Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  The younger of the two steps forward and shakes my hand. She’s wearing distressed jeans with holes, which isn’t very professional in my opinion, paired with a tank top and her hair is in one of those high ponytails my sisters use when they’re getting ready. She looks like she’s ready for the club as opposed to talking to a potential client. “It’s good to finally meet you.”

  “Um… you too,” I say utterly confused.

  The other one, the one who looks like she’s ready for a business meeting with her black skirt and jacket, wears her blonde hair down and her makeup is subtle. Growing up with the twins, I know all the tricks when it comes to women. They used me for practice many times.

  “Charles… My Charlie.”

  “Um, sorry, but my name’s Quinn. Quinn James. You wanted to meet with me, right?” Was she not listening when I introduced myself earlier?

  She smiles. “Quinn… Quinn,” she says my name repeatedly as if it’s something she’s never heard before. The awkwardness in the room is palpable and I’m visualizing all the mean things I’m going to do to my sister for putting me in this spot. All I can think of is that this is a test. Elle’s trying to figure out if I’m smart enough to hold my own with the vultures in the industry.

  “Shall we sit down?” the older one asks. She motions to the couch, but I shake my head.

  “I’m good right here. I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your names.”

  The two of them look at each other. It’s alien-like, the way they’re acting. I glance at my phone, waiting for Elle to text me back.

  “Quinn,” the blonde one speaks again. “I’ve waited a long time to meet you.”

  “Me too,” the other one says.

  I study them, watching for a sign that I know them. I step back and continue to do so until I’m resting against the desk. The older one, she doesn’t need to tell me her name, the pieces have all fallen into place and I already know who she is, and the fact that she’s here makes me want to vomit all over the floor.

  “Do you know who I am?” she asks.

  I nod, slightly. “What are you doing here?” My voice is weak and unsure.

  She smiles. “I’m so proud of you, son. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time, and finally, it’s here.”

  “I’m not your son,” I mumble.

  “I think you’re scaring him, Mom.” My eyes flash to hers. She said “Mom” meaning she must be my sister, but I already have two and I don’t need anymore. I don’t want anymore. “I’m Sofia. You have to excuse our mom, she’s been waiting for this moment for a long time and doesn’t seem to be herself.”

  Sofia. Sofia. Where do I know that name from? She doesn’t look familiar, so I know I’ve never met her before, but her name, it’s been said around me, but where? It’s stupid of me to try and figure it out, especially since I hear so many names, specifically tonight when I signed a bunch of autographs.

  “Did you ask me for an autograph earlier?”

  She shakes her head. “Don’t you think that would be sort of silly? Me asking for my brother’s autograph?”

  “I’m not your brother,” I mumble, again. There’s zero infliction in my voice, no authority. I’ve thought of this moment over the years, wondering how it would play out. I expected a letter or an email, or a phone call funneled through my dad, but never this. I never thought I’d be face-to-face with the woman who left me in my car carrier in the middle of my father’s floor. I’ve never had any intention of meeting the woman who drugged my father, so he would sleep with her, and yet, she’s standing in the same room as me with a stupid grin on her face, like this is some long overdue reunion, when it’s not.

  “Alicia…” I hate that her name is even coming off my lips, that I even had the courage to say it. By the look on her face, she loves hearing me say her name.

  “I’m so happy to hear that your father has spoken about me.”

  “Don’t talk about my dad, my mom or anyone in my family.”

  “I’m your mother,” she says, sternly.

  “You’re not,” I remind her. “You gave up all your rights to me and until I turned eighteen my dad had a restraining order against you. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t seem very motherly to me.”

  “Your father didn’t give me much choice.”

  “No, you had every choice in the world to be a mother and you chose not to. So, I’m asking you again, why are you here? Do you want money? What could possibly possess you to think I’d want to meet you like this?”

  Alicia sits down and reaches into her purse. She pulls out a tissue and dabs her eyes. I don’t care that I’ve made her cry, they could be crocodile tears for all I know. I spent eight years thinking this woman hated me or would show up in the middle of the night and somehow take me away from my dad.

  “You’re upsetting our mother.”

  I turn my gaze sharply to Sofia. “She’s not my mother. She never was and never will be. I’m sorry if you were expecting some open-armed family reunion, but you’re not going to get it from me.” My phone vibrates in my hand. It’s Elle. I open her message and read it: I didn’t send anyone. I’m on my way. Don’t agree to anything.

  I text back: I know you didn’t. It’s Alicia. She’s here.

  The conversation bubbles seem to freeze on my screen. I don’t even want to know what’s going through her mind right now, but I wish she were here because she’d know how to handle things. I’m calling Dad.

  She doesn’t need to say anything else because right now, he’s who I need.

  “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, Charles.”

  I take a deep breath and try to ward off the anger that’s building inside. “My name’s Quinn. The least you can do is respect the name my father gave me, even though you had no respect for him.”

  “I was young.”

  “Not an excuse.”

  “Quinn, maybe we could leave here, go out to dinner and have a nice chat,” Sofia says, trying to keep the peace. I feel sorry for her. I really do. She probably came here, hoping to find her long-lost brother, but that’s not me. I don’t care that we share the same egg donor. I want nothing to do with Alicia.

  “Quinn.” Alicia stands and comes toward me. I’m trapped with nowhere to escape. She reaches out to touch me and I shy away. My father taught me to never hit a woman, but right now I want to slap her hand away and push her until she’s on the other side of the room.

  “Don’t touch me,” I tell her sternly. She drops her hand and her face morphs into sadness.

  “You’re my son.”

  “I. AM. NOT!” I grit, spit flies out of my mouth. “You abandoned me. You left me. You walked out on me when I was days’ old. My mother’s name is Katelyn. She raised me. She stepped in when she didn’t have to. She fed me, clothed me, made sure I did my homework. She’s the one who took me to get haircuts, bandaged up my knees and stood by me proudly. You’re nothing like my mom. She’s kind, sweet, caring and she loves me.” I jab my finger into my chest. “She loves me because I’m her son, whether she gave birth to me or not. That’s how being a mother works.”

  “She didn’t walk away when I asked her to adopt me. She doesn’t treat her own children better than me. My mom gave me a life, she nurtured me, helped me grow into the man that I am. That is where you failed. I hate the fact that I’m here because you raped my father. I hate it. It makes me feel dirty and unwanted. He didn’t want anything to do with you, so you raped him.”

  She waves me off. “Your father used to sleep with anyone who looked his way.”

  “Except you. You had to drug him.”

  Alicia rolls her eyes. “I just encouraged him a little.”

  “You’re disgusting.”

  “Hey, what’s going on? Are you… Sofia?” My eyes land on the door where Nola has walked in. I look from her to Sofia and back, and that’s when I realize it was Nola who mentioned Sofia and how she thought…

  “You knew?” I’ve suddenly found
my footing and am stalking toward my girlfriend.

  “Knew what?” she asks.

  “Oh, don’t play stupid, Elenora. You’ve known for years that Quinn’s my brother.”

  Her mouth opens, closes, and opens again. “I’m so confused right now. Sofia, you said he wasn’t. I asked you before—”

  “Before what? Before you backstabbed me and slept with my brother? This whole time I’ve asked you to stay away from him, but you didn’t listen.”

  “Who’s Elenora?” I ask, so confused about the conversation happening in front of me.

  “Oh, that’s her,” Sofia says. “We were roommates in college for the past two years. She knows all about you. She decided right after graduation to come to Los Angeles to find you, had a little crush, you see. Did she tell you about Roy?”

  “Sofia, what are you doing?”

  “Roy?” I ask.

  Sofia crosses her arm and nods. “Her fiancé back home.”

  I look back at Nola or Elenora, whatever the hell her name is and shake my head. “I don’t know what to ask you about first, the fact that you have a fiancé, your name or that you knew she was my sister and didn’t say anything to me?”

  “I tried, but—”

  “Was that before or after you came to see me a couple of weeks ago?” Sofia stands there, with her hands on her hips.

  A couple of weeks ago was when we slept together. I’m starting to put the pieces together, but everything’s fuzzy. “I trusted you. I told you things I’ve never told anyone in my life and you’ve been lying to me this entire time. You brought this vile woman into my life without even warning me, without even asking if I wanted to meet her?”

  “Quinn, if you’d let me explain.” She grabs ahold of my shirt, tugging me toward her. She’s crying, but I’ve already shut down. I was real with her, telling her about my life, letting her into my family all while she’s been playing me.

  I shake my head. “Anyone who is associated with Alicia Tucker isn’t welcome in my world. Anyone who cheats and lies, has no place in my life. Clearly, you’re with me under false pretenses and the feelings you say that you have for me aren’t genuine. I should’ve known better than to get involved with a waitress, but there was something about you, and now I know what it was.”

  “What’s that?” she asks, her voice breaking into a sob.

  “You’re a con artist, just like her.”

  “Not me,” Sofia says. Her outburst causes me to roll my eyes.

  “That’s not true, Quinn. She’s lying.”

  I nod. “And so are you, Eleanora. I guess I’m a little better off than my father was though or worse depending on how you look at it. You didn’t have to drug me to fuck you.” With that, I walk past her, bumping my shoulder into hers. I don’t look back, not even when Zeke is calling for me. I just need to get out of here and fast. It’s not until I’m home and I open my door to find my mom sitting on my couch do I break down and cry.

  32

  Eleanora

  It takes seconds for reality to set in. I can accept that I lied to him about my name, but everything else, no. I have no idea what’s going on. I’ve never been so confused in my life about everything that’s happened, and I’m so hurt by Quinn’s words. I look at Sofia, her smug face laughing at me, and then to her mom, who is so out to lunch she doesn’t realize that we’re the only ones in the room. I do though, and rush out the door, yelling after Quinn.

  Zeke calls my name, but I ignore him and head out the front door. I have no idea how Quinn got here, I never asked him. We were taking my car back to his place tonight after a drive around to look at the stars. The streets are empty, which doesn’t seem possible for Sunset Blvd, but they are. I look left and then right, and back to my left and nothing. No sign of Quinn.

  Back inside, I head to the dressing room and push the door open. I march up to Sofia with my finger pointed at her and spit out, “You!”

  “What about me?”

  “What have you done and why? Why, Sofia?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Well, why don’t you fill me in because I have no idea what’s going on and my life literally imploded in this room.”

  She looks at her nails as if I’m boring her. “For years I listened to how perfect your life is, how everything was so great. The entire time, you’ve had Roy, but always acted interested in my brother and I hated it. He’s my brother, not yours.”

  I hold my hands up. “First off, you sound like you have some incestuous relationship with Quinn, and I know for a fact he’s never met you, so this crush you’re harboring is gross. Second, I loved you like a sister. I thought of you as one, up until I came to see you. When I came here, I was excited to look for your brother because that meant I’d have someone in common with my best friend. There was no hidden agenda. And third, let me remind you, you told me that Quinn wasn’t your brother. I was really confused, but now I know why.”

  “Doubt it.”

  “No, you see, you tried to throw me off because you were afraid I’d say something about you and your weirdo mother to him.”

  Sofia looks behind her where her mother is pacing the floor and talking to herself. It looks like she’s having a full-blown conversation with the air, complete with hand gestures.

  “My mom isn’t weird.”

  “Really? That’s all you have to say? What about the lies you just told Quinn? I have been nothing but nice to you and you completely railroaded me, making me look like I’m a stalker, like I sought him out and purposely pursued him. None of those things happened, Sofia, but that’s what he thinks right now.”

  “Well, I told you I didn’t want you near my brother.”

  “That’s not your decision. Quinn’s a grown man.”

  “His name’s Charles. Charlie for short,” Alicia says, interrupting us. I look at her and then Sofia.

  “Is she even home upstairs, Sofia? Like seriously.”

  Sofia looks at her mom. “She just gets confused sometimes.”

  “And what about you? Do you always set out to destroy your friends’ lives? Because that’s what you’ve done here, Sofia. You’ve hurt people who didn’t deserve it.”

  She laughs. “Clearly by the things my brother said to you, you’ve been doing plenty of lying. Isn’t that right, Nola? Tell me, does he even know about Roy or should I pay him a visit?”

  Shaking my head, I step away from her and rest my hand on the doorknob. “You should go back to Arizona, back to your strange house and with your bizarre mom. It’s my mistake for thinking we were friends. I wish I had never met you.”

  Her voice stops me before I can exit the room. “But then you wouldn’t know my brother, so I guess you don’t regret it that much, do you?”

  There isn’t anything left to say. I go to the employee lounge, punch out, and grab my things. I’m done here, and I’m never coming back. Zeke can keep my paycheck for all that I care.

  I leave the Bean Song with no fanfare. No one pays attention as I walk by. Outside, my tears fall. I shouldn’t drive, but I need to find Quinn. I must explain myself, so he knows Sofia’s lying to him. Surely, he would believe me over her, even though I haven’t been completely honest either.

  What have I done? I’ve lied to the only man I’ve ever been madly in love with. I don’t care if it’s been days or weeks, the connection I have with Quinn runs deep within me. The love I feel, it’s not a fling or something I’m using to pass the time, it’s all-encompassing. It’s heartbreaking and earth-shattering. It’s what I need to breathe.

  The tears become too much, and I pull over to try and calm down. My phone rings deep from inside my bag. “Quinn,” I say aloud, except when I look at the screen, it’s Susannah. As much as I don’t want to talk to her, I need to hear a familiar voice.

  “Hello,” I cry out into the microphone.

  “Darling, what’s wrong?”

  “Oh, Sus, I messed up so bad.” I fill her in on what I know, which isn’t much becau
se a lot of it doesn’t make sense. What I do know is that Sofia is evil and she’s the mastermind behind some odd plot to make things worse for me.

  “I’m in love with him, Susannah. He’s everything and so much more, and I’ve lost him, and I don’t even know how or why.”

  “Sweetie, you need to talk to him and explain your side. I’m sure that once you tell him your side of the story and show him your messages with Sofia, he’ll understand.”

  “I deleted her messages. I was so angry with her after I went to see her, I erased every part of her from my life. I have no proof that I didn’t know who he was and never thought I would need it because she told me he isn’t her brother. I was so stupid.”

  “You’re not stupid, Eleanora. You made a mistake.”

  “Changing my name and forgetting to tell the man that I’m in love with that I was engaged, and my former fiancé still thinking we are engaged isn’t a mistake. It’s a flat-out omission of the truth. I haven’t told Quinn much about my life. He knows I have a brother, a sister, and parents. That’s it. I kept everything bottled up.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve thought about telling him, but never found the right moment.” I stop and laugh, but it comes out more like a cackle. “Rhett’s here. He’s come to take me back and Quinn saw the text message and assumed Rhett was here to help me move. I told Quinn I needed to tell him something, I was going to come clean about everything and then all hell broke loose.”

  “And you’ve been made out to be the bad guy.”

  “I am the bad guy, but not in the way he thinks. I have to talk to him, Susannah. I have to tell him everything.”

  “He probably needs some time, sweetie. You should wait until the morning. It sounds like the both of you need to cool down and take a minute.”

  “I’m afraid that if I wait, it’ll be too late. My daddy always says you have to strike while the iron’s hot.”

  “Well, I guess he’s right.”