Dare to Trust

by R Gendreau-Webb

  Jason nodded, preoccupied with thoughts of Mia, not the murder scene. He gave a half-effort to glance around the sparsely furnished room. The coroner had just come through the door and was starting to bag the body. “Looks like a crime of passion. So I guess we find the boyfriend,” Jason commented half-heartily. He lacked his usual enthusiasm to examine the crime scene and find leads. For a split second, he understood how an instant of pain and anger could drive a person to lose control and hurt the one you loved.

  Grimes whipped around, his eyes boring into his partner. “What’s with you?”

  “Hmm?” Jason had been staring at the scattered mail on the coffee table next to the body. There was mail sent to the apartment, addressed to a male. The apartment had been rented to the victim and by all reports, she had lived alone.

  “You’re not yourself. What gives?”

  “She left,” Jason said quietly. He glanced at the coroner zipping up the body bag.

  “Jesus, I’m sorry.” Grimes rested his hand on his partner’s shoulder, shaking his head. He knew of the strained relationship Jason and Mia had shared the past few months since the miscarriage. “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well,” Grimes commented as they were finishing up at the crime scene, “you two weren’t married. Probably better you aren’t having a baby right now.” Jason had no reply as he looked at his partner with utter surprise. Was that comment supposed to be a show of support?

  II.

  Mia threw herself into her work so she didn’t think about Jason. Or the miscarriage. Her heart broke when the memories seeped into her mind; she was confident that she needed to be away from Jason and Boston to start to heal.

  Dr. Daniels attempted to be a distraction for Mia. He was attracted to her and was confident that he would be able to convince her to see him outside of work. Mia was the first woman to give him a cool reception when the idea of a date arose.

  “I am a good cook,” Tyler informed Mia one day as they prepared for their shift. “I’d love to make you dinner this week.”

  “No thank you.” Mia’s voice was cool. “I’m really not interested, Tyler.”

  He smiled at her and Mia felt a chill go through her. “”You don’t know what you’re missing,” he told her as he sauntered towards the nursing station.

  Idle time allowed Mia’s mind to wander. She caught herself thinking about Jason and what they had gone through over the past several months. At times, she wondered if she had made a mistake in leaving him. Returning home to the empty cottage after her shifts was something Mia liked less and less. She had started to find ways of delaying her departure from the ED---she would delay paper work until after her shift, stay to wrap up the medical evaluations of patients even though she could have given report to the on-coming physician and left. Dr. Daniels took notice of her resistance to leave on time.

  “You know, you’re salary,” he commented to her one afternoon. Mia was still sitting in front of a computer, charting, even though her shift had ended almost two hours ago. The day had not been busy and none of the patients had been critical. There was no real reason for her to still be at work.

  “I know.” She glanced over at him, wondering if he was annoyed that she was still there.

  “Let’s go get some coffee,” Tyler suggested. He gently took the underside of her elbow, guiding Mia away from the computer. “At the very least, you need a break.”

  In the few months she had been in the small ED, Mia had worked hard to avoid Tyler’s advances. She certainly was not in the market for any relationship or a quick roll in the hay, which is what she thought he was most likely looking for. At the moment, Mia wanted to go have coffee with him. It confused her.

  They ended up in the hospital cafeteria. They went through a short line and Tyler paid for the hot beverages. They sat at a quiet table in the corner. “What do you do for fun, Mia? Anything wild?” Tyler followed his question up with a wide, toothy smile.

  He has perfect teeth, Mia though as she sipped her coffee. I need to be careful. “I am still getting to know the area.” She couldn’t help notice how the blue scrubs he wore off-set the slivers of blue in his grey eyes.

  He took a long drink of his black coffee. “You need a guide. I grew up here---only left for medical school in Philadelphia. Didn’t really care for the big city way of life. I can help you get acquainted with things.”

  “Like what?” Mia found herself asking.

  “I’d like to start by bringing you to one of the fine dining establishments around here.” Tyler looked directly into her eyes, silently demanding an answer. He was used to getting what he wanted.

  For a few moments, Mia was quiet. But for the first time in a long while, Jason was not monopolizing her thoughts. “Okay,” she agreed. “You have my schedule, so you tell me when we---“

  “Tomorrow night,” Tyler cut her off. “It’s a date. Wear something nice.” With that, he grabbed his Styrofoam cup of coffee, got up from the table and left her to wonder what she had just agreed to.

  When she got back to the ER to pick up her things, Diana, the charge nurse was waiting for her. “I want to talk to you,” the nurse told her. Before Mia could go any further, Diana grabbed her arm. Diana had witnessed the two physicians in the cafeteria. “Be careful with him,” she warned Mia. “He is trouble.”

  “What makes you say that?” Mia asked with surprise.

  “Why do you think the last doc left? She got tired of his harassment. She didn’t think it was going to be worth it to complain to the hospital board so she just left. I hope he doesn’t scare you away.” Diana made her way to the nursing station to answer the radio and receive report of an incoming rescue unit.

  Jason called again that evening. He knew he was probably opening himself up for rejection, but he wanted to hear Mia’s voice. What he wouldn’t give to hold her again. For now, he’d settle for friendly conversation. “How’s the new job?” he casually asked.

  “I like it.” Mia sighed, as her mind toggled between Jason and what was potentially developing between her and Tyler.

  “Have you been feeling okay?”

  “Better actually,” Mia answered.

  The response was like someone poking Jason with a barb. She’s better without me. Jason cleared his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut. Was she really moving on without him? “Well, I just wanted to check on you.” He heard Mia sigh again. “I miss you,” Jason said in a barely audible whisper.

  “Please don’t, Jason,” Mia begged. “I can’t keep doing this.”

  “Good night, Mia.” He hung up his cell.

  She had the entire day to cancel, but she didn’t. Mia found herself looking forward to dinner with Tyler, ignoring the rational side of her mind that kept screaming getting involved with a co-worker, no; her boss was a very bad idea. It took her too long to get ready. She shouldn’t be putting in so much effort into her appearance, Mia told herself.

  When Tyler knocked on her door, Mia was glad she had put in the effort. He looked debonair in a charcoal grey suit that was cut perfectly to his physique. He had forgone the tie. His light hair was slightly mussed. After Mia had answered the door, Tyler made no secret of pleasure registering in sexy eyes as he took in the navy lace sheath that hugged her curves.

  “You look amazing.” He let himself into the cottage as he handed Mia a bouquet of flowers.

  “Thanks. Make yourself comfortable.” Mia disappeared for a minute to put the flowers in water. “Where are you taking me?” she asked as she walked back the short distance from the kitchen.

  “One of the best restaurants in the area.” Tyler stood and took Mia’s hand. “Ready?” He led her outside to his black Mercedes.

  “They must pay you a lot better than they do me,” Mia joked as he helped her into the passenger side and closed the door. Tyler was being the perfect gentleman. He drove towards the water. Mia was envisioning a quaint restaurant situated in front of the harbor. She never expected the
Mercedes to pull into a garage. Tyler had driven her to his condo.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he commented as he killed the engine, “but there isn’t a fine dining establishment around for miles that can cook better than me.” Tyler smiled at Mia, liking that he had surprised her. “I promise I don’t bite.” He led her into his second floor condo. Mia instantly liked the modern decor, exposed brick and exposed duct work. Although there were walls, the space had the feeling of an airy loft, as well as a large deck that led to expansive views of the water. The residence was the opposite of the historic brownstone she had shared with Jason.

  He was true to his word. Tyler made sautéed scallops in a light wine butter sauce with a salad and sautéed vegetables. He had chosen a sweet, fruity white wine to accompany the dinner by candle light. From the table where they sat inside his condo, the glimmer of lights dancing across the harbor could be seen.

  “Any good?” Tyler asked her as Mia brought a bite of scallop to her lips.

  “Delicious.” She gave him a genuine smile. “I’m glad I agreed to have dinner with you.”

  “Me, too.” Tyler took a bite and sipped his wine. He was thinking of how he would like Mia for dessert, but knew he needed to give her some time. If he made a move tonight, Tyler knew things between them would be over before anything started. “So you haven’t told me much about you,” he commented.

  “Not much to tell.” Mia took a sip of wine. “I went to med school and did my residency in Boston, finished and now I’m here.”

  Tyler laughed. Mia thought she could get used to hearing his deep voice. “There has to be a lot more to such a gorgeous woman like you. How many hearts did you break back in Boston?”

  A melancholy look crossed Mia’s face as she instantly thought of Jason and the wounded expression he had worn the last time she had seen him. She pushed the image from her mind. “I was involved…it ended.”

  Tyler reached across the table and gently took Mia’s hand in his. “Well, he is a fool.”

  She spoke to Kate after getting back home from dinner with Tyler. After just a few minutes of conversation, Mia wished she hadn’t called.

  “I saw Jason the other day. He doesn’t look good,” Kate told her. “Have you talked to him?”

  “Not really.” Her voice was emotionless. Mia felt guilt wash over her, thinking of the enjoyable evening she had just spent with another man.

  “I don’t know why you feel the need to make him and yourself suffer, Mia. He’s good for you. You both belong together.”

  “I wish people would stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing,” Mia said angrily. “I gotta go,” she told Kate. And then she hung up on her best friend.

  III.

  Jason was miserable. Mia had been gone for two months. He wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating. He continually vacillated between hating Mia and wanting her back. His co-workers had taken notice to the dark circles around his bloodshot eyes and his lack of patience coupled with short, terse remarks.

  “You’re not doing yourself or your career any favors,” Grimes had warned him as they sat at their desks in the precinct, doing paperwork. Jason had been swearing under his breath the whole time. “Everybody is sick of your mood. It’s time to forget Mia and move on, buddy.”

  Even before Grimes had finished the sentence, Jason’s head snapped up, his blue eyes iced with anger. “Don’t ever fuckin’ tell me to forget her,” Jason replied, his voice low and menacing. “Stay out of it.”

  “Whatever, Howard. It’s your career to tank. I am just trying to help out my partner before he self-destructs.” Grimes threw down a manila file folder onto his desk. He was very tired of Jason’s mood. Lately, it was hard to keep remembering that he actually liked his partner.

  It was true; Jason was not handling the separation from Mia well at all. Most nights, he drank too damn much, trying to numb his mind. He constantly thought about her and questioned what had gone wrong. He had replayed their relationship since she had miscarried and still, after dozens of times, couldn’t pinpoint what he had done so wrong to drive her away.

  The first few days, he had stopped himself from calling her dozens of times. Jason had been convinced that after a day or two away, Mia would walk back through the front door of the brownstone after realizing leaving had been a mistake. It didn’t happen. When she didn’t return, Jason was angry. Angry at the situations that had made her leave and angry at her for leaving. But he also missed her terribly. Jason knew he would do anything to get her back.

  Today, the misery would be intensified. He was having Sunday brunch at the family home on the outskirts of Boston. He hated the house he had grown up in. It was huge, ornate, cold and stuffy. Just his mother’s style. The house had never felt like a home, but like a museum. As a child, Jason had been constantly told not to touch anything.

  “You haven’t been by much,” his mother taunted him as she greeted him at the door. As usual, she was dressed to the nines, her hair perfectly styled, colored to remain the same shade of dark blonde it had been when Jason had been born. Her blue eyes were sharp and cold. Other than a few fine lines around her eyes and mouth, she looked as Jason remembered her as a child---dressed in her finest attire, unable to play because she might muss up her outfit. That was what the nannies were for. “Where is your friend?” She had no idea of the recent troubles in her son’s romantic life. Jason never shared details of his life with Mia with his mother, good or bad.

  “Her name is Mia, mother. And we lived together.” Jason wasn’t in the mood to hear his mother outline all the reasons Jason shouldn’t have been with Mia, couldn’t stand to hear his mother tell him she had been right about Mia.

  Jannifer Howard gave her son a quick hug, wondering what he had meant by using the past tense in reference to living in sin with Mia. “Where is she then if she is such as important part of your life?” Jannifer hadn’t seen much of Mia since she had reduced Mia to tears after their lunch date. She had come to the same conclusion that the attractive girl was not good enough for her son. She certainly had not been brought up in the right social circles.

  Couldn’t she just drop it---for once? “We’re taking a break. Let’s leave it at that, shall we mother?” His tone was full of annoyance.

  “Fine.” She sighed and started towards the dining room. “Let’s eat, then. Have you thought anymore about applying to law school?”

  Jason smirked, thinking his mother gave any detective he knew a run for their money when it came to grilling someone. She zeroed in on everything he didn’t want to discuss. As usual. “I don’t want to go to law school,” Jason told her. “I keep giving you the same answer. That is your fantasy. I am perfectly happy with working homicide.”

  A look of unpleasantness crossed Jannifer’s face. “That is such a…blue collar job, Jason. You were raised better than that. I would think you’d want to follow in your father’s footsteps.” It seemed Jannifer couldn’t resist, because she moved on to the other topic she constantly threw in his face. “You know, Jason, you’re not getting any younger. You are thirty-one. I had expected grandchildren already.” She stopped talking to eye him and gauge his reaction. Jason said nothing. Long ago, he had learned not to give her a reaction because that is what Jannifer craved. At the moment, it was taking a lot of effort for Jason not to react; he hadn’t told his mother about the miscarriage. “Anna is still single.”

  Jason rolled his eyes. “I am not interested in Anna.” He and Anna had grown up in the same social circles. Jannifer had attempted many times to get them together. She was convinced they belonged together. Both families had money and Anna’s father was a Congressman. Jannifer was sure the Congressman could and would motivate Jason to find a profession that didn’t involve toting around a gun, if Jason and Anna became a couple. I’m in love with Mia, mother. Deal with it! He wanted to shout. Of course, he had been brought up too well to verbalize the words.

  As he sat at the table, Jason silently chastised himse
lf for showing up for the brunch. Apparently, he had wanted to feel anguish caused by something other than Mia leaving him. He ate the majority of the meal in silence, not attempting to engage in further conversation with his mother. She sipped her Bloody Mary, not noticing the lack of conversing. When it was over, Jannifer bid her son goodbye and disappeared up the sweeping staircase. As he left through the over-sized, ornate front doors, Jason mumbled how much he hated the place.

  Back at home, in his own territory, Jason poured himself a scotch. It was his day off and had already been ruined. It always seemed any time spent with his mother trashed the day. He sat, alone, in the quiet study, sipping the strong amber liquid. His eyes caught a photo that had been taken over a year ago of Mia with his arms wrapped around her. They had been attending a party and the photographer had perfectly captured Mia’s bright smile and beauty. He felt an ache in his gut as he remembered how he had brought her home after the party and had made love to her in front of the fireplace. Why couldn’t that moment had lasted, Jason thought as he slowly downed his drink. “I miss you, Mia,” he said aloud, knowing there was no one there to hear the confession.

  After a half of bottle of Scotch, self-pity flowing freely, Jason decided to call Mia. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. She answered on the second ring with a sigh, recognizing Jason’s number. She couldn’t believe she felt a pang of guilt after the dinner with Tyler.

  “Hi Jason.”

  “Mia, don’t you think we’ve been separated long enough?” His words were slurred and Mia immediately recognized that he had been drinking.