With My Whole Heart

by MariaLisa deMora

  Two rings and she heard, “My most beautiful sister in the whole world, how is that belly of yours, beautiful?”

  Jaime grinned, recognizing this over the top greeting. “Trent. How are you?” She sank to the edge of the mattress, leaning back on one arm in the bed.

  “Better than most, doll. You want to talk to your brudder?”

  “I do, if he’s handy.” She smiled at Trent’s laughter.

  “Oh, he’s handsy, all right. Allllll night long.”

  His exaggerated sing-song made her laugh, and she told him, “Ah, Jesus, Trenty. TMI.”

  The laughter caused a tendon along one side of her belly to twinge with pain, and Trent must have heard the catch in her breathing, because he asked, “All okay, beautiful?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I think so.” Huffing out a soft laugh, she corrected herself. “Yes, everything is okay. Better than okay, but I need to talk to Jacob and then he can tell you, okay?”

  “Jakey,” Trent yelled, mouth slightly away from the phone because the volume wasn’t quite earsplitting. “Jakey, get a move on it. Baby sister has news and she won’t share.” Louder and higher pitched, his next yell caused her to pull the phone away from her ear. “Jakey. Now, honeybuns.”

  “Jesus,” she heard Jacob in the background, “what’s going on, babe?”

  “Jaime’s—” That was all Trent got out before Jacob’s voice was coming through the speaker.

  “Is Jaime okay? Connor? Nate?” He sounded so frightened it tore a piece from her heart. Nate had called him the night she’d been bleeding, and then he’d talked to Connor afterwards, but for several hours her big brother didn’t know much, except he was hours and hours away from her and she needed someone. It sounded like he hadn’t given up that fear yet, so she rushed to reassure him.

  “Uh, yeah, last time I checked Jaime’s okay. Dork, everything’s fine. I’m sitting on my bed, lounging like a big lizard.” She went down on her back, levering herself to one side, curling her legs up onto the mattress. “How’s my favorite turd?”

  “God, don’t do that to me, woman. You’re the scary, reproducing one. You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, all okay. I have weekly visits with the OB now, just because we’re kind of on countdown. Four weeks to go.” Closing her eyes, she let the sound of Jacob’s voice roll over her, calming her.

  “Sounds good, James. Really good. So everything looks to be on track with the baby? How’s Nate doing?” Jacob’s good, she thought, plugging the sentence with a question, then a segue in case talking about the baby was too hard.

  “Everything is right on track. And Nate’s good. But I called to tell you something.” She cleared her throat, suddenly nervous again.

  “So I gathered from the way Trent is hovering, waiting not so patiently. You…are you sure you’re okay?” Now he sounded suspicious again, and she grinned.

  “How do you feel about being an uncle again?” Jacob was silent, and she rushed to fill the gap. “To this baby, I mean. What do you think about being Uncle Jakey?” He was quiet, and she could hear Trent in the background, the rumbling murmur of his voice counterpoint for Jacob’s silence. “Jacob?”

  “How are you handling Marie and Cooper?” Jacob cut to the chase, just like he always did, his insight stunning her. “You’ve become friends with them, are they gonna…that friendship, honey. That’s Connor’s brother. Can you do this to them?”

  “It was their idea, sort of. I mean, Cooper brought it up to Connor. I hadn’t said anything, wouldn’t let myself. But they saw how Connor was, and how I felt, even without me saying a word. I think this is…” She let her voice trail off, not sure how to convey what she felt. “It’s hard, Jacob. I think it’s…for the best sounds wrong, like this baby would be a burden, and it absolutely wouldn’t be. We both love it so much. This is what I needed.” She cradled her belly in one arm, the other holding the phone to her ear. “I love this baby with all my heart. Knowing it’s part of Connor and me, and it’s just…perfect.” The last word was a barely-there whisper, and she held her breath, waiting.

  “With your whole heart.” Jacob sighed, the sound so filled with happiness for her that she couldn’t hold back the tears. “Like you do everything. You’re all-in, James. You’re gonna be Connor’s baby momma.”

  In the background Trent yelled, “Oh. My. God! Tickets, we need tickets. God, Jakey, we’ve missed out on nearly everything.” Closer to the phone there was a grunt and then the sounds of a scuffle, then Trent was on the call. “Sweet girl, tell me you haven’t had a baby shower without me. Do not dare. Now, here’s your brother, and I want you to tell him everything. We love you.”

  “Love you, too, Trent.” A pause, and she waited a moment, then said, “Jacob?” He hummed in her ear, and she said, “I’m so happy. Connor is everything I ever wanted in someone to love, and to love me. He’s really good with Nate, too.” She gasped, remembering Nate’s acceptance letter they had celebrated and said, “Oh, Nate. He’s got news of his own. I’ll let him tell you, but it’s really good. So good. I couldn’t have done this for him without Connor. It’s like every good thing in our lives in the past year have been tied up in Connor. I really do love him.”

  “I’m glad, Jaime. You’ve always deserved so much. I’m glad you’re finally getting everything.”

  She smiled and settled back, head on the pillow, and chatted with her big brother.

  ***

  Connor

  Parking the truck in the school lot, Connor swung out and slammed the door behind him. Long strides took him to the school where he saw an agitated-looking Nate staring out a window in the office. Even before he got the door open, he could hear the boy’s calls of, “Coach, Coach!”

  The principal hadn’t told Connor what was going on, just called him out of practice to come to Nate’s school immediately. As soon as Jaime and Nate had officially moved into the apartment with him, Connor and Jaime had put him on Nate’s emergency contacts, which meant if they couldn’t get Jaime this morning, they would’ve called him.

  “Paterson, what’s going on?” Connor stopped inside the office, letting Nate come to him and the boy did, wrapping him up in a hard hug. “Buddy, you okay?” He cradled the back of Nate’s head, remembering again that the kid was so young. Only ten, no matter how intelligent he was.

  “Nate wanted to be the first to tell you.” Paterson stepped out, pulling the door closed behind him, giving Connor privacy with his soon-to-be stepson.

  “Tell me what, bud?”

  Nate took a deep breath and squeezed him, then relaxed slightly, leaning back and looking up at Connor’s face. “I won.”

  Won? What game is he talking about? “Buddy?” Nate’s eyes were shining, and he had a piece of paper crumpled in one hand. Connor took a guess. “The scholarship? The Donohue?” His gut clenched; that single award would set Nate up for his academic career, and open doors far beyond the two college acceptance letters they’d already received. Everyone would want to have Nate on their campus now. “You won?” Nate nodded, eyes gleaming with excitement. “Nathan, that’s amazing!” He wrapped his arms around the boy. “So proud of you, son.” Nate burrowed against him, shaking with excitement.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Connor

  “Bro.” Connor grinned when he answered the phone, Cooper never seemed to grow out of the teenaged greeting. “Got an idea. Wanted to run it past you.”

  “Hit me.” Connor signaled to one of his assistants, waiting for him to nod before Connor stepped back, turning his attention to the phone and away from keeping two-dozen testosterone driven boys from killing each other. “What’s up?”

  “We had four, do you remember? Embryos? We implanted two, kept two on ice.” Connor’s throat tightened, because even in all the excitement he and Jaime were having, setting up a nursery on short notice, and packing eight-months’ worth of anticipation and excitement into four short weeks, he hadn’t lost sight of how much Cooper and Marie had given up.

/>   “Yeah, I remember. There were four good ones, and you decided to take two, leaving two for the next try if needed.” He shook his head. “Didn’t think we’d be the cause of you needing them. Not like this.”

  “Bro, this isn’t me raggin’ on you. This is me having an epiphany.” Cooper laughed, and the fist clutching Connor’s chest loosened slightly. The intensity in Cooper’s voice grew, deepened as he said, “We have two.” Silence for a beat, then Cooper said, “The clinic sent a profile over. A gestational carrier.”

  “That’s amazing, Coop. I’m so glad. God.” He laughed, lighter than he’d been in days. “That’s…amazing.”

  “Small snag.” His brother sounded unsure, quiet. “Those baby-cicles? They aren’t ours. Me and Marie. Releasing Jaime from the contract left them in limbo. They would have gotten in touch with her eventually, because they are hers. Murky waters, Connor.”

  “Can she, can we give…is it like a donated egg? Can we do that?” He laughed, but the sound was tight and hard. “Let me call Jaime. Make sure I’m not overstepping, but I can guarantee you that any babies we want to make after this one are going to be done the fun way. She doesn’t need IVF, so those…let me call Jaime. I’ll call you right back.”

  Two minutes passed and he was back on the phone with his brother. “One or both, whatever you need, brother. She’s thrilled. This is a good thing.”

  “A very good thing,” Cooper said quietly. “We’ll go with one. See if we get a sticky one. Are you sure? This…biologically it’s no different from the baby Jaime’s carrying now.”

  “Totally different, Coop, and you know it.” Connor didn’t have to hesitate, didn’t have to think as this was the core of what had been killing him about the baby. “The baby in her belly is mine, because I love her. It’s mine because I was there. And yes, it’s mine because it’s my jizz and her egg, but it’s about the experience. That—” He paused, and grinned. “—baby-cicle, as you called it, that’s a chance for you and Marie to get what you need. Genetics aside, that’s not my baby. This, the field goal kicker who wakes me up at night? That’s my kid.”

  Crawling into bed behind Jaime that night, Connor gently kissed the nape of her neck, moving her hair to one side so he could nibble and press a series of kisses there. She arched her back, pushing into him with a nearly-silent groan. She’d already been in bed when he got home; the practice had gone long as he and his assistants watched footage after the kids had left. “Hey, baby. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “Mmmm,” she hummed and shifted, then groaned. “I gotta pee anyway.” She shuffled sideways, working to the edge of the mattress and then rolled to a sitting position. “You know, they said this baby is normal sized. I think they lied. It’s huge. Ginormous.” She pushed up and stood, twisting back to grin at him. “Especially when it’s dancing on my bladder. So sexy. Sexy, smexy times.”

  Connor laughed softly. “Come back to bed, baby. Go pee and come back to me.”

  He was dozing when the mattress jostled, waking him. “Hey. What took you so long?”

  “I had a false start. A couple of them.” She giggled. “Pee, stand up. Sit down. Pee. It’s like the pee calisthenics.” He rolled to his back, letting her arrange herself alongside him, head to his shoulder, her arm across his gut. “How was practice?”

  “Good, kids are doing well. I’m going to be glad to get this tourney behind us.” After the upcoming weekend, he didn’t have anything to take him out of town until after the baby was due. “How’s my boy doing tonight?”

  “You don’t know it’s a boy.” Her tone was half-teasing and half-annoyed, because this was the only bone of contention between them. The OB knew the gender, and that information had been released to Cooper and Marie as part of the surrogate process, but Jaime didn’t know. She’d decided that if she’d gone this long without knowing, then she needed to let nature do the reveal for them. Connor could have pushed her, but he liked the soft look on her face when she talked about not knowing.

  “And you don’t know it’s not.”

  “True,” she said, and yawned, stretching her legs, tipping her hips with a groan. “Fake labor sucks.”

  She’d been dealing with what seemed like a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions, assuring him they weren’t painful, just annoying. But when she’d catch her breath as she stood, or stop and press a palm to the side of her belly when walking, it made him wince in sympathy, and worry. He’d remember the look on her face when he got to the ER the night she nearly miscarried, and have to remind himself not to panic.

  “About the not knowing…” He trailed off when she tensed up. “I’m kidding, honey. You know that. We’re doing this how you want. That’s all that matters to me. You happy, healthy? The baby healthy? Everything that matters, right there.”

  She sighed. “I know. But you’re kinda right. Names are harder not knowing.”

  “No, they aren’t.” He kept his words quiet, his tone soft, one hand gliding up her hip to coast along the side of her belly. He tapped gently. “We know there’s a single kid in there.” She giggled and nodded, her hair moving across his skin, and he took a deep breath, pulling in her scent. “We know it’s a fifty-fifty that it’s a girl or boy. We have one of those, so we pick two names. Two names, not too hard.”

  “Four names, two first, two middle.” She yawned again. “Matilda.”

  With a headshake, he offered, “Mildred.”

  “Natalie.”

  The word resonated with him, sounding enough like Nate’s name to make it clear there was a sibling connection. Like with him and Cooper, and Cole. When he didn’t come back with a different suggestion, she tipped her chin up and looked at him. Connor held his breath, then said, “I like Natalie.”

  “Natalie as a first or middle? I like middle.”

  “I like it as a first.” He pulled in a breath. “Natalie Marie.”

  “Oh, I like that.” Her voice was soft and intense, nearly quivering with her delight. “I like that one. Put a pin in it.”

  Connor laughed softly. “Okay, we have the pink brigade nailed.” He paused a minute, then said, “For our boy, what do you think about Benjamin?”

  “Everett.” Connor made a horrified noise, and she laughed, halfway between a snort and a giggle, which made him laugh in turn. “Okay, not Everett.”

  “No, definitely not Everett. Doesn’t go with Thompson. Nicholas.” She shook her head, so he tried again. “Matthew?”

  “Matthew Cole,” she said without hesitation, and he found his breath frozen in his chest. “What do you think?” When he didn’t respond, she adjusted so she could see his face in the dark. “Connor?”

  “Connor’s taken,” he choked out the bad joke, and she ignored it, focused on him.

  “Connor, I’m sorry, honey.” Settling back in beside him, she seemed prepared to keep the game going, but he lifted a hand to cup her chin, bringing her mouth to his.

  “I like Matthew Cole, honey. Natalie Marie Thompson, or Matthew Cole Thompson. Our baby’s got a name.” He kissed her again, then gave her a squeeze. “Sleep, Jaime. Love you.”

  A quiet, satisfied-sounding sigh, then she said, “I love you, too, Connor.”

  “Would you be okay if I talked to Nate about adopting him?” She froze against him, not even breathing. He’d just soothed her, hoping she’d go to sleep and then dropped that bomb on her. Connor shook his head. I can be such an ass. “Are you okay with the idea?” She hadn’t talked about Nate’s father much, but Grimes wasn’t his last name; it was her maiden name.

  “Is that something you want, Connor?” Her question was worded carefully, keeping any personal investment in the idea out of the equation.

  “Yes,” he answered, and left it there.

  “Are you certain?”

  “Yes,” he repeated, holding the line on his firmness, not letting any give enter the word.

  “Then yes, talk to Nate.”

  ***

  Jaime

  Her phone rang
and Jaime looked at the display, feeling a lightness in her chest when she saw the caller’s information. “Marie,” she said when she answered, “I’m so glad the embryos are good.” Everything had moved fast on that front, and their carrier had been implanted yesterday. Cooper had called Connor with the good news last night. “How are you feeling about this go around?”

  “Good, really good. She’s carried before, and she’s just twenty-six. We used one, leaving one in the bank just in case. I’m excited.” Marie sounded it and Jaime smiled. The noise level changed on the call, and Jaime heard Sam in the background, laughing. “We’re headed to the park. Want to meet us there?”

  Jaime wrinkled her nose, looking around the apartment at the stack of boxes in the corner of the dining room. Jacob had sent all of his and Trent’s baby gift purchases to her address with the stern instructions that she wasn’t to open any of them. He and Trent would be coming in this weekend and staying at a local hotel for a few days, and Trent had been busily planning a baby shower and wedding. The clutter was making her crazy, plus she couldn’t avoid knowing what some of the gifts were, since they were mailed in the manufacturer’s original box, which made her itch to open boxes. “I’d love to, but I have a lot to do here. Nate and Connor are at the tournament and won’t be home until tomorrow, so I have a narrow window of male-free nesting I can do.”

  At first, when the two couples had come to the mutual agreement that the surrogacy wasn’t going to happen, she’d felt odd saying things like that around Marie. It had taken her friend sitting her down and making her listen to show Jaime that there truly was no resentment about the decision. Marie was as happy for her as any friend and soon-to-be sister-in-law could be, as supportive as Jaime could have wished for. Now, when she had thoughts about the pregnancy, she didn’t try and censor herself.

  “He left you there by yourself?” Marie sounded scandalized, as if Connor had gone out clubbing while Jaime stayed home, and the idea of that made her roll her eyes. “You’re getting married next week! You’re pregnant! What was he thinking?”