In the Middle of Nowhere

by Julie Ann Knudsen

  He whispered, “’Til then.”

  I turned and ran down the cobblestone walkway and drove off into the night, as Michael stood alone on the stoop, under the moonlit sky, watching me and, most likely, wishing upon a star.

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-SIX

  I raced home and somehow knew instinctively how to get back without looking at the directions. When I pulled up to the house, I immediately saw James, bundled up and standing near the open front door. I turned into the driveway and made sure to put the car in the same spot my mother always parked it. I got out and joined my brother.

  James’s big blue eyes got bigger. “Hey, whatta ya doing driving mom’s car?”

  “Don’t worry about me driving. Just be thankful that the house didn’t burn to the ground.”

  We walked inside and, even though the smoke had cleared, I immediately caught a whiff of the pungent scent of burnt popcorn. James and I shut all the windows and I walked into the kitchen to close the back door. The inside of the microwave was black and a charred bag of popcorn sat inside it. James was behind me.

  “What the heck happened?”

  James shrugged. “I tried to make popcorn like I always do, but I think I set the time wrong and walked away and then I smelled the smoke and ran in here and opened the microwave and smoke kept pouring out.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re not even allowed to eat or drink when I leave you. Why did you think you could make popcorn?”

  James looked down and rubbed his belly. “I was hungry and didn’t know when you’d be coming back.”

  I wanted to be mad at my brother, but I actually felt sorry for him. I knew I shouldn’t have left him.

  “I’ll make you something else to eat. What do you want?”

  James looked up at me and grinned. “Peanut butter sandwich, no crust?”

  “Fine. Give me a minute to try and clean this microwave first.”

  “Kay,” James said and turned to leave.

  “Wait a minute, James. Do not tell mom about me driving because if you do, I will take each and every video game you’ve ever owned and make my own special bonfire with them out back.”

  James stared at me.

  “Understand?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” James answered before he scurried out of the kitchen and into the family room.

  I grabbed a roll of paper toweling, some cleaning spray and braced myself for a stinky and dirty job.

  • • •

  The mess in the microwave proved to be a time consuming task. I took a break and made my brother his sandwich before resuming my mission. I had to get it as clean as before so my mother wouldn’t ask me what had happened. I didn’t want to have to lie to her and certainly didn’t want her to ask James why the white microwave suddenly turned black. He might forget about my threat and tell her the whole story from me leaving him alone to me stealing her car.

  My mother actually called while I was making James’s sandwich. She wanted to check in and see how we were doing.

  “Everything is fine,” I reassured her.

  “Alright, dear. Brian and I will be home sometime tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  “Bye, Willow.”

  Except for the interruption by my mother, all I could think about, as I scrubbed and scrubbed, was my brief meeting with Michael. I kept reliving our last moment on the front porch, right before I left, when his face was close to mine. He looked like a man now, so handsome and strong under the illuminated sky. I wanted to remember what it felt like because, until he spoke, I thought he might kiss me.

  The butterflies came rushing back in, just from the memory of being with him. Why did I have such strong feelings for Michael? I had never felt this way with any other boy before.

  I felt saddened by his admission about his disease. I didn’t know anything about Cystic Fibrosis and decided I would look it up on the Internet as soon as I was done with the microwave. It made complete sense why Michael missed so much school and looked sickly sometimes. Did having the disease mean that he would die at an early age, too? I hoped not and needed to do some research.

  I was just about done cleaning up when my cell phone beeped, telling me I had a new text. I put down the paper towel roll and saw that it was from Michael. I opened the text and read, “Star light, star bright, last star I saw tonight, was the one shining deep from within your enchanting eyes.”

  I smiled to myself, but didn’t know what to respond. I wasn’t poetic like Michael, so I decided to send back a smiley face instead.

  After my final inspection of the spotless microwave, I turned off the lights in the kitchen and headed upstairs to my room where I would try to learn all I could about Michael Cooper and how he lived his life with an incurable disease.

  • • •

  I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep and, at first, thought I was dreaming. The incessant ringing of the doorbell eventually woke me. I looked at the clock. It was 3:00 A.M.

  I sat up and tried to make sense of what day it was. I remembered it was Saturday night, actually early Sunday morning and that my mom was away. Who the heck would be ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night?

  I was afraid to go downstairs and check. I climbed out of my bed and crept into the hallway. I passed James’s bedroom, peeked inside and saw that he was fast asleep. The doorbell chimed again. I went into my mother’s room, which had a window that faced the front of the house.

  Slowly I pushed aside her curtain to peer outside. I looked onto the driveway and saw another vehicle parked behind my mom’s, but didn’t recognize it. I looked down toward the front door and could not see anybody at first. Just then the person who was ringing the bell stopped and walked away.

  Even in the darkness I could tell it was Tessa. I flung open the bedroom window and yelled down to her as she reached her car.

  “What the hell are you doing!?”

  Tessa stopped, turned and looked for the source of my voice. She couldn’t find me.

  “Up here!” I shouted and waved.

  She finally spotted me. “Open the damn door! I’m freezing my ass off out here!”

  • • •

  I closed the family room door tightly behind us.

  “Shhh. My brother’s sleeping.”

  “Sorry.” Tessa tried to whisper. Immediately I smelled alcohol on Tessa’s breath and realized she was very drunk.

  “Why are you here?”

  “’Cause Connor and I got in a fight and I told him to go screw himself.”

  “Again, why are you here?”

  Tessa fished through her bag and took out her pack of cigarettes. She tried to light one. I snatched the lighter from her hand.

  “I don’t think so,” I said. I didn’t want to have to deal with another fire. One per night was enough for me.

  “So I told my mom I was sleeping at your house, but I was really going to spend the night at Connor’s, but he and I got into a huge fight and he kicked me out of his stupid party.”

  Tessa plopped down on the couch. “Can I crash?”

  I hesitated, but relented. “I guess.”

  Where else was Tessa going to go? She shouldn’t have even been driving in the first place. I didn’t want her to kill herself or another innocent person while out on the road.

  “You might want to come upstairs, though, ’cause my brother gets up very early in the morning and turns on the television down here.”

  Tessa struggled to stand. “Sounds good to me.”

  Tessa grabbed her purse, followed me upstairs and made my crazy night even crazier.

  • • •

  Thank God I had a queen-sized bed. It made sleepovers tolerable, especially the ones with drunken guests.

  I gave Tessa an extra pillow and tried to get comfortable on mine. I was very tired and wanted to go back to sleep, but all Tessa wanted to do was talk.

  “You really should have come to Connor’s. The party was really rockin’ until he act
ed like a dick to me.”

  “I told you I had to stay here with my brother.”

  “I know. That’s why came here to crash. I remembered your mom was away.”

  Tessa elbowed me. “Didn’t you have fun at Rocky’s last weekend?”

  “I guess,” was all I was willing to tell her. I opted to leave out the groping and throwing up parts.

  “Yeah. Rocky’s parents are really cool, unlike Connor’s. The only reason he had a party was ’cause his parents are away… like your mom.”

  Tessa turned to me and smiled, proud of herself, for making such an obvious comparison. I wanted to shove a breath mint in her mouth. She smelled like a brewery.

  “The winter always sucks because we can’t party outside at the beach like we do in the summer. The summers are amazing on the island, but the winters suck.”

  Tessa flung her arm and whacked me in the head.

  “Ow!”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” I answered. I didn’t want to engage her in conversation anymore. I wanted to sleep.

  Tessa closed her eyes, but spoke anyway, actually slurred. “Did you know that some girls in school call us soph-whore-mores?”

  “Yeah. I heard.”

  “They’re just jealous.” Tessa opened her eyes. “Don’t you think they’re jealous, Willow?”

  “I have no idea and don’t really care.”

  “Well, I think they’re jealous cuz we’re prettier than them.”

  Tessa turned toward me and curled up on her side. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

  I wanted her to stop talking and stop asking me inane questions. I stared at the ceiling and answered robotically.

  “Yes, Tessa, I think you’re pretty. Can we go to sleep now, please?”

  Tessa reached out and touched the bottom of my hair. “Well, I think you’re pretty, too, Willow.”

  “Great! Now that we’ve established that we’re both so damn pretty, can we go to sleep?”

  I waited for Tessa to respond, but she didn’t. The next thing I knew, Tessa began to breathe deeply, and then started to snore loudly.

  I slowly removed Tessa’s hand from my pillow and watched as she stirred and quickly fell back to sleep. I rolled over and turned off the light. I couldn’t believe what was happening. What I thought had been an even crazier night, turned out to be the craziest one ever.

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  When I finally woke up the next morning, I looked next to me and saw that the bed was empty. Did Tessa really spend the night or had I been dreaming? I grabbed the other pillow and smelled it. I caught the scent of Tessa’s perfume along with the subtle hint of cigarette smoke. I knew then that it hadn’t been a dream. But where was she?

  I got out of bed and searched the upstairs. No sign of her. I walked into my mom’s room and looked out her front window. Tessa’s car was gone.

  I went back to bed and thought about the events from the night before; meeting up with Michael, his confession about his illness, my brother almost burning down the house and Tessa’s unexpected, late-night visit. I smiled to myself. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t believe how much madness had taken place in just one evening.

  I could hear my brother downstairs slaying his virtual dragons. I grabbed my cell phone and turned it on to see if I had any new messages. There was one from Tessa that she had sent about an hour earlier. It read: “Thanks for the bed. I owe you.”

  I was about to text her back, when I heard the front door slam shut followed by my mother’s voice.

  “Willow? James? Where are you two?”

  I heard James say something in response while I hopped out of bed and headed downstairs.

  I joined James and my mother in the kitchen.

  “Good morning, sleepy head,” my mom greeted me.

  “Morning,” I said as I folded my arms and leaned up against the counter.

  As my mom unpacked bags of groceries, she crinkled up her nose. “Why does it smell awful in here, like burnt popcorn?”

  “Cuz I burnt some last—” James started, until I elbowed him hard in the ribs.

  “Owww!” James screamed.

  My mother turned, alarmed. Luckily she had been busy putting away food and didn’t notice. “What’s wrong, James?”

  “Nothing. He’s fine,” I quickly said as I ruffled his already messy hair. “I burned popcorn last night by mistake while I was making it for James. Sorry.”

  I smiled. She smiled back. “It’s okay, dear.”

  “Did you have a nice time?” I asked, even though I didn’t care. I cared more about Tessa’s stupid squabble with Connor than I did about my mom’s night away with her beau.

  My mother stopped her unpacking and faced my brother and me. “I, I mean, we had a great time.”

  She had on a grin from ear to ear and held out her left hand toward us. “Do you notice anything different?” my mother asked as her eyes darted back and forth between my brother and me.

  James and I looked at each other, confused. Was our mother losing it? Notice what?

  This time she shook her hand wildly in our faces. “Look you two! I’m engaged!”

  Engaged! Was she kidding?! The rock on her finger told me she wasn’t kidding, but how could she be engaged to another man, a man other than my father? I was blown away and it must have shown on my face.

  My mother’s genuine joy turned to hurt. “Aren’t you happy for me, Willow?”

  I could see the pain in her eyes, but wasn’t fazed. “How can you be engaged to a man, who you’ve only known for what, two months?”

  “I have known Brian since we moved here, Willow. We’ve been working together at the school since the fall.”

  I responded with enough sarcasm for anyone else who’d ever been wronged. “Oh, excuse me. You’ve known him for a whole five months.”

  My mother was indignant. “Why can’t you just be happy for me once, young lady?”

  “Happy for you? Happy for you?” I snapped incredulously. “How can you just forget about Daddy like that? Didn’t he mean anything to you?”

  “Of course he did, but he’s gone, Willow, and you need to accept that. Just because I’ve fallen in love with another man doesn’t mean that I didn’t love your father, too.”

  All the anger and frustration that had built up inside of me for so long finally exploded.

  I pointed at my mother and screamed. “You’re a liar. You never loved Daddy, because if you did, you would never think of marrying any one else!”

  I ran from the kitchen and up the stairs and as I ran, I could faintly hear my mother calling after me. Her voice was muffled by a very loud, guttural sound and I realized when I reached the safety of my room that the sound was coming from deep inside me. At that very moment, the sound of my own sobs drowned out my mother’s voice and all the other noises in the entire world.

  • • •

  The whole week at school was both a blur and rather uneventful. I had a ton of homework and quizzes in almost every class, almost everyday, it seemed. That’s all I did; study, do homework and do it all over again.

  I was so thankful it was Friday. I sat as close to the heater as I could on the ferry ride into school. I saw Taylor and Erica at the other end of the boat, but they didn’t sit near me. I really didn’t care. I needed a break, from school, from them, from everyone, but I didn’t really want to stick around my house over the weekend either. Because I had stayed home with James overnight, my mom told me I could go out on Saturday night if I wanted. She would stay home and babysit and made no mention of Brian.

  My mom must be making such a huge sacrifice, I figured, because of the fit I threw when she told me she was engaged. I hadn’t spoken to her all week long and avoided her at all costs. When I was with her, I only gave her the most minimal answers to her questions. She knew not to push for more.

  I was so upset by her “good” news that, once I was able to stop crying, I reached out to Becca that firs
t Sunday night. I had called her on her cell and she had picked up right away.

  “Hey, friend! I miss you. How are you?” Becca had asked.

  “Not so good.”

  “Why? What’s wrong, Willow?”

  “My mom got engaged.”

  “To who?”

  “To that guy Brian she’s been dating.”

  I could tell I caught her off guard. “Wow. Is he nice?”

  “I guess,” I had said and was about to tell her more when I heard giggling coming from her end.

  “What’s so funny?” I wanted to know.

  “Stop it, guys!” Becca had yelled at someone. She turned her attention back to me. “Sorry about that. Gabby and Richie are acting like idiots.”

  More giggling and screaming echoed through Becca’s phone.

  “Give it back!” she yelled.

  I rolled my eyes. What the hell was going on over there? Couldn’t Becca give me a minute of her time, especially since I was so upset?

  “Willow, let me call you back later. Okay?”

  “Fine,” I said through gritted teeth and hung up. I hurled my phone across the room where it hit the wall and fell to the floor below. I had thrown it so powerfully, the battery cover flew off and the battery flew even further.

  I climbed off my bed so I could retrieve the pieces and reassemble my cell. As soon as I had placed the battery back into its proper spot, it rang. I figured it was Becca.

  I sat up. “Hello?”

  “Hey there, smiley.” It was Michael and I could tell he was smiling.

  “Smiley? Why smiley?”

  “’Cause that’s the last thing you texted me. A smiley face. Remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember.”

  “You don’t sound so smiley today. What’s wrong?”

  I proceeded to tell Michael why I was upset and he listened intently and tried to reason with me. Michael tried to convince me that since my mother wanted to get married, she must have loved my father and they must have had a good marriage if she was willing to do it all over again with Brian. By the end of the conversation, I didn’t feel as badly about the whole thing.