became a thing of the past. The heat from his hand lodged between my thighs left me breathless—his fingers gently trailing over my sex, all sense of uncertainty went completely absent from his touch now. He was no longer reserved, subtly letting me know he was taking the lead, which wasn’t at all what I expected from him, wasn’t how I imagined someone with his otherwise sweet disposition would be in the bedroom.

  But I loved it.

  Despite this being the first time we’d taken things this far, I was left with the feeling that I was the only one nervous. Our lips met and my tongue danced over Adam’s, twirling sensually with his as the longing between us came to a head. I could feel my insatiable need for him beginning to grow, covering me from head to toe. The air around us became heavy, weighted down by our raw emotions. No longer would I deny the attraction we had toward one another since day one—a
n attraction that went way beyond the physical, connecting us on a level deeper than I believe either of us thought was possible so soon.

  My mouth was agape when Adam parted my lower set of lips and explored me with two lengthy fingers. The slow, intimate caresses were enough to stop my racing heart as he reached deeper, reveling in the physical evidence of how badly I wanted him, how badly I wanted to put an end to the song and dance of pretending like this wasn’t all inevitable.

  I had to touch him. Reaching down between our bodies, I let my hand travel beyond his cool, metal belt buckle, stopping when I felt the outline of his shaft at my fingertips through his pants. He groaned against my mouth as I pushed past the fear and palmed him, rubbing my hand down his entire length, squeezing him in my hand. Before I could wrap my mind around what was happening, both of my feet had been swept off the ground when Adam picked me up by my waist. I locked them at the small of Adam’s back, forcing my body flush up against his.

  The words I’d just spoken to Adam were the absolute truth—when I told him I didn’t belong to another man. My heart, and soon my body, would both be his. Of this fact, I couldn’t have been more sure. For the first time since Javi and I began our tumultuous relationship years ago, I had the strength to walk away from him. He’d had such an unhealthy hold on me that I felt ashamed, ashamed that one person could spiral my life so far off track, ashamed I’d put so much on hold because of his promises—promises that he’d find a legitimate job to support us instead of hustling, that he’d stay out of trouble with the law, that he’d stop all the lies. This separation was a long time coming. Now, finally, I felt the shackles slipping away.

  A set of large hands held me tight while I was shifted to the bed. A soft, gray comforter cradled me when Adam lay me down. His weight covered me and I tightened my feet at the ankles, pulling him closer. When I ran my hands up the back of his head, those dark, feathery locks of his grazed my palms and he released a breath that wisped over my lips. The gentle scent of his skin, so distinct, unlike any other, was already all over me. I wore it as if it were my own. The stubble on his chin brushed over my collarbone when his kisses veered to my neck. My hands went to his broad shoulders and I couldn’t help but to grope them, evaluating the size of the muscles there. He was all man, in every sense of the word, and not only physically. At every turn he was proving to me that he was a ‘grown man’, just like he’d said. While that wasn’t something I was used to—being with someone who could shoulder some of the burdens that life tends to dump on you—I was positive I could learn.