Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  Once I got outside, I found Dane sitting on the stairs waiting for me. He saw me, stood up, and we both stared at each other and said in unison, “What the hell happened to you?”

  Obviously he was referring to my coffee-stained crotch. But he looked much worse off than I did. His light gray sweatshirt had red streaks of blood going in all different directions. He looked like an abstract painting.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, concerned that he should be seeking medical attention.

  “I’m fine. I just cut my hand on a grinder at work. It stopped bleeding mostly. What about you? Couldn’t you make it to the bathroom on time or what?”

  “NO! This is coffee. My buddy Libby pretended to trip and accidentally spill it on me. I was stuck walking around like this since eight this morning. My day was awful,” I admitted.

  “Mine too. But lunch was good. It was really nice to eat turkey after all the fucking ham I had last week.”

  “Let me see your hand,” I demanded. He showed it to me and it looked pretty bad. The knuckles were bruised and he had a three inch gash going down the side. It was caked in dried blood.

  “If you cut it on something, why is it all bruised? Did you get it stuck in a machine?”

  “Nope,” he said and smiled. “That was another incident entirely.”

  It didn’t take long for me to figure out the cause of the bruises. As we walked past Dane’s old job site on the way to my car, I was pleased to see that a certain slimeball was not paying any attention to me. As Jimmy saw us approaching, he turned and walked in the entirely opposite direction. I couldn’t help but notice he was sporting a brand new shiner on his left eye.

  “Did I just see Jimmy with a pretty serious black eye?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dane answered and quickly looked away to hide his smirk of satisfaction.

  “It looks like he got hit pretty hard. I bet whoever hit him must have a nasty bruise from that punch. Probably similar to the bruise on your hand. Care to explain that coincidence?”

  “Wow. That really is strange,” he commented, admitting nothing.

  “Are you going to get in trouble for that?”

  “If I did hit him, which I’m not confessing to, he probably realized that it’s not in his best interest to tell anyone where he got the black eye. He might be under the impression that I know some people in a certain gang that’s taking over Chicago and he doesn’t want to get on their bad side.”

  “Why did you do it?”

  “I never said I did. It’s not cool to get people fired for no reason and grab unsuspecting women. He needed to learn a lesson.”

  “I wish I could just punch Libby in the face and teach her a lesson.”

  “Maybe you should start bringing a spare pair of pants to work, huh? Or quit blaming the poor girl for you not making it to the bathroom on time. What did you eat for lunch anyway?”

  I flipped him off as we walked back to the car. He didn’t retaliate in any way. I guess the third time was the charm!

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  I insisted on properly bandaging Dane’s wound as soon as we got home. I wrapped it in gauze and put on anti-biotic ointment. He protested the entire time.

  “I’m not going to bleed out. It’s a small cut. Why are you freaking out?”

  “I don’t want it to get infected and you go all zombie on me. I don’t have a proper plan for the apocalypse yet. It’s still a work in progress.”

  He rolled his eyes at me, but I think he secretly appreciated my nursing skills. I had to bandage Kitty once when she cut her paw open on a sharp rock in the yard. A couple internet videos later and I considered myself an expert on wound care.

  We had take-out Chinese food for supper because I wasn’t in the mood to cook. I learned that Dane was an expert with chopsticks and he learned that I love shrimp fried rice and egg rolls. The only downside of the evening was that neither the coffee nor the blood stains came out of our clothes. Dane didn’t have that many shirts to start with, so he really felt the loss. As I went to bed, I hoped that Tuesday would be a better day. It certainly was.

  Tuesday, January 12

  This time a knock on my bedroom door woke me up instead of a paw to the face.

  “Who is it?” I asked. I was half asleep and that’s what you say when someone knocks.

  “Who the hell do you THINK it is?” Dane replied.

  “What’s wrong? Are you a zombie? Did the infection move to your brain?”

  “No. I’m cold. I just want another blanket. Do you have one? Can I come in?”

  He opened the door and turned on the light without waiting for me to answer. The light was really bright and I snuggled under the covers, not wanting to wake up.

  “Check in the closet. Top shelf. There should be a few blankets in there.” My bedroom is nothing terribly exciting. If you walk in, there’s a closet and a mirrored dresser to your left. My bed takes up the middle of the room. It’s a big queen bed. Kitty and I like to spread out and we need lots of space. To your right is my small ensuite bathroom consisting of a shower, a toilet, and a sink. It’s the ugliest shade of robin’s egg blue that you’ve ever seen. I hate it but there was no money to remodel. It looks like the 1970s threw up in my bathroom.

  Dane struggled to get my closet open. I have bi-fold doors and they stick really badly. On most days I have to kick them and threaten to take them off their hinges before they finally open. I’m pretty sure they’re afraid of my threats.

  “Add this fucking door to the list of things I have to fix around here,” he complained before getting the door to work. “Ooh. You have some nice clothes, Izzy. What’s the red sequined dress? Where are your pasties and G-string?” I can’t believe he remembered that from the first day we met!

  “The dress is from Halloween. I was a beauty pageant contestant. You’re not ready for the g-string yet, you couldn’t handle it.” And I didn’t really have any, so that’s why I couldn’t bring them out.

  The light turned off and I poked my head back out from under the covers, thinking that Dane had found a blanket and left the room. Not the case. He pulled back my comforter and crawled into bed next to me.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I asked as I rolled over to face him.

  “I told you I was cold. I figured this was the fastest way to warm up.” He snuggled up next to me and put his WARM hand under my shirt.

  “If you’re so cold, why is your hand warm?” I asked. I think I was forgetting something more important, so I added, “And why is it under my shirt? Do you always put your hand under your friend’s shirts?”

  “I’m not really cold. I’ve been trying to think of a decent excuse to come into your room for the last half hour and that’s the best I could come up with.” I started to stammer a response, but he pressed his lips to mine and any thought I had immediately disappeared. We frantically kissed, tongues exploring mouths, ears, necks. I sucked on his earlobe and he bit my collarbone. Before I knew it, my shirt was off and thrown across the room. It didn’t take long before his shirt joined mine, crumpled into a ball in the corner.

  “I’ve wanted to taste these since the first day you brought me home,” Dane admitted, taking my breasts in his hands. “You’re going to get me so fucking hard. You have no idea what you do to me.” He stuck his head under the blankets and started to slowly lick my breast. His tongue lavished long strokes up and down the sides, before switching to clockwise swirls right around the nipple. It felt like heaven. I was in ecstasy. His hot wet tongue found its way to my nipple and then the action really got intense. He alternated between sucking and licking and twirling his tongue. I grabbed his head in both of my hands and kept it pressed exactly where it was. I gasped with each flick of his tongue. If he was so skilled at working my breasts, I could only imagine what he could do in other places.

  “Dane,” I panted. “Don’t stop.”

/>   He didn’t. He did the exact same thing with the other breast. I let go of his head so I could massage his firm, muscular shoulders. I worked my way down to his biceps and then back up to his neck, desperate to touch every part of him. I wanted to memorize how he felt, so that I would never forget this moment. I had never ached for someone so much in my life. It wasn’t a want, it was a need.

  My hands returned to his head and I grabbed fists full of his hair. I tugged him back up to my mouth where he continued his routine of twirling, sucking, and licking, only this time my tongue frantically moved in the same rhythm as his. I abruptly left his mouth, so I could move lower. He had an amazing body and I wanted to do some exploring of my own. There was enough moonlight coming through my window blinds that I could see his incredible tattoos. I took my finger and traced the intricate patterns covering his chest. He froze in place as I slowly ran my thumb across his nipple. I made a circular motion, going around and around, but not quite touching the middle. I began to suck his nipple, repeating the exact maneuvers he had used on mine. Lick, suck, nibble, bite. Taste, suck, pull. After they were good and wet, I softly blew on them for good measure. That caused a low growl from Dane. He immediately rolled over and backed away from me.

  “Stop, Izzy. We can’t do this.”

  “Let me guess, you just want to be friends?” I said, finishing his thought for him.

  “Fuck no. We’re way beyond that now. The second I crawled into your bed, all thoughts of friendship went out the window. I never wanted that anyway. I only said it to piss you off. I didn’t want to stop myself the other night. I figured that if you were mad at me, you would end this so I wouldn’t have to. I don’t care if this gets complicated. My whole fucking life is complicated,” he confessed.

  “Then why did you just tell me we couldn’t do this?” I wanted to do this. What lame excuse was he going to throw at me this time?

  “The only reason that I stopped you is because I don’t have a condom. If I don’t take a break right now, I won’t be able to walk away if this goes any further. I have to cool off. You don’t have any condoms, do you?”

  “No. If I did, they’d be expired by now anyway. The last time I used one was two years ago,” I said. Two long years. I was ready to end that dry spell.

  “Condoms actually expire after five years,” he kindly pointed out.

  “Don’t you have one in your wallet? You’re a guy. Isn’t that one of the rules of being a guy? Carry a condom in your wallet and leave the toilet seat up?”

  “I don’t usually go for one-night-stands, so I don’t carry a condom around with me like a man-whore. My last time was on New Year’s Eve and I haven’t had the need to restock.”

  “Your last time was less than two weeks ago?!” I choked in surprise.

  He looked down in embarrassment and explained, “Not the new year we just celebrated, the one BEFORE that.”

  “Your last time was over a YEAR ago?” I shouted in disbelief.

  “Damn! You’re killing me here. Either you’re yelling at me for being too easy or for not being able to get any action at all. I can’t win with you.”

  “You’re way too good-looking to go so long without getting any. I don’t buy that at all.”

  “I’m not saying I’ve had nothing, I’m saying I messed around but it didn’t lead to sex.”

  “I see.”

  “So my reputation is still intact?”

  “I guess. What happens now?”

  “I go back to the couch and you go back to sleep.”

  “That plan sucks.”

  “Pretty much. But I’m not doing anything without protection. I have rules,” Dane said.

  I sighed in frustration, but I agreed with him completely. There’s no way I would have done it either. There were too many consequences that came from taking unnecessary risks.

  He leaned over and gave me a sweet kiss before leaving my room.

  “Goodnight, beautiful. Your tits are amazing.”

  “Thanks for punching that jerk today. It was sexy.”

  “If that’s what gets you all hot and bothered, I’ll kick him in the nuts tomorrow.”

  I laughed my ass off as Dane left the room and I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

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  Six o’clock arrived too soon and I was forced out of bed by my blaring alarm clock. Dane joined me for the morning walk, but he was in a sullen mood. He told me that he really wasn’t a morning person and it was starting to bother him that I was the one paying for everything. He felt bad that I had to buy the Chinese food we ate for supper. I didn’t know what to tell him. He was running low on cash and I had no quick fix for him. No mention was made of him crawling into my bed a few hours before. This was turning into a pattern of a secret nightly rendezvous followed by nothing at all in the daylight. It was disappointing to say the least.

  The morning routine carried on as usual, although this time Dane made his own lunch and I wore black in case Libby tried to launch any more projectiles at me. As I got in the car to drive us to work, Dane had a surprise for me.

  “I have good news that I forgot to tell you yesterday. Guess what I got at work?” he asked.

  “A promotion?”

  “It’s been like three days. No, I did not get a promotion.”

  “Oh. My bad.”

  “I got a parking pass. Now we can park your car in the SMB lot and you’re even closer to Kharmma. You don’t have to walk past Jimmy anymore. They give out new parking stickers once a month. This just sits in your car and you can park wherever you want.”

  “Awesome. Now you don’t have to kick Jimmy in the balls.”

  “I’m sure he’s waiting for me anyway. He wouldn’t be alone today. He probably got some guys to help him. Pussy fuckers like him always need to be surrounded by guys to protect his ass. I’m sure he has a new bodyguard or two, just waiting to take me out. Not gonna happen.”

  It was so nice parking in the new lot. I was much closer to work. I told Dane I’d meet him at five and I walked in to Kharmma and started my day. It was a lot slower at work and I had time to chat with Sheri, Janet, and Vera. We had no time yesterday to discuss what happened over the weekend and it was good to get caught up with them. Sheri told the story of her new ring and kept bringing it up all day long. Janet tried a new chicken recipe that she raved about and insisted we should all make because it was fantastic. Vera shared her excitement over the fact that she grew a whole new African Violet from a leaf of one of her old plants. I listened to their stories and nodded my head. Once they got around to asking me if I had a nice weekend, I really didn’t know what to say. “Your ring, recipe, and plant stories are all fun and exciting. All I did was take in a homeless stranger and almost have sex with him.” Somehow that didn’t seem to fit into the conversation. All in all, the day was not very note-worthy.

  I did get a text from Winter at lunch. “Monica landed a big new account at work. Going out tonight to celebrate. Be at RC at 8. It’s ladies night!”

  That was something to look forward to. Monica didn’t go out with us as much since she married Trent. She must have landed something important if she was willing to leave him to celebrate with us. I hadn’t been to the bar with both of them in ages. I texted back that I was in and I’d see them later.

  I was still in a good mood as I bounced out the door and spotted Dane waiting for me.

  “You look happy. What’s with the shit-eating grin?” he asked.

  “I made it through the day with no Libby incidents and I have hot plans later!” I exclaimed.

  “What plans are those?”

  “We’re going out tonight! Get ready to experience the best night life that Oak Valley has to offer! Party!”

  Dane looked skeptical that Oak Valley had ANY night life to offer. I explained about meeting the girls to celebrate at RC.

  “We’re going to RC
. Random Chaos. It’s the hottest bar in town. That still makes it lame compared to whatever you have in Chicago, but it’s the best I can do.”

  “How much chaos can there be on a Tuesday night?”

  “It’s Ladies Night. Drinks are half price. Not top shelf stuff, just whatever beer is on tap.”

  “And you want me to go with?”

  “Why not?” I wanted him to go with me so I could show him off. I couldn’t come out and say that though. I wanted to see how he interacted with Winter and Monica. Winter and I disliked Trent the very first time we met him and it turned out to be the right first impression. I wanted to know how Dane got along with my friends. It was kind of like introducing him to my family, because I didn’t really have anyone else for him to meet. “You’ve been working your ass off and you haven’t had any fun. Maybe I want to dance with you instead of a stranger.” Let’s see if he’d fall for that.

  He shrugged. “I guess I could see more of what this magnificent town has to offer.” Oh yeah. He took the bait.

  We ate a quick supper of a beef roast that I’d thrown in the slow cooker this morning. I added carrots and potatoes at lunch. It smelled amazing. Unfortunately it tasted like crap. All my roasts turn out dry. Dane politely choked it down and thanked me anyway. We went our separate ways to get ready for a night out.

  I tried to do something with my hair and ended up teasing it to give it more body. I never usually wore much for makeup but I did have some samples of the new line that just came out from Kharmma, so I cracked them open and played a little. I applied some eye liner and a light coat of eye shadow. The colors were very natural and I had a bit of a smokey look going on. I was impressed with my handiwork. I added some dark lipstick and I winked at myself in the mirror. I wore the new skin-tight black jeans and black knee-high boots that I got from Winter’s friend. One of the ladies that worked with Winter was a complete shop-a-holic. It was her drug of choice. Carmen shopped as a way to relax and she always bought way too much. Most of the stuff she never even wore. Carmen periodically cleaned out her closet and Winter picked out the best stuff and gave it to me. Ok, she didn’t GIVE it to me, I had to pay for it. But it cost me pennies on the dollar for new clothes with the tags still on them. It always made Winter crazy because she never fit into the clothes. She hated passing up such a great deal. I was thrilled that we had the same shoe size. These black boots were smoking hot and they were actually comfortable too. The price tag said ninety bucks and I got them for ten. Deal of the century. I wore a tight red shirt and I purposely left more buttons undone than I normally would have. I sprayed some perfume on my wrists, neck, and cleavage to have a scent that would lure in my fantasy man. After I added a silver chain necklace and two bracelets for some sparkle, I was all set.