Expired Regrets

by Megan C. Smith

  I mentally calculated my last period, knowing it was pointless since Leslie and I had been synced since we’d hit puberty. Oh, Shit. My face paled as the insinuation hit me.

  Leslie made her way to me and put her arm around my shoulders.

  My phone buzzing in my pocket brought me back to reality. I pulled it out and saw a text from Bryant. What are the chances?

  B: Hey babe, was hoping to swing by and see you, I miss you. Can Leslie share for a little?

  I stared at the phone a minute, too much in shock to reply.

  Leslie took it from me, and I watched on as she typed out a reply.

  R: Hey, Bryant, it’s Les. Rose got sick at dinner and is asleep. I’ll have her call you tomorrow.

  B: Aw man, my poor girl. As soon as class finishes up, I’m coming over to check on her.

  I took my phone back and then tossed it on the bed.

  “No. No, I’m not… I’m not…” I stammered.

  “Pregnant?” Leslie finished for me. “There is only one way to find out, Rose. I’ll run to the store and be right back.”

  She gave my shoulder a reassuring pat before jogging down the stairs. I heard the front door open and close as I sat in my desk chair in shock, waiting for her to return.

  Leslie was back in no time. She shut and locked my door behind her. A bag of five different pregnancy tests spilled onto my bed, and I looked at them in horror.

  “Figure we should be thorough…” She looked terrified for me and tossed a bottle of water my direction. “Rose, either way, I’m here for you. Now get peeing.”

  I chugged the water until my bladder felt like it might burst. Leslie and I went into the bathroom, and I put every test to work, hoping that our fears were crazy talk. Two smiley faces, one Pregnant, and two sets of double pink lines later, I was in a full-on panic attack. Whoever the hell had thought up a smiley face should make a pregnancy test for people who aren’t trying that says, Sorry or You’re screwed.

  Leslie hugged me and then called her parents, letting them know she was staying the night to keep planning for college. It was more of a formality with her parents. Leslie’s house had always been the cool house, with her parents either out of town or throwing a party for us. Leslie and I lay there as I cried my eyes out in sheer panic of being a mother at eighteen. How had I gone from planning my escape to adulthood with a full college experience… to teen pregnancy?

  Rambling aloud, I let my fears be voiced. “Oh my God, how is Bryant going to react? He didn’t even want to date me publically, and now I’m pregnant. He’s going to stroke!”

  “Rose, calm down. Bryant will be fine. He loves you.” Leslie attempted to calm me down.

  “That’s not enough!” I looked at her, desperately hoping this was a horrible nightmare, but that would be too easy.

  Leslie picked up my cell and tossed it to me. “Call him. He said he was coming over anyway. I’ll stay here with you.”

  I looked at the phone for a good ten minutes, dialing and canceling his number repeatedly. I finally worked up the nerve and pressed send.

  A quick ring later, his husky voice came over the line, “Hey, baby, I heard you got sick again. You feeling better? I’m on my way over with some soup.”

  I sat there quiet, incapable of forming words that wouldn’t have emotion wrapped up in them.

  “Babe?” he questioned over the line, concern saturating his tone.

  Leslie stuck her hand out, asking for the phone, and I obliged. “Bryant. Hey, it’s Leslie…She’s okay...just out of sorts and feeling nauseated. Okay, perfect, see you soon.”

  She hung the phone up and looked to me. I could tell by the concern across her brow that she was trying to figure out how to solve my problems.

  Bryant made it to my house much quicker than it had taken Leslie to run up to the store on the corner. He knocked before coming in my room and looked from me to Leslie then back to me, reflecting the worry and fear I must have had on my face.

  “I’ll just leave you two to talk?” She looked to me in question, and I nodded, knowing the sooner I got this done the better.

  Bryant sat down beside me and held my hand in his. “What’s the matter, Rose? We can fix it — together.”

  My tears flowed, wondering to myself if he’d stick to those words once I’d dropped the bomb on him.

  He wiped the tears from my eyes and turned my head to look at him, willing me to speak to him, apprehension etched on his face.

  “Bryant,” I began, swallowing the lump forming in my throat that was impeding my words. “I’ve been sick lately.”

  “I know, Rose…” He looked at me thoroughly confused.

  “No… just listen. I thought it was the kids who got me sick, but it wasn’t... well it was… just not those kids...” I paused again to collect my thoughts. This wasn’t coming out as eloquently as I had planned.

  “Rose, what are you saying?” Panic started to flare in his eyes.

  A fresh set of tears came on as I bit the proverbial bullet and spat out, “I’m pregnant.”

  You could have heard a pin drop as the realization of what I’d said dawned on Bryant’s face. He sat there in shock a moment and then looked at me, mouth gaping. Now he was the speechless one. He looked to my stomach, placing his palm against the flatness that would soon turn into a bump and smiled.

  I blinked my eyes quickly to clear my vision. A smile — did I see a smile?

  The smile grew bigger, and his whole face lit up.

  “We’re having a baby?” he stated and questioned all at once, voice filled with excitement. “Oh, baby, I mean, I know this is soon — but, I mean, it’s amazing. I love you. I want to be with you forever. There isn’t a doubt in my mind we can make this work.”

  I stared at him in disbelief but could feel my worries ease away at his words.

  Leslie came back in, looking between us with relief at Bryant’s excitement. She smiled at us before excitedly announcing, “So, I’m going to be an aunt!”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The next day I called the doctor’s office.

  My mom had taken the news a little rough, but Bryant had sat beside me as she grilled us, taking it like a trooper.

  At the doctor’s appointment, they confirmed I was six weeks pregnant and due December 15. The nurse gave me the dos and don’ts of being pregnant, and then we got to listen to the heartbeat.

  Bryant sat beside me, bursting with pride as tears appeared in his eyes. He gave my hand a squeeze and kissed my temple whispering an “I love you” in my ear.

  Best Moment Ever.

  The worst moment came later when Grant and Jordan came by Leslie’s house as we were looking up information about courses and campus life. I looked to Leslie, trying to ask with my eyes if she’d told Grant, thereby letting Jordan know as well.

  She nodded just as Grant hugged me and told me congratulations.

  As I hugged him, I looked over his shoulder into Jordan’s eyes and just wanted to die a thousand deaths.

  Grant let me go and moved to Leslie to look at a few websites we had bookmarked.

  Jordan approached and tilted his head toward Grant. “I heard. Congratulations to you and Bryant.”

  “Jordan, look at this. The girls will be down the road from you!” Grant spoke up, releasing us from the tension for a moment as his words sank in.

  “Wait — near us? What do you mean?”

  Jordan looked to Grant with a cautious expression, trying to decide what to say when Leslie spoke up, “Jordan is transferring to FSU to complete his law degree.”

  I turned to look at him, but he was looking anywhere but at me. Well that’d make for an awkward college experience, if we couldn’t find our way to an amicable friendship.

  ****

  Two weeks flew by, and it was time for graduation. Leslie and I were so excited to be done. We’d gotten to school early, as required, to be dressed in cap and gown and lined up. Leslie had chosen our wardrobe; we were wearing cute summer dres
ses with heels. We each straightened our hair meticulously and applying some make-up.

  “This is so stupid, considering we are going to put a tent and a square hat on over all our hard work,” she whined to me.

  I just laughed in response, thinking that complaint had probably been made countless times.

  We sat in the waiting area, and Bryant and my mom came down with Leslie’s parents. Bryant holding a big bouquet of roses. He kissed me quickly before my mom wrapped me up in her arms.

  “I’m so proud of you, honey! I can’t believe this is it, and you’ll be moving soon,” she said through teary eyes.

  Bryant looked to me a bit surprised, and I realized, with all the terror and excitement of a baby, I had yet to talk to him about college. I had decided I was still going.

  My education was of the utmost importance to me. I wanted to provide for our family and set a good example for our child. I’d looked over course books and had decided I would just do nights and online classes to make it work.

  Our homeroom teacher was calling for us to get in line, so I kissed my mother and Bryant goodbye and headed for the line.

  When they called my name, I moved to walk across the stage and could hear the yelling, bringing a huge smile to my face. I looked in the direction of the yelling and saw my mom and Bryant cheering loudly with a sign in the air. Next to him was Grant and Jordan. Seeing Jordan there rooting for me gave me hope that we could be friends, and, as selfish as it was, relief that I wouldn’t lose him.

  After they announced we were graduates, Leslie and I ran for each other, bursting with joy and ready to start college. We walked out linked together, waving goodbye to our friends at school, but promising to see them over the summer before moving.

  Meeting up with our parents and the guys, we were starving and ready for dinner. We headed to the cars to meet up at a Japanese steakhouse for dinner, when Jordan caught me by my elbow. He turned me toward him and hugged me in congratulations for graduating.

  “Aren’t you joining us for dinner?” I asked him.

  Jordan just shook his head no with a forlorn look in his eyes. I nodded in understanding as Bryant came up beside me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me on my temple. “Hey, Jordan, you should join us.”

  I was grateful that Bryant was making an effort. I hated I was the catalyst that had torn their friendship apart.

  “Nah, man, I gotta go study for finals so I can be set to graduate in a few weeks too. You take care of her.”

  Bryant nodded in acknowledgement and turned me toward the truck. He helped me in, and as we drove off, Jordan waved and I returned it with a smile.

  ****

  Summer was flying by in a whirl of chaos as we packed and got things ready for the big move.

  Bryant was amazing with the pregnancy, going with me to every appointment and taking care of me almost to the point of annoyance. We still hadn’t really talked about the fact I was moving, and I wondered if he was coming with me right away or not. I kept waiting for him to bring it up and help find an apartment, but with his courses coming to an end and his certification coming up, he’d been busy.

  I just wasn’t willing to sacrifice my goals in life. I figured, because he was almost done with school, he would find a job up in Tallahassee. I was hoping to talk about it soon, since we needed to move in two more weeks.

  “Fourteen days and counting!” Leslie squealed as she came in to my room.

  “I know, Les. I can’t believe this is really happening. I thought we’d be stuck here in high school for life.” She plopped herself on my bed and scooted up to touch my growing baby bump.

  “So, today is the big day! Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”

  Bryant walked in and overheard her question. “A boy! Of course!” He laughed, knowing I’d been eyeing pink dresses and ribbons.

  “Speaking of, hun, we got to get going so we aren’t late,” he said, helping me up off the bed. “Let’s go meet our son,” he joked, practically skipping out the door.

  “Our daughter,” I snapped back, winking at Leslie.

  “All I know is… as soon as you know, I better be the first to hear so I can start shopping! Are you riding later, Rose?”

  “Yep, I’ll be there. CZ needs his exercise,” I replied, waddling out behind Bryant.

  We got to the doctor’s office with plenty of time to spare, and I rolled my eyes at Bryant’s over-eagerness to get there.

  “You know, no matter how early we get there, he or she will be the same,” I taunted him.

  “I know. I’m just so excited. Then this weekend we get to go to the bed and breakfast I reserved and just have a weekend, you and me — no Leslie, no Mom. I feel like I barely see you now and soon, I guess, you’ll be going off to college.”

  I looked to him, thrown off by his comment. Just as I was getting ready to ask about it, the ultrasound tech called my name. We stood and walked over, and she led us to the ultrasound room, effectively ending our conversation. I had planned to talk about the move this weekend and come up with a game plan, but it seemed push had come to shove, and we would need to settle this today.

  The ultrasound tech asked how I’d been feeling, confirming I was nineteen weeks along. “Now, we may not be able to see, but if I can tell, do you guys want to know the gender?” she asked, looking at us both.

  Bryant and I both nodded enthusiastically with huge smiles on our faces.

  She took her time checking the baby’s growth and measurements, noting that he or she was measuring big. She came to the profile view, and we stared in amazement at our baby as a photo printed. The heartbeat was strong as always, beating one-hundred-sixty beats per minute.

  “Our little Energizer bunny.” Bryant laughed.

  “You know,” I whispered. “I saw a wives’ tale that faster heartbeats mean it’s a girl.”

  He shook his head, laughing, and we both looked expectantly to the tech.

  “I take it we have a divided house here.” She chuckled at us.

  “Healthy. We want healthy, and honestly, I want whatever Rose wants, because it’s my goal to make her happy the rest of her life. I just like picking on her — have since day one,” he said and kissed my hand that was held in his.

  A tear slipped out of my eye, and he wiped it with the pad of his thumb, flashing me a quick smile. We will be okay, I thought to myself. There was no way he wouldn’t want to be with the baby and me.

  “Alright, so if you look here,” she began, gaining our undivided attention as we stared at the static on the screen, trying to make sense of what we were seeing. “These three lines mean it’s a girl.”

  Bryant hugged me and planted a kiss on my lips that reminded me of exactly how we’d gotten into this predicament, and I teared up some more.

  Damn pregnancy hormones. I should buy stock in tissues.

  The ultrasound tech printed off some more photos and handed them to us. Seeing us out, she congratulated us on our girl and let us know everything looked good.

  When we got to the truck, Bryant spun me into him, lifted me up, and kissed me again.

  My stomach grumbled in hunger.

  “You need to eat,” he said, laughing at my stomach’s announcement. “Our daughter is hungry. What would she like?”

  I thought a moment before deciding on Mexican.

  Bryant chuckled. “I should have known. You’ve been eating so much Mexican, she’s going to come out speaking Spanish!”

  I slapped him on the arm. “Oh hush!” I gave him my most stern look until I couldn’t hold it any longer and fell into a fit of giggles.

  We sat down and ordered our usual of enchiladas and waters. The waitress brought our waters, and I fiddled with the straw wrapper, trying to think how to bring up the conversation that had to be hashed out.

  “Bryant, what you said earlier, about me maybe going to college… What did you mean? I still plan on going to FSU with Leslie. I was thinking you would move up as soon as you graduated to be the
re with the baby and me. Were you planning to commute?”

  He looked at me a moment with dread in his eyes, and I got the impression he had been putting off this conversation just as much as I had.

  The waitress set down our plates and left us to eat.

  I nudged mine away, suddenly having no appetite.

  “You need to eat, Rose.” He sighed, moving his food around with a fork.

  I raised an eyebrow at his hypocritical remark, considering he’d yet to take a bite.

  “I got offered a really good job here and accepted. I was going to ask you to stay here and move in with me. I mean, your mom is here — and your doctor. You’re going to have a baby — our baby. You could just wait to go to school or go to the college here.”

  Tears stung my eyes in anger; he was asking me to give up my dreams. I felt blindsided.

  “Bryant, you’ve known I planned to go to FSU for… as long as I can remember. That’s my dream, and you’re asking me to abandon it completely. Have you even tried to look for a job in Tallahassee?”

  “Well, no. But I have my apartment here, and I’m settled. I like it here.”

  “Like it enough to watch me leave?” I snarled at him in anger.

  Rage filled his eyes as he yelled, “You will not take our daughter and leave, Rose! It’s just a dream about a stupid school. You can get a degree anywhere. This is my career, and you’ll just have to deal. Your fun adventure with Leslie is over. It’s time to grow up and get over yourself!”

  My mouth dropped open as tears flooded my eyes. I blinked rapidly, trying to beat them back so he wouldn’t see how bad he was hurting me. “I’m done eating. Take me to the barn.” I stood and walked out to stand beside the truck, leaving my untouched food on the table and Bryant to settle the check.

  He quickly joined me outside and unlocked the truck. “I’m taking you home. You didn’t eat and you’re upset. You need to just go to bed.”