With My Whole Heart

by MariaLisa deMora

  “No can do.” She smiled as she denied him even this, lessening the sting with her reasons. “My apartment, so when it’s bedtime, I don’t have to get on a bus with Nate.”

  ***

  Connor

  How in the hell did I not know what I’ve been missing? He glanced down at his leg, already wishing for a return of the heat from Nate’s head as he lay on the couch between Connor and his mother. The kid had dozed off with his head resting on Connor’s lap, feet tucked into Jaime’s. Connor glanced up at the apartment building again and pulled out of the parking lot. Tomorrow was Saturday, and if he didn’t make a reason to see her before, he’d at least get to see her at basketball. That’s fifteen hours away, his brain complained, and Connor snorted a laugh at his impatience, knowing the single kiss he’d stolen would have to do until then.

  Cupping her face in his hands, Connor drifted his thumbs across her cheeks in a slow caress. Bending close, he watched her tongue trace along her bottom lip, knowing the movement telegraphed her nervousness. "I'm just gonna kiss you," he whispered and saw her pupils dilate. They were standing near the door and he'd led her there by the hand, unwilling to put any distance between them. Her lips parted to respond as he slanted his mouth over hers, her head angling instinctively to allow him the kiss he'd demanded. Slow and steady, he brushed across side-to-side, building the intensity with each motion. She met him eagerly, every response pushing them forwards and as his breathing grew ragged he realized he had to slow things down. Pressing his forehead against hers, he kissed her softly, more a purse of the lips than anything else. "Night, Jaime," he whispered.

  Dinner had been a hit with Nate, as had being picked up from school. His relief at not riding the bus seemed deeper than Connor would expect, and he wondered what was going on there. It wouldn’t take much for kids to find something to pick at, and by leaving campus for half the day to go to the high school, Nate had enough different about him that he’d be a prime target. Connor reminded himself to e-mail Miles on Monday to see if there was anything going on, glad his buddy was the PE teacher for the grade school.

  He steered the truck towards Cooper’s house, needing to talk to his brother. First his father, now Cooper. He grinned. Maybe I am in high school after all. Homework had been an eye-opening exercise. Hearing Jaime talk about Nate’s intelligence and even talking to him was one thing. Seeing it in action, an entirely different experience. He seemed to remember almost everything he’d read, and she wasn’t kidding when she said the “normal” homework went fast. Kid was so smart Connor was surprised rumors about him hadn’t reached the school where he taught.

  Pulling into Cooper’s driveway, he put the truck in park and sat a minute. The grade school Nate attended wasn’t the best. The high school was better, but the only reason it was a fit for him was the principal. Where I work would be a good fit, too. He’d quizzed her about it, so Connor knew the apartment Jaime would be moving to was in the same school district. It was another low-rent place, with a revolving door of tenants, which was why she’d been able to secure another apartment so quickly. Wonder if I can call Paterson, see what he thinks about transferring Nate to my school. He shook his head. That would be a no-go he knew, even without talking to Jaime. The apartments near where he worked cost triple of the rent the ones Jaime was looking at. They could live with—

  He didn’t finish the thought, rearing back in the seat and holding onto the wheel with stiff arms, as if he were bracing for a head-on collision. Jesus Christ. Faster than hyperdrive.

  Swinging out of the vehicle, he jogged up the steps and knocked softly, eschewing the doorbell. It was that weird time of night when it wasn’t early enough to be certain they’d be awake, but not late enough to think they’d be in bed. He did know that Sam would be asleep already, like Nate, and didn’t want to wake his nephew.

  Nate had made no bones about the fact he liked Connor being at their place tonight. From the instant Jaime had walked out of the school with him beside her, the kid had been attentive and solicitous. He climbed into the backseat and buckled without being asked, then quickly agreed to every suggested dinner option. After breezing through homework and food, he had swiftly cleaned the table, stacking dishes in the dishwasher. While it was clear this was his assigned chore, the speed had surprised Jaime, and that made Connor laugh. Nate’s offer to go hang in his bedroom had stripped the smile from her face, though, and her refusal hadn’t allowed argument. That was when Connor had realized they wouldn’t have any privacy otherwise, and had to hide a grin as he understood what the kid had been doing.

  The door in front of Connor opened, and he stared down at Cooper’s flushed face. Wet hair stuck up all over his head and he had a towel wrapped around his waist. “Is everything okay?” The barked question was a surprise until Connor looked beyond Cooper to see Marie walking down the stairs, towel wrapped around her hair.

  “Oh, shit, bro. Sorry, man.” Clearly he’d interrupted shower sex, and he flinched at the thought. “I can go.” He took a step back, stopping when Marie held up a hand.

  “Too late to retreat, Con. I’ll go rustle up some coffee.” She turned and headed into the kitchen.

  He called after her, “Make it a beer. I need sleep.” She made a sound he took as agreement.

  Cooper reached out and grabbed his shirt, dragging him inside. “Get in here and tell me if Jaime’s okay so I can go get dressed.”

  “Yeah, she’s fine. She’ll be at the clinic in the morning, ready if the egg is viable.” He shook his head, softly closing the door. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, Coop. I just wanted to talk to you if you were still up.”

  “Oh, I was up all right.” Cooper was grinning now, and Connor faked a shiver.

  “Don’t say shit like that. Marie’s like my sister. I do not need to think about what kind of freaky shit the two of you do in the shower.” Connor eyed his brother. “Get some clothes on. I also don’t need the scarring I’d take if you happened to slip up and drop the towel. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

  Laughing, Cooper ran up the stairs as Connor walked in to see Marie standing with two beers at the kitchen island. He lifted one brow in a silent question, and she smiled. “I’m going to bed. It was a long day.” Pursing his lips, he didn’t say anything, just made his way over and pulled her into a tight hug. Marie whispered, “She’s okay?”

  “Yeah. How’d you know I would have talked to her?” He was puzzled, because he hadn’t talked to or seen Marie and Cooper since he left the clinic with Jaime on Monday. “What gave you that idea?”

  “Your daddy called today. Seems he’s convinced his baby boy, who he’s been worried about since Cole died, has found ‘the one.’” Her arms came out to the sides and she made air quotes with her fingers when she said “the one,” which made him laugh. “It didn’t take a lot of deduction on our part. Not after seeing how you were with her at the clinic. Coop said you’re coaching her son?”

  Resting his chin on Marie’s head, he nodded, knowing she’d feel the movement. “He’s something else, Marie.” Connor swallowed and licked his lips, aware he was about to admit to something that might not be well received. “She’s…it’s hard to explain. When I saw her, I thought she was cute. Pretty. Then she got sassy, and that was cute, too. Cuter. Then she shut down and I didn’t get it right away. I liked what I saw, and she did too, so why would she slam the door? Then I saw her with Nate and I got it. I was her boy’s coach, and she wouldn’t mess that up for him by going after what she wanted. Such a mom thing, you know?” Marie hummed in agreement. “Then I figured out who she was and I was glad she’d closed down. But pissed. Man, I was pissed. It felt like I’d had something ripped away. Like I was missing something I didn’t know I needed. I’m struggling, Marie. You think it’s weird?”

  Muffled against his chest, Marie said, “I’ll be honest. I really did. I mean, finding a woman you like? Con, you know I’m over the moon for you. But for her to be our surrogate? That’s just slightly strange. It doesn
’t feel wrong, just off. Or it did. That was before I peeked into recovery and saw you with her.” She pushed at his chest and he relaxed his arms, letting her pull away. Marie took a step backwards and looked up into his face just as Cooper came into the room. “It’s still slightly strange, but the heart knows what it wants.”

  Leaning into him, she placed a palm on his sternum, pressing hard. “Your heart has been hurting for a long time, Connor.” He gritted his teeth against a sudden need to interrupt her, stop whatever she was going to say. “You and Cole had an amazing connection. Two brothers who always knew what the other was going to say, what they felt, what they were doing. That was ripped away from you and everyone who loves you sees how that hurts. We miss him in our lives, but you miss him in you. If Jaime is the one who can heal you, make your heart whole again, then don’t let something stupid like her being our surrogate stop you.”

  She glanced at Cooper, then back to Connor. “We were talking earlier that maybe the eggs not being viable is a blessing. We can get another surrogate and then that leaves the field wide open for you and her.” He opened his mouth and she silenced him with a wave. “Whatever happens, don’t let it stop you from going after what you want. If she makes your heart whole, then don’t let her get away. Finding people to love isn’t easy, but we all know that life isn’t easy.” Tears quivered on her lower lids and she blinked them away. “Do what feels right. Your heart won’t accept anything less than perfect, so if it’s leading you to her, then follow.”

  Slowly Connor nodded. “Thanks, little sis.”

  “No prob, Connor. I love you.” Cooper stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her hands on his where they crossed her chest. “We love you.”

  “Jesus, I’m glad I missed this convo if it wound up in the sappy stuff.” Cooper grinned and bussed his wife’s cheek loudly. “That beer for me?”

  She twisted in his arms and scowled at him, then patted his cheek before pulling away. “You’re a master at breaking the mood, husband. See you, Con.”

  Connor called, “Thought mood wrecking was my domain?” Marie’s laughter trailed after her.

  They waited until her footsteps reached the bedroom overhead before either spoke. Cooper asked, “You good now?”

  “Dad called, huh?” Connor laughed, grabbing the open beer Marie had left on the counter for him as Cooper nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Your wife’s kinda smart.”

  “She is that.”

  ***

  Jaime

  “Not viable,” she repeated the tech’s words flatly.

  “No, the last egg stopped at some point last night. The doctor will be in to see you in a few minutes.” The tech paused and said softly, “It’s not the end of the process. We’ll do another cycle and see what happens.” Fiddling with the items she’d brought in on the small tray, the tech looked up at Jaime. “If you want to continue, I’ve got the shot right here.”

  Jaime nodded and stood, turning and pulling down the waistband of her jeans. “It’s not something I did? Not something wrong with me?”

  “Not at all.” A pause, then the tech swiped her cheek with the alcohol swab. “Little stick, little burn. You know the drill.”

  Jaime pulled in a breath and said firmly, “I do.”

  Twenty minutes later she and Nate were sitting on the bench at the bus stop, and she was going over the paperwork again. She folded the sheets and pushed them into her bag before slinging it over her shoulder. Nate had been quiet since leaving the clinic, but he leaned into her now and asked, “You okay, Mom?”

  “I am. I don’t know why I’m so disappointed. But I’m perfectly all right.” She glanced at her phone. “We’ve a while before the bus. What do you wanna talk about today?” That was their thing: Nate would pick a topic and he’d answer while she asked twenty questions, grilling him on the topic, often without her knowing a thing about whatever he was talking about. Her questions would sometimes send him into gales of laughter, which was why she was always willing to play their game. Those dimples would pop out and she’d grin right back at him, missing Brice the whole time.

  “Coach T.” Her chin came up and she twisted to look at him. “He likes you, Mom.”

  “Pick a different topic.” She shook her head. “Off limits.” Those were the rules. If she deemed the topic too mature or difficult, she would call a halt and he would pick a different subject.

  “He likes you, Mom.” Nate persisted, and she felt her face contorting into a scowl. He held up his palms. “Okay, how about 3D photography applications in the space program?”

  Rolling her eyes, Jaime let her head fall backwards so she was staring through the clear Plexiglas ceiling of the bus stop. “3D photography in space. Okay. I got this.” She closed her eyes but left her head tipped back. “What challenges are there in deploying 3D cameras in space?” She heard an engine stop nearby, but it was too early for the bus, so she didn’t move. “That’s question one. Question two is what benefit would there be in making 3D images of planets and things?” Some of his topics were easy, this one would be tough. “Question three, and then I’ll have to think of others while you answer. Question three is which country would most leverage the information of 3D photography of the earth?”

  “Oh, good questions, Mom.” Nate sounded excited and that made her smile.

  “Yeah, good questions, Mom.” That was Connor’s voice, and she snapped her head up, twisting to look to the side. He stood there, grinning down at her. “Hold that thought, buddy. Come on, Jaime.” He stretched out his hand and waited patiently.

  “Where are we going?” She placed her palm in his, and he gave a tug, pulling her up and off the bench, and against his chest.

  “Breakfast.” Nate whooped at the word, and she tilted to look around Connor at her son who was grinning up at her.

  “We had breakfast,” she reminded Nate, and he shook his head. “Yes, we did.”

  “Three hours ago, Mom. I’m hungry.” He grabbed his backpack and turned, running towards the truck parked in the clinic’s lot. The lights on the truck blinked and he yelled over his shoulder, “Thanks, Coach.”

  “Kids are always hungry,” Connor said, and she tilted back, looking up at him. His face softened when he said, “Hi, Jaime.”

  Last night had been wonderful. He had been attentive and sweet. Had seemed to understand exactly the kind of encouragement Nate needed, and had pitched in to help check some of the math work that could frustrate her. He had even seemed content to sit on the couch without touching, Nate stretched out between them, connecting them in a way that was sweet and so beautiful. How she’d always imagined things would have been if Brice lived. Brice didn’t live, she reminded herself. But Connor’s right here.

  “Hi, Connor. You don’t have to feed us. You paid for dinner just last night.” One corner of his mouth quirked up. A thought struck her. “Plus, don’t you have to get ready for basketball?” He pursed his lips and shook his head. “Oh, no, is basketball canceled today? Nate will be disappointed.”

  “Practice is still on, Jaime. But I don’t have to do a ton of preparation for a weekly program. That’s all laid out before we begin. Plus, if I decided to play hooky today, my assistants would fill in. I know when we had dinner, and I also know I had the most fun and relaxing evening I’ve had in a while. Slept really well. Overslept, in fact, because I’d intended to be here to go in with you if you wanted. Or I’d have hung with Nate in the waiting room.” He leaned down, getting close and she was suddenly glad his frame blocked Nate’s view from the truck, because he brushed his mouth across hers. Pulling back slightly, he was still close enough his breath caressed her lips when he whispered, “Hyperdrive. I’m going full steam ahead until you pull the brakes.” Angling in, he kissed her again, then whispered, “You want to pull the brakes, Jaim?”

  Eyes open through both kisses, brief as they were, she stared into his deep brown eyes and shook her head. “No,” she said, the movement accompanying the word causing
her lips to graze across his. His eyes darkened, growing impossibly black. His hand wrapped around her neck, bringing her that fraction of an inch closer until he was kissing her again, softly, questing side to side in a gentle caress.

  Pulling back again, he straightened, gaze locked with hers and told her, “Good.”

  Breakfast turned into video games at the arcade, and then lunch. It was almost two before he walked Jaime and Nate up to their apartment. Jaime shivered when she saw Solon in the doorway to the office, feeling his gaze on her like a greasy touch. Connor had his arm around her and must have felt her reaction, because he asked, “Who’s the douche?”

  Fortunately, Nate was already racing up the stairs and didn’t hear him, so Jaime answered, “Apartment manager. I’ll be glad to get out of here.” She thought about the pile of boxes still needing to be assembled and taped, then filled and carried on the bus. They didn’t have that much to move, but it would still take her several trips.

  “When are you planning to move?” Connor’s neck stayed twisted as he glared over his shoulder at Solon, and she giggled at the protective move. “What?” He looked at her.

  “Nothing. I’ll probably start moving Wednesday. Maybe finish up on Thursday.” She shrugged, liking the heat of his arm where it lay across her shoulders. “Not much to pack up. Furniture all stays.”

  “Why will it take you two days, then?” They were headed up the stairs, and he shifted his hold, moving to grip her hand instead. “You got stuff in storage?”

  Shaking her head, she huffed a laugh. “No, just takes a while to move.”

  He slowed when they reached the landing before her floor, pulling her to a halt with his hold on her hand. “What’s the problem, Jaime?”

  “No problems. I’ll do a few loads over on Wednesday while Nate’s in school, see how close I can get to being done. Then if I finish on Thursday, I’ll meet him back here and we’ll bus over.” She shook her head, digging in her pocket for her keys, heading towards the remaining flight of stairs. “I don’t think he has his keys with him. I need to unlock the apartment.”