Sen and Neicey- Life After Love

by Briann Danae

  “Wait, no. I- this, just stop,” Neicey whined, with a hand on his stomach. Fresh tears glazed her eyes and she said to hell with love.

  Kissing her neck, Kiran had already lost his mind at how tight she was. Silencing her pleas, he kissed her lips while looking into her eyes. “Shh, it’s okay Shanice, baby. I promise it’ll feel good real soon. You want me to make it feel good, right?”

  Neicey nodded, but she didn’t know what the hell she was agreeing to. Kiran slid in deeper, making her cry out mumbled no’s, but to him… the no went unheard, and he had broken the very promise he just vowed not to break and would continue to do so for years to come, leaving the responsibility for another man to fix the shattered pieces of Neicey’s being he had shattered with a kiss.

  Wiping the fresh round of tears from her face, Neicey inhaled a deep breath. The memory of the act hadn’t nearly been as vivid as the one that limited her to procreate. Unprotected sex resulted in her throwing up midafternoon in the girls’ locker room before track practice, and she was scared as hell. Having not even told Jasmine what went down with her and Kiran that night, there was no way Neicey was about to have her going to the store with her to grab a pregnancy test.

  After researching the cause of why she may have been throwing up, the internet had her shook. Each article she pulled up touched on unprotected sex, and the thought of having a baby was not something Neicey was ready for. She wasn’t even ready for sex, but… love. The girl who had a baby with her brother’s best friend at fourteen was not the label she wanted to place upon herself. Typing in how to get rid of a baby in the search engine, Neicey’s eyes grew wide at the countless of information that popped up.

  Over a week after doing her research, Neicey finally approached her mama. She could talk to her about anything, and this was one thing she knew she had to bring to her. As nervous as she was, the constant urge to puke forced her into her mama’s bedroom a month shy before school let out, and Neicey broke down.

  “I’m pregnant, ma,” she sniffled, unable to hold her tears. She was terrified of what was about to go down.

  Nakita slowly turned her head toward her young daughter and blinked. She was hoping she hadn’t heard what any mother of a young adolescent teen who was still wet behind the ears dreaded to hear.

  “Excuse me? You’re what?” she scolded.

  Neicey wiped her eyes. “Pregnant, ma. Please don’t be mad. It’s not what you think. I swear, I wasn’t out being fast,” she cried, trying to plead her case.

  “Who is he?” Nakita’s voice was stern, and she was ready to grab her gun from the side of her bed.

  Neicey started crying harder, not wanting to snitch on Kiran, but she knew she had to. Nakita was most definitely not going to let the culprit of the act get away with his actions.

  “Don’t cry now. Who is he Shanice, and you better not lie to me?”

  “Kiran,” she mumbled lowly, and Nakita hopped up from her seat. In two swift steps, she was in her daughter’s face glaring, down at her. “Who did you say?”

  “Kiran, mama. But, please don’t do anything. It wasn’t his fault. I- we, just please don’t tell Nolan. He’ll kill me,” Neicey begged.

  Stepping back some, Nakita struggled to hold her emotions together. Forget Nolan wanting to kill her if he found out, she wanted to kill Neicey herself. Not only was her baby telling her that she was pregnant, but pregnant by a young man she considered her son. He had been a part of the family for years, and the thought of him betraying her trust had Nakita ready to slide to his parents’ crib and demand some answers.

  “So, what you plan on doing? You got money to raise a baby? You’re a baby your damn self! Out here acting like you’re grown!” she hissed, and Neicey sniffled. She had much rather receive an ass whooping than to have to speak.

  “I want an abortion,” she said louder than a mumble, and Nakita’s eyes stretched widely before they filled with tears.

  “No. You will not get an abortion.”

  Walking over to her, Neicey cried, “Ma, please. I swear, I don’t want a baby. I’m not ready. I thought Kiran loved me, and I just… I can’t have a baby this young. Everyone will talk about me.”

  Nakita squeezed her eyes shut. If she knew her daughter like she thought she did, she knew Neicey had already researched her options, and she had. The hurt in Neicey’s voice pulled at her heartstrings, and the visual of her baby getting picked on at school, talked bad about throughout their family, her job, and around town came to mind. It pained her that the first thing Neicey thought about was the backlash she’d receive from others.

  Truthfully, Nakita had to keep it real with herself as well. This wasn’t about her, but she couldn’t fathom the thought of the drama it would cause in their lives. Not just Neicey’s but everyone involved. Jasmine would surely be in trouble, had her mama caught wind of where it all went down. Nolan would most definitely beat Kiran’s ass to a pulp. Nakita would surely lose her job had one of them bitches talked slick about her child and, in the end, everyone’s action would only hurt Neicey.

  “An abortion,” Nakita choked out, not wanting to even utter the word.

  Neicey nodded her head. “Please. I swear, you can put me on any type of punishment, mama. Ground me for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to have this baby. I didn’t even want-”

  “You didn’t want what?” Nakita scolded questioningly, as her eyes penetrated Neicey’s.

  I can’t tell her I was somewhat forced, Neicey said in her head. In her pursuit to figure out how to get rid of her child, she researched the word rape in a handheld dictionary. The harsh sound it had coming from her lips caused Neicey to shake. The definition made her throw up right there in her bathroom sink, before she cried herself to sleep.

  Blinking back tears, Neicey decided to save that detail to herself. Hitting her mama with that would surely tear her up and she felt bad enough already. “I didn’t want to tell you.”

  Pulling her into her chest, Nakita hugged her child for dear life. “Don’t ever think you can’t come to me about something, Shanice. I love you, honey, and I know you’re scared, but we’re going to get through this, you hear me? We’re going to get through this together.”

  Her words were somewhat heard over the muffled cries Neicey was releasing, but she heard her. The following day, Nakita scheduled her an appointment through a clinic an hour away. Nakita promised she nor her family would be made a mockery of, not realizing the damage she had done. Once school was out for the summer, Neicey wasn’t placed on a strict punishment, but her personality had done a complete three-sixty, and she hadn’t been the same since.

  ***

  “I’m about to call her and tell her to come get you, Sensay. This don’t make no sense,” Shaliya fussed at her son, as she flipped the light switch on.

  Ducked off in one of their rental properties, Sen wasn’t handling the revelation of Neicey’s past or life, for that matter, well at all. It was the middle of the week, mid-afternoon, and he was still in the bed. The drapes were pulled closed over the massive bay window, and it smelled like boiled hot dog water and musty arm pits inside the main bedroom. Having been there since Sunday morning after dropping Neicey off at their crib, Shaliya witnessed first-hand on the security cameras that he hadn’t been out of the house since arriving.

  “Maaa, gone somewhere. I ain’t in the mood,” Sen fussed, tossing the cover over his messy head. His hair was a jumbled, hot mess, coordinating perfectly with the room.

  “Don’t ma gone me. Get your ass up! You haven’t moved from this house since Sunday. It’s Wednesday! Get up!”

  With a scowl on his face, Sen watched his mama storm out of the bedroom, but he knew she wasn’t leaving the crib until he was out of the bed. With a huff, he tossed the covers back and reached for his phone on the dresser. When the screen didn’t light up once he lifted it to eye level, he tossed it back down. The phone had died over three hours ago.

  Shuffling to the restroom after catching a wh
iff of himself, Sen couldn’t believe he had been ducked off since Sunday. What bewildered him more was the fact that Neicey hadn’t put an APB out on his ass. He knew for sure his name had been the topic of discussion for the past few days amongst the ladies and didn’t care. He was in his feelings, so they could talk all they wanted to. Until one of them stepped to him about his actions, which he was glad his phone had died because he was sure they had talked cash cold shit to their men about him, he wasn’t stuntin’ Neicey’s girls or her.

  His disheveled hair was first to touch the hot water once he climbed in the shower. The stint of weed was so strong, he thought he caught contact for a second. For every crazy thought he had about getting rid of Kiran, he rolled up a blunt. Any other time had somebody fucked with what belonged to him, they wouldn’t even be breathing past twenty-four hours. It was something about seeing Neicey crying that clouded Sen’s judgements and killer instincts. He was pissed at himself for not knowing how to handle a situation other than making a mufucka bleed, and that’s what had him in hiding. The love he had for Neicey was undeniable but, after her secret was revealed, he felt crazy as hell, disappointed, and hurt because he had no clue.

  “How the fuck you didn’t know that shit, man?” he griped, feeling his chest swell. Biting down on his bottom lip, his chin dropped to his chest.

  He had questioned and blamed himself to the point his head started to hurt. There was no way he could have known that. The issue was more so why Neicey didn’t feel like she could share that traumatic event with him. It bothered Sen to his core that he had found out the way he did, and he wanted to body her ass right along with Kiran for fucking with his emotions. Some shit no one ever did, or had the capability of doing. No one but fucking Shanice Butler.

  After tossing on a pair of shorts and a white tee, Sen met his mama downstairs and could have dropped to his knees and thanked God when he saw the Tupperware containers scattered across the counter. He hadn’t eaten a good, satisfying meal since Nakita had cooked them breakfast. The dishes they had at Nolan’s party were cool and all, but they didn’t have shit on his mama’s cooking.

  Looking at the sad look on her son’s face as he popped a squat in one of the high-rise chairs, Shaliya grinned. “Look at your hair.”

  Sen shook his head. “Don’t start, mama. I don’t know what to do with this shit.” Luscious curls sat atop his head and were still wet from his shower.

  “Your stylist is right at home, but you wouldn’t know that because you haven’t been there all week. I told myself not to get in your business, but I feel like I’m needed right now. So, you can either tell me what’s going on now, or I’ll just wait for you to spill the beans.”

  All Shaliya’s kids carried the same headstrong personality and independence. If they didn’t feel something needed to be said or brought to her attention, then it wouldn’t be, at least not in a timely manner. A decision would be made and, then, that’s when they’d ask for her advice. Sen, more often than his sisters, was the one who sought advice first though, especially when dealing with Neicey.

  Looking down at the plate of food she slid in front of him, Sen said a quick grace and looked up. With nothing but time on his hands, the only conclusion he could come up with as to why Neicey had never gotten pregnant over the years hit him like a bolt of lightning. On the days she wasn’t being a straight up freak with it, Sen wasn’t pulling out. He ruled out luck being the reason. There wasn’t that much luck in the world.

  “Neicey can’t have kids.”

  Shaliya’s heart instantly ached. The grief-stricken look that etched Sen’s face was one she had never saw. Her motherly instinct had her moving in his direction to console him, but Sen shook his head no. Some things Neicey shared with him he kept to himself, being that he never liked for mufuckas in his business, but this was one situation he had to express to his mama. His mind was in shambles trying to grasp it all.

  “She was raped.”

  Shaliya gasped, startled at his confession. “What? When?”

  As hungry as he was, Sen lost his appetite that quickly. Pushing the plate away from him, he looked up with fierce eyes. Shaliya knew that look all too well. They were a sheer reflection of her husband’s, Eddie, when he was ready to raise the murder rate.

  “When she was younger, man. Shit is wild and buggin’ the fuck outta me, ma. That’s why I been crashing here,” Sen huffed, leaning back in the chair.

  “You found out when you guys went to visit?”

  “Yeah. Apparently, her brother did too. Who keeps that kind of shit a secret from someone they’ve been dating for years? It’s not adding up. She doesn’t trust me or something?”

  Confusion was present on his face, in the way his shoulders were slouched, and the tone of his voice held concern. Sen wasn’t used to these types of feelings, especially having held them in for the last few days. He wanted to murk a mufucka on sight. He didn’t care who it was, as long as it would relieve some of the anger he held in his heart.

  Like Fallone, Shaliya wanted Sen to view the situation from another angle. “Well, if she did, do you think she will anymore? You know I’m going to always keep it real with you, and I’m sorry to hear what happened to her, but you leaving was probably worse than the act itself.”

  The suck of his teeth echoed throughout the kitchen. He wasn’t trying to hear that shit. All he wanted to know was why someone he loved didn’t feel like they could share such information, being as close as they were. Shit, not close enough I guess, he thought.

  “Gone with all that reverse psychology talk. If I would have slept in the same bed with her, ain’t no telling what I would have done. I had to shake the spot; plus, I know she was hot with me. I really fucked up.”

  He was rambling, and Shaliya knew for a fact this had caused more damage than she was prepared to take on. But, for her child, she’d be his counselor for however long he needed. Leaning against the counter, she saw the regret in his eyes.

  “Besides leaving, what else did you do?”

  A smirk crossed his face, and he shrugged his shoulder like it wasn’t shit. “Shot at her mama. I almost murdered that bitch, off rip.”

  “Sensay,” Shaliya hissed, instantly pissed and embarrassed at his behavior. “Why the hell would you shoot at the girl’s mama?”

  “Man, fuck her,” he spat dismissively, waving his hand. “She made my baby get an abortion. That’s why she can’t have kids.”

  Now that, Shaliya was not expecting. In fact, this entire conversation had come so far out of left field, she was rendered speechless for a minute. Her heart went out to Neicey. The first time Sen had ever mentioned her to his mama, she knew her son was smitten. Upon meeting, the two instantly got along, though Neicey thought she was one of his jump-offs. The women had shared conversations with each other that Sen would never know about, but this topic definitely wasn’t one and Shaliya had an idea why.

  Being forced to have sex with someone she thought would never hurt her, get pregnant by them, and then to have an abortion was worse than Meechi dating Erica after her ex murdered his mama. That right there was wild, but this? This was on a totally different level. Shaliya was surprised and commended Neicey for standing strong for this long. It took a strong, resilient woman to have gone through so much and still be able to brighten others’ days.

  “Are you sure?” she asked, not really knowing what else to say. This was hard for her as well.

  “Shit, what other reason could there be for us to not have had one slip up? I know a nigga’s soldiers are marching,” he said, making Shaliya chuckle and roll her eyes.

  “That’s not funny, so stop. Until you talk to her, and that needs to happen sooner than later, find out for sure. I hope you don’t plan on staying here for long. We’re about to rent this place out.”

  Sen frowned. “Since when? Ya’ll ain’t been thinking about this place until I came up in here.”

  “Since I said so, and you can leave. I didn’t raise no pussy ass little
boy, or maybe I did. Up here hiding away from your problems, leaving that girl to deal with her issues all alone,” Shaliya spat, ready to slap him upside his head.

  “I ain’t no pussy.” Of all things said, he replied to that, making Shaliya throw a balled-up napkin his way.

  “I can’t tell. I know you may think running from this sounded like a good idea. Maybe you didn’t expect to be ducked off for this long, but this is not how you handle things, Sensay. That’s not how a man who loves a woman handles things at all.”

  Sen knew disappearing wasn’t the best option, but it was the only logical one he could come up with at the time. Too much had been thrown in his face in a short amount of time for him to be trying to make rational decisions.

  “It ain’t but, until I can get to that nigga personally, I’m ducked off,” he replied nonchalantly, with a hint of glimmer in his eyes and a smirk on his face.

  Shaliya shook her head and stepped closer to the island he was sitting at. “And, what is killing him going to do? The past is the past.”

  “He started this shit, alright. Thanks to him, my woman and I can’t have a future so, why should he?”

  The question was rhetorical, so she didn’t even respond. Shaliya was somewhat disappointed in herself for the way Sen thought. His killer instincts had been embedded into his DNA. It didn’t help that Eddie let him catch his first body at the age of twelve. Eddie and his family had multiples streams of income when he was in the game. Dibbling and dabbling in whatever he could get his hands on caused him to put his family members on as well. Money was flowing in too abundantly not to. But, family would sometimes stab you in the back and become your enemy before a stranger would.

  His own brother, Elgin, didn’t feel Eddie deserved to be the head of any operation. In his eyes, if they were family, not one person should hold higher rank than the next, which would never be the case. Someone had to call the shots, and Eddie just so happened to be that person. When certain shots weren’t called in Elgin’s favor, he turned snitch. Ratting to the police and becoming an informant was a sure way to lose his life.