Expired Regrets

by Megan C. Smith

  Bryant looked at me, apparently realizing my concern was for Jordan, as the light left his eyes for a moment.

  “Rose, don’t worry. I don’t live with the guys. You won’t run into Jordan.” He focused on the road, and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

  His foot lifted off the accelerator a little, and the roar of the truck softened to a hum.

  I reached out to touch his cheek with my fingers. “Bryant. I want to be with you. I just hate that we hurt Jordan on our path to one another. I don’t want to worry about his feelings when I’m with you. I want to be with you.”

  Bryant stopped at the red light. He turned to look at me, grasping my hand and kissing my fingertips.

  I caught his hand and held it near my mouth as I tentatively sucked and nipped at his fingertips.

  A moan escaped his lips, and his eyes grew wider. The light turned green, and he pressed the gas pedal so hard the truck jolted to catch up with his demands.

  I stifled a giggle.

  “Oh, you just wait, Rose. Once I get my hands and mouth on you, you won’t be giggling, you’ll be screaming.”

  I gulped as he looked at me with lust-filled eyes, ready to pounce.

  Bryant opened his door and pulled me over the console to his side, not wanting to break contact.

  The butterflies in my stomach took flight, making me grateful we hadn’t eaten earlier. Slinging the front door open, almost taking it off its hinges, Bryant made it clear that he was ready to have me to himself.

  I was so nervous all I could do was giggle like a fool. The food was dropped on the table by the front door, and then both his hands gripped my hips, pulling me closer to him as he brought his mouth to mine.

  Bryant paused over my lips, taking a deep breath to, what I could only assume by his pounding heartbeat, calm himself.

  I desperately tried to push my body into his even more, hoping he would just absorb mine to become one. My skin was tingling with awareness, waiting and craving his touch.

  “Rose, I want to take my time with you. You aren’t just some girl. You are mine. I want to worship every inch of your body. Let me take my time and love you.”

  I swallowed and nodded, feeling my cheeks heat with redness. Taking a minute to calm myself down, I looked around the living room at the leather couch, dark wood tables, and large TV dominating the room. On the kitchen counter were different liquor bottles, all with an ample amount missing — bachelor pad at its finest.

  Bryant scooped me up, hands firmly grabbing hold of my ass. I wrapped my legs around his hips. He placed his mouth on my neck, sucking at the sensitive spot at the curve.

  A moan escaped my lips, and I tried desperately to rock my body against him. His hands clasped my hips to halt my motion.

  “Rose, we’ll get there. A tornado could come through here, ripping the roof off, and I’m not stopping, we have had too many damn interruptions.” He walked to the bedroom with me latched onto the front him. He gently laid me on his down comforter, and I sank into it as if it was a cloud in heaven.

  I raised onto my elbows as Bryant went for the hem of my shirt. He revealed and kissed my navel, and my body trembled. Slowly he worked his way up until he’d divested me of my shirt. He leaned back, his eyes showing appreciation at the sight of me in my white lace bra, before bringing his eyes up to meet mine. With a flick of his wrist, my bra was unfastened and thrown to join my shirt on his floor.

  I reached for Bryant’s shirt, but he stopped me, grabbing my hands and shaking his head no. He brought his mouth around my nipple, sucking on it softly. His knuckles grazed along my ribs making my skin cover in goose bumps and tremble in appreciation.

  He brought his lips up, tracing my collarbone, neck, and then earlobe. A soft whimper escaped my lips; his touch was unraveling me. My body was aching for Bryant to touch me more, to extinguish the fire he’d ignited inside me.

  I wiggled my body beneath him, rubbing our legs together and trying to bring my hips up a bit to grind against him.

  He tilted his head up to look at me, giving me a devilish look at my forwardness.

  “Bryant, I want you, faster. This is a slow, cruel torture.”

  I moved for his shirt again, and he relented, letting me peel it from his body. Tracing my hands back down his body to his waistline, skin to skin, was better than I could have ever imagined.

  He shivered at the contact of my hands on his body, and I followed each crease and indention of muscle on him. I smiled, knowing my touch was just as disarming to him.

  I stared into the depths of Bryant’s chocolate-brown eyes and could see his patience unraveling with my hands taunting him. “Do you see the inner turmoil you are making me feel?” I asked.

  In a flash, Bryant had one hand pinning my own above head, while the other worked the button on my denim shorts. Bare, Bryant just stared at me with awe in his eyes. It was as if I was a siren calling him home. His hands skimmed up along my legs before he wrapped them around his shoulders, and then I was in pure bliss.

  My thighs trembled as my heart soared with adoration for him. My body felt like it was free falling, overrun with ecstasy and pleasure, But my hips had a mind of their own, rocking against him, as my hands fisted, clenching the comforter, trying to anchor myself to anything. I could feel my core tighten like a rubber band being pulled entirely too tight. Bryant plunged his tongue in again, using one of his hands to massage my breast and the other to caress the nub above where his mouth was currently latched.

  “Let go, Rose, just relax and enjoy,” he crooned, the vibrations from his words sailing through me, tipping me farther over the edge.

  I am enjoying — too much. This is a sensory overload, I thought to myself, growling at the internal chaos I was feeling.

  “Too. Much. I can’t…” I panted out.

  “Shh, yes you can. Just feel,” he whispered as he went back to caressing my body from the inside out.

  I inhaled a deep breath and let myself sink into the comforter more, raising my hands to grasp his dark hair, trying to push him away and pull him closer at the same time. He moved his mouth to thrust his fingers inside me again. I was tipping over the edge, falling into oblivion. I felt myself spiral out of control as my body found its release, gasping and moaning out his name.

  A smile crept to my lips when Bryant brought his mouth up to mine. “Wow,” I murmured against his lips.

  He laughed a throaty laugh. “Wow is right!” He kissed my lips fiercely and then nibbled on my earlobe. “I’m not done with you yet. Rose, I need you, desperately.”

  “I need you too, Bryant.” My voice sounded husky and needy, exactly how I felt on the inside. My body was already primed, nerves on end, craving more of him.

  He shimmied out of his pants and returned to me hastily.

  My body trembled with nerves as I took in his full form, my emotions torn between fear and excitement.

  Bryant looked at me, his eyes questioning whether I wanted it as desperately as he did.

  I nodded. I couldn’t imagine anything I needed to do more at that moment. I wanted to give Bryant every piece of me possible, for him to erase the bad memories Daren had left behind and tainted my soul with. To be desired and loved so tenderly by Bryant was my heart’s every wish come true. This was exactly how I had pictured my first time being. This was my do-over.

  Bryant took my body, claiming it fully and irrevocably as his own with a possessive force that left no confusion of his carnal need for me.

  For every thrust he gave, I pushed back, hoping to bring him all the pleasure he was giving me in that moment.

  He held me tightly to his body and ran his hands over my every curve. Nibbling on my ear, his breath quickened, and a soft groan escaped his lips. Picking up his pace, he slammed into me harder, and my nails dug into his back until his climax poured out of him and filled me.

  Collapsing on top of me, Bryant held his weight on his forearms so that I could feel every sweat-glistened inch without being squished beneat
h him. I brought my hands up to rub his back, trying to stay in the moment as long as possible. His lips gently kissed my cheek and then came to my ear, nipping at me before whispering, “I love you.”

  I closed my eyes as I felt the tears gather behind my lashes. “I love you too.”

  The last two years I had thought I wasn’t worthy of love, and now I couldn’t help but wonder if what he’d said had been sincere. I had gotten to such a dark place my mom had forced me to see a therapist. Even with his help, though, I kept to myself and just shut that side of me down, determined to avoid the pain. Bryant had reawakened me, and I was eternally grateful as I lay in his arms.

  After a moment, he shifted us so that he was lying on his back, and I was resting on top of him. He rubbed my back, and my fingers traced the taut muscles on his stomach. I was in a state of pure bliss. I stared at him a minute, in awe of finally being with him. A nagging voice in the back of my head forced me to close my eyes as I heard it tell me it was all too good to be true, and I felt the fear creep up inside.

  CHAPTER TEN

  From that point on, Bryant and I spent every free moment together. Each time together in bed contained more passion and heat than the last. It was breathtaking. Our bodies thrived and fed off one another, needing to be close and connected to survive. Outside the room, the relationship was definitely a challenge. I could see him making an effort and tried to focus on that and not argue. We spent a lot of time at the barn at first, which made me skeptical that he had, in fact, changed. Apparently sensing my concern, Bryant made a point to visit me at work each day, take me on a date every Friday, and spend the weekends together.

  One night he suggested retrying the Italian restaurant. I had been too embarrassed to go back, but decided it’d been over a month, and we surely had been forgotten. Just our luck, the same waiter approached our table and stumbled on his words when he saw us, probably wondering if we’d make it to the meal this time. Bryant winked at me, causing me to giggle as I scooted away from him, hoping to put the waiter at ease. We ordered our food and drinks, and the waiter quickly delivered them back to our table with little flourish.

  I looked at my food and felt my stomach roll over. “Ugh — I’m going to be—” I jumped from my seat, bee-lining for the restroom and barely making it in the nick of time to dump the contents of my stomach into the trashcan just inside the door. A woman at the sink looked at me in disgust, and I attempted to mumble out an apology while moving to the sink to rinse out my mouth. Looking in the framed mirror, I could see my skin was flushed and droplets of sweat glistened on my forehead. I walked back out to Bryant, who had a concerned look on his face.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, going into paramedic mode and checking me over.

  “I think I’m coming down with something. We had a birthday party at the arcade yesterday and, there were a few sick kids in the bunch. I must have caught it from them.”

  I looked at my food then shoved it away as I felt my stomach clench up again. “Can you take me home? I’m really sorry, but the thought of eating makes me want to die.”

  Bryant motioned for the waiter and held back a chuckle as he asked for to-go boxes, quickly throwing out that I wasn’t feeling well to lessen the judgment being passed.

  The rest of the weekend, I spent just lying in bed, nauseated. Bryant tried to stay and care for me, but I kicked him, only allowing him to stop by to visit. Each day he delivered some chicken soup and movies to me to help me recover.

  Feeling a bit better Monday, I decided to try to go to school. Before leaving, I texted Bryant to let him know that I hoped to see him at the barn later. My phone buzzed as I was setting it back down with a reply.

  B: Take it easy, sweetheart. Don’t overdo it. Call me if you go home sooner, and I’ll meet you at your house. Miss you.

  Bryant had been frustrated because I hadn’t let him sit around with me. It was a two-fold thing: I didn’t want to get him sick, but more importantly, I didn’t want him seeing me sick. I understood that he was in school to learn to save people for a living, but holding a newly appointed girlfriend’s hair back as she puked didn’t work for me. I tapped out a reply hastily and met Leslie by my truck.

  “You feeling better? I wasn’t sure if I’d actually have to drive myself to school today.” She laughed.

  “Nope, I feel better. Just tired from lying in bed. Stupid kids — passing me their germs,” I whined.

  We hopped in and headed toward school for our final two weeks before graduation.

  “So, how are you and Grant doing? I feel like we haven’t had much time to talk.”

  Leslie nodded, giving me updates on their relationship. “We’re doing good — really good. He’s worried about me heading off to college and what that will mean…” She mumbled the last part as her thoughts increased her worry.

  “What do you think it means, Les?” I asked, trying to get her to talk out her fears, since I needed to consider them as well.

  “I’m not sure. I like him, but I still want to go off to college. Speaking of, I got my letter from Florida State, did you? I want to open them together.”

  “I’m not sure, but I’ve been holed up in my room. After school we can go home and check?” I said, excitement filling my voice.

  Leslie chewed on her lip, and I reached over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. I knew she was concerned about getting in, she had always been a bit more interested in the social aspects of school, but I’d stayed on top of her academics enough to ensure we both got in. I felt confident we’d be okay.

  I sent a text to Bryant to let him know about the change of plans, realizing as I typed that he and I hadn’t even discussed the fact that I was hoping to head three hundred miles away to college. Far enough to be free and on my own, but close enough to drive back on long weekends.

  Bryant sent back a quick reply as Leslie and I headed into school, making grand plans for the life we were about to set out on.

  The day was over in no time and we headed home in silence as the reality kicked in that this would be that make-or-break moment. We’d only applied to Florida State University, being die-hard Seminole fans. Mom had even suggested we apply to the University of Florida. There we’d be closer to home with a back-up plan, but that was just unacceptable to us as loyal ‘Noles. We told her we’d sooner go to the local college and retry next year.

  Leslie ran to her house to grab her letter, and I went to the kitchen to find mine in the stack of mail on the counter. My stomach knotted, despite the confidence I’d felt earlier. Staying here was not an option.

  Leslie came back in the house and looked to me with fear showing in her eyes.

  “Ready?” I asked her, trying to smile and share some of my confidence with her. “On the count of three. One. Two. Three!”

  The sound of paper ripping preceded our screams. While we jumped up and down, cheering in unison, I read aloud, “‘We are pleased to inform you your application for admission has been approved!’ We did it! We are ‘Noles!”

  Leslie and I hugged each other tightly, squealing in delight. My mom came running in a panic through the front door, arriving home from a day at the office. Looking at us, her body relaxed, and a slow smile grew on her face as she apparently realized what was going on.

  “You girls got in?”

  “Yep!” I smiled back at her and saw a small tear slip out. She was probably thinking about me leaving. Hugging my mom, I reassured her she would still see me plenty.

  “I’ll order some Chinese food in celebration. I’m sure you two are ready to start finding apartments and gear up, but let’s enjoy these last few months slowly please.” She gave a small smile and made her way to the phone to call and order dinner.

  I grabbed my phone to text Bryant the news, and he sent back a smiley face. Not the response I was looking for, but I wasn’t about to let him dampen my high spirits.

  Minutes later, the smell of the lo mein and orange chicken alerted me to the food’s arrival. We grabbe
d plates and sat down to talk about college and our excitement. A few bites in, I felt my stomach roll. I jumped to my feet and barely had enough time to get to the trash. I watched all the Chinese come right back up. Damn. I looked back to see Leslie looking at me with a raised eyebrow, packing away my food.

  Mom came over to rub my back. “Aw, honey, I thought you were feeling better. Did you puke at lunch, too?” She looked between Leslie and me.

  Leslie spoke up as I tried to remember lunch. “She didn’t eat anything at lunch. I chalked it up to nerves about opening our letters, but she must’ve just not been one-hundred percent yet. Come on, Rose, let’s go upstairs to your room, and you can relax while I talk your ear off some more.”

  I followed her up the stairs, feeling the exhaustion take over. Stupid kids

  After we entered the room, Leslie quickly shut the door behind me, glaring at me with her eyebrows raised so high I thought they might merge with her hairline.

  “What? I’m sorry I ruined our night. I can’t help getting sick.” I defended myself, a bit irritated she was mad I’d puked.

  She raised her hand to stop me and looked at as if I’d stolen her best friend, and, considering I was her best friend, that was very alarming. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she accused.

  “Tell you what, Leslie?” I questioned, completely lost.

  She paused a moment, looking at me with skeptical eyes. “Rose, you and Bryant… you guys have been involved right?”

  Leslie has officially lost it.

  “What? Yeah, we’ve been together almost two months now. Where have you been, on Mars?”

  Leslie shook her head no at me. She seemed to be trying to figure out what she wanted to say. “No, Rose — involved,” she said, adding air quotes to emphasis involved.

  “Huh…? Oh! Oh — um, yes, we’ve been together.” Crap. Figures that Leslie would have wanted to know all the nitty gritty details when it happened.

  “Rose, I had my period last week, and I thought it was odd when you weren’t gorging on the greasy fries with me, but I didn’t think much of it.”